sadwithouthim Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 (edited) He ended EA, and we're at 2 weeks no contact. It's hard, but I'm going to remain NC for him. I feel guilty that we had a 4 1/2 year EA (long distance), and it dwindled to so little towards the end. I wonder if he's bitter towards me. It's one of many things that linger in my head. I think how much a shame that we never met in person. It seems like a waste of 4 1/2 years and no closure. I'm sure it would have been even more complicated then, and he might have ended up hating me. We ended respectfully. Edited July 24, 2013 by sadwithouthim Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 He doesn't hate you if you ended respectfully. Sometimes when you hurt, you want to turn it into anger for a while...but anger is just hurt and fear (secondary emotion). I'm sure the memories of the last 4.5 years are still with him. The hardest part is when you question everything you thought was true, feels like you're going nuts. Did she ever care? Was it all a trick? It's just paranoia. As for me, I'm not angry with my xAP. I could never be. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 Personally, I am more than angry... I am furious! And I haven't even finished with him yet. Link to post Share on other sites
WakingUp Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 Stuff being politically correct. He hasn't thrown me to the wolves... he is hand feeding me to them limb by limb. Woo hoo don't talk to me about angry... don't get me started. Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted July 24, 2013 Share Posted July 24, 2013 I'm at Day 10 NC and honestly, I'm not sure how I feel right now. NC is actually easier than I thought right now. I'm assuming it is because I know he is on vacation with his family and I know he cannot contact me. Although I was his side piece (which was also my choice), I'm not upset with him for that. He gave me no reason to be upset/mad at him. He never did or said anything to upset me. Besides the typical marriage rants people have, he never dogged his wife. I am the one who ended the A. If anything, I think he is upset (if not relieved) at me for ending it without notice and dropping the bombshell. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Yes, I'm angry. I would love to beat the emotional tar out of the exMM. But...I will just ignore him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I go thru phases. Some days I'd like to see him, walk over to him, smiling and then slap him so hard my hand prints stay on him for weeks. Some days I pity him. Some days I don't think of him Some days I smile my own selfish, secret, not always proud of myself smile that he still calls my phone and hangs up, leaves messages with him breathing, or in the beginning actually left me messages and I've never talked to him. (responded once with a voicemail telling him never call me again). I feel my own power that I have no desire to talk or see him again and knowing that all is have to do is call him and he'd come running. I will never do that!!!! But just knowing he's the one who reached out, and I'm the one who can ignore him makes me feel good about where I am now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ChasingCars Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I'm not angry but I am disappointed and my self esteem/ego has taken a hit. We were LDR and at our peak there was a mini DDay so it feels like we were interrupted rather than it dying a natural death yet he is strong enough/smart enough to to stay away. It's hellish and I feel frustrated at him sometimes but not angry. If I am, it hasn't surfaced really yet. NC has been.... 4 weeks? Ended June 4th and we went NC 3 weeks later. Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I am very, very angry. Because I'm so wounded. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I'm never angry with my mm, I'm angry at myself for not following through on my deadlines that have come and gone. Truth be told I like what is going on so why change it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I've been with my married man for almost seven years and there have only been a couple of times that I have been angry. Both had to do with lack of communication on certain issues. It took me a while to learn which questions to ask, it took him a while to remember to tell me when his schedule changes. We don't fight. We have had two break ups. One was for a month plus with no contact. The second one we removed sex from the equation, but continued to talk daily and were doing okay as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Aww, Canuck, I worry about you. Hope you're taking care of you. Thank you very much wisernow, but may I ask why you worry? I really am doing ok most of the time seriously though compared to most ow my relationship with mm is fine for the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
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