Why do I have to put a woman in her place if she gets out of hand?

[dasein]

What do you mean by "blameshift"?

 

You know, the standard unadvice retort to any generalizations about women here, no matter to what extent they are generally true? "There must be something wrong with you and the women you pick, never women or female behavior generally?" That's blameshift. People post it to female posters here too, but the ratio that particular "unadvice" is given to men v women here runs about 10:1. Every now and then, there's a guy or gal whose posts warrant such advice, but they are rare compared to the frequency with which the cliche is dispensed.

 

Otherwise, OP hasn't been back here in 7 pages, and have had my say until he comes back if he ever does, I stand by everything I have posted to this thread.

[dasein]

You guys are sick. And totally pathetic.

 

Can't let this pass. So men who defend themselves or react appropriately to female ohysical aggression are "sick and pathetic."

 

Go into a jail or police office pretty much anywhere in any city in the U.S. Slap a cop in the face. See what happens to you. It won't be -anything- like the subdued response the video displays, and you won't likely walk away from it.

 

And to mention, physical aggression by men against women has -never- been suggested in this thread by any poster, certainly not me. Crude very obviously posted that as a short and sweet analogy to the types of behavior expressed in OP, that men are put in the uncomfortable position of having to react to frequently in dealing with women.

[Keenly]

This thread.

[xilver]

The fact is there are people out there that require discipline or you will lose their respect. Try teaching a class of high school students and you will understand what I mean. If you don't warn them, state things clearly, call parents, give them detention, hold them accountable, they will walk all over you and it has nothing to do with punishing. Discipline is simply modifying behavior. Put them in their place is slang way of saying it. Girls are more emotional than guys so in a relationship their emotions will get the best of them more often than guys letting their emotions getting the best of them. How the guy handles that situation can say a lot to the woman. I haven't come across this scenario very often but I have experienced it and it tends to be with the traditional "pretty girls" Thin, pretty face, sexiness about them. I think a whole life of being adored by guys has led them to that behavior and it is their way of being more selective because they can be but that is just my theory. It does come across as immature and I didn't know how to deal with it when I experienced it so she kept going and I kept distancing myself. I felt like, why should I have to do this with a fully grown adult? To me it just wasn't worth it.

[letsbeotherpeople]

For fecks sake guys, this is perfectly simple.

 

If a girl you are seeing is either verbally or physically abusive, or does something purely to illicit a negative response from you, you don't discipline them, you dump them.

[dasein]

Seriously, all jabbing aside: I don't believe what you post. I don't believe that the majority of the "examples" you give to prove "the true nature of women" actually ever took place. Also, I don't believe you are anything like the way you present yourself here in your real life, but that this is a brittle persona you've developed over, probably, many years as the self-appointed resident elder sage in various Lovable Loser/ PUA Hopefuls / Forever Alone Internet communities...blablablamoreofthesame

 

LOL missed this too, didn't even read it the first goround.

 

It's fine if you don't believe me, that's your prerogative. Everything I've posted here is true and unembellished. I don't, nor have I ever belonged to any "lovable loser, pua hopeful" whatever sites, nor have I ever posted a single post to such. I was and still am a member in good standing of a larger, well-known coed relationship forum, and as they "rate" members there, was one of the highest rated male posters on the site. I don't post there much any more because I don't like the format. Never any kind of PUA site though, never. Not one post.

 

Also with respect to your believing I'm not "anything like the way you present yourself here in real life," that's fine too. Not that it's any of your business or appropriate to the topic or the forum, and I keep hoping one day your and others' broken record habit of postulating about me will cease, but it hasn't, so... I'm actually a bit different here than IRL as I've posted many times, much quieter and much more of a listener, definitely more polite. This place is a release valve for me after quietly listening to all the annoyingly ridiculous things people say to me in real life. Your and johan's continued fascination with me as a person is bizarre but typical IME of a certain personality type I often experience IRL that I won't comment further on because I don't care enough to.

 

But I believe you are -exactly- like the persona you present here in real life, and will leave it at that.

[Divasu]

I mean, 200 women dated over the span of 30 years? That's over 6 women every year. Less than 2 months with each of them if he was dating non-stop back-to-back.

 

I'm exhausted just from reading that. My average was 1-2 dates a year.

[RedRobin]

When I read threads like this, all I can think of is... some people are into S&M, some aren't.

 

I find it really repulsive for anyone to think, I, as a woman, either invite discipline or punishment... or deserve it.... strictly because of my gender.

