Why do people have issues with introverts?

[MercuryMorrison1]

Let me start off by saying that I consider myself introverted. Both of my parents are introverts and raised me in an introverted environment. I have no problem with being introverted, It doesn't bother me that I am not as social as other people my age...I don't enjoy going to parties or attending big social outings.

 

But my question is...Growing up introverted, I've noticed over the years that people don't generally like other people who don't talk as much as they do. For example, I was out today with a friend and her boyfriend and one of his friends. I was kind and spoke occasionally to him. However later I overheard him talking about me to my female friend and he told her that he was afraid of me and I was ''shady'' and seemed ''sociopathic'' When she questioned why he felt this way, he stated that it was because I didn't talk very much and kept to myself while the rest of the group was having a great time.

 

This is just one example of many. Another one, is that I have a friend that I have known since Jr. High. He developed in a serious extrovert, as to where I obviously became an introvert. Over the years he's tried to goad me into these little social get togethers which generally consist of him and five or six others getting blind drunk and hitting on women at the bar, I've honestly become rather frustrated with his recent attempts to get me to be more social. He claims that I must be depressed because I spend a good amount of my time alone and doing things to myself. While true, I do in fact suffer from depression, I don't blame it on my introversion.

 

Why is it that extroverts cannot see that introverts are just different...It doesn't mean we a serial killers in the making, and it doesn't mean we don't like you...We just like to be alone more than you.

 

Any thoughts on this subject?

[na49]

I consider myself an introvert too. I think the reason why people have an "issue" with introverts is because being an extrovert is so glorified. The extroverts are the people who are having all of the fun. They are more interesting because they talk more and hold conversations well. etc. The introverts are the quiet people who are "rude" because they don't talk to anyone. They are "shady" because they don't say much. and they are weird because they don't want to go to that giant social get together that everyone else is going to.

[gaius]

You're not offering them anything of value so they don't like you. The depression I'm sure doesn't help. I was pretty introverted growing up and I generally ended up being best friends with whatever guy was the most popular/good looking since he would suck up the attention I didn't want when we went to do stuff. It only worked out well since I would talk to him though so I offered something of value.

[Emilia]

People are social animals and like tend to like. Socialising is a skill, you need to practice. If you are uncomfortable you need to practice more, you can recharge in the privacy of your own home like the rest of us.

[Taramere]

I was out today with a friend and her boyfriend and one of his friends. I was kind and spoke occasionally to him. However later I overheard him talking about me to my female friend and he told her that he was afraid of me and I was ''shady'' and seemed ''sociopathic'' When she questioned why he felt this way, he stated that it was because I didn't talk very much and kept to myself while the rest of the group was having a great time.

 

You overheard him saying that? Well I'm sorry but if anybody is lacking in social skills that guy is. What a way to carry on - accusing members of the group of being shady and sociopathic, because they're a bit quiet.

 

 

Why is it that extroverts cannot see that introverts are just different...It doesn't mean we a serial killers in the making, and it doesn't mean we don't like you...We just like to be alone more than you.

 

Any thoughts on this subject?

 

Yes, one thought springs straight to mind. I'm naturally more of an introvert than an extrovert. In order to get certain things accomplished in life, you have to pull yourself out of that comfort zone of just allowing yourself to be introverted. You have to risk the same snubs and little hurts that anybody faces when they make the effort to be social. If you want to accomplish certain things, make friends and get on in your career. It's not easy, it doesn't come naturally - but that's not an excuse for failing to try and refusing to take any risks.

 

As for the judgements people make....well, for somebody to accuse you of being some sort of closet sociopath due to being quiet is absolutely ridiculous. Seriously, if somebody made a comment like that to me I wouldn't be thinking "hey yes, you're right. I think that guy probably is a sociopath." I would be thinking "that's some judgement to make about somebody you don't even know. I think I'll be keeping a careful eye on you."

 

Of course, people often don't voice these thoughts because they don't want to increase tensions...but I think you can be fairly certain that just because a few loudmouths make adverse judgements about your quiet nature and nobody calls them out, it doesn't mean people aren't thinking some quite negative things about them for making those adverse judgements.

