Constant fighting! -- I postponed/cancelled the wedding

[Arabella]

As of last night, my fiance and I are no longer getting married in August. Or at all, perhaps. Hell, I don't even know if we're together anymore.

 

We've been fighting hard every day for the past couple of weeks. Most of the time it's just stupid little stuff that kindles the fire, but within minutes, a little argument has escalated into a massive fight.

 

There is a lot of anger and resentment built up on both of our parts. Our relationship did not start like it should have.

 

Back in the beginning, we had issues with him having lied about certain things that were very important to me. He came clean about some, and I found out about others, which hurt me and took me a long time to process. I spent a couple of months asking him tons questions about these things, picking apart his reasons and trying to accept them. Many raw, painful conversations were had over this stuff, as I kept trying to work through it.

 

He felt it was undeserved and I should've gotten over it faster. Because of his very limited relationship experience, he can't really relate. He downplays my pain and the damage he caused, and does not appreciate the effort I made when I chose to stay with him and work it out. Because of his inability to truly understand what I was feeling, he became resentful of my anger and my need to talk about these problems.

 

This was back in March/April. At that point, I accepted and forgave some of the things he did, while others I reached the conclusion I never would accept and I simply had to live with. And so, we tried to move on... some days more successfully than others. The topic still came up once in a while, but it tapered fast from this point.

 

But it didn't really end there.

 

At the beginning of May, he started displaying very angry, rude and petty behavior. For Memorial day, we went on a trip during which we had a huge argument which went from me telling him I was upset about something relatively small, to him calling me names. I was flabbergasted because he'd never done that before.

 

We came back from our trip and found out I am pregnant. The happiness of the moment overshadowed our problems for a few weeks. We were excited talking about the future and decided to get married. Soon enough, things settled down and the arguments started to come back -- and they did so with a vengeance.

 

There were a couple of times when I thought he might physically hurt me. Although later he said he wouldn't have, I still felt that unmistakable "danger" alert going off in my head. It scared me. There were also a few more times when he called me names. During some of these fights, we both yelled and got highly emotional at times, but to my knowledge, I never called him any names.

 

In between the arguments, we've tried to work things out. He sometimes acknowledges that he shouldn't have done something, but most of the times, he just tries to justify everything he has done and continues to do. He basically keeps telling me that he wouldn't have done X if I hadn't done or said Y.

 

Basically, he blames his anger issues, the lack of respect for me, and the name-calling on the issues that we had in the beginning. He says those arguments caused it. The problem is always me. Everything he does can be nicely justified or explained with something I've done, my attitude, or outside factors such as stress. He justifies calling me offensive names because I said he was "entitled" at one point. Things like that.

 

I am sure I am a factor also. A relationship doesn't get this bad unless both people are actively contributing to the problems. But I refuse to believe that I'm the one to blame for everything like he keeps telling me.

 

On my part, I feel incredibly angry and resentful because I put myself through all that pain in the beginning for our sake. I (or for that matter, him) could've chosen to walk away and while it would have been painful, it would not have been as painful as the dealing with the problems was. So instead of understanding the effort I made, he morphed into this violent, mean and uncaring individual over the next couple of months.

 

Last week, we had a couple of days of constant fighting and called the whole thing off. I returned the ring to him and we were done. Then, throughout the weekend, he basically pretended nothing was wrong until he finally brought it up on Sunday. After an exhausting 7 hour conversation, nothing seemed resolved but I think we were just exhausted and wanted to get back to living life, so almost magically... we got back together and trudged on with the wedding plans.

 

But as soon as I'd slept on it, I realized that nothing had really changed. The same anger, resentment and behaviors that got us to this point were still very much present. I began to feel very uneasy about it.

 

Last night we got into another argument over something small that should have been easy to resolve. Soon enough, it escalated and we had another massive fight on our hands. During this argument, he actually admitted that he simply wouldn't admit to doing anything wrong because he doesn't want me to "win". Whatever happened to compromise? I don't know. It seems as if anything I ask of him (even if it's well out of my comfort zone, for the sake of compromising) is too much for him to give... because that would be letting me "win".

 

The entire relationship has turned into a constant power struggle. I feel like the only way things are going to get better is if I basically start letting him step all over me. But I know full well that's the path to self-destruction. I gave him a pass the first time he called me names, thinking it was a one-time burst of anger (it seemed so out of character at the time), and that basically became a license for him to continue doing it. I have been in abusive relationships before, and I know exactly where this path leads.

