I'm so unhappy with my life...can't be happy about anything

[amkxoxo]

I have been through a bad breakup this summer and it has thrown me into a depression. Like I feel like I lost myself and I hate everything in my life. Even my family. I live with my parents and my brother. So I'm 21 and a college student. I live at my college two hours away and during the summer and breaks I go home and live with my parents. Don't get me wrong they are wonderful people and I am so grateful for what they provide for me, but this last year I hate being at home and get super frustrated.

 

Like I work a part time job and had lent my brother a large sum of saved up money a few years ago for something special he wanted to buy. My parents always said they would pay me back because I had been saving for a car. Previous to this I had been driving and extra old vehicle of my dads. So when I got home from school this summer a car was waiting for me. I was so happy. They said it was re payment they owed me. When they got it I guess it was in rough shape so my dad put a lot of time and work into it which I appreciate.

 

Well since then I got the title of the car so its mine and I pay the insurance and gas. So this car for is mine in my eyes. Well my parents like hold it over my head. Saying how ungrateful I am and they found it and etc... like in my eyes I paid for it so its mine. I appreciate my dad fixing it up. No offense I don't really like sharing it because its mine. They feel entitled to use it when they want and my mom will just like take it to work. One morning I stopped them because my dad gave my brother the keys. Like woah woah woah ...no.

 

They act like I'm such a b***h for being this way. Then my dad goes on his rent about well then I won't repair it anymore you can. Like what??? Its so annoying like this is my first car I got on my own.

 

Then to make matters worse I am still in college and working a part time job my brother went right into working from high school and makes all this money and etc...they like praise him. Everything is him and his job. Like if I complain at all about anything they make me seem like such an ungrateful horrible person.

 

The last straw and stressor is our house. My parents inherited it when I went to college and did major renovations and fixed it up. Well we moved in and my brothers room isn't ready yet so currently we sleep in the same room. Its not even bad, but I feel so not st home here. I can't set up things the way that I want them because his stuff id in the way. I can never have a room just for me alone. It gets to me.

 

I went through and am still going through a bad breakup in my life. Its made me very vunerable, unsure of myself, and depressed. I dont think my parents know how to handle it. Im very sensitive and like sometimes they act like im like so overly dramatic but im very sad and emotional and like they dont get it. Like im sad a lot and i try and hide it now because they tell me just to get over it at this point. Plus i dknt want my mom to worry about me anymore and they are sick of hearing it. My mom is understanding and concerned. I literally feel like this isn't my house its my parents house and I just visit. I wanna live out so bad but I'm poor and cant leave until school starts. Its bad but im looking forward to school to be away.

 

I feel so congested here and like I have made such a nice independent life for myself at school and make my own decisions and do things when I want. Here its like in not free at all. My mom even mentioned the other day like "I just think you want to move out and leave us. " ummmm yeah. And I outwardly told her I did. Me and my mom are best friends but my dad always favors my brother and its annoying. I'm so sick of my life here. Its not even that badnits just not my life its theirs. I don't know what what to do anymore. I just tried to talk to my mom and tell her how I feel and .c she says im overreacting and things aren't how I'm saying.

 

I told her that those are my feelings and I can't help it. I need help I feel like this isn't me to be defensive and harsh with everyone. I'm so testy and touchy lately. I get so sad and angry over everything. I'm so sad with my life. I went through a really bad breakup this summer which made me super self conscious and depressed. This might be contributing to it too. I am just so sad all the time. I don't feel great about myself. This is the lowest I've ever felt in my life. I feel like I'm stuck in a black hole. I loved that guy and I'm trying to get over it. I a lot times would rather be out then be home because when I'm out I feel like I have independence. I'm so lost....help!

[MrNate 2.0]

The first thing here is to realize that no one can take your happiness away from you. What you do and what you have is no reflection on who you are.

 

Take some time to consolidate everything that's important to you. Just take some time and take stock.

 

What do you need? What can you part with?

 

And refocus your energy on creating the life you want.

