velicity Posted December 27, 2000 Share Posted December 27, 2000 My soon to be X husband doesn't seem to be able to help being selfish is it a sickness ? I heard it was a gene you were born with and once you have it god help those around you. Is there any truth to this ? Link to post Share on other sites
Deejette Posted December 27, 2000 Share Posted December 27, 2000 There is a book entitled, "The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins, but it is about individual genes behaving selfishly in order to survive or dominate in the DNA structure. It is not about people being born with a gene that makes them more selfish than others. Selfish and inconsiderate people are that way because they were not taught that caring for and about others is important. Or if they were taught, they ignore it and were rewarded anyway. They were not rewarded for being unselfish and do not see any advantage to it. Unselfishness is a bi-product of love and if a person is only thinking of himself and is thoughtless to others it shows lack of love, which is not a mental illness. It is more of a sickness of the soul, because a very selfish person cannot be truly happy. Happiness is a sharing kind of thing. It is a generous thing, not a grab-it-all-for myself kind of thing. My soon to be X husband doesn't seem to be able to help being selfish is it a sickness ? I heard it was a gene you were born with and once you have it god help those around you. Is there any truth to this ? Link to post Share on other sites
tami Posted December 27, 2000 Share Posted December 27, 2000 i agree and disagree with deejette. i find myself as a selfish person as well but mainly it is cause i feel like i was cheated out of so much when i was growing up. i find myself not wanting to spend money on things that i should buy for others, or i don't want to do what they want but yet they do alot of what i want. i am afraid to give in to anyone cause i feel i will lose something if i do. i know i am very selfish, i feel the guilt each time something comes up where i can give but i for some un conscious reason to me i don't give in. i hate being this way too, i'm working on it tho and i think that there is hope once the problem is recognized and you can't deny it anymore. that is all i wanted to say................thanks tami There is a book entitled, "The Selfish Gene" by Richard Dawkins, but it is about individual genes behaving selfishly in order to survive or dominate in the DNA structure. It is not about people being born with a gene that makes them more selfish than others. Selfish and inconsiderate people are that way because they were not taught that caring for and about others is important. Or if they were taught, they ignore it and were rewarded anyway. They were not rewarded for being unselfish and do not see any advantage to it. Unselfishness is a bi-product of love and if a person is only thinking of himself and is thoughtless to others it shows lack of love, which is not a mental illness. It is more of a sickness of the soul, because a very selfish person cannot be truly happy. Happiness is a sharing kind of thing. It is a generous thing, not a grab-it-all-for myself kind of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 27, 2000 Share Posted December 27, 2000 I think people, in general, are a bit more selfish and self-centered these days than they used to be. However, selfishness is only observed by the person who is not getting what they rightly expect to recieve from the person who is seen as selfish. So who is more selfish, the person withholding that which is desired or the person demanding that which they desire? I think the combination of the two of you was probably not a good one. It is likely you husband will get along very well with a low maintenance gal who doesn't expect much...and he will likely be a lot more generous with her as a result. Have a nice divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
velicity Posted December 27, 2000 Share Posted December 27, 2000 All I have asked for from my husband was trust,commitment,respect,love and attention . I don't think I am being selfish for that afterall isn't that what a marriage is ?? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 27, 2000 Share Posted December 27, 2000 "All I have asked for from my husband was trust,commitment,respect,love and attention I don't think I am being selfish for that afterall isn't that what a marriage is ?? Yes, and because you didn't get that is precisely why you are getting a divorce. Unless you made an extremely bad choice in a mate, I think there are ways of getting at least a measure of those thinigs in a marriage. Your husband would have at least had to have the capability of giving you these for you to have married him...I am assuming. I'm very sorry this didn't work out for you. Some people just change. But marital discord of any kind is seldom 100 percent on person's fault. Link to post Share on other sites
velicity Posted December 28, 2000 Share Posted December 28, 2000 Yes I agree it is my fault that I was blinded by love , and yes it was my fault in believeing that I could change him ,and it was my fault I was so needy that I excepted the little he gave all this time that is my crime and I am excepting it . We are divorcing because I could put up with alot from him , but I could not put up with the infidelity ,some thing you just can't except or get over. He is realizing now what he has done and is very sorry he also knows I am a very special person to have put up with all of his emotional abuse,and understands why its too late to fix it . He had tunnel vision and neglected the most precious things me and our children ,all bc his wants were more important his bike ,his boat, his job, his house, his car ,his time, blah,blah,blah me me me me me ! now he will have all his time to take care of the most important thing to him . Himself Love don't cost a thing !! Link to post Share on other sites
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