feeling lost

[2005tahoe]

I met my wife in 2003 at the place where I worked after a coworker introduced her to me. We instantly fell in love and dated four years and then moved into an apartment together to start our lives together. In 2007 we got married and bought a house within the same month, this did put us into a financial strain but we made it work and was happily married.

 

I had the pleasure of meeting her family and unfortunately her mother and I do not get along, its not that I hate her but we dont see eye to eye on issues. The is nothing that I would not do for my mother in law if she asked. My wife and I have had arguments in front of her mom but there was no yelling or anything like that, just disagreements.

 

In 2008 the company that I worked for ended up shutting down forcing me to look for employment. I found a job before my last day at the current company but unfortunately it paid 10-15K less but I had to take it. In the mean time I took 3 other jobs that paid around the same amount as the second job but they had promising futures that didnt happen.

 

Well after using credit cards to furnish our house and going on a honeymoon put us in a financial mess. We did bring some debt into the marriage but it was not alot. Fast forward to early 2012, I took yet another job paying the most money that I ever made but the financial damage was done. We had stopped paying credit cards in 2010 after getting so far behind on them that we would never see our way out. In December 2012 I was sued by a collection agency and my wife and I had no option but to file for bankruptcy.

 

We filed BK in early 2013 as a chapter 7 but know there would be a chance that it would be converted to a chapter 13 because our income was about the median income of 2 for our state. So, after a few months of trying for the chapter 7 we found out that it got converted to a chapter 13 in late May 2013. Well, I went home to give my wife the bad news and this is where she got really angry. I have never seen her this mad. I went ahead and had out attorney to get the chapter 13 papers ready to sign so we could get on with the payment plan. I asked her to remain calm and let us find out what the chapter 13 payment plan would be. Well it was only going to be $100 a month for 60 months to take care of ALOT of debt.

 

Well, Sunday she kissed me and told me that she loved me and went to church with her mom and went to shop afterwards. I tried to call her a few times throughout the day and finally got ahold of her and was kind of upset that she didnt answer her phone, well that turned into an argument in front of her mom.

 

Well, after that argument she decided to stay at her moms house that night figuring that she needed some cool off time. This was the first of June, since then I have not gotten one phone call from her or text message, like she disappeared out of my life.

 

A few days later I found out what our BK 13 payment plan was going to be. It was going to be $100 a month for 60 months to take care of ALOT of debt. I emailed her that info telling her that we could manage that and if she would tell me whats wrong so I can correct whatever she is upset about. I have not heard from her to this day and its been seven weeks with no contact whats so ever.

 

A month later I was served a decree of separation papers. In it she has me keeping the house and payments on it. She request keeping her vehicle but me paying the payments and all associated cost to go with it. She wants alimony, we have no kids and she makes more money than I do. She wants me to supply her with health insurance, we have never had a joint health insurance policy together and in 2008 when I lost the good job we could no longer afford it and we have not had it since then.

 

Her car payment had not been paid in the 2 months since she left but I cant afford to pay it and keep the house payment and utilities. She is staying at her moms house with no rent and makes more money than I do.

 

Im thinking the bankruptcy had alot to do with it but my wedding vows mean the world to me and I would have never have thought I would be going through this. I have been to counselors and to the preacher at my church to see if he would reach out to her mom to first of all reconcile with her and hopefully with my wife. The only thing that she brought up was finances for some reason.

 

I am just lost with whats going on. I would love to save my marriage but I am not getting any kind of response from her. We go to court about our separation next week. Will I get a chance to talk to her then? Will the judge recommend counseling?

 

What happens from here?

 

[Philosoraptor]

Sounds like both her and her mom are worried about the money more than the relationship. If she's making more and making these insane demands you need to protect yourself. Get your own lawyer and do not sign anything.

 

Personally if I was getting attacked as such I'd let her car get reposessed. I'd file back asking for 1/2 of all of the joint loans, as they are her responsibility to. She doesn't just get to run away from her financial burdens.

 

Either way, she seems to value her financial stability more than your marriage vows. The only thing you can do right now is to protect yourself... lawyer up.

[MrE_UK]

Hi,

 

Welcome to the dark side...there's loads of people here all going through similar things, you're not alone...