 

If that's a dynamic that appeals to you (man or woman), so be it... but leave it at the S&M door.... not the "all women like this and it's the man's job to do that" argument.

[pcplod]

THow bout responding to what I actually post as opposed to making up something you would like for me to have posted, but... I... didn't... post.

 

Sorry! I simply couldn't stop laughing and it threw me off-track. The problem is that I'm still laughing, so I can't concentrate on your point, whatever it is actually supposed to be. Maybe I'll come back later, or maybe, more likely I won't.

[pcplod]

I'm exhausted just from reading that. My average was 1-2 dates a year.

 

Yeah, but don't you 'luv' a decisive man who knows exactly what he doesn't want, so quickly? I mean, talk about not a second glance.

[pcplod]

For fecks sake guys, this is perfectly simple.

 

If a girl you are seeing is either verbally or physically abusive, or does something purely to illicit a negative response from you, you don't discipline them, you dump them.

 

Amen, who needs drama of any sort? Life's short in case anyone hasn't noticed and I ain't spending it in any police cells overnight or looking sheepishly at a magistrate the next morning.

 

Fish, sea, out there. The weird ones that no-one will buy, well throw them back in. Seemples.

[pcplod]

This thread is amazing .

 

I have seen examples of women "needing discipline", in the sense that they tended to stir up scenarios in an otherwise stale union. The guys usually failed to do this and ended up being cheated on or dumped for guys with a more "authoritarian" edge or otherwise more aggressive. Guys who responded more strongly garnered better results. There are women who fit this dynamic and guys who respond. They are meant for each other.

 

These people do not make up everybody. I don't think they are bad either, some people just respond to such a dynamic. I've seen examples of the opposite too.

 

I personally belong to a different dynamic - one that rests on a team dynamix as opposed to leading.

 

Yes ThaHooligan, I get your point but at then end of the day you still should dump them, need to dump them, because all it is going to be is wash, rinse, repeat, wash rinse repeat. You're not actually fixing anything. It's like dealing with a child stuck in a time-loop. If that's really your thing, discipling children, well okay, but I call it masochism. Others look at it with much greater suspicion than that and want to go running to the police and social workers and all sorts of melodrama. Life's full of drama and $h1t that you simply can't avoid, so why go looking for it? I am f**king done with people trying to make my life interesting because they are bored and need the entertainment.

 

I'm not much of a pet person, but if I had a dog that mad, I would just take it the vet and have it euthanased, pronto. No point in faffing around while staring right at the inevitable all along.

[ThaWholigan]

The idea that its female nature to need discipline is one I cannot cosign admittedly - I know and prefer a more balanced dynamic. Women tend to have differences in what they respond to I've noticed, despite everything I've read, experienced and observed.

 

As a guy, its assumed by quite a few - of both genders - that the guy has to be the disciplinary force. Some adhere in this thread indeed. Its my view that the dynamic always depends on the people involved and changes accordingly. Sometimes attracting women who have the same dynamic might be a case of something about the man that he may not be aware of that draws them to him - and its not always a bad people picker.

[RogerWallace111]

Only got in a few pages so I'm not sure what this thread has devolved into, but in response to the OP:

 

A woman pushing things too far during a small conflict or crisis as a means of making the guy "handle it" is silly and immature but, yes, definitely happens. The point to which it's calculated or a game shows you if she's a manipulative dumb*ss with little dignity or just an emotionally volatile woman who needs some reassurance and is pushing to get it.

 

Though now I'm realizing there's a marked difference between pushing as to test the guy's "balls" and pushing as to actually receive some support. Seeing how much a b*tching & needless freaking out a guy can take before he walks away or just tells you sternly to f*cking cool it as a means of testing how dignified or badass he is quite stupid. Though it's safe to say that any guy who sticks around or gets all passive through that sh*t when it's clearly ridiculous is a pushover so I guess it'll weed them out. On the other hand, if my lady is genuinely upset about something, whether it's an over reaction to something trivial or not, I will gladly be the one to take my ego out of this situation- firmly hold her to me, and in a to-the-point yet tender way, calm her down & comfort her like a true g. God I love doing that... Maybe it's time for a girlfriend again.

 

In those sort of situations, the woman will likely thank you for bearing with her, remaining calm and not playing into her bullsh*t. On the other hand, with a f*cking idiot, you can tell her off & leave, then wait for her to call you, apologize, and ask you to come back so you can f*ck her. God I hope all things of that sort are in my past. Minimal game-playing/manipulation, maximum honesty, openness & level-headedness.