 

In a group situation, though, extroverts will tend to hold court and it'll see like everybody is in agreement with them. Often they're not as well liked or trusted as they might imagine though, and I seriously doubt that anybody making the kind of comments that guy made about you would inspire much trust in other people.

[The Introvert]

QUOTE

Why is it that extroverts cannot see that introverts are just different...It doesn't mean we a serial killers in the making, and it doesn't mean we don't like you...We just like to be alone more than you.

 

I coulndn't have said it better bru.I am HIGHLY introverted and people don't seem to understand any tiny tiny bit of me cause it's clearly an extroverts' world.

I am naturally quiet and I can't fake being talkative at all, I remember talking to a girl who had shown extreme interest in me in High School and her friends were like 'oooh this guy talks' bwoy that's me and I never wish to change.

I have discovered that introverts have some nice traits like they are sensitive listeners and are very imaginative.We appreciate subtle talent and more inclined to the spiritual side of things.Finest humans ever to emerge were introverts and there is proof Brad Pit IS ONE.

[Radu]

People are social animals and like tend to like. Socialising is a skill, you need to practice. If you are uncomfortable you need to practice more, you can recharge in the privacy of your own home like the rest of us.

 

Introvert here, still pretty major one.

 

As Tara said, you can push things slowly outside of your comfort zone and you can gradually get yourself accustomed with talking to ppl.

Obviously you will never stop being an introvert, even those that have had repeated exposures to you over a long period of time will be shocked to hear you are an introvert.

[FitChick]

there is proof Brad Pit IS ONE.

 

Really? Where? I think he protects his and his family's privacy and doesn't like journalists and paparazzi intruding. Compared to most actors, who are attention whores, he may seem like an introvert by being normal.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Really? Where? I think he protects his and his family's privacy and doesn't like journalists and paparazzi intruding. Compared to most actors, who are attention whores, he may seem like an introvert by being normal.

 

 

BP in an interview also said he couldn't land a date until he became famous. People are told that introverts are creeps. I'm introverted as well, but if you look good or are popular, that's all that matters. Physical appearance and status come before personality.

[ThaWholigan]

I straddle a line between introverted and extroverted. Generally, having friends who fall into either category, I feel that being introverted doesn't necessarily equal lack of social skills, and I think that some people who are extroverted actually use that to get away with their own lack of social intelligence .

 

If you're an introvert, having the ablity to participate in a typical extroverts social activities if only for a while is precious. It keeps the more suspicious extroverts at bay.

[SpiralOut]

As an introvert, I've struggled with this most of my life. Even though I had lots of friends growing up, I still received a lot of criticism from extraverts.

 

One of my best friends, who is introverted, gave me some great advice. She told me that every now and then she'll drop some information about herself to her coworkers or whoever else. Like if someone in her family just got married or had a baby, she'll mention it. She told me "it helps them to feel like they know me even though they don't. It makes them feel better."

Then I realized that if I want extraverts to understand me, I should do more to try and understand them. They need certain things that I don't need. That's why my friend humours other people like that. So I've been trying it. I get a better response when I do things to help them feel comfortable, even if it makes no sense to me.

Edited July 25, 2013 by SpiralOut

[Sidz]

I have to say I don't find that many instances like the OP describes in which someone considers me odd because I don't engage in conversation on his terms.

 

I've really only seldom found it to be the case that some ignorant person is bothered because I'm different from him and won't laugh at things he deems socially funny or talk to him about football. Usually I'll just be honest and they appreciate me for my differences and we become friends or we realize we wouldn't make good friends.

 

I remember that in my early 20s, I was kind of insistent on my introversion and would overreact to people trying to get me to be a certain way or partake in things I didn't want to do at a certain time, etc. Just comes with finding your place in the world. I've learned to be extroverted and socially adept when I need to be. Always tires me out. I remember I was a camp counselor for a summer. I remember it fondly. But, by the end, I literally could not listen to what people would say and also understand it; couldn't take in any more interaction. I played video games for like a month straight in recovery.

