Dumped, needy and need more advise please help.

[renouf]

Okay so I'm back here to this message board again after finding out more of my situation which I haden't known before.

 

My girlfriend broke with me one month ago, after 5 years. Her reason was that I had been too busy with my friends and band. Which was true. And of corse like most people in this sad world I never realized how much she meant to me and I loved her until after she was lost.

 

She claims she still loves me, and that theres always a chance that in the future we could be together again. We started going out at age 13 we are now 19. So were both our firsts. At the beging of the brake up of corse I didn't think she was serious, but after a week it sank in, and I began thinking about her constantly.

 

Then is when I made the first mistake, I started to bother her constantly, calling, e-mailing, IMing, voice mails, the works. I wrote her several poems, bought her flowers, anything I could possibly think of to make up with her. None of which worked and I turned to loveshack.org. I received good information. I found out I was acually pushing her farther away and that I needed to back off so I tried it. After not talking to her for 3 days on the 3rd i called. She seemed happy to talk to me but when I started whining for her to come back to me I ruined it again.

 

So then I tried a new approach, making her jelous. I lied to her, telling her I had been talking and seeing other girls. This really worked one night, she began crying and said maybe shes doing the wrong thing. I felt like I had power at the time so I was an idiot and said "No lets keep the friends thing going, your right this could help us." Boy do I regret that now.

 

So the next thing I know I find out she had been seeing a 24 year old guy she works with all along. It all started out with him taking her out to get coffe every other night. Then he took her to 2 movies (which is quite ironic because I work at the movie thetre the went to). But then if got worse, He brought her to the drive in one night and they started to hold each other in the car.

 

Obviosly being a guy myself I know what this guy is trying to do. He's 24 years old and he's minipulating a young girl who just got out of the only relationship in her entire life. Shes like fresh meat. We never even had sex yet, even after 5 years, so shes still a virgin, and shes beuitiful. Quite hard to find a girl like that at age 19 these days.

 

Heres my thing. I can't eat, sleep, My grades in college have dropped to failing. Excuss my french but I'm a ****ing mess and I want to die. The thing is I KNOW this girl still loves me, she even tells me. She says shes confused and that things between her and I are awkward. Were still friends so I still see her every once in a while. And it freaks me out that whenever I try to touch her she moves away and gets mad. This older guy is going to use her for all shes worth and I can only watch from the sidelines.

 

I have been doing things wrong latly, I havent been able to leave her alone. I call her all the time, and ask her to get together constantly, and the reason I do it so much is because I don't want her getting together with him. Yes I do ned to give her space but I'm constantly wondering if shes with him. She seems to be seeing this guy every other day. And shes been seeing me every other week.

 

At this pont I just need to know what to do now. I still have faith and hope that one day I will be with her again. But I don't want her to have to get used and get her virginity stolen over this. Shes the only girl I have ever cared about, and I won't let go of her. So what do I do? How do I get her back? What am I doing wrong? Please advise me of the best possible way for sucess.

 

- Josh

[Ambie]

Have you told her how you feel about the guy that she's seeing? I mean since you're a guy yourself and you do know what he's trying to do just tell her. Tell her that you arent trying to make her get away from the guy just so you can get her back but just b/c you're seriously concerned about her and because you love her enough to want her to be happy and not loose her virginity to some a-hole who wants her for one thing and one thing only.

 

Atleast then you might not have to worry about her getting hurt over this guy...

[renouf]

Sadly, yes I have told her exactly how I feel. It seems to do no good. This guy is playing her off good. Pretending to be a good friend and closing in on her slowly as shes helplessly "falling" for him. Shes not hard to fool, because shes never been there before. And I hate to think about what the future holds.

[Ambie]

So basically she's refusing to beleive you that this guy is a total shmuck. Thats not too cool of her. I mean, I know you love her and everything and you describe her as so nice and innocent but you'd think she could be a little more perceptive and a little more trusting in you, the one who actually cares.

 

I feel like maybe she wants a guy like that since you're probably really nice (considering you dated her for 5 years without pushing her into sex or anything) and maybe since she's only been with you she wants to see what a guy like him would be like...

 

it sounds dumb but i've seen girls do that before. Maybe you should let her go do whatever she wants and she'll see how great you were and hopefully come back.

[lostNconfusedx10]

I would suggest that you break off contact for a bit. She was prolly too comfortable with you and was curious as to what else was out there even if she knew you were the one for her. She has comtrol over her own life and if she chooses to lose her virginity than thats her choice and whether she regrets it is up to her too. It sounds horrible but all E-books and paper books i have read all say to break off contact for a bit and try to work on your own personal life. She has some things she needs to figure out and willfeel like she's being pushed if you are always there giving the impression of being needy. If she gets the impression that you dont need her anymore than she will get confused and wonder why creating the mystery again which is atractive. try going to http://www.exback.com and download the E-book. I've read the whole thing like 3 times and it really makes alot of sense and even explains what to do about the other guy. It also tells you what common mistakes NOT to make that could push her further away. I've used some of the techniques in the book and they have already started to work for me. I can see the difference in my ex's reactions from when i stopped doing what i was currently doing and started doing things in the book. She got more curious into my life instead of me always asking about hers.