 

I've always been a very blunt, pointed person. I also tend to be quite forceful and capable of defending my point. I don't usually let people push me around when I believe I am right. However, I do try to be constructive in my arguments... but the reality is that I'm pregnant, and hormonal, and that makes it really hard sometimes. Nowadays, things just come out raw and unfiltered. I'm sure this is difficult for him to handle too, but I wish he was more understanding and patient with me. Needless to say, he hasn't been.

 

He basically places the blame and responsibility for fixing our relationship squarely on my shoulders. So, every time we have another fight, according to him it's because of me. Because I stepped out of line again and got emotional. As far as he's concerned, I never have a valid reason for being upset.

 

Last night, during the fight, I was crying my heart out, and he was cool like a cucumber, sipping soda without a care in the world. There was more name calling on his part. He justified with "well, you hurt me so I hurt you". Nice. At some point close to 1 am, after four hours fighting, I finally just had had enough. I felt like crap, and we needed to sleep.

 

This morning, we went about our routine to get ready for work interacting as little as possible.

 

So, this is how things stand now, and I don't really know where to go from here. I don't think that this person he's become is who he really is. After all, it's a relatively "new" thing of the past few months. At one point, we agreed to see a counselor, but we didn't even get that far because the situation has gotten so bad so fast.

 

I just want to feel happy again. In an ideal world, we would somehow undo all this damage that has been done, and go back to planning our future together and our little family. But is that even possible?

 

I feel so heartbroken right now. Any advice would be helpful...

 

Thanks for reading to whomever made it this far.

 

-A

[jphcbpa]

Sorry you are in pain and confusion right now. Prayers for you for peace and wisdom.

 

If feels like there is some unresolved resentment that keeps brewing up to the surface on both of your parts. Are you guys willing to go see a therapist together? Is he in anger management classes of some kind?

 

The name calling really hurts my heart.

[Arabella]

Sorry you are in pain and confusion right now. Prayers for you for peace and wisdom.

 

If feels like there is some unresolved resentment that keeps brewing up to the surface on both of your parts. Are you guys willing to go see a therapist together? Is he in anger management classes of some kind?

 

The name calling really hurts my heart.

 

We agreed to see a counselor last week, but things have escalated so fast that we didn't even get a chance to find one and book an appointment.

 

I should mention that he used to have anger issues when he was in his teens; got into a lot of fights with classmates and parents. Eventually, he learned to control it by not becoming emotionally invested in anything. If you don't care, you don't get angry, right?

 

Obviously, he became emotionally invested in us, so the anger is back too.

 

I don't know what to do. Seems like anything we do now is just too late.

[jphcbpa]

It is never too late if you are both willing to work on it lovingly.

[TigerCub]

I'm sorry Arabella

 

I was so shocked to see this post from you.

 

It's not ok for him to call you names, he needs to understand that abuse isn't just hitting, and by calling you names and scaring you he is being abusive.

And that's never ok.

 

I totally got the impression that the resentment is on both sides and you guys certainly don't know how to communicate.

 

Therapy is the only thing I would/can suggest.

 

But honestly, you need to give it a time frame in your mind (a realistic time frame). If you get to the date you put in your mind and nothing has changed, I would think that you should leave him, because it's not good for you to be abused and it's not healthy for your child.

 

I hope that the 2 of you do the therapy and that both of you are willing to put in the work - if that doesn't happen, then I hope that you'll have the sense to put doing what's right above feelings for him.

 

Good luck

[Arabella]

I'm sorry Arabella

 

I was so shocked to see this post from you.

 

It's not ok for him to call you names, he needs to understand that abuse isn't just hitting, and by calling you names and scaring you he is being abusive.

And that's never ok.

 

He knows it's abusive, but in his mind, it's perfectly ok to do that because I'm emotional and I spill things out however they come and that is abusive too according to him.

 

What he means by this is that I'm not shy of telling him when something he's done upsets me, and what I expect. Apparently I have "too much attitude".

 

I often think it's a cultural issue at the very root of this. I've never gotten any complaints that I have too much attitude from white men. In fact, most men I've been with were just grateful for not having to guess what I'm thinking, and I don't sit there and seethe in anger (which many women do) -- I just speak my mind and work it out right away. Or try anyway, when I have a willing partner.

 

While it may hurt his feelings for me to tell him some things that I believe to be true, I hardly think of it as abusive. And it certainly doesn't justify his name-calling, in my mind. But it does in his... somehow.