[tbf]

For example, I was out today with a friend and her boyfriend and one of his friends. I was kind and spoke occasionally to him. However later I overheard him talking about me to my female friend and he told her that he was afraid of me and I was ''shady'' and seemed ''sociopathic'' When she questioned why he felt this way, he stated that it was because I didn't talk very much and kept to myself while the rest of the group was having a great time.

I'm only going to address this portion. Many guys, even on LS, believe that males and females can't be friends or are friends of convenience where the guy wants to have sex with the girl and the girl wants the guy for male attention.

 

With this in mind, was it because you're an introvert that set him off or was he feeling threatened (if it was the boyfriend that said this) or feeling threatened for his friend (if it was the b/fs friend that said this)?

[todreaminblue]

there's an old saying to "watch the quiet ones",been around for donkeys years.....

 

i am quiet in large groups preferring to listen than speak......ill say something if i need to or feel a passion to ...i like to push myself out of my comfort zone......i try to.....

 

people are wary of people that dont talk much.......they feel observed and that causes anxiety i guess......deb

[SpiralOut]

Now that I think of it, I recall an instance when a girl I'd never met before came out with us. She made little effort to talk to me. In fact, I made more of an effort to get to know her!! I felt I wasn't getting anywhere so I backed off. She was so unnerved by my quiet nature that she complained about me right in front of me. "She's not talking much! She's so quiet!!"

 

I shrugged it off as an insecurity thing. Everybody just ignored her. Maybe she disliked not knowing what I was thinking. Oh and at my last job, my buddy there told me a few of the others were scared of me because of how quiet I was. They were afraid that I was analyzing them! Lol. They know that that quiet ones notice things that others don't.

[pink_sugar]

Interesting point. My dad and my brother were more extroverted than me as kids. I also had a lot of issues making friends because I was so quiet and shy. I also attribute those difficulties with issues I had growing up. My dad thinks everyone needs to be an extrovert though in order to make good money. Everyone is different. There are plenty of good jobs for introverts and being an introvert doesn't make you anti-social. As long as you know how to collaborate with others effectively, you should be fine. Not everyone is a huge social bug. I used to be shy and I am more outgoing now. However, because I am an introvert, I'm not really into the bar or clubbing scene and I prefer to spend time with friends one on one.

[Babolat]

I once heard it put this way: introverts get their energy from within while extroverts get their energy from others.

 

I think their is a difference between being introvert and being private too.

 

Sometimes, being introvert is kind of cool, just sit back and listen to how much folks will share with little to know questions from you.

 

I think I am introverted though everyone tells me I am extroverted. I work hard at being social, stepping outside my box/comfort zone. When I take those personality tests I test as an extreme introvert.

 

For me, it's about the people I am with and if I feel comfortable. If I do, and the conversation is flowing, I become more social. At work, in my career, I am extroverted because I have to be as I am in management and lead.

 

Southern Cal Dude makes a good point. I am told often I "look good" so I know that helps. That does not make it any easier though.

[Babolat]

there's an old saying to "watch the quiet ones",been around for donkeys years.....

 

i am quiet in large groups preferring to listen than speak......ill say something if i need to or feel a passion to ...i like to push myself out of my comfort zone......i try to.....

 

people are wary of people that dont talk much.......they feel observed and that causes anxiety i guess......deb

 

My ex gf defined herself as inrovert, though all outward appearances said she was an extrovert.

 

To your point, in certain groups of her friends or family I would get quiet, usually aftering trying to initiate conversation and just not clicking with them. She later told me some of them thought I was a snob, or better than them, or was judging them, because I was quiet. Trust me, I worked my tail off to talk to them. They had their clicks and I just did not seem to fit in somethimes. Or, I did not feel comfortable, like when they were drinking/partying and I was not.

[todreaminblue]

My ex gf defined herself as inrovert, though all outward appearances said she was an extrovert.

