LilGirlandOW Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Even before our A, my MM never wore a wedding ring, not even to social events or kids school, even with BS there, etc. He says its cause their relationship "is not like that", I've asked maybe twice ever about it, same answer. When I was married my H, had to take it off for work, but wore it in evenings and definetly to outings, events, etc. What are your expereinces with the wedding rings? heck I even wore mine when PA started, I was seperated, but only ever wore a small band for a wedding ring and never took it off mostly cause it oddly never crossed my mind, MM was the one who brought it to my attn as xH and I were seperated for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 My ex did not take off his wedding ring, as I was told by both him and the OW. She told me she didn't like that he didn't. As a side note, are you and MM still broken up? Your other thread was closed and I am very curious. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) My exAP wasn't married so that wasn't an issue. Some MM who are trolling purposefully don't wear their rings when out and about, wouldn't be surprised if your MM was that way. Edited July 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Even before our A, my MM never wore a wedding ring, not even to social events or kids school, even with BS there, etc. He says its cause their relationship "is not like that", I've asked maybe twice ever about it, same answer. When I was married my H, had to take it off for work, but wore it in evenings and definetly to outings, events, etc. What are your expereinces with the wedding rings? heck I even wore mine when PA started, I was seperated, but only ever wore a small band for a wedding ring and never took it off mostly cause it oddly never crossed my mind, MM was the one who brought it to my attn as xH and I were seperated for awhile. xMM wore his, he offered to remove it but I said no, when it came off it was to come off for good. I didn't want any hiding of anything. It seems silly that removing a ring would have made me 'forget' he was married, lol. His wife hadn't worn hers for about 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
whereamigoing Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 MM never wore his ring around me. He routinely had to take it off for work and I didn't really notice it wasn't on until one day it was. I saw it, commented on it (mainly because I hadn't noticed it's absence before), he rushed to remove it but I really wasn't too bothered by it. A ring is a ring...he was as married with it on as he was with it off. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Mine didn't. Due to his job, he never wore it to work. He only wore it at outings when his W was with him (weddings, family events, etc). Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 This topic touches a nerve for me. We both wore our rings. It did occur to me when we were out in public, people just assumed we were married to each other. During intimacy, I wanted to take them off but I never brought it up because it was too awkward. I didn't like if he was playing with my hands, and I was very conscious of him touching my rings. Or when our rings would touch when our finders were interlaced. Link to post Share on other sites
Turtles Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 MM never wore his ring around me. He routinely had to take it off for work and I didn't really notice it wasn't on until one day it was. I saw it, commented on it (mainly because I hadn't noticed it's absence before), he rushed to remove it but I really wasn't too bothered by it. A ring is a ring...he was as married with it on as he was with it off. I would see it as more bothersome to him... a reminder of his betrayal. For you it might be a symbol of their relationship but like you said you already knew he was married... for him it would be more personal as he could remember the vows he took when he put it on for the first time. Well, that's the way I would look at it, maybe that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 He never wore his. They didn't have rings when they got M, neither of them wanted them. Then years later she saw a really ugly wedding ring, and suddenly wanted them to have rings. He still did not want one but agreed to buy one for her, which she wore. Years later she bought him a matching one which he never wore. I think he sold it on eBay. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Even before our A, my MM never wore a wedding ring, not even to social events or kids school, even with BS there, etc. He says its cause their relationship "is not like that", I've asked maybe twice ever about it, same answer. When I was married my H, had to take it off for work, but wore it in evenings and definetly to outings, events, etc. What are your expereinces with the wedding rings? heck I even wore mine when PA started, I was seperated, but only ever wore a small band for a wedding ring and never took it off mostly cause it oddly never crossed my mind, MM was the one who brought it to my attn as xH and I were seperated for awhile. We both wore ours when the affair first started. I separated within weeks and stopped wearing mine. He stopped wearing his shortly thereafter. Link to post Share on other sites