 

I totally got the impression that the resentment is on both sides and you guys certainly don't know how to communicate.

 

Therapy is the only thing I would/can suggest.

 

It's ridiculous because we used to be so good at talking. It was our thing. Before we ever became lovers, or a couple, we were great friends. We used to talk for hours!

 

I realize now that the only reason why we were able to communicate so openly before was because the issues we talked about weren't related to him.

 

When it comes to OUR problem, he's generally immature and incapable of relating. He's had one other relationship in his late teens and nothing until he met me 5 years later. I often hear things like "You're the cause of all of this" or "the pain you caused me was twice what I did to you". How ridiculous are these statements?!?! I can't believe he would be so nearsighted about his own relationship, and yet he used to be so insightful in advising me how to deal with my ex.

 

But honestly, you need to give it a time frame in your mind (a realistic time frame). If you get to the date you put in your mind and nothing has changed, I would think that you should leave him, because it's not good for you to be abused and it's not healthy for your child.

 

I hope that the 2 of you do the therapy and that both of you are willing to put in the work - if that doesn't happen, then I hope that you'll have the sense to put doing what's right above feelings for him.

 

I'm not sure where his mind is at, but on my side, it almost feels like we've crossed the point of no return.

 

In my mind, if somebody respects me so little and treats me so poorly, they don't love me. All that he has done in the past couple of weeks really has damaged my love and trust in him. I used to emotionally rely on him so much, now I just feel like he's a threat on me -- a predator ready to pounce anytime. I feel uneasy around him.

 

I don't really know what he thinks or feels at this point about working things out, but it doesn't feel like it would serve any purpose because in his mind, I'm the problem, remember? He's just reacting! So it's MY problem to fix. As always.

 

I know there's some love for him left under all the anger and resentment....but enough to be with him and put myself through more pain for our relationship? That's questionable... At least, not while he maintains this position. Maybe if he admitted to his whole share of this mess and actually regretted it, instead of continuing to blame me, I would be more willing to work with him as well.

 

This is such a mess.

[Balzac]

Co-parenting amidst this turmoil? Epic fail.

Sorry for your misery and it's hard to make positive comments.

I'd be setting up a separate lifestyle.

[TigerCub]

He knows it's abusive, but in his mind, it's perfectly ok to do that because I'm emotional and I spill things out however they come and that is abusive too according to him.

 

What he means by this is that I'm not shy of telling him when something he's done upsets me, and what I expect. Apparently I have "too much attitude".

 

I often think it's a cultural issue at the very root of this. I've never gotten any complaints that I have too much attitude from white men. In fact, most men I've been with were just grateful for not having to guess what I'm thinking, and I don't sit there and seethe in anger (which many women do) -- I just speak my mind and work it out right away. Or try anyway, when I have a willing partner.

 

While it may hurt his feelings for me to tell him some things that I believe to be true, I hardly think of it as abusive. And it certainly doesn't justify his name-calling, in my mind. But it does in his... somehow.

 

It's not abuse to speak your mind and be honest about issues in your life and your relationship, as long as you're not yelling and name calling.

 

I'm guessing I know his culture, and I know that men from that culture have an entitlement complex. They think they should be allowed to do and say whatever they want, but the same doesn't go for their woman.

 

Do let him silence you.

 

I speak my mind and I'm very honest, to the point and expressive, and I like that I have the guts to be that way. I 97% of the time do it in a respectful manner - the other 3% is usually when I'm pissed and calling someone out (but that's not reserved for family or someone I love).

 

 

It's ridiculous because we used to be so good at talking. It was our thing. Before we ever became lovers, or a couple, we were great friends. We used to talk for hours!

 

I realize now that the only reason why we were able to communicate so openly before was because the issues we talked about weren't related to him.

 

When it comes to OUR problem, he's generally immature and incapable of relating. He's had one other relationship in his late teens and nothing until he met me 5 years later. I often hear things like "You're the cause of all of this" or "the pain you caused me was twice what I did to you". How ridiculous are these statements?!?! I can't believe he would be so nearsighted about his own relationship, and yet he used to be so insightful in advising me how to deal with my ex.

Sometimes it is hard to be objective when you're in the problem and you're living whatever issue - so I can see how maybe his communication is a lot worse as a partner than a friend, but it still isn't reason enough for his attitude, he should have made a better effort to grow up and communicate better.