[ThaWholigan]

Yes ThaHooligan, I get your point but at then end of the day you still should dump them, need to dump them, because all it is going to be is wash, rinse, repeat, wash rinse repeat. You're not actually fixing anything. It's like dealing with a child stuck in a time-loop. If that's really your thing, discipling children, well okay, but I call it masochism. Others look at it with much greater suspicion than that and want to go running to the police and social workers and all sorts of melodrama. Life's full of drama and $h1t that you simply can't avoid, so why go looking for it? I am f**king done with people trying to make my life interesting because they are bored and need the entertainment.

 

I'm not much of a pet person, but if I had a dog that mad, I would just take it the vet and have it euthanased, pronto. No point in faffing around while staring right at the inevitable all along.

If its not your bag, then you should indeed leave them. You find someone who doesn't rely on dramatic scenarios or being "disciplined" to feel secure in a relationship, and they can find someone who adheres to that dynamic.

 

Win/win .

[RogerWallace111]

My previous post is not referring to any physical sh*t, though that may be what the discussion has come to.

[Content]

The fact is there are people out there that require discipline or you will lose their respect. Try teaching a class of high school students and you will understand what I mean. If you don't warn them, state things clearly, call parents, give them detention, hold them accountable, they will walk all over you and it has nothing to do with punishing. Discipline is simply modifying behavior. Put them in their place is slang way of saying it. Girls are more emotional than guys so in a relationship their emotions will get the best of them more often than guys letting their emotions getting the best of them. How the guy handles that situation can say a lot to the woman. I haven't come across this scenario very often but I have experienced it and it tends to be with the traditional "pretty girls" Thin, pretty face, sexiness about them. I think a whole life of being adored by guys has led them to that behavior and it is their way of being more selective because they can be but that is just my theory. It does come across as immature and I didn't know how to deal with it when I experienced it so she kept going and I kept distancing myself. I felt like, why should I have to do this with a fully grown adult? To me it just wasn't worth it.

 

Yes well if a women expects me to be the father figure or discplinarian ina relationship im out of there.

 

I do that with my nephew not some grown ass adult.

[pcplod]

Sorry OP, I'm out, never should have been in. I concede that people like you do exist. In fact I have always implicitly, indeed explicitly, known it. I've met enough of you throughout life, after all. It's just that I usually try and manage to avoid you. I still suspect you are largely troll-bait.

 

All i know is that you are not of the species 'homo sapiens', at least as I understand it. Maybe you are a throwback to Neanderthal man; a DNA test might be interesting. And I guess that every Neanderthal man, has got to have his Neanderthal she-man. It all sort of makes sense.

 

Best that we just beat our separate paths. It makes life easier all round for everyone that way. Be careful with those knuckles though.

[RogerWallace111]

Yes well if a women expects me to be the father figure or discplinarian ina relationship im out of there.

 

I do that with my nephew not some grown ass adult.

 

 

That's word, but to a minor extent I think it's fine and healthy. It should go both ways though. Again not talking about hitting anyone, but as far as being the voice of reason & clapping out a conflict, it can be necessary for the man or woman to step in sometimes. The only real alternative is to just not care, give eachother space & confront eachother's problems alone. Which wouldn't work well in the long run.

[RogerWallace111]

Sorry OP, I'm out, never should have been in. I concede that people like you do exist. In fact I have always implicitly, indeed explicitly, known it. I've met enough of you throughout life, after all. It's just that I usually try and manage to avoid you. I still suspect you are largely troll-bait.

 

All i know is that you are not of the species 'homo sapiens', at least as I understand it. Maybe you are a throwback to Neanderthal man; a DNA test might be interesting. And I guess that every Neanderthal man, has got to have his Neanderthal she-man. It all sort of makes sense.

 

Best that we just beat our separate paths. It makes life easier all round for everyone that way. Be careful with those knuckles though.

 

I don't think the OP was the one who got into the caressing/punishing hand sh*t and all that. I may be wrong but I read his post as just meaning generally "laying the law" when a girl your dating is freaking out as means of seeing your reaction.

[Janesays]

But I believe you are -exactly- like the persona you present here in real life, and will leave it at that.

 

Level headed? Happily married? Experienced enough to have something to offer this community?

 

Listen, I don't think you realize how you come across. You say you've dated well over 200 woman, both here and overseas, and you say this like it's a badge of honor.