 

I had a similar situation here with financial, and other, issues http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/410119-seperated-4-1-2-weeks-ago-awful...I take it these issues predominated everything else in the marriage and caused stress, anxiety, arguments, distance, and uncertainty and seemed like no end in sight, and a horrid future? A property I let was repossessed when I couldn't find work.

 

This is the advice Beenkilled gave me when I first posted and has been a game changer: Perhaps you should have a look at and follow the 180 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce like I am...has made the world of difference. I let her go by saying to her short and sweet, "My love and our marriage is not a prison. I want you to be happy. Be free!", and I stopped texting and calling her. She now contacts me everyday and I let her stat the contact - it's positive too with no arguments and we laugh! When she stops texting or wants to end the call, I let me last text be the last, and say on the phone, "Ok, thanks for the chat." Let her lead if you talk...I only reciprocate something nice if she says it first like she will say, "Sleep Well." Even though no one's cheated, starting to think about yourself and your life is a must. It's not about getting her back, but saving yourself! She may come back, she may not...but you've already lost her, so, nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

She was texting me until 2am this morning with all sorts job links, music videos, said something about when I have my "whores" stay over (I never cheated, never have, there's no one else now, never been accused of it until last night!!), asked for me to make her a small website as she's thinking of becoming a party planner (said would if not too busy and is small! - of course I'd make her a mansion of a website, but she doesn't need to know that!!!), etc.,...it's madness.

 

Deal with your debts, tell her simply "they're dealt with so don't worry," and never mention them unless she brings it up. If she does, just give her a short, positive answer like, "Well, I've dealt with mine and am sure you can deal with yours," and leave it at that. If you do talk, tell her you've got a new hobby, go to the gym, enjoying work, spending time with friends, and be positive. Has made me feel ten times better than I did, and she's responding positively too. She may not come back, but if not I'll be in a great place to meet someone new and enjoy living!!!!!

 

Debt and financial trouble, and the effects on yourself, is to much weight on the vessel of marriage and sinks it. Lighten the load! Sign on to an evening Money Management class and if you talk to her, tell her you've started it and has opened your eyes. But DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!! Would look good in court too I bet...

 

When you go to court with your lawyer, give the appearance of being confident, smart, be shaved, new aftershave, new haircut, showered, clean and pressed clothes, casual, happy and moving forward positively...even of you are screaming inside...act it out. Don't look at her or try to talk with her or her mum. Don't say hello. Remember: any contact must come from her making the effort, not you - she walked out on YOU not the other way around!

Edited July 25, 2013 by MrE_UK

[TigerCub]

Wow whatever happened to "For richer or poorer"

 

I honestly don't know much about law and divorces and stuff, but how is someone that filed for bankruptcy supposed to pay alimony and car loans, etc.

 

Fight this with all you've got. Whatever money that you would be spending on paying off her car - use to to get a good lawyer to fight back.

 

This is nonsense. I hate people like her.

 

You're blinded by your pain right now, but please try to see her for the kind of person she is. She'll never be the wife that will have your back. She raked up the debt with you and now when it's time to pay, she's trying to walk away and still have you take care of her.

 

Please fight back.

 

I'm so sorry that she abandoned you like that.

[zoobadger]

I don't know much about divorce law, but if there's no kids, she earns more than you, and you have no equity in the house, it seems very, very unlikely that a court would award her alimony.

 

And any debt you incurred during the marriage would be shared. She can't just stick you with it.

 

My understanding is that alimony comes into play when a spouse gives up earning potential and a career for the sake of child rearing. Also, it seems highly implausible that one party can independently assert a binding separation decree on the other party.

 

But you need a real attorney to confirm those offhand assumptions. There might be some formal reply you need to make to her decree or something like that. Just ignoring it might not be legally safe, but I'm sure you're not obligated to abide by its terms.

 

Oh, and if you're being honest, you're surely better off without her.

Edited July 25, 2013 by zoobadger

[2005tahoe]

Thanks guys. No kids are involved but we were planning on trying to get pregnant this fall. This breaks my heart because after years of waiting we finally decided to try. I don't think the is adultery on her part, the morning that she left she told me that she loved me.

