Why do I have to put a woman in her place if she gets out of hand?

[John316C]

Flirting/Dating/Relationships...

 

I'm talking about her testing me.

 

I could... but I feel like... Its not my job... or is it?...

 

I also feel like she should manage herself?

 

I kind of feel like, she's not good enough for me, like I'm a man and she's a little girl... or is this how I'm supposed to feel?

 

I know I should stand up for myself... but I'm confused...

[CptSaveAho]

all women test

 

ignore it 80% of the time, if it gets out of hand, remove yourself from the situation

 

if you are right and you know you are right (she knows you are right to) your job is to win... thats the other 20%

 

welcome to the wonderful world of dating

[rocketman122]

they get dramatic at times and sometimes you must do it. The same hand that caresses punishes. tell her to calm her ass down first and then you talk.

 

When my GF gets outta hand, I have to put her in her place. she respects me more so after the fact that I didnt wimp out. do the same. show that youre strong. you can be strong but my GF wants to feel that I dont wimp out when things go bad. she wants a man that will take charge. it will happen in other situations as well that youll have to prove your manliness. at least for me its happened.

 

when my GF gets mad at me, she yells and cries sometimes and tells me "go" and I dont. I grab her, take her to bed calm her down and reassure her all will be fine. she goes to sleep like a good little girl and things go back to normal.

 

when she disrespects you, then walk away. till then you stay.

[BradJacobs]

The same hand that caresses punishes.

Very much this and well said.

[shexy]

Really? So guys never ever ever do anything stupid? BAER, spare me the male ego drama please

[travelbug1996]

He sounds like a person that's afraid of conflict which is counterproductive to any healthy relating. Grow a pair. Tell her how you feel in a respectful way and she'll respect you even more.

[shexy]

The same hand that caresses punishes

 

OMG,is this for real????? What is this, 1850???? WOW!

[Treasa]

I'm trying to stop laughing long enough so that I can go into the kitchen and tell Keith that he better be prepared to "punish" me if need be.

 

ETA: I did just tell him that, and he looked at me and said, "Naw, I'm good. I think I'll pass."

[shexy]

I can't even tell if this thread is a joke or serious, for real!

[travelbug1996]

Passive aggressive cowards punish people. Man up and use your words. Ugh!!

[Mme. Chaucer]

You don't have to put anyone in their place. Ever.

[jphcbpa]

Keep your pimp hand strong?

[BradJacobs]

I can't even tell if this thread is a joke or serious, for real!

I figured it was a joke ...

 

And lol @ "keep your pimp hand strong".

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm trying to stop laughing long enough so that I can go into the kitchen and tell Keith that he better be prepared to "punish" me if need be.

 

 

GO in the kitchen? What are you doing OUT of the kitchen in the first place, woman?

[kaylan]

The same hand that caresses punishes

 

OMG,is this for real????? What is this, 1850???? WOW!

Dont be upset. He plays too much Call of Duty

 

Sorry I couldnt help myself

[Woggle]

I don't even need to speak to them. I just grunt and point.

[dasein]

OP brings up a legit issue I've experienced many times. When dating an adult woman, I expect her to conduct herself as an adult, and with basic standards of behavior. In our culture, women don't even realize all the crap they do because they have been told they are perfect and no one should ever question them. Frankly, many many women I know, not bad women, just women, behave in very mediocre ways, ways that would get a man's ass beaten on a daily basis. Often, they don't even realize it, and this is the most annoying thing of all, that a professional, accomplished adult could have that little self-awareness.

 

Some examples... GF sees a really short guy across the restaurant. Starts staring and then -pointing- telling me "you've got to see this!" Then feigning "sick barfing" type stuff. This is a 40 y.o. highly educated, business executive who normally wouldn't do anything like this, just went into "bad girl" mode from HS because she's hot and no one ever called her on it. She's had a few too, but not drunk. Do I ruin our meal, make it into a "thing" tell her to shut the f up and grow up? gaining some respect and applying discipline? having to play a daddy I don't feel is my responsibility to play, but giving me indigestion? or just sit and passively aggressively endure it til it's over and wait for her to go "I'm an immature bitch... o crap I don't know what came over me."

 

Or another one is sitting across a very expensive table at a restaurant she loves and we just had to go despite we discussed a quiet night in and I've worked 24 hours in the last two days. Despite being utterly exhausted from work, I'm rising to the occasion, charming her friends who stop by the table, flirting with GF, playing footsie even. This scanty tres chic meal is costing me $250, and as I'm smiling across a hideously overpriced entree, bam, "You seem lately like you aren't that into 'us'." My eyes change quite a bit and she knows she just screwed the pooch, "I can't believe I just said that, I don't know why I said that. That is the stupidest thing I've ever said in my life." Now, do I let this slide, or apply discipline, take her home and leave,or sit there and let her win her little scheme to grab power in an illegitimate way by "taking it." I take her home, and know instantly that she's on the phone telling mutual friends what a rigid, strict monster I am not to just accept her apology, if she even "remembers" to mention her utterly rude and inaccurate fishing comment.