[amkxoxo]

I know....but I wanted and needed that guy and we aren't together. He liked me a lot but isn't ready for a relationship because he has so much going on in his life and says he could be a great boyfriend, but he can't give me all he knew he could the way his life is now. He wants to get his life together like a job, apartment, money, health problems, etc... so he thinks it could probably happen in the future, and he thinks it would work out better then. I was so invested in him. This is the biggest heartbreak of my life. I've never felt this bad before.

 

I'm so sad I even thought of quitting my part time job, which I like a lot. I don't know what wrong with me. I'm having like identity crisis. I need to find myself. I thought I was so confident and stable with my life before I met this guy. I'm so lost now. I go from being happy with how I look to so unsure. I love my family then I want nothing to do with them. I'm so annoyed all the time.

 

I've gone through big changes in my life before like re making myself. I will find myself and then be so happy with how I am. I felt like I would never have to do this again. I feel like I don't even have the energy to want to try and find myself. To move on I feel like I need to make big changes in my life. I don't even know how to start changing things or go about it because I don't know what needs to change.

[MrNate 2.0]

I know....but I wanted and needed that guy and we aren't together. He liked me a lot but isn't ready for a relationship because he has so much going on in his life and says he could be a great boyfriend, but he can't give me all he knew he could the way his life is now. He wants to get his life together like a job, apartment, money, health problems, etc... so he thinks it could probably happen in the future, and he thinks it would work out better then. I was so invested in him. This is the biggest heartbreak of my life. I've never felt this bad before.

 

I'm so sad I even thought of quitting my part time job, which I like a lot. I don't know what wrong with me. I'm having like identity crisis. I need to find myself. I thought I was so confident and stable with my life before I met this guy. I'm so lost now. I go from being happy with how I look to so unsure. I love my family then I want nothing to do with them. I'm so annoyed all the time.

 

I've gone through big changes in my life before like re making myself. I will find myself and then be so happy with how I am. I felt like I would never have to do this again. I feel like I don't even have the energy to want to try and find myself. To move on I feel like I need to make big changes in my life. I don't even know how to start changing things or go about it because I don't know what needs to change.

 

This is the thing.

 

You can't depend on getting your happiness from other people. It just doesn't work.

 

That is something that has to come from within.

 

People are very dynamic creatures, and our lives are ever changing with our decisions. As such, they will come and go. However, your happiness doesn't have to if it comes from you.

 

No one can make you happy. It has to come from you.

 

 

Work to find the energy to find yourself, because as fate would have it, that's exactly what you need to do to turn things around.

[happydate]

I have been through a bad breakup this summer and it has thrown me into a depression. Like I feel like I lost myself and I hate everything in my life. Even my family. I live with my parents and my brother. So I'm 21 and a college student. I live at my college two hours away and during the summer and breaks I go home and live with my parents. Don't get me wrong they are wonderful people and I am so grateful for what they provide for me, but this last year I hate being at home and get super frustrated.

 

Like I work a part time job and had lent my brother a large sum of saved up money a few years ago for something special he wanted to buy. My parents always said they would pay me back because I had been saving for a car. Previous to this I had been driving and extra old vehicle of my dads. So when I got home from school this summer a car was waiting for me. I was so happy. They said it was re payment they owed me. When they got it I guess it was in rough shape so my dad put a lot of time and work into it which I appreciate.

 

Well since then I got the title of the car so its mine and I pay the insurance and gas. So this car for is mine in my eyes. Well my parents like hold it over my head. Saying how ungrateful I am and they found it and etc... like in my eyes I paid for it so its mine. I appreciate my dad fixing it up. No offense I don't really like sharing it because its mine. They feel entitled to use it when they want and my mom will just like take it to work. One morning I stopped them because my dad gave my brother the keys. Like woah woah woah ...no.

 

They act like I'm such a b***h for being this way. Then my dad goes on his rent about well then I won't repair it anymore you can. Like what??? Its so annoying like this is my first car I got on my own.

