hippetyhop Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 How many A did your xMP have before you? Were you the first, or was he a serial cheater? My xMM had one before me. He told me it was at the 5 year of marriage mark. He said it ended as they drifted apart since they didn't connect emotionally (this was with this xAP). Quite the difference between him and I. Link to post Share on other sites
affairaddict Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I was the first. He's shy and not experienced. A nervous person. He met gf when he was 18 so known each other ten years but broke up a few times in that and he had another gf inbetween who he said he cheated on her but I'm not even sure I buy that, think he was trying to impress me. Anyway prob one of the reasons he kept bottling the whole full sex thing, thought he wasn't fully cheating plus nerves. My guy was not the charmer/serial cheat type. I should state ex as we are over for good as of yesterday! Whoo hoo Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Yes, this was both of our first As. He's been married 20 years, with (according to him), the last 10 not being so great. He travels a bit with work and has opportunity but never strayed. I've been married 5 years, but with H for 11. I'm scared that this was just his MLC but that I still have a long life & many years of M ahead of me and I don't want to have another A. We used to say we hoped it would end like your xMMs first A....we hoped we would just get sick of each other. Unfortunately his W caught him before that happened. Later when we rekindled 4 months later, he claimed he'd never felt like this about anyone, and he never will, and he'd never have another OW again. Of course, he also told his wife on their wedding day that he'd love her forever, be faithful, etc, so it's all just words anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
skywriter Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I'm sorry, I have to wonder, how anyone would know, the truthful, answer to your question. I was told that I was the first and only A. After a nearly six year affair, , I doubt he was being truthful, but it doesn't matter to me anymore. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Yes I was the first. I am married to him now and saw/heard any evidence to the contrary. He was my first full flown affair though I had some very blurred lines in another case, potentially could be considered an EA. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I was his only. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I was my MM first real A. We spoke candidly before even EA how unemotionally fulfilled he was in 15yr M, as BS is more regimented than cuddly/affectionate. Our first PA encounters, he was as shy as an old fashioned school boy. It was almost like he had to "learn" how to kiss a woman with passion again and how the dance of foreplay went. He was very nervous, respectful and bashful. Looking back I think that fueled everything all the more. Link to post Share on other sites
MMY Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 This is the sad thing on my behalf. I know She had several A prior to me. It was the first for me and because we spent 18 mths together, I had moved on from the fact I know she had multiple A. I felt that we spent so much time together there was no way she was seeing anyone else but me and truly felt she loved me. I know she was looking for what was missing in her own M, so was I. I will always wonder if I was just a blinded idiot because my M sucked at the time and my ExAP said and seem to be in love with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Tenbob Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I was not the first... My now boyfriend was married and had an A (although more than one is possible with him) He then divorced and had a LTR with another woman, and had an affair with me. We are now together and im hoping things will change now he is older. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 Throughout the A I always "thought" I was his first. After some comments were made towards the end of the A, I really do believe now I was not the 1st. I think he's done this. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I was told by MM I was the first. I had not reason to believe that & later in the affair learned it wasnt the truth. I wasnt the last either. Link to post Share on other sites
missy268 Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I thought i was the first but i found out from a work colleague who knew our situation that about a year before he started flirting with me, a girl who knew his partner at the time, went to where she worked and told him they were having an affair then another girl came out of the wood work a few months after we had started seeing each other So in my sitution, no i wasn't the first. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I was his only. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 First and only here too. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 How many A did your xMP have before you? Were you the first, or was he a serial cheater? My xMM had one before me. He told me it was at the 5 year of marriage mark. He said it ended as they drifted apart since they didn't connect emotionally (this was with this xAP). Quite the difference between him and I. I don't know to be honest. At the time I assumed so, but then it occurred to me that maybe I wasn't, esp given that he didn't live with her all the time and he traveled a lot, not to mention he acted like loving two women and having parallel relationships was A-ok and when he pursued me, he did it in the same way a single man would. I do not know if I was the first, as he never volunteered that info, neither did I think to ask...but thinking about it, I wouldn't at all be shocked if I wasn't the first. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 23, 2013 Share Posted July 23, 2013 I was not the first... My now boyfriend was married and had an A (although more than one is possible with him) He then divorced and had a LTR with another woman, and had an affair with me. We are now together and im hoping things will change now he is older. You can't bet on it, that just because you're older you'll stop...many of these serial MM are well over 50 and have never stopped, it just becomes more ingrained. My mom met my dad in a situation like that, and thought she would be different, love would change him, and esp since they married, wellll....he has never stopped cheating,. She met him in her twenties, he's fifty something, closer to 60, and I don't think a year has gone by when he's faithful and I do not imagine it will just mysteriously change, as he's done nothing to work on it. The only thing which guarantees change is him working on why he did it and consciously finding better ways to cope...otherwise, you simply hoping he just stops because he's older, isn't at all a safe guard. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Back in 1988, I was his first affair, it was a one night stand. Technology was a lot different then regarding communication abilities, my finances were non-existent for travel (we live 300 miles apart) and I was a lot younger. We went 19 years without seeing each other. I had googled him years ago and he was still married, so I didn't make contact. Then, we ran into each other, it was very surprising and public. We chatted briefly for a few minutes, I apologized if I hurt him when I was young and dumb. I asked for his email address and sent him a bread and butter email the next day. We are now close to our 7th year of friendship. He has had two other affairs since our first hookup in 1988. One was a colleague, probably in the early 1990s and I'm not sure when the last one started or ended (more than seven years ago). Link to post Share on other sites
C00kie Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 (edited) I was his second "serious" affair, if you can say that. But I know, he told me himself, he has cheated on her a number of time over the years - mostly one night stands and occasional encounters. 6 years ago he was with someone for over a year and now has been with me for almost two years. Edited July 25, 2013 by C00kie Link to post Share on other sites
Baby123 Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Hes told me I'm his first. I believe i'm the only one he had full sex or an A with but I know he has certainly kissed and flirted with other woman. Link to post Share on other sites
whereamigoing Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 First and only. I can say that with 100% certainty. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 According to my mm I was his first, and his last. I believe him! Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 26, 2013 Share Posted July 26, 2013 He says I was the first. Link to post Share on other sites
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