do you think our generation is lost in relationships?

[sweetjasmine]

It is a psychological condition and if you live in an age where commitment and marriage are considered to be stifling and compared to a prison it is a very for a person to buy into that.

 

If it is indeed a psychological condition, you can get treatment for it. If you choose not to, that's all on you.

 

Solution? Don't marry someone whose sense of self is so weak that they let other people decide whether they're happy. Don't marry someone with a pathological need to focus on the negative over the positive.

[Els]

She isn't speaking for anyone but herself.

 

Your reading skills suck.

 

I know, right?

 

Not sure where I advocated that every single person on coke should switch to tea.

 

I know he's married. And I'm sure he's dead serious. It's a wonder someone who thinks the way he does doesn't pre-emptively divorce his wife. After all, someone might accidentally infect her with GIGS tomorrow.

 

All I can say is, his wife must have the patience of a saint.

[Pyro]

 

 

All I can say is, his wife must have the patience of a saint.

 

And/or as naive as an 8 year old

Edited July 26, 2013 by Pyro

[J2911]

Hello , thank you for reading this and your time. I have been pondering where I should post this and I'm thinking here may fit . I'm truly sorry for the length and not proper format but I'm a trauma nurse not a writer . also, this is the first time I'm opening up to anyone so its time I think to let it out instead of holding it inside and grieving more so.

 

I'm 37, I am born and raised in Appalachia , still reside here . Life here is very old-fashioned, slow pace , traditional , kind of Mayberry to be honest . I am an RN , set in my career , very happy with that , financially stable and have been ready to settle down and find love , marry , have children and grow old with my future wife. In high school , I played sports and partied every weekend , so by the time I graduated high school I no longer wanted to party or go to clubs , I did that and it wasn't a life for me .

 

I have been married twice , and both times I was cheated on. I don't believe in cheating or second chances involving people who cheat so I filed for divorce . Both marriages involved my spouse being ready to settle down and then started hanging out with friends , then going to clubs , then hooking up with another person . After the same thing happening to me twice I was very resentful and not wanting to date anyone who thought going to clubs while in a relationship was ok to do . I became this person who doesn't trust someone when they say " please trust me , its just going out with the girls to dance and have a drink ". Well I did trust twice and I paid dearly for trusting .

 

Three years ago , I joined an online website to meet some friends and try to connect with people and if I liked a profile , I would send a hello at them . To be honest , I was so shocked reading all of these profiles . Rarely did I find someone to be genuine and have their life together , value kindness and comittment . I took time to fill out my profile to be very honest and very specific on the person I am and what I would like to find out of a match and life itself . I didnt get many views bc alot of folks seemed to want hookups etc.. that's not me .

 

I stopped looking at that site and decided love may find me and continued working hard and saving money . Out of the blue , many months later I got an email from that site letting me know I recieved an email from another member. I had no interest in even looking until two weeks later , I felt this strong urge to look at the email .

 

To my suprise , it was this beautiful girl who wrote this beautiful email to me . Her profile wants and her. Own wants , goals , life, were exactly like mine . I was so hesitant bc she was ten years younger than me . At the time I was 34, she was 24 . That was the only thing that made me uncomfortable , however her email stated she was born into the wrong era a d probably should have been born in the 50's. I loved that statement bc I feel I should have too and like the ward and june life . I'm aware that was a show and that wasn't reality at all. I wish it were ! She and I live 8.5 hrs apart and it took me a full year of e-mailing, phone calls , texts even to ask her for a date .

 

A year later I called her and asked her if I could come up and take her on a date . She was so happy. I knew she had been in only 3 relationships that were very abusive . I wanted to make our date fun and memorable and an ice breaker bc this was our first date, and first time seeing each other in person. The whole year we never dated anyone , spent all of our extra time on the phone with one another. So we were a couple already and loyal yet not physical .

So I see her and wow was it amazing . She was so beautiful and I took her skydiving . I had it taped so we could always have that and after a fun day she wanted me to stay with her and not a hotel . It was great and from date one we became officially together .

 

We are now 3 years together. I'm 37, she 27. We still live this far apart and for 2 years I have travelled there two times a month for 5 days each visit . We are now 3 years into it and she told me that the first time I emailed her back she knew she would marry me .

So I have been working at my job for 12 years now . She refuses to relocate bc her job means everything to her . I gave in and said , no problem ill move there . She was happy . We have been engaged for 6 months now and things have changed for the worst in my opinion , for the better in her opinion .

 

For the past 3 months , she has been going out with her friends a lot . Going to clubs , going to the gym everyday and I'm lucky if I get 5-15 min of her time on the phone . She now sees a therapist for a prior problem and tells me she is in love with me , wants to marry me , wants to have a family but she needs to continue to go out with her friends and go to clubs and dance every weekened and be able to smoke pot occasionally bc all of this makes her happy . She says she nneds to divide her time equally and not be a hermet . Well , her time is not equally divided at all . I get a few txts here and there and one 5-15 min call before she goes to bed . After her 8 hr shift , then two hr gym workout and friend time , she is too tired to talk to me to be honest .

 

I have talked and talked to her about this and she said she will be better , however after near 3 months , its the same. I tell her she is losing me and our relationship is so stagnant and she cries and tells me to stick it out bc it will get better when I move there and I too can hang out with her and her friends and go out too with them. As I have told her, I don't want to hang out with 24 year olds who are wild as bucks and parties at clubs . She then begs me to stay but the same time is telling me she will not comprise her friend time and its ok to be married , have a family and go out dancing every other weekened and drink or smoke pot .

 

I think this is inappropriate and she thinks I am way out of line and controlling . I have no issue that she goes to the gym daily . That's great and healthy. I have no issue if she goes to a restraunt and have a few drinks every other weekened and bond with her friends , but I have a huge problem with clubs/pot/every other weekened . She says that I am out of line and its healthy to be happy and in love and be able to do her party thing .

 

Am I wrong here ? Is it bc we are ten years apart and she is a city girl and I'm a country boy ?

Am I out of line and being crazy here ? I told her it's not appropriate to be married with kids and you stumble in at 3 am . What if their was an accident with our child ?

I told her that I fell in love with the girl who wants this fairy tale and she fell in love with me for the same reason .

She wrote me an email today saying she is in love with me and wants me there soon to start our life and also she isnt comprising her friends etc and we went through the nesting phase and that I want to stay in the nesting phase but that's not reality.

 

I sent an email back and said live, be young and free . We are supposed to be going to ocean city , md fir a 7 day vacation this saturday to be alone and work on us . Two days ago she asked me if her sister and her partner could come Saturday and stay Sunday . I was blown away and just lost it on her . How are we supposed to have this our time and work on our relationship to save it and you ask that ?? She told me I was right and she was sorry after thinking about this . I have til tomorrow at 4 to cancel our reservation or I lose 2800 dollars.

 

Can someone please toss some input here ? I feel alot of hurt here and am I really this bad person ? She wants for nothing . I give her so much . She is a social worker and what she earns is her spending money and car insurance and phone . I pay her rent , utilities, clothes , food , nails/hair etc...

 

Her parents I like and they like me too . She is beautiful but this new change is not working well for me and she feels I'm in the wrong .