No contact

[Steve11]

Well, starting day 3 of NC. I nearly broke it last night, but didnt.

 

I had the ****est nights sleep. Woke up at 4am & 6am thinking about her. I dreamed about her aswell, trying to reconcile.

 

I know I shouldn't want her back, but i do.

 

I know I shouldn't want to hear from her, but I do.

 

She's moving on, I'm not. Life sucks.

[Zahara]

3 days NC. Yeah, too soon to be moving on. Don't expect to get over it this soon.

 

You need to quit with the negativity and allow yourself to grieve and stop using every bad feeling as defeat. And expect that your heart will feel this pain for weeks/months BUT it will get better.

[Steve11]

You're right.

 

There's stages through the day when I feel positive, but then it reverts back the checking my phone hoping she'll text.

 

I've gotta stop being so hard on myself & blaming myself for her actions. She's a toilet.

[Zahara]

She's a toilet. I'm going to use that!

 

Yes, don't be so hard on yourself. You love the woman and it will hurt and take time to get over her. Feeling bad does not mean defeat or that you will never be over this pain. It just means you're grieving the loss.

[Steve11]

It takes so much effort not to contact them. I know it's the worst thing you can do, but it hurts knowing that they're not going to contact you.

 

My mind is all over the place. She was controlling, angry and difficult, but then she was the most amazing person I've met. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this.

 

I want her to contact me, just so I know she's thinking about me.

[Zahara]

It takes so much effort not to contact them. I know it's the worst thing you can do, but it hurts knowing that they're not going to contact you.

 

My mind is all over the place. She was controlling, angry and difficult, but then she was the most amazing person I've met. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this.

 

I want her to contact me, just so I know she's thinking about me.

 

Yes, it's difficult to stay NC because all you want to do resume contact in order to feel validated, special...valued. NC only reinforces those feelings that you maybe weren't that special to them.

 

I'm not sure how she was amazing, because she sounded like an awful person but it could be that your brain/heart is blowing what little nice she did way out of proportion. Normal to idealize.

[Steve11]

You're like my personal therapist.

 

I suppose there will be another girl who is just as outgoing, funny and can match my banter, but doesn't have the temper.

 

Still, If I make it past two weeks of no contact then it'll be a miracle.

[ballycastle]

You're like my personal therapist.

 

I suppose there will be another girl who is just as outgoing, funny and can match my banter, but doesn't have the temper.

 

Still, If I make it past two weeks of no contact then it'll be a miracle.

 

I had a friend that I used to text whenever I wanted to text my ex and that helped. Is there someone you could text instead? Also I read somewhere that someone edited their ex's name with something else to resist the urge too, so for example if their name was Lesley, they replaced it with 'that lying cheating scumbag that didn't deserve me'.

 

You're less likely to respond to a text or send one to someone with a name like that are you?

 

Know you are really hurting right now. Don't even set yourself a 2 week goal. Make it a week. Then 2 then 4 and so on.

 

Create/write/paint/play music, do something else. You can feel sad, but don't think to look to your ex to validate how you feel as that will set you back to square one. Trust us on this. I did it for months, contacted them, they were pleased to hear from me, but as soon as I brought up 'us' they rejected me. Turned the knife around. Don't do it to yourself.

 

Time is all you have got. Honestly.

 

baby steps

[Zahara]

You're like my personal therapist.

 

I suppose there will be another girl who is just as outgoing, funny and can match my banter, but doesn't have the temper.

 

Still, If I make it past two weeks of no contact then it'll be a miracle.

 

I believe when you are clear out of your fog, you'll be able to appreciate women that exhibit healthy traits and values and realize that what you had before was far less than what you deserved. I don't think it was just her temper, but her controlling and manipulative ways. You'll see. When your head is clear again, you'll slap yourself for going through all that crap with her. And I am sure if your friend was going through what you are now, you'll see it in a different light.

 

Strive for a miracle. It's going to be the best thing for you in the long run.

[Steve11]

Thank you.

 

I changed her name to Zzzz when we broke up because I can't delete it for some reason! I post on here instead to help ward off thoughts of messaging her!

 

I just hope that there comes a stage in her life when she realises that I wasn't the bad one on the relationship. She laid the blame on me & I honestly feel that she thinks she did no wrong. Whether she changes for the next bloke is no concern of mine because she won't be in my life.

 

I've decided to rent out rooms in my house to pay of some debt and save up, then I'm gonna go traveling by myself. She always said i would never do anything like that, even when I told her i wanted to. She didnt think it was in my character. She destroyed my character.

 

Day 4 of no contact tomorrow. Lets see how I feel in the morning!

[Darren Steez]

It takes so much effort not to contact them. I know it's the worst thing you can do, but it hurts knowing that they're not going to contact you.