 

I have started Dave Ramsey's book but lost my emergency fund by paying my lawyer. Also, I have some upcoming dental work that's going to cost a lot. I am taking care of the house and utilities but money is tight by her taking more than half of the income.

 

I have been going to the gym everyday for 3 weeks when I joined. The problem is what to do on the weekends when I have time to think about it.

 

Any suggestions?

 

I appreciate the words of encouragement!!

[2005tahoe]

Im holding on to the fact that there is not another man involved as she was always with me or around me.

 

I did have some jealousy and controlling issues but nothing that would stop her from doing what she wanted at all.

 

I have decided to do the 180 rule and see if that helps.

 

We go to court tuesday so we will see what happens there. My lawyer said that I will probably not get a chance to talk to her.

 

She has not texted me or called me at all since she left. We did talk the night that she left for about an hour, no arguing just talking.

 

I am looking back at our relationship and see things that I could have done differently and will continue to improve myself.

 

I just dont know what to do to repair this marriage.

 

I am looking for any suggestions from anyone at this point. I have been praying alot since then as well.

 

What to do?

[Yasuandio]

She is exhibiting abandonment behavior. It would be interesting to know if she has an established pattern of this kind of thing. However - after what she has done - it would be a mighty hard thing to forget. And you would always have to wonder, in the back of you mind, "is she going to disappear on me again?"

 

I also agree - make appearance new and stunningly GQ in court, even if you have to pop a couple xanex's. Absolutely DO NOT talk to her at all. You are now a defendant - get that in your head right now. Divorce is unfortuently an advasial process. Any thing you say can be turned against you. Remember - she is trying to take your money in the form of alimony.

 

There is a time and place for alimony. Some women need and deserve their alimony. But it does not sound that this woman is entitled to alimony in this particular case. If she earns more than you, the argument is stronger the other way around, actually.

 

I also recommend the readings on Homer McDonald (contained in pinned thread my signature line). Agree, and let go. Use the 3 sentence method, get it in your mind that you want to assist her in making her happy because you love her, and she is free to leave with your blessings. But no relationship discussions - she has made her bed.

 

I respectfully disagree with reaching out to any relatives. Forget it. They didn't like you then, and sure aren't going to like you now. Your marriage is a private affair. Stay to yourself.

 

As for the weekends, get a Netflex membership, and watch tons of movies. Maybe some vidio games - I really loved arcade crazy nonsense computer video games like Cake Mania. I actually became a champion! Of course, it does not hurt to read up on what is happening to you, so you completely understand it. There is a thread pinned with helpful readings I just mentioned, the same one where you are getting a version of the 180's. I wish I had really understood and applied a lot of that material much earlier than I did.

 

Oh, also, (not saying your going to do this) be careful with the booze, and drunken-dialing. And do not drink and drive. The last thing u need is a DUI. Watch you conduct - you want to be an absolute Boyscout for the Judge - cause she's evidently planning on taking you to the cleaners. You'll be ok.

 

She is scared and leaning on others. If you listen to us, and back WAY OFF, she will crawl back. But don't take her man. Listen to Homer on how to process with that situation if it should arrise. Yas

Edited July 27, 2013 by Yasuandio

[2005tahoe]

It seems to me like it is all about money. I have been by her side during the whole bankruptcy.

 

Her car payment is over 3 months late and they are calling me about it because my name is on the note too. She wants to keep the car but wants me to make the payments on it and Maintain any and all expenses associated with her car.

 

She wants me to "maintain" health insurance on her. We never had a joint health insurance policy together since we met and I have been without health insurance since 2008 when I could no longer afford it.

 

She also wants alimony......why? We have no kids and again, she makes more money than I do. I got stuck with all the debt.

 

During this whole deal I have not been once negative about it, no negative comments or text at all to her. I went 180 on July 14th so we will see how that goes.

 

I deeply love her and hope that all of her actions are out of anger. I recently joined a church and actually gave my life to god just a few weeks later as I couldn't handle the pressure and wanting god to take over.

 

I'm still having sad spells and its hard to leave it in gods hands but I know it's for the best.

 

I have a feeling that she is getting a lot of bad advice and that all of this could backfire on her or she will wake up and realize that she has treated me soo bad.