 

Then to make matters worse I am still in college and working a part time job my brother went right into working from high school and makes all this money and etc...they like praise him. Everything is him and his job. Like if I complain at all about anything they make me seem like such an ungrateful horrible person.

 

The last straw and stressor is our house. My parents inherited it when I went to college and did major renovations and fixed it up. Well we moved in and my brothers room isn't ready yet so currently we sleep in the same room. Its not even bad, but I feel so not st home here. I can't set up things the way that I want them because his stuff id in the way. I can never have a room just for me alone. It gets to me.

 

I went through and am still going through a bad breakup in my life. Its made me very vunerable, unsure of myself, and depressed. I dont think my parents know how to handle it. Im very sensitive and like sometimes they act like im like so overly dramatic but im very sad and emotional and like they dont get it. Like im sad a lot and i try and hide it now because they tell me just to get over it at this point. Plus i dknt want my mom to worry about me anymore and they are sick of hearing it. My mom is understanding and concerned. I literally feel like this isn't my house its my parents house and I just visit. I wanna live out so bad but I'm poor and cant leave until school starts. Its bad but im looking forward to school to be away.

 

I feel so congested here and like I have made such a nice independent life for myself at school and make my own decisions and do things when I want. Here its like in not free at all. My mom even mentioned the other day like "I just think you want to move out and leave us. " ummmm yeah. And I outwardly told her I did. Me and my mom are best friends but my dad always favors my brother and its annoying. I'm so sick of my life here. Its not even that badnits just not my life its theirs. I don't know what what to do anymore. I just tried to talk to my mom and tell her how I feel and .c she says im overreacting and things aren't how I'm saying.

 

I told her that those are my feelings and I can't help it. I need help I feel like this isn't me to be defensive and harsh with everyone. I'm so testy and touchy lately. I get so sad and angry over everything. I'm so sad with my life. I went through a really bad breakup this summer which made me super self conscious and depressed. This might be contributing to it too. I am just so sad all the time. I don't feel great about myself. This is the lowest I've ever felt in my life. I feel like I'm stuck in a black hole. I loved that guy and I'm trying to get over it. I a lot times would rather be out then be home because when I'm out I feel like I have independence. I'm so lost....help!

 

I can see the issue here with your unhappiness.

 

You always felt that someone else is taking advantage of you and that you felt unappreciated! In fact, it sounded like it is inherent in your family structure itself. It's interesting how you defended your parents and saying they are nice. But does good people take advantage of others?!?

 

I would be unhappy myself if my family is treating me like I'm some kind of an ATM machine too!

 

I think you need to draw a line here of what you think is yours.

 

Please be authentic and tell them that they are making you unhappy.

 

I now know why you are such a people pleaser and that is, you are so hungry for such genuine appreciation from anybody that you're just looking at all the wrong places, like your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is NOT a replacement for your father. You need your father to realize that he has to respect your boundaries, love who you are and appreciate who you are.

[amkxoxo]

I can see the issue here with your unhappiness.

 

You always felt that someone else is taking advantage of you and that you felt unappreciated! In fact, it sounded like it is inherent in your family structure itself. It's interesting how you defended your parents and saying they are nice. But does good people take advantage of others?!?

 

I would be unhappy myself if my family is treating me like I'm some kind of an ATM machine too!

 

I think you need to draw a line here of what you think is yours.

 

Please be authentic and tell them that they are making you unhappy.

 

I now know why you are such a people pleaser and that is, you are so hungry for such genuine appreciation from anybody that you're just looking at all the wrong places, like your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is NOT a replacement for your father. You need your father to realize that he has to respect your boundaries, love who you are and appreciate who you are.

 

 

You hit the nail on the head. I always feel underappreciated by my family and others in my life. I do always think people will take advantage of me and this is why its hard for me to open up to people. I have been taken advantage of in the past so its not like I just feel like this happens to me, it actually does. I am a people pleaser because I care a lot about people and enjoy making them happy. I like throwing other people birthday parties and cooking them dinner or cleaning my apartment.