 

That part in bold is totally what I know people (generally men) of that culture love to say.

 

It's a way for them to convince themselves that they are as high and mighty as they deluded themselves into believing.

 

 

 

I'm not sure where his mind is at, but on my side, it almost feels like we've crossed the point of no return.

 

In my mind, if somebody respects me so little and treats me so poorly, they don't love me. All that he has done in the past couple of weeks really has damaged my love and trust in him. I used to emotionally rely on him so much, now I just feel like he's a threat on me -- a predator ready to pounce anytime. I feel uneasy around him.

 

I don't really know what he thinks or feels at this point about working things out, but it doesn't feel like it would serve any purpose because in his mind, I'm the problem, remember? He's just reacting! So it's MY problem to fix. As always.

 

I know there's some love for him left under all the anger and resentment....but enough to be with him and put myself through more pain for our relationship? That's questionable... At least, not while he maintains this position. Maybe if he admitted to his whole share of this mess and actually regretted it, instead of continuing to blame me, I would be more willing to work with him as well.

 

This is such a mess.

That part in bold is really all that should be used to decide.

 

If you actually feel uneasy around him, if you feel he's predatory, there's nothing more, honestly. It's no way to live with someone.

 

I truly believe that he doesn't see you as a partner, you're just a girl that's now causing him all these issues and all that drama.

 

He doesn't respect you, doesn't see you as an equal, and he's abusive.

 

Please find the strength to leave.

 

**I know that my advice is so much easier said than done, and it's your life, obviously, your choice, but I would hate for someone as nice and thoughtful as you to trap herself like that**

[CarrieT]

I am so, so sorry it has degenerated into this.

 

If there is that much anger that you have been genuinely worried about your safety, then you should also ultimately be concerned about the safety of your child.

 

It sounds like there is a lot of growing to be done on both sides, but that holding back on a wedding at this time would be best for all involved. Get some counseling and take care of yourself and your child (or, are you considering adoption?)

 

Know that time does heal all wounds, but you may find that ultimate happiness will be found with another who is more understanding.

[TigerCub]

 

Do let him silence you.

 

That was supposed to say DON'T let him silence you

[Arabella]

Co-parenting amidst this turmoil? Epic fail.

Sorry for your misery and it's hard to make positive comments.

I'd be setting up a separate lifestyle.

 

I agree. I've been telling him this for the past week. I am not going to terminate my pregnancy because this baby was so wanted by both of us... but I wish things had been different between him and I. I've never been pregnant by anyone else... I was always was so careful. Having a childby him was a huge deal to me, and proof of how much I loved him and believed in our relationship.

 

But I don't want my child to grow up in such a strife-filled environment. Time is running short to make a determination one way or another, because one thing is for sure... I will not spend the rest of my pregnancy in this environment.

 

Hell, at this point, if we split... I don't even want him in our life at all. I asked him if he would be willing to leave us alone, in exchange for me not asking for child support. He seemed hesitant but said yes.

 

If this is the kind of man he really turns out to be after all, his child is better off without him.

[Treasa]

Preparing for a baby and preparing to be married are both extremely stressful events, in and of themselves, and you're trying to do both at the same time. I can imagine how difficult that must be.

 

That being said, he does sound abusive, and that won't be good for your pregnancy or your child's health and welfare.

 

I think you were right in postponing/canceling the wedding, and I do agree that you should see a relationship counselor and tell all. Don't hide anything.

 

If you can both accept responsibility for where each of you went wrong, there's a chance things could be salvaged. However, as I don't even know him, I'm more concerned about you and your coming child. Whatever the case, you two need to come first. No matter what that means.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. My mom went through some difficulties that were sort of like this, but not exactly, and she pulled through. She's a pretty tough woman. She tells me all the time that I'm the best thing that ever happened to her, and the bull**** she had to put up with from my father was worth it because she got me.

 

That being said, she left him when I was really young and raised me alone. It was hard, but I adore her more than anything and admire her strength for putting me and herself first.

 

Please don't even be afraid to contact any of us if you need to vent or even just cry to someone. You're going through a lot right now.

 

Hugs,

~Traci

[GorillaTheater]

No words, Arabella, except that I'm very sorry.

[Treasa]

Arabella, my mom raised me without my father's financial support. He kept managing to get around the legal system, and then he got jailed for other reasons, so there WAS no money. My mom also got laid off from her job. However, she made it, I turned out pretty damn awesome, and I adore her more than the world and even more than my own life.

