sadwithouthim Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I'm the MW, OM and I have been NC for 2 weeks now, after 4 1/2 year EA. We shared so much with each other, and talked most every day. Yes, I miss him like crazy, but most of all, I want to know he's doing okay with ending this. It's on and off for me. Most times, I try to push it out of my mind, but it's pretty bad when it gets bad. I cried for hours a couple days ago, and I feel like it helped. I don't want him to hurt, because it was mostly my doing that we were in the hopeless situation. If he wasn't so far away (CA), EA would have also been PA. I feel empty without talking to him, and sharing, he's the only one I want to share anything with. I want to know he's okay. He means so much to me. I really wish the best for him. We ended on very good terms, but sometimes I wonder if he'll end up hating me because I was the one who was unavailable. It became very painful when I had less and less time to give to him. We couldn't even have private conversations, as I could only talk to him at work (though I do work alone, still no sexual talk could happen). I know it was very frustrating for him, especially since there was a time when we could have very intimate conversations. It was taken away because my husband started spying (even though the marriage is a disaster and has been for years). I try to put him out of my head, but it gets hard sometimes. I keep thinking maybe just write him a very casual email to see how he's doing. I'm absolutely NOT going to, because I'd be SO crushed if he didn't respond. I don't want to feel even worse. Besides, he said he'd be mad if I contacted him. I just wish I knew he's doing well. I worry about him. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 He will be doing better by no contact. It gives him more time to heal and move forward. If you really care about him at all - you will never contact him again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadwithouthim Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 I do care enough about him to want him to move on to someone that's available. It's not easy after he's been such a huge part of my life for so long, and has helped me through difficult times. He's made me a better person. I suppose it is for me that I want to contact him. I guess I want to fill the void it's left in my heart. I will lean on this site instead of breaking NC. I just hope it only gets easier, and won't get any harder than it is now. Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Are you staying for the kids? Even if you got a D he's in another state. If you make your marriage work, you'll feel better yourself and also you'll feel better for him- because the very fact that you are happy with your H will tell you that you are not the right one for him. So you'll know he was done a favor when you broke up. I hope that makes sense If your marriage is truly horrible (is it? Or just compared to OM?) then you need to fix it or leave. Coming clean might help since no PA- men have a hard time with that. Other than that...I know you care. But he can't be happy with only part of you. So give him your all or nothing. I'm so sorry you are hurting. I'm sure he's not "okay" but you checking with no intention of leaving will make it worse. I don't know how you do it. Keep posting and don't keep things at home stagnant. Something has to change or you'll be severely depressed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sadwithouthim Posted July 23, 2013 Author Share Posted July 23, 2013 Yes, the marriage really is that bad. I will leave OM alone, but the heartbreak is intense. I hope he moves on to a great woman. I just wish it could be me. Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 sad, I am in a similar situation. My marriage is horrible. I am miserable. I am in NC with my MM and it is the hardest thing to do. It makes being in a platonic marriage even lonelier. I am making plans for my future. Life is too short to live this way. I have given up on MM. I have accepted there is no future for us. My future is going to be me living my life my way. I am working towards gaining the strength for a D. I hope to buy a house someday, (modest one I'm sure but at least my own). You have to be happy in this life. You only live once. What will your thoughts be when you are on your deathbed? I hope you say that you lived life to the fullest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I'm the MW, OM and I have been NC for 2 weeks now, after 4 1/2 year EA. We shared so much with each other, and talked most every day. Yes, I miss him like crazy, but most of all, I want to know he's doing okay with ending this. It's on and off for me. Most times, I try to push it out of my mind, but it's pretty bad when it gets bad. I cried for hours a couple days ago, and I feel like it helped. I don't want him to hurt, because it was mostly my doing that we were in the hopeless situation. If he wasn't so far away (CA), EA would have also been PA. I feel empty without talking to him, and sharing, he's the only one I want to share anything with. I want to know he's okay. He means so much to me. I really wish the best for him. We ended on very good terms, but sometimes I wonder if he'll end up hating me because I was the one who was unavailable. It became very painful when I had less and less time to give to him. We couldn't even have private conversations, as I could only talk to him at work (though I do work alone, still no sexual talk could happen). I know it was very frustrating for him, especially since there was a time when we could have very intimate conversations. It was taken away because my husband started spying (even though the marriage is a disaster and has been for years). I try to put him out of my head, but it gets hard sometimes. I keep thinking maybe just write him a very casual email to see how he's doing. I'm absolutely NOT going to, because I'd be SO crushed if he didn't respond. I don't want to feel even worse. Besides, he said he'd be mad if I contacted him. I just wish I knew he's doing well. I worry about him. I can answer your questions through my own experiences. I was the other man in an emotional affair and the experiences I had to go through is horrible. I still haven't fully recovered but I'm close to the end. Your OM will be going through hell and for many mouths to come. You DO NOT CONTACT HIM because right now he is emotionally conflicted and any contact will deepen the confusion. He wants to get back with you but at the sametime he's trying to get free from your emotional bonds. You will need to focus on your recovery and thinking about his pain will only lengthen your suffering. SWOH what you originally did to the OM was wrong. However you did the right thing by ending the EA and he will repect you for it in months to come. In the future he will look back and will have happy memories and glad he got to know you. He will understand what you did and he will forgive you. In my situation it was me who ended the EA. She was using me and in secret moved in with her boyfriend. I can't forgive her, I have zero repect for her and I'm glad I have nothing more to do with her. A great way to end a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Tenbob Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Reading your other post I'm sorry but I just get it ?? If your marriage is so miserable , unhappy or bad why don't you just leave ? And in time pursue a R with this om ?? Sorry , I'm not being mean I'm just struggling to understand x Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Given enough time, he will be fine. Contact on your part can put him in hell ... He can no longer be your concern. Link to post Share on other sites
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