 

To your point, in certain groups of her friends or family I would get quiet, usually aftering trying to initiate conversation and just not clicking with them. She later told me some of them thought I was a snob, or better than them, or was judging them, because I was quiet. Trust me, I worked my tail off to talk to them. They had their clicks and I just did not seem to fit in somethimes. Or, I did not feel comfortable, like when they were drinking/partying and I was not.

 

 

its not easy to feel comfortable when people are drinking around you, I disappear pretty quickly because i immediately feel uncomfortable; when the drinks come out..its not attractive having people get touchy feely and loud around you....i get called snob all the time......when i decline........that's life i guess.......people want you to be exactly how they are do what they do , be part of the group i have found in this situation,they dont accept that you just dont want to.....that's a red flag......

 

not everybody is a party on animal........the world needs both introverts and extroverts...as far as alcohol goes....the world would be better off if it wasnt used to drink......its a better cleaner than a feel awesome till the next day beverage....deb

[MercuryMorrison1]

I'm only going to address this portion. Many guys, even on LS, believe that males and females can't be friends or are friends of convenience where the guy wants to have sex with the girl and the girl wants the guy for male attention.

 

With this in mind, was it because you're an introvert that set him off or was he feeling threatened (if it was the boyfriend that said this) or feeling threatened for his friend (if it was the b/fs friend that said this)?

 

It was the boyfriend that said this about me...I have considered that. Perhaps he felt threatened by me being good friends with his girlfriend. I can understand that, I try not to be the jealous type myself, however I know the feeling. Her and I did date at one point, but it was almost five years ago and we only dated for a few weeks before we returned to our friendship.

 

We have no sexual tension or anything like that between us. I essentially treat her the same as I would any of my guy friends.

 

But who knows how her boyfriend saw it.

[kenneth1010]

Introvert here and present

 

Just sent this exact message "Hiya Nic, John here, i dont really know any other way than just asking right out, would it be too weird if we went out on a date together ???"

 

She was my best friends girlfriend 11 yrs ago, she always told my mate that she fancied me more than the other mates he knew. But what do other people on here make of my totally honest message i sent her.

 

i think back to my clubbing days: something like this :

 

In all fairness, i had just read what i typed and what i had typed didnt come across as being an introvert. The opposite maybe but nothing more. Let me elaborate, in a surrounding of other men, i have no issues, what so ever. Life of of the party, first person invited, last person to leave but put me somewhere near i women i might find even slightly attractive ?? Cool? but being a block of ice is pretty effective, one way or another !!

Edited July 28, 2013 by kenneth1010

[kenneth1010]

Well hello stranger!! I dont know if it would be but we can find out....gimme a txt

 

The plot thickens............

[serial muse]

I think I am introverted though everyone tells me I am extroverted. I work hard at being social, stepping outside my box/comfort zone. When I take those personality tests I test as an extreme introvert.

 

Same here. I think people often mistake "introvert" for "misanthrope" - I actually quite like people and am very friendly. And yet I need a LOT of alone time too, because even though I like people, I do get exhausted by them. I need time alone to recharge.

 

Unfortunately there is a kind of glorification of the extrovert nowadays, such that it is considered "abnormal" not to be one, and it's very annoying. That said, there are still an awful lot of us around, and we are disproportionately accomplished.

 

For solidarity, check this out: Susan Cain: The power of introverts | Video on TED.com

[John316C]

introvert does not mean shy. introvert means internally oriented not externally oriented.

 

yes. these ppl are trying to manipulate you. ppl in life will try to take things from you. they want what you can give. most ppl are ignorant.

there are playing a social game with you. if you fold they will continue to abuse you. you lay down the law how you act and how other will treat you. if they don't respect you you leave.

 

i had a best "friends". 2 of them. they told me i should do this and that and told me i was stupid and they said its because we "care" about you. they didnt care about me they cared about themsevles they were trying to SUCK VALUE FROM ME. by playing games with me. dont let people play you. they are playing a game with you because they want something from you.

 

if you wouldnt let your gf or wife play games with you then dont let friends/family/strangers do it either.

Edited August 2, 2013 by John316C

[pink_sugar]

I know a lot of people who think my husband lacks ambition because he doesn't talk much and because of that, assume that he lacks motivation.