 

If you really want this baby, then please know that you will overcome anything. I'm not trying to tell you to go one way or another on the issue, but do what is right for you and what will make you happiest.

[Nyla]

All couples have issues and it is good that you are making an effort to work them out.

 

Postponing the wedding would be a good idea. Perhaps therapy will help the two of you get back on track and then you can think about marriage again if you want.

 

I am very sad for you, Arabella.

[Arabella]

It's not abuse to speak your mind and be honest about issues in your life and your relationship, as long as you're not yelling and name calling.

 

I'm guessing I know his culture, and I know that men from that culture have an entitlement complex. They think they should be allowed to do and say whatever they want, but the same doesn't go for their woman.

 

The argument/fights usually go like this: He does something that bothers me, I speak up about it, and he often tells me to deal with it... or he blames it on me. Sometimes, he seems willing to work it out... except he's not really willing to compromise on anything. Then I start becoming frustrated, my hormones get the best of me, and start crying and my tone becomes far less friendly. I don't do any name-calling, but my general tone and demeanor becomes more cutting. This is when he usually escalates it.... The second I become frustrated by his lack of empathy, it's my fault. He's just reacting to me, of course! The yelling goes both ways at that point.

 

For context regarding my cultural comment, his family is Chinese, but he is American born and raised.

 

I speak my mind and I'm very honest, to the point and expressive, and I like that I have the guts to be that way. I 97% of the time do it in a respectful manner - the other 3% is usually when I'm pissed and calling someone out (but that's not reserved for family or someone I love).

 

Well, that's the problem. I used to be like you. 97% used to be respectful and calm. Nowadays, between the sheer exhaustion of the last few months of fighting and the pregnancy hormones, my temper is a lot shorter. I become upset about things that wouldn't have bothered me before, and I am less likely to try to be conciliatory. I am aware of this, and it's not like I do it on purpose. I am sure it's been hard on him too, but you'd think he'd try to be just a tad more patient, no? Nope. Instead, it's just ammunition to blame me more.

 

Sometimes it is hard to be objective when you're in the problem and you're living whatever issue - so I can see how maybe his communication is a lot worse as a partner than a friend, but it still isn't reason enough for his attitude, he should have made a better effort to grow up and communicate better.

 

That part in bold is totally what I know people (generally men) of that culture love to say.

 

It's a way for them to convince themselves that they are as high and mighty as they deluded themselves into believing.

 

If you actually feel uneasy around him, if you feel he's predatory, there's nothing more, honestly. It's no way to live with someone.

 

I truly believe that he doesn't see you as a partner, you're just a girl that's now causing him all these issues and all that drama.

 

He doesn't respect you, doesn't see you as an equal, and he's abusive.

 

Please find the strength to leave.

 

I don't want to make it sound like I feel constantly concerned for my personal safety. That's not the case. He threatened me once, and put my safety at risk while driving the second. Of course, he would tell you that that was only my perception and nothing would have happened... but the gut feeling is hard to shake off.

 

But yes, I do feel like he doesn't think of me as an equal anymore. He might have at some point, but hasn't for a long time. I'm apparently "too emotional", "a bitch" (his favorite!), "****!ng stupid", and have "too much attitude". All his words.

 

The most I've ever called him? Entitled, and sometimes agreed with his own statements that he is an *******. He claims that I called him a "whore" once, when referring to his promiscuous past, but I frankly don't remember it (I did use that term to refer to someone else, but not him... perhaps he took offense by proxy?).

 

Needless to say, I don't feel like I can trust him anymore. I feel like I cannot rely on him emotionally because the second I allow myself to be vulnerable to him, he turns against me... that's what I meant by predatory.

[Arabella]

It sounds like there is a lot of growing to be done on both sides, but that holding back on a wedding at this time would be best for all involved. Get some counseling and take care of yourself and your child (or, are you considering adoption?)

 

Know that time does heal all wounds, but you may find that ultimate happiness will be found with another who is more understanding.

 

Adoption or abortion are absolutely NOT options. I am keeping my child.

 

I do agree with your statement. I am beginning to think that we were mismatched from the get go. Good friends don't always make a compatible relationship... despite what I might have believed. Go figure.

[Arabella]

I posted this thread because he keeps telling me that it's all my fault, and I was starting to question myself.