 

My mind is all over the place. She was controlling, angry and difficult, but then she was the most amazing person I've met. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through this.

 

I want her to contact me, just so I know she's thinking about me.

 

No. She might have given you the illusion of being with somebody of higher status, making you feel good in the way she interacted with you, but unequal relationships always remain that, unequal. And you soon found that out didn't you?

 

The question you need to ask yourself whenever you pick up the phone to see if she texted or when you want to dial that number, ask yourself? Why?

 

What do you hope to gain? Even if by some wild chance you got back together, has she really changed? And why would you, and please excuse my french, settle for a cr*p relationship again? Settle for being dominated and abused?

 

So you want to know whether she's thinking about you? Now? When you were together she wasn't thinking about you was she? Only herself.

 

Don't roll over and act the doormat again. You're slowly reclaiming some pride and self worth.

 

Go and enjoy life, not reaching out to contact or be with someone who will drag your life down into...as you put it, the toilet.

[Steve11]

Well, here's to day 4 of no contact. Felt ok last night, but feel terrible this morning. I miss her incredibly today.

 

I'm starting to understand now that we are completely over & I'm losing hope of ever reconciling, not that I should want to.

 

It's so difficult not to reach out to them. She's forgetting about me & I don't want her to. She won't ever contact me again & is happy, whilst i'm still miserable. I hate mornings. This is ****.

[ballycastle]

Well, here's to day 4 of no contact. Felt ok last night, but feel terrible this morning. I miss her incredibly today.

 

I'm starting to understand now that we are completely over & I'm losing hope of ever reconciling, not that I should want to.

 

It's so difficult not to reach out to them. She's forgetting about me & I don't want her to. She won't ever contact me again & is happy, whilst i'm still miserable. I hate mornings. This is ****.

Yes, mornings are the worst, images and thoughts of them pop into it and it washes all over you.

 

First of all, please stop thinking about what she is thinking. Hard I know because we tend to always put others before us. But you need to be completely selfish and think about YOU and how YOU are going to get through this. I spent weeks and weeks thinking only about my ex, whether he missed me, regretted his decision, wanted me back etc, but it serves absolutely no purpose. I mean she might but this is about you and how you will recover so you get yourself back to enjoy whatever else life has to offer. And from the sounds of it, it isn't her.

 

The brain is a funny thing, it is wired to get used to things, but I've heard if you stop doing something after a while it will 'forget'. That's why you do NC. It's like giving up sugar in tea, brain thinks sugarless tea is awful for a while until after a while it will adapt.

 

That's what you need to do. Feel the pain, hard, but you will be strong after. You will have wobbles, lonely days and nights, but post here, vent, feel sad. It's OK to feel like that.

 

Don't worry about her.

 

it's about you.

[ballycastle]

Well, here's to day 4 of no contact. Felt ok last night, but feel terrible this morning. I miss her incredibly today.

 

I'm starting to understand now that we are completely over & I'm losing hope of ever reconciling, not that I should want to.

 

It's so difficult not to reach out to them. She's forgetting about me & I don't want her to. She won't ever contact me again & is happy, whilst i'm still miserable. I hate mornings. This is ****.

 

P.S You don't know that she is happy. You don't know that she's forgotten about you.

 

But whether she is or isn't. It doesn't matter.

[hidden_ua]

damn! a mirror-ed story of my life bro.

[Steve11]

It's insane. I wasn't happy, but i can't look passed that. The sex, the laughs, when she was affectionate, I miss a lot. I miss her calling me asking for my advice, even though she would get angry if I didn't say the right things, I miss that. I miss the arguments, whether its a like a drug and I need a fix i miss all of it.

 

I've wrote an email, just saying I've finally agreed with the break up etc and staring the problems I had that I brought to the table. I didn't specify her problems, I just said she had **** she needed to deal with.

 

I know I shouldn't send it or that any good will come from it.

[Steve11]

Well, I've wrote it. But, I'm not going to send it.

 

I do want to send her a text though. Not about us or anything, but about a program I got her into which has just ended.

[Zahara]

No text about the weather, tv shows, programs, what you ate last night, etc. Please.

 

Contact does not gain you anything. Feel the pain of rejection and allow yourself time to heal.

 

The men that left her were strong and had self-respect. Find it Steve. All you do by contacting her is feeding her ego and showing her you're still someone she controls. Men that are whipped are not attractive. That's what you allowed her to do to you.

 

Be a man. Dignity. Self-respect.

[Steve11]

I know this sounds really daft. But, I'm scared.

 

I'm scared she's going to forget about me.

 

I can't believe I'm being like this over a girl. It's truely pathetic.

[Zahara]

I know this sounds really daft. But, I'm scared.