MMY Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 We both wore our rings in the beginning. But as things progressed we took them off. I made excuses to my W for not wearing mine ( one legit reason,... about pulled my finger off working outside one day). I felt free when I had it off. Kept it off for 6 mths but it was all part of the fantasy world we were living in. My ExAP noticed the day I didn't have it on. She always paid close attention but so did my W. When NC happened... and I woke up and knew I was going to give my M the best I could, I put it back on and my W put hers back on and we haven't taken them of since. I don't think too much about things like that but I am certain my family and friends questioned why neither of us were wearing our rings. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 xMM never wore his ring. Then one day he was by my desk and layed his hand down as he was leaning over to tell me something. And BAM, hit me like a ton of bricks. I saw that gold shining and my heart sank. I knew my demeanor had changed instantly. He kept asking what was wrong. He left and kept calling me, I wouldn't answer because it just took me by such surprise seeing the ring and how it made me feel. (yes I knew he was married before this) later that night after he kept calling and texting I finally answered. He wanted to meet the next day and I told him no. (it was right before Christmas and we weren't going to see each other for a few days) he kept pushing and I told him I couldn't do this anymore and I said something about his ring. He apologized over and over. I felt stupid knowing that I had been in this A for almost 2 years and NOW it bothered me, after seeing his ring. I did meet him the next day and no ring. He never wore the ring in front of me again. Until after 2nd d-day of course. Link to post Share on other sites
Clemenza Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I felt stupid knowing that I had been in this A for almost 2 years and NOW it bothered me, after seeing his ring. If he never wore it, then it appeared one day, I can see why it would hurt you. Putting it on after not wearing is a deliberate and conscious choice. Something like that can signal a sort of re-commitment to the M in the eyes of the OW or OM. Last year, I got hurt cause my MW put her ring back on. She told me it was just for appearances. A couple of months ago, after 5 months of it off, she put it back on because she started MC to reconcile. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) When I was with xmm he took OFF his wedding band and threw it in the change compartment of his car! OUCH!!! Edited July 23, 2013 by Lostinlife4now Add.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eleanorrigby Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Wedding rings mean nothing. We have never had them our entire marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 My MM wore his ring during the affair but I never noticed, but the first day we went to the apartment when he moved out I realised and he took it off straight away and its never been back on Link to post Share on other sites
sadwithouthim Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 I don't wear mine. I took it off after I told him of EA. The EA is now 2 weeks no contact, and I still don't wear it. If it doesn't feel like a marriage (for many reasons), I don't see a reason to be phony. Link to post Share on other sites
tryingto Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 He never wore his. He told me once he stopped wearing it about 10 years into their marriage and 7 years before he met me. I saw many pictures of him over that time frame which confirmed he did not wear one for a long time. I truly don't know how I would've felt if he wore one or wore one and took it off when we were together? Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 First time we were together he was not wearing his ring. Ironically, I was wearing a ring, although divorced...just still hate the naked finger. He would sometimes wear his ring until I pointed out that it really was hurtful to me. I saw a picture of him with his friends, and of course he was wearing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 When I was with xmm he took OFF his wedding band and threw it in the change compartment of his car! OUCH!!! I did this too, it impacted me bigtime, The symbolism, wow I felt like a big loser, and huge cheater, even though H and I were seperated.... I would still put it back on after our date or time together was over, that last a week or two then I just left it off and have it safe. Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 xMM always wore his wedding ring in general and only took his ring off if we were in a house. I just think he felt comfortable in having a safe place to set it. Later on, he just stop removing it all together. I don't know if it was something he thought about or not, but I've always wondered (I know his W asked him what did he do with his ring when he was with me). Personally, I was attracted to his wedding ring, so preferred for him to wear it, and was very conscious to how he reacted in that regard. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 xMM always wore his wedding ring in general and only took his ring off if we were in a house. I just think he felt comfortable in having a safe place to set it. Later on, he just stop removing it all together. I don't know if it was something he thought about or not, but I've always wondered (I know his W asked him what did he do with his ring when he was with me). Personally, I was attracted to his wedding ring, so preferred for him to wear it, and was very conscious to how he reacted in that regard. Hey skylar, What do you mean by you were attracted to his wedding ring? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
skylarblue Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 Hey skylar, What do you mean by you were attracted to his wedding ring? I meant I was attracted to the fact that he was married. So, I liked/preferred him to wear his wedding ring. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 I meant I was attracted to the fact that he was married. So, I liked/preferred him to wear his wedding ring. Ohh okay! Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 MM hasn't worn his for years. Doesn't wear them to work due to safety and then ended up having an incident where his hand got caught in a pool drain or something when he did wear it and swears he'll never wear one again. I've never seen him with one on. Link to post Share on other sites
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