 

What else should I do or look for to make me heal?

[2005tahoe]

Hi,

 

Welcome to the dark side...there's loads of people here all going through similar things, you're not alone...

 

I had a similar situation here with financial, and other, issues http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/410119-seperated-4-1-2-weeks-ago-awful...I take it these issues predominated everything else in the marriage and caused stress, anxiety, arguments, distance, and uncertainty and seemed like no end in sight, and a horrid future? A property I let was repossessed when I couldn't find work.

 

This is the advice Beenkilled gave me when I first posted and has been a game changer: Perhaps you should have a look at and follow the 180 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce like I am...has made the world of difference. I let her go by saying to her short and sweet, "My love and our marriage is not a prison. I want you to be happy. Be free!", and I stopped texting and calling her. She now contacts me everyday and I let her stat the contact - it's positive too with no arguments and we laugh! When she stops texting or wants to end the call, I let me last text be the last, and say on the phone, "Ok, thanks for the chat." Let her lead if you talk...I only reciprocate something nice if she says it first like she will say, "Sleep Well." Even though no one's cheated, starting to think about yourself and your life is a must. It's not about getting her back, but saving yourself! She may come back, she may not...but you've already lost her, so, nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

She was texting me until 2am this morning with all sorts job links, music videos, said something about when I have my "whores" stay over (I never cheated, never have, there's no one else now, never been accused of it until last night!!), asked for me to make her a small website as she's thinking of becoming a party planner (said would if not too busy and is small! - of course I'd make her a mansion of a website, but she doesn't need to know that!!!), etc.,...it's madness.

 

Deal with your debts, tell her simply "they're dealt with so don't worry," and never mention them unless she brings it up. If she does, just give her a short, positive answer like, "Well, I've dealt with mine and am sure you can deal with yours," and leave it at that. If you do talk, tell her you've got a new hobby, go to the gym, enjoying work, spending time with friends, and be positive. Has made me feel ten times better than I did, and she's responding positively too. She may not come back, but if not I'll be in a great place to meet someone new and enjoy living!!!!!

 

Debt and financial trouble, and the effects on yourself, is to much weight on the vessel of marriage and sinks it. Lighten the load! Sign on to an evening Money Management class and if you talk to her, tell her you've started it and has opened your eyes. But DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!! Would look good in court too I bet...

 

When you go to court with your lawyer, give the appearance of being confident, smart, be shaved, new aftershave, new haircut, showered, clean and pressed clothes, casual, happy and moving forward positively...even of you are screaming inside...act it out. Don't look at her or try to talk with her or her mum. Don't say hello. Remember: any contact must come from her making the effort, not you - she walked out on YOU not the other way around!

 

How long after your wife left did she start communicating with you? For me she hasn't texted me or called me once in 8 weeks, it's getting old

 

I wish I knew if there was another man but in my heart I don't think there is.

 

I would love for her mom and I to get along but that's another battle.

[2005tahoe]

I had thought about writing her a letter and sending it to her certified mail to make sure she gets it. But I am having second thoughts, I want to pour my heart and soul into this letter to try to reconcile and try to make things better with her mom and family. I just dont know what to write or even to send it or not

[Oberfeldwebel]

Don't know about the law in your area, but in most of the US this is a no brainer. You add up all the assets and debt and give half to both parties. I don't see any judge giving her any of the things she wants. However, the house will most likely have to be liquidated as well, since you won't be able to give her the equity in the house. There is nothing good that is going to come out of this situation and it will take time to clean up. Work hard to clean up the mess and safeguard against allowing it to happen again.

[2005tahoe]

Well, our hearing is in the morning anything I should lookout for or what to expect based on my story?

 

Anyone been through this? I still feel that we can save our marriage but maybe I'm holding onto something that is already gone.

[2005tahoe]

Well I have been 180 since July 14th. We had our hearing Tuesday and it went well. I think she was surprised with seeing how much weight I have lost and toned up. She didn't say anything to me as her mom was with her too.