 

But all I keep thinking is, 200 women and you couldn't connect with a SINGLE ONE OF THEM? American and overseas and you couldn't find a SINGLE woman who took your breathe away, who adored the ground you walked on, who was willing to build a life with you, who would NEVER leave your side? 200 woman and YOU ARE STILL ALONE?

 

You say this like a badge of honor....and all I think about is you coming home to an empty house, every night for 30 years, because for some reason, you cannot maintain a connection with a woman.

 

You say it like it's a badge of honor. But it looks like a very sad and very lonely life you're leading. If not for the pompous know-it-all way you wrote your posts, I'd feel pity for you.

 

What I can't understand is why you think you have so much more to offer in terms of advice to this community when, if polled, I would think MOST men are horrified at the idea of becoming you. A 50+ year old man, STILL trolling dating websites, who has been rejected by almost every single woman who has ate a meal with him.

 

Don't insult people like Mme or any of the other woman here who have been able to inspire love in someone else and are equally able to return it. We have done something you have NEVER managed.

 

You are not a prophet.

 

You are a cautionary tale.

[Imajerk17]

This thread is amazing .

 

I have seen examples of women "needing discipline", in the sense that they tended to stir up scenarios in an otherwise stale union. The guys usually failed to do this and ended up being cheated on or dumped for guys with a more "authoritarian" edge or otherwise more aggressive. Guys who responded more strongly garnered better results. There are women who fit this dynamic and guys who respond. They are meant for each other.

 

These people do not make up everybody. I don't think they are bad either, some people just respond to such a dynamic. I've seen examples of the opposite too.

 

I personally belong to a different dynamic - one that rests on a team dynamix as opposed to leading.

 

This has been my experience as well. I've even seen it explicitly written in a few women's OLD profiles--"I need someone who is funny smart kind nice not looking for a hookup ... and will put me in my place when I am wrong". It's like she is the river but she wants a man who will be the banks of the river.

 

I'm thinking of an experience a long long time ago. I was out with a girl I was dating. She was having fun, dancing, letting out steam, but it was getting very late and as we both had early days, we both needed to go home and get our rest. I told her "J it's time to go". She kept resisting but I kept persisting. "J it's time to go. Now!". We ended up leaving 5 minutes later. Later on (a few months later in fact) J brought up that incident and she said how she admired how I "handled" her when she was wild and drinking--calm but strong and decisive.

 

Now J is a strong smart giving woman who offered to pay for every date we had been on, NOT some immature little girl.

 

My point of the story is this: I know some of the women on this forum will insist that the dynamic the OP brought up only exists with the immature women, but I can't agree with that. My experience has told me otherwise.

Edited July 24, 2013 by Imajerk17

[dasein]

Listen, I don't think you realize how you come across... 200 women and you couldn't connect with a SINGLE ONE OF THEM? American and overseas and you couldn't find a SINGLE woman who took your breathe away, who adored the ground you walked on, who was willing to build a life with you, who would NEVER leave your side? 200 woman and YOU ARE STILL ALONE?...and all I think about is you coming home to an empty house, every night for 30 years, because for some reason, you cannot maintain a connection with a woman... But it looks like a very sad and very lonely life you're leading. If not for the pompous know-it-all way you wrote your posts, I'd feel pity for you...I would think MOST men are horrified at the idea of becoming you. A 50+ year old man, STILL trolling dating websites, who has been rejected by almost every single woman who has ate a meal with him.

 

 

Look familiar anyone? at least to those who have experienced it? If you haven't in life, you will, I assure you. It's funny on a net forum, hilarious even and apropos of this topic.

 

BUT... if the woman who you are sitting next to watching a movie with starts up with the above, the woman you share a bed with, and most will from time to time, you must learn how to check it, and that often involves applying discipline (or whatever euphemism you choose if you don't like the term "discipline"). Otherwise it will go on and on and on, like the above, becoming more and more unhinged, and they will lose respect for you the longer you allow it to continue. Don't let it. Be firm but fair. Apply discipline in a healthy, measured way and you will have to deal with much less of the above type of endless female... whatever. Laugh at it here. Control it IRL. Maintain your sanity and her attraction to you.

 

And with that, I'm really, truly done here until and if OP ever comes back.

[kaylan]

All hail dating guru dasein

 

xD

[Divasu]

And with that, I'm really, truly done here until and if OP ever comes back.

 

Dasein, if you don't hush I am going to have to handle you.