Afraid

[HereforNow]

Hey guys,

Last weekend I was reacquainted with someone whom I hadn't seen in a few years. We were at a party, and he and I seemed to hit it off relatively well. Towards the end, there was physical flirtation, some friendly harassment & tickling and such, and then we had to leave the party to get back home in time for work the next day. I wasn't thinking about him in this way at the time, but the idea crossed my mind about asking for his number. It's now a couple days later and I can't get him out of my head.

 

My last LDR fizzled because the boyfriend moved to Washington state, clear across the country. But we kept in touch through e-mail, AIM, etc and kept it going for about 9 months before it ended. Eventually I found someone else, and that relationship came to an end a year ago after 6 years. I have alot of heartache from my last relationship, but a year after that very bad breakup, I'm doing better.

 

My problem with my current love interest is, as you could guess, the distance. Four hours may not seem like much, and indeed I drove home and back from college every weekend on a drive an hour more than that. And I have many friends who have loved ones and spouses in the military who are doing well, but the past keeps haunting me. Since my first LDR failed, it makes me worry that they just plain don't work. Also, since I left my LD boyfriend for someone closer, it makes me worry that my current interest will find someone much like I did.

 

I could use some advice -- either I should get over this guy or go for him and get over my fears of an LDR. He and I both have good jobs where we are, but I imagine I could find work in his area if I chose to. I have convinced myself, barring other things, I could drive my way out to see him every weekend as I did during college to see my boyfriend. Maybe this time, he'll come see me once in a while too.

 

But then, maybe I'm dreaming. Any advice given will be much appreciated!!!

[moimeme]

That something happened in the past is not a prediction that it will happen in the future. Different person - different circumstances - different outcome. Do you want to take some chances or live in a shell of fear all your life?

[faux]

I have had horrible experiences with long distance relationshps (LDRs) in the past. At present, however, my girlfriend is living in another state while she attends college. When she is back home, she lives just down the road from me. Oddly enough, this LDR is going wonderfully. I do not notice any problems, aside from occasionally missing her terribly. I have my studies and my job to occupy my time.

 

Had I given into my fears initially, our relationship would not have blossomed into something so wonderful.

[HereforNow]

Neat, thanks guys! I think you're both right -- I have nothing to lose by at least seeing him again, and when the opportunity arises, asking him to hang out one on one. The worst that can happen is he can say no.

 

I failed to mention (maybe I failed to recall) that when I was away in college during that 6 yr relationship, missing my boyfriend only led to being more appreciative of having him near when I was around him. A couple years like that is a long time to be with someone, so it hurt me when he and I came to a bitter end last year. It's probably high time I fell in love again.

 

Thanks alot! You have given me plenty of hope!

[DoggyDog]

If you care to take advice, listen up "Don't do a LDR if your single". Sometimes married people have no choice like maybe their in the service. Other than that type of LDR, I would really think about the lonely nights and what you will be missing daily in being with someone within your reach. You already had the experience for 6 yrs with someone else....didn't that hurt? And then when you break up it's too easy when your in a LDR to just say "goodbye" over the phone or e-mail because they don't have to come face to face being that they are a LDR relationship. I'm sorry, but I have learned and got burned and hopefully my experience will make others really think of what you could face. Only the rich can get away with it....back and forth...others can't and that's why I also belive the LDR can't work.

 

Take care, DD

[aaron425]

I hear what you're saying DD, but I still think she has cause for optimism. There are websites and books with successful LDR relationships--I know of a few successful LDRs personally. Just read a few of these stories and you begin to feel more optimistic about LDR. I think that with commitment (and, it's true, some money), LDR can work.

 

I guess I have to feel this way since I'm at the beginning of a LDR. You've got to have hope. Sometimes I've felt like DD, just wishing and longing that she lived closer, but this just shows that LDR are hard to keep going and need commitment--not that they can't work.

 

So just keep your hope and optimism high, Herefornow! Not much that's really great in life comes very easily.

[RecordProducer]

I had one bad LDR but now I am having a wondeful LDR. So there are no rules, really. The distance can make the love burn even stronger. Your nights won't be so lonely if you know that he loves you and misses you. Love is not potato so you go to the nearest store for it. It's worth driving, waiting, and sleeping alone for long weeks.

Did you notice that you said you're afraid that this guy may find someone else like YOU did with your last boyfriend? You didn't say that YOU might find someone else. That indicates that this time your feelings are much stronger than the first time. Don't compare him to anyone. If he is good then he is good. Everyone is unique, but you already know that. So many LDR's work just fine. Don't be scared! Thumbs up. Are you sure he wants the same thing though?