 

We had to wait in the lobby with our lawyers and wait to get called into the court room. The judge asked our lawyers I we had came to an agreement and they said no. So the judge rejected her request for me to pay her car payment and associated fees with her car as far as maintenance and taxes. He rejected her request for alimony and also rejected her request for me to supply her with health insurance. The judge rejected my claim on her helping me pay the mortgage, which is fine because I can't rent an apartment for what my house payment is.

 

Her lawyer also mentioned that my wife was unaware of any of the debt that we had even though she signed the bankruptcy petition earlier this year. I guess she was trying to stick me with all the debt. The judge suggested that both parties work together on this bankruptcy issue and get it resolved.

 

The judge recommend that we sell the house or try to refi in just my name but I don't know how that will work with my bankruptcy. I know that the mortgage company would love to keep me in the house though.

 

So, here I am still heart broken and no idea with what comes next. She has not once mentioned divorce and the day that she left told me that she loved me and kissed me before going to church with her mom. She mentioned that night when we were talking on the phone that she said that she loved me but couldn't live with me.

 

So I have no clue what's going to happen. I can't believe finances would ruin a marriage, what happened to "for richer or poorer" ?

[Philosoraptor]

I'm still sorry about your situation, but at least the judge rejected the motion of you paying her debts or giving her any of your money.

 

If she agrees, you can get her name off your house, and loan, without refinancing. I did about 2 years ago. Not sure how the bankruptcy would play into this, but if they want to keep you there they will make it happen.

[2005tahoe]

Ok, I have been 180 since the middle of July and it is killing me I have been going to church and I am going to meet with some disciples to help me get through this and make me a better person.

 

I have yet to hear anything from my wife, it has been 2 months since she left. I wish I knew what was going through her mind and what I can do to repair our marriage. She has never done anything like this before and her mom doesnt care too much for me either. I just cant believe that she would throw away our house, pets, cars or everything thing that we have done together.

 

 

I bought DR yesterday and have already read 74 pages.

 

My wife has been going through my mind 24/7. I have already seen some progress that god is working on me as a person and I hope that she is getting the message through him and that our marriage could be saved and healthier than ever.

 

Some people are telling me that 2 months with no contact is nothing, to me is eternity. I am still holding out that there is another man as we have mutual friends on facebook that would tell me if they saw anything suspicious. I have since deleted facebook because of drama.

 

I just cant believe that her family members and friends would get involved like they have and not let us handle our own problems.

 

Its just really bad that a marriage could come down to finances. We were in not that bad of shape to do something like this.

 

Thank you to everyone on this board for their support while going through this.

[Jstub]

It seems to me like it is all about money. I have been by her side during the whole bankruptcy.

 

Her car payment is over 3 months late and they are calling me about it because my name is on the note too. She wants to keep the car but wants me to make the payments on it and Maintain any and all expenses associated with her car.

 

She wants me to "maintain" health insurance on her. We never had a joint health insurance policy together since we met and I have been without health insurance since 2008 when I could no longer afford it.

 

She also wants alimony......why? We have no kids and again, she makes more money than I do. I got stuck with all the debt.

 

During this whole deal I have not been once negative about it, no negative comments or text at all to her. I went 180 on July 14th so we will see how that goes.

 

I deeply love her and hope that all of her actions are out of anger. I recently joined a church and actually gave my life to god just a few weeks later as I couldn't handle the pressure and wanting god to take over.

 

I'm still having sad spells and its hard to leave it in gods hands but I know it's for the best.

 

I have a feeling that she is getting a lot of bad advice and that all of this could backfire on her or she will wake up and realize that she has treated me soo bad.

 

What else should I do or look for to make me heal?

 

Leave it to god? Are you serious? Take charge of your life and you will better. Feeling sorry for yourself and praying does not help you at all. You have a brain, use it. You control your emotions.

[2005tahoe]

Just an update: I am still going 180 pretty well, no backslides at all. I just wondering if she is noticing it?

 

I dont want to but I am starting to give up hope that our marriage can be saved, especially if she is still not willing to try.

 

I just dont know what to do.

[2005tahoe]

Ok, I have been reading DR. I am having a hard time applying some of the things that it is talking about because of no communication with her at all.

 

I did see her at our separation hearing on July 30th but she hardly looked at me. She has yet to mention the word divorce but we both have lawyers. I had to get one after she had me