 

Deep down, I know it's been a full two-sided effort. But he never admits to that. The most I've gotten him to admit is that he's done things wrong too, but he never admits full responsibility for his actions. Instead, he always finds a way of relating it back to something I've done to absolve himself from blame.

 

We've been arguing back and forth via text. He's still holding strong on to his stance that it's mostly all my fault and I don't understand his point and how much I've hurt him. He even questioned whether I ever loved him.

 

Wow.

 

Thank you everyone for the support and sympathy you've shown. Know that you're all an amazing group of people. I feel so alone right now... he was my closest friend. Now I just feel like I've got nobody I can really trust anymore. Thank goodness for you guys

 

He knows I post in Loveshack. Heck, sometimes we discuss threads I find interesting. I may show him this thread later tonight.

[GorillaTheater]

I may show him this thread later tonight.

 

I'd think about that one a bit more. What would you hope to accomplish, and would that uncertain result be worth the certainty of losing what amounts to a safe place for you here?

[sweetjasmine]

I posted this thread because he keeps telling me that it's all my fault, and I was starting to question myself.

 

It's certainly not all your fault. But pretend it were. Just pretend for a moment that absolutely everything was your fault. 100%. And he is not to blame in the least. Even if this were the case, shouldn't he be trying to HELP YOU FIX IT instead of shutting you down and making you feel worse? Does he have an answer to that question?

 

I'm so sorry, A. You don't deserve this. You deserve much, much better.

[Arabella]

I'd think about that one a bit more. What would you hope to accomplish, and would that uncertain result be worth the certainty of losing what amounts to a safe place for you here?

 

Well, I agree with you... but it's too late. He knows my username already. I never felt the need to hide it...

 

You know, my ex actually stalked me here as recently as of a couple months ago (and for all I know, he's reading this right now and chuckling happily at my misfortunes).

 

Despite his faults, my current man is not the kind of person to do that. He told me he would leave it alone so I would have it as an outlet, and I do believe that.

 

I was hoping that by showing him this thread, he could see that maybe, just maybe... it's not all in my head. You all have offered great insight.

[Art_Critic]

For future reference.. when my wife was preggers I held my tongue any time I was going to say something that might upset her, why on earth would I have wanted to start a fight with the woman who is having my child ?

I also found that if I held my tongue my need to have a disagreement disappeared...that did change later on in the marriage

 

You are pregnant and the last thing you need is stress from the baby's father created by him because he can't not be an ass.. and to me fighting with you is being an ass....

 

With all that being said he can't be expected to stiffle himself when he has serious issues that need to be discussed but he needs to learn to quiet himself when it is just picking a fight to pick a fight..

 

What does that accomplish other than create stress on you and the baby and do some research.. many things can be linked to the stress the mother was under during her pregnancy.. such as miscarriage or premature birth

 

He should be comforting you and helping you nest and build a life with you..

Hopefully he can come around to 'waking up' and stop being such an ass...

 

Take care of yourself....

[TigerCub]

Thanks for getting back to me Arabella.

 

It is a very unfortunate situation, and it seems like the more time spent with nothing being fixed, the more resentment that gets built up on both sides.

The worse it all gets.

 

You admit that he doesn't respect you, you know that he's abusive.

 

I honestly don't think there is much more to that.

 

I understand that you love him, but follow your gut, I think it will lead you to the best solution for you.

 

I understand that alone feeling, and I hope you know that you're not alone here on LS

 

**hugs**

[Treasa]

It's not in your head. Also, if he loves HIS coming child, he will take a step back and look at his own behavior and assess if he thinks that acting that way will be good for his kid.

 

I went through a lot of crap because of my father's behaviors and actions. I would be very upset to learn of that happening to another precious baby.

 

Above all, listen to your gut and take care of yourself and your child.

[pink_sugar]

How long have you been together?

 

My husband and I are dealing with very similar issues and the primary reasons are financial and resentment as a result. We also had issues at the beginning.

 

My advice is to work on this with a counselor asap or separate. When the baby comes, it won't get better. It will get worse.

 

I myself am sometimes in denial about my situation. I am hoping things will fall into place once we have better paying jobs, because it's mostly the reason for our fighting. I am often confused and don't know what I want, so I am glad for the 7 years we've been together that I have made absolutely sure not to have kids. Will I have kids with him in the future or will it be with someone else? I'm not sure, but it's definitely not a good idea to bring kids into the mix when you're having a lot of relationship issues.

 

Hope things improve for your and the baby's sake.

Edited July 23, 2013 by pink_sugar