 

I could type out hundreds, maybe thousands of these. And these aren't "bad" women. Just emotional, as women are prone to be moreso than men. They are indeed capable of bad behavior while being a good person. That's the nature we accept in the female, and it can be a charming thing in other contexts. But as to OP's dilemma and frustration? I understand EXACTLY where he's coming from. I was sold a bill of goods of equality, but am still expected to walk a daddy-lover tightrope from time to time that I don't feel is my responsibility or shouldn't be in 2013.

 

As far as if men do the same thing, I don't think we do, not nearly to the same extent. A few bloody noses and crying females early on generally nips that in the bud for us. But if they do? Make a thread and discuss it, I'll sympathize, but that's not this thread.

[Mme. Chaucer]

In our culture, women don't even realize all the crap they do because they have been told they are perfect and no one should ever question them. Frankly, many many women I know, not bad women, just women, behave in very mediocre ways, ways that would get a man's ass beaten on a daily basis. Often, they don't even realize it, and this is the most annoying thing of all, that a professional, accomplished adult could have that little self-awareness.

 

Um … no. I think your perception might be so hilariously skewed because of the women you choose to date. I mean, who does this:

 

GF sees a really short guy across the restaurant. Starts staring and then -pointing- telling me "you've got to see this!" Then feigning "sick barfing" type stuff.

 

Or, more pertinent to this thread, who would have a girlfriend who does this? I guess you like it? And then, one of your proposed solutions:eek: :

 

gaining some respect and applying discipline?

 

I have never in my life met a man who would use the phrase "applying discipline" seriously in reference to a woman he was involved with. Unless they were into b/d or s&m, which would be an entirely different and much happier story. And you even say it TWICE in this very post! You've succeeded in amazing me totally!

 

The more I read, the more I'm thinking that you and women are just not meant to be within 30 miles or so of one another. That would be such a win/win!

[Treasa]

GO in the kitchen? What are you doing OUT of the kitchen in the first place, woman?

 

I had to make room in the kitchen for him to clean it!

[Woggle]

I have never in my life seen a woman point at a short guy and pretend to barf. Not once have I seen that happen.

[dasein]

Um … no. I think your perception might be so hilariously skewed because of the women you choose to date. I mean, who does this:

 

Sorry, blameshift? Bad people picker? All played out. No dice. I could list out probably thousands of similar examples going back decades, illustrating exactly what OP is experiencing and what rman commented on. It's real. You'd just rather quibble about the language used that you find insensitive when the fact is that there are lots and lots of women out there, to repeat not bad women, just women, who "forget themselves" and act badly in a multitude of ways... and here's the kernel of truth clincher... do it hoping and expecting that "daddy" will emerge and keep them in check.

 

This is what women, lots of normal non-deranged, non bitchy, non personality disordered women, really mean when they say "I want a man to lean on, I need him to be my rock," and the obverse of that is "I'm far from being a rock, realize it full well, know I will behave badly from time to time, and need the occasional firm daddy to keep me in check." Has nothing at all to do with S&M, or any issue of mine.

 

I have never in my life met a man who would use the phrase "applying discipline"...

 

Of course not, which evidences very clearly my point that women aren't called on their crap. But rest assured, we know it, and there's no reason on earth to sugar coat it here. You just can't handle the truth.

[dasein]

I have never in my life seen a woman point at a short guy and pretend to barf. Not once have I seen that happen.

 

I hadn't either, and was absolutely amazed that this woman did that given her normal behavior. I was also amazed at other behavior of hers and so, so many others over the years. But she was not a bad person, just a female. God love em, but they are what they are, and do what they do.

 

Women need discipline from men from time to time, to be put in line, they crave it. It's not an aberration or a kink, but generally true. Once I learned that and accepted it, I had fewer amazed/angst moments and my life with women got happier, the sex sure as hell got better, and I haven't been friendzoned since the 90s. Not all women are this way, but a whole lot are. They know it too, they all have friends this way even if they aren't. Good luck getting many to admit it.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I have never in my life seen a woman point at a short guy and pretend to barf. Not once have I seen that happen.

 

Do they usually actually barf, for reals?

[dasein]

You surely know I'm talking about the universal "finger pointing in the mouth" symbol with the accompanying "yak" noise, not actually throwing up or getting really sick.

[Divasu]

You didn't provide an actual example so it's hard to comment.

 

But I think learning when to act and when not to act, is beneficial. There are times when a woman will be unreasonable, there are times when PEOPLE, for that matter will be unreasonable.

 

Two opposing different points of view, so, you're going to have to decide how to address it (or not address it for that matter).