 

This has become apart of my personality and all of my friends got to know me by being super nice and giving. I would throw everybody in my friend group a birthday party and make them a cake and get them all together. Last year one of my roommate got everyone together and they threw me a giant surprise one for my birthday. I was so touched and they said it was because I thought of everyone else, it was time they did something for me. Until this day I am still so touched and honored that they did that for me.

 

Like I am very clean and my other roommate cleans like nothing. I would clean out apartment all the time and do it well. My roommate would wash some dishes and she would like make it known that she cleaned something, or she would do a crap job and like want us all to know she did it. And I'm like what the heck, I clean the whole place on my hands and knees practically and I don't expect praise or anything for doing it. Sometimes its nice when I do get credit, but I got so sick of doing it all the time.

 

After a while I got so sick of always being the one in my friend group to be the entertainer, baker, party thrower I stopped throwing parties. But then other members of my group would try and throw one, mostly my roommate and she would do a crap job, so I went back to doing them, because its just my thing. my niche.

 

I got annoyed because there are three of us...me, my roommate Katie, and my roommate Laila. Laila is the annoying messy one who doesn't clean at all. Katie was graduating so I figured I would throw her a surprise party. I wanted to include Laila in it because I knew it would cost me some money and I would have to decorate and I needed help. Well my guy at the time, was offering to help too. He offered up his apartment for us to use to surprise her, and he offered to help me decorate etc... well Laila hated my guy. She said she was all down to throw it, but she offered to help do nothing. I bought all the food, decorations myself, and she started getting mean.

 

I sent out a facebook invitation to people I knew Katie was friendly with. So I didn't invite all of my friend group because she isn't super close with them. I invited Katie's boyfriend, and of course the guy I had been seeing, and Laila was in the group. Well one morning Laila approached me in our dorm and started telling me that I had to dis-invite my guy, because no one wants him there, and he can't come. I went off on her and started telling her to grow up ad get over it because he was with me and he was helping me with the party and she needed to stop being mean. Like who does that and says "you have to dis invite him"....what the heck?? I was so mad. Well she went behind my back and added a bunch of other people to this party group who I didn't originally invite. She asked people who weren't even friendly with Katie, who were just her friends,.

 

I was so pissed. Well come to find out, as soon and her and I had that argument she ran to Katie and spilled the beans about the whole SURPRISE party and told Katie how I didn't invite her boyfriend, who I am friends with and yes I did invite him. She also told her how I didn't invite all these other people. She made me out to be a villain. I think she was mad I had come up with the whole thing and she wasn't included and I would get all the praise. Now mind you Laila used to hate Katie. Me and Katie are super super close.

 

Now the party night comes and she acts all nicey nice to everyone, even my guy. It was all fake. My roommate appreciated it, and Laila acted like she helped with the whole thing. I was pissed but ignored her and had a good time. Laila made a toast and it wasn't even about Katie graduating it was all about how we've all been friends for years ....blah blah bah. Like it made it look like she threw the party. The final straw was that she went around telling everyone there how she was taking Katie out to dinner the next night for her graduation gift and she went around inviting all these other people to go with them to dinner. Never invited me.

 

Now you wonder why I think people take advantage of me.

[amkxoxo]

I don't feel like my boyfriend, now ex guy was a replacement for my father. He wasn't anything like my father. We had our issues. I think you have read my other thread and like he would act like he loved me sometimes and want to spend all his time with me one day, and then I wouldn't hear from him for days and he would be distant. It always made me feel like he didn't like me, then he did, then he didn't. This went on all while we were dating. Some weekends I would sit and cry because he was no where and distant. I thought things were over between us, then he would see me and things were fine.