 

I'm scared she's going to forget about me.

 

I can't believe I'm being like this over a girl. It's truely pathetic.

 

I believe that when she dumped you, that meant she did not want you in her life anymore. That would also mean that at some point you become distant from her mind. And that will happen for you too IF you give and allow yourself time to grieve and heal.

 

With that said, how many times a month will you keep sending her reminders that you exist? Sounds ridicilous doesn't it? You should be working on putting her and the R behind, not trying to revive the dead.

 

If you said to me, she was so loving, sweet, kind, gentle, supportive and just an all round good person, I would feel your anxiety about her forgetting you. But the woman spit, hit, kicked, shouted, controlled, insulted, broke your confidence and here you are worried that she will forget you. Rationally, yes it is daft. When it is daft, don't trust it. It's just an emotion. It's not rational.

 

You feeling this way has nothing to do with the feelings you have for her. It's about you not having or seeing any value in yourself. Seeking validation from an abuser is scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Edited July 25, 2013 by Zahara

[Steve11]

I wear my heart on my sleeve & when I first started the relationship with this girl, I made sure, because I was hurt in the past, to not get too involved. But, she told me she loved me and it was the end of me.

 

I don't know for definite, but I think she's seeing someone already. It's as if I'm worried that I took the brunt of all her actions & then she's going to of improved and will be the person who I fell in love with continually through her new relationship. He won't get any ****.

 

I'm far from perfect. But, it felt like I was in a constant battle. And unforntuanly, she's won.

[Zahara]

I wear my heart on my sleeve & when I first started the relationship with this girl, I made sure, because I was hurt in the past, to not get too involved. But, she told me she loved me and it was the end of me.

 

I don't know for definite, but I think she's seeing someone already. It's as if I'm worried that I took the brunt of all her actions & then she's going to of improved and will be the person who I fell in love with continually through her new relationship. He won't get any ****.

 

I'm far from perfect. But, it felt like I was in a constant battle. And unforntuanly, she's won.

 

The person you fell in love with was a first impression. People show their good faces during the early stages of a relationship. When the relationship stabilizes, the true self will begin to show. That is who they are, their core. And yes, when she meets a new man, that same face she put on for you in the beginning will show. Then her core will surface. Don't believe me then ask yourself why all her other exes ran the other way. It's because just like you, they saw her facade, that amazing person but in time that facade fell. You can only be someone else for awhile, and then your true nature will eventually break out.

 

This thought process that you have, in that she will be great to the next guy, AGAIN, it's your inability to find any value within yourself. It's all your fault. You lacked and that is why she was a tyrant. But come the next great guy that's way better than you, she'll be a wonderful person. No, she'll be who she is, just as she was to all those other exes that came along.

 

Stop putting yourself down and invalidating yourself with these thoughts. She has a track record. It's there for a reason.

[Steve11]

You're right. Completely spot on.

 

First Christmas we spent together, I went round her mums after I had been with my family. She got very drunk and fell asleep. Me and her bro stayed up drinking but decieded to head to bed. I tried to pick her up and take her to bed. Worst mistake of my life. She woke up in a rage, having a go at me left right and centre. Her bro said 'yeah, I'll leave you to deal with this, night' I ended up sleeping on her bedroom floor. She woke up in the morning appologising and told me to get into bed. We'd been going out for 4 months.

Edited July 25, 2013 by Steve11

[Zahara]

You're right. Completely spot on.

 

First Christmas we spent together, I went round her mums after I had been with my family. She got very drunk and fell asleep. Me and her bro stayed up drinking but decieded to head to bed. I tried to pick her up and take her to bed. Worst mistake of my life. She woke up in a rage, having a go at me left right and centre. Her bro said 'yeah, I'll leave you to deal with this, night' I ended up sleeping on her bedroom floor. She woke up in the morning appologising and told me to get into bed. We'd been going out for 4 months.

 

If my boyfriend tried to pick me up to take me to bed, I'd feel so loved, protected and cared for. And even if she was a little startled that you were picking her up, that kind of reaction isn't natural. Even her brother was taken aback. Tells you something.

 

She wasn't that drunk that she forgot she berated you that night, so that sort of reaction was totally uncalled for. Something not right up there.

[Steve11]

She's terrible when she's woken up & she can be a nasty drunk.

 

I over anaylize to much & I've gone over every argument and disagreement, and I was in the wrong aswell. I shouted and got angry. I feel guilty for the way I was. I'm not condoning her actions, but it does take two.

 

I need to think that the next woman I'll be with has the same music taste, loves going out, walks, food, banter, laughs but won't come with the anger.

 

If she doesn't message me on my birthday next week, then i know she is a waste of space and I should waste any more time thinking about her.