 

This strained my self esteem and confidence I had when I first met him. Anyone would have felt the same as me. Feeling like he didn't like me enough all the time made me try even harder to keep him. I was like a puppy. Now I know I shouldn't have been this way, I should have stuck to my morals and just been myself. He should have had to win me. But when we would spend time together I would love him more and more, because he truly is a wonderful person. Like I said above as soon as I told him I wanted to throw a party for Katie, he immediately offered to help and even offered up his dorm room so that she would be super surprised. I made a promise to myself that I will never stoop that low again and be someones puppy. That's not the first time its happened it happened with one other guy, who took advantage because he knew I liked him. I am better than that and I deserve someone who appreciates me. If my guy and I ever get back together I need to be more self confident in myself. I am trying to gain it back. I am a great catch, I have a good life, I have so muchto offer someone. I need to keep telling myself that.

[amkxoxo]

I think I need to learn to balance being the nice, caring person that I am inside, with people pleasing. At the end of the day I need to do whats good for me. My guy always says that I'm the nicest person in the world, and told me he knew his family would love me because of this. He told me I was beautiful and perfect too. I need to take that and turn it into something good so I can feel good inside again. Like Im going on a nice beach vacation next week with my family. I've been trying to hype myself up about it, I feel like im trying to make myself happy about it instead of actually being happy.

 

Lastly, I think I have a fear of attachment. Like my guy always sued to ask me what my fear was and I could never tell him anything deep. Just like bugs etc... I get so attached to people and love them with my whole heart, and when things don't go right it hurts me so so badly that I am literally ripped to shreds. I have so many walls up. My guy even sees it. I put so many down for him, and now I am super super hurt. Like I have dated nice guys in the past and I have dumped them after like 2 months because its like I don't want to be vunerable and get attached. I don't know where this stems from because I love my family and am super attached to them. I have to really really like you, love you to be willing to get attached. That's why this guy is so special to me. I haven't found anyone that makes me feel this way and want to open up like I do. I want to get attached to him. But alas, its hurting me. I told one of my friends last night that I feel like I can date all year long, (not that I will) but I feel like I will not be able to trust or get emotionally attached to someone else ever. This whole ordeal has been like a traumatic black hole. Like it would have been easier if he just didn't like me, and we fought or, I hated him, but none of that was the case. He did like me, he still does, life just got in the way.

 

I am trying to find out how to better myself in order to move on and improve my life. Maybe someday I will be in a better place to love someone else.

Edited July 23, 2013 by amkxoxo

[Leegh]

I hope you got full closure from the relationship, as it will be easier. The worst is not knowing why a relationship ended, and wondering if there was a misunderstanding.

[jesse93]

Legit feel so unhappy all the time and its seeped into all aspects of my life. Family, friends, etc... I am trying to do things I enjoy and be fun and move on, but to be honest I feel dead inside, and so empty like im so lost ....I need help.

do whatever you need to help keep you on track of your life, force yourself to hang out with your friends i promise it helps, try and tell them that you'd rather not talk about the break up and theyll be fine with it. I just lost my girlfriend 3 days ago and its very hard but my friends have been supporting me they have been making me laugh and smile and although there may still be pain hidden behind my smile i still try and stay strong because in the end we all go through this we all have are heart broken we all lose our first love and it takes a while for the pain to heal but you have to fight it day by day and stay strong. if it gets to the point where you feel like you're not going to be ok maybe you should talk to a counselor about your feelings, i'm going to do that soon and i think it will truly help get emotions out that you hide inside.

[amkxoxo]

I hope you got full closure from the relationship, as it will be easier. The worst is not knowing why a relationship ended, and wondering if there was a misunderstanding.

 

 

Like it wasn't a break up "break Up"...We went "steady" as he calls it at school for months and months. I wanted a relationship and he said he was hesitant. He had just gotten out of a serious relationship right before he met me. When the school year ended I went home and he graduated and went home from college. I am returning in the fall, he is trying to get his life together and get a job, apartment, the works. Things were rocky in the LDR because he has a lot going on health wise, and with his family at home. He is very stressed. Finally we talked about it and he said he doesn't want to jump into it because he thinks the long distance will fail, and he doesn't want us to fail.

 

He said he thinks it would work out when his life is more put together. I think he is scared as well because of his last break up because he said, "I don't think you've been out there enough, dated enough, I would rather you get it out of your system before you get to me. I want to be the last one. The one at the end." His last gf dumped him because she couldn't see herself marrying him and wanted to see what else was out there. He was crushed by this. I questioned him if he just didn't like me and was trying to get rid of me and he claimed this was not true. He still liked me a lot and if he didn't he wouldn't have kept calling me or texting me he would have just ended it a long time ago. He said he wants to get his life together and that he could be a great boyfriend but he cant give me what I need right now because of how his life is. He said he would be attentive, loving, full of pda, and would want to show me off to everyone. He says I deserve all that and he knows he can do that but not right now.

 

I'm so emotionally confused because this to me isn't a breakup, but im single. I miss him so so much and I love him. He kept asking me "do you love me?" and I told him I didn't know and that it was too early for that. I realize now that I do love him, but he didn't give me all he could all when we were dating for him to deserve my love. If he did all those things he said he could do, I think I would outright marry the man, because he really is a wonderful person. I just don't understand how a person could fall for you....call you "perfect", and "beautiful" and the "nicest person in the world." How someone can tell you "you remind me of my mother, its a good thing because I love her." and that his family would love me. All that and im single and alone. WTFFFF!

[amkxoxo]

I feel like I keep holding onto words instead of actions. He would always say that as his motto "real opportunity reveals true character." Even when we were talking about us he said "actions speak louder than words." I thought he was talking about himself, and that when he does more for me, then I will know he loves me. He said it. He said that if his life is in a better place he will wake up and realize he can't live without me and will fight for me. Then I question if he was talking about me and maybe I didn't do enough, but he has assured me that I did nothing wrong.

 

I need to let go of the words and focus on his actions, which right now is not much. I feel like this is why I am so stuck in this situation because no matter how many times we discuss I leave the conversation with unanswered questions. Do I continue to love him, or let him go?? I feel like I can't let him go. Like he once said "you have 9 out of 10 attributes I look for in a girl." I should have asked what they were but I didn't care, I just liked how he thought I was perfect for him. I think the missing one was sexual, because we never actually went all the way. See there I go again WORDS. WORDS. WORDS. I'm done.

[amkxoxo]

Help please and read my story...I'm feeling so down today!!!

[amkxoxo]

Help please and read my story...I'm feeling so down today!!

[Nik1]

Your posts would be about half as long if you weren't so redundant with your writing. Sorry... just needed to point that out.

 

Anyway, don't worry, you're a girl, you'll find a new guy in no time then you won't feel so bad.

[amkxoxo]

I just feel like its so easy for you to just say that. My roommate said the same thing. She breaks up with her boyfriend and cries for a weekend then goes out and has a new boyfriend a month later...she's had so many boyfriends since shes been like 14. That's not me and never has been. I get super attached to people and it hurts my soul. I loved this guy and that little ounce of hope he gives us for the future keeps me in this stuck place. I don't date a lot and rarely meet people I'm willing to give 100% to. I want to meet someone and love them with my whole heart and for it to be real, not a fling or just a boyfriend. I want to meet someone and see a future with them and marry them. That's what I loved about my guy he wants that too he wants to love someone and marry them. Before this guy there had only been one other I was totally down for and it didn't work out due to him and now he's a good friend of mine. I have dated other guys who like me and I just don't like them enough and get afraid to get in too deep and get attached so I dump them after a month or two. I feel like after this whole experience I won't be able to trust any guy fully ever. I am so closed off after this experience and I opened up and gave so much emotionally and physically and I feel like I can never do it again.

Edited July 25, 2013 by amkxoxo

[Archanaart]

I just feel like its so easy for you to just say that. My roommate said the same thing.

 

it seems like you continually ask for advice from people on this forum but then completely disregard anything anyone says or that goes against your belief that he'll date you one day.

 

Don't wait around for a guy.

 

And if you really feel like you're closed off then I suggest you seek professional help immediately!

[amkxoxo]

Well when I told my roommate we broke things off she was like oh well now you can go out and date. Like sure i'll go out tomorrow. Like she doesn't care. I legit feel like I have only like two friends who really have been caring about my feelings in this. My best friend in the world has been comforting but also giving me tough love and my guy friend at school who I dated briefly has been very understanding and helpful trying to help me through it, not just saying well go find someone else. I'm very sensitive right now because of it so I feel like I can't take criticism. Any little thing that goes wrong like makes me cry because I can't handle it.

 

I will admit I feel like I keep asking for help because I'm waiting for things to change. I'm waiting for one person to say " don't worry he loves you it will be okay" and I know this isn't realistic and I'm sitting here crying because I wish more than anything he did love me and he would come for me. I realize this and I need to get through my brain its him that needs to prove this, no matter what anyone says at the end of the day people can say positive things or negative, its him that has to show me by actions not words and I can't wait around for it. I'm trying to go step by step in improving my life and fix things.

Edited July 25, 2013 by amkxoxo

[Archanaart]

Sometimes all you can do is cry it out and eat a cookie.

 

I'm so doing that right now

[Echo000]

hey there.

 

can totally relate. pain and thoughts dont go away..no matter what your doing, that presence is there. its tough. its like a dark cloud that follows wherever you go. My ex and i were talking again, and planning on seeing each other this coming fall, when suddenly she told me out of no where that she is moving away. Maybe that is the best closure i can have in the long run, but that sudden news and complete cold turkey situation has left me trying to pick up the pieces and move on.

 

I know exactly how you feel--the pain and hurt and agony and torture. It sucks. Every day is a struggle to get through. Life without that person, with no real sense of closure, is heart breaking. I came across old pictures of us, and i just sat there wondering, "how did we get from there to here..how could she just drop everything like that?".

 

All the words, the memories, the shared secrets and stories, the intimate times, the good, the bad--ALL of it...so far gone. Like a distant dream. Memories everywhere. Memories that painfully remind you, that that person, and those times, are gone FOREVER.

 

No contact. Absolutely no contact. and TIME. Those are the two keys. I am sorry for my pain. and i am sorry for yours too.

[amkxoxo]

I appreciate you reading all about my problems. I'm sitting eating chips lol. I deserve better than what he can give me right now. I'm such a nice, sweet, wonderful person and I know he saw that, so he's the fool. I am going to have the time of my life on this vacation and I'm going to try and be happier. My family is always there for me and I have to remember that. Damn now I want a cookie lol. I hope things work out for you. Literally I know this is sad, but you saying that your sitting eating a cookie made me laugh and actually made me happy lol...I just started laughing. Thank You. I'm going to try and be strong. I think at this point I only come on here to vent anyway. He used to say to me, "if its meant to be it will be." well im moving on and like he says if its meant to be it will happen.

Edited July 25, 2013 by amkxoxo

[amkxoxo]

I appreciate you taking the time out to read my story. I have other threads that go into more detail about what happened. I am currently sitting crying about myself. I just can't. I just got some great advice that "sometimes you have to cry it out and eat a cookie." I might just do that. Its over. Its really over. that's what is the killer for me, is he thinks it could happen at another time. I even asked him if things would be different if we were both going back to college for another year together, and he said yes. He thinks we would have kept in contact and kept dating when school started again. I can't dwell on what he said. "actions speak louder than words." I need to appreciate what I have in my life now. The people who are there for me, and what I need to do to better my future. I'm worth so much more than crying on the couch with a bag of chips. I am a nice, sweet, wonderful girl and he knew this, so he's the fool. I hope you get back on your feet soon. And remember if its meant to be it will be.

[Archanaart]

Damn now I want a cookie lol. I hope things work out for you.

 

hahaha that made me laugh!

 

I'm glad that made you laugh! cookies always make me feel better lol I'm know as the Cookie Monster lol

 

Thanks. I think I need to open up more and not be so afraid to be vulnerable. Have a great vacation! and eat lots of junk food but fruits too! It's summer and the best time to get tasty treats.

Edited July 25, 2013 by Archanaart

[amkxoxo]

So one last thing that has nothing to do with my guy....My whole life I have had weight struggles. I would be small then I would be chubby. In high school I was very big and one day just woke up and decided to lose weight. I went from like 167 down to like 135. I looked great and pretty much re-invented myself. My mom had never once let me wear a bikini, even when I was smaller and looked good. She always thought "those are for skinny people."

 

For the longest time I didn't wear one because she always ingrained that into my brain. My cousin who was curvy thin would strut around practically wearing nothing at the beach and I had on my two piece tank bathing suit.Then when I was in college I really wanted to fit in and look like every girl my age and wear one. I wasn't super thin, but not fat by any means. I have only wore one like once or twice and I'm still so paranoid about it. I have seen multiple girls including one of my good friends wearing one and being a lot bigger than me.

 

My perception of myself is bigger than I actually am. Well I decided that this vacation coming up I am going to wear them. I just bought a really cute one and I have a bunch of others. I even had an old one piece from my fat days that was too big so I cut it and made it into a cute bikini. Tonight my mom asked about my bathing suit choices and I told her what I packed. She looked at me with disdain and was like "well are you going to be skinny in them." She was asking me if I was bringing my one piece, and I told her how I didn't like how it clinged when it was wet and she was like "Oh so you'd rather just let it all hang out. I truly don't think I'm that big and my friends don't either. I weigh a healthy 140, and yes I've been trying to diet a little and I want to lose more before school starts, but come on. Is she being crazy or should I cover up???

[Archanaart]

So one last thing that has nothing to do with my guy....My whole life I have had weight struggles. I would be small then I would be chubby. In high school I was very big and one day just woke up and decided to lose weight. I went from like 167 down to like 135. I looked great and pretty much re-invented myself. My mom had never once let me wear a bikini, even when I was smaller and looked good. She always thought "those are for skinny people."

 

For the longest time I didn't wear one because she always ingrained that into my brain. My cousin who was curvy thin would strut around practically wearing nothing at the beach and I had on my two piece tank bathing suit.Then when I was in college I really wanted to fit in and look like every girl my age and wear one. I wasn't super thin, but not fat by any means. I have only wore one like once or twice and I'm still so paranoid about it. I have seen multiple girls including one of my good friends wearing one and being a lot bigger than me.

 

My perception of myself is bigger than I actually am. Well I decided that this vacation coming up I am going to wear them. I just bought a really cute one and I have a bunch of others. I even had an old one piece from my fat days that was too big so I cut it and made it into a cute bikini. Tonight my mom asked about my bathing suit choices and I told her what I packed. She looked at me with disdain and was like "well are you going to be skinny in them." She was asking me if I was bringing my one piece, and I told her how I didn't like how it clinged when it was wet and she was like "Oh so you'd rather just let it all hang out. I truly don't think I'm that big and my friends don't either. I weigh a healthy 140, and yes I've been trying to diet a little and I want to lose more before school starts, but come on. Is she being crazy or should I cover up???

 

Lets start with your mom. I'm sure she's a wonderful lady that means well but she shouldn't be putting you down like that it's not nice and I'm sure she wouldn't like it if someone did that to her.

 

I find mothers can be critical at times because they want us to be at our best including weight.

 

I felt the same way. I struggled for a bit and I'm pretty thin. I felt like my mom was being critical but even when I got too skinny I was told. So now I'm happy with my weight and my boyfriend taught me guys don't want the thin models. They want curves lol

 

Girls are more likely to be prone to feeling like they are bigger. It's our society and what images are shown to us. We as girls are taught to be thin and pretty at all times.

 

And no bikinis are not for skinny people! as long it flatters you, covers you!! And you feel good then wear them! I just bought my first bikini and I'm at a healthy weight.

 

And it's great that you are wearing them and disregarding your moms opinions because they are her opinions.

 

Btw great idea about cutting up an old one piece!!

 

I say if you feel confident and feel good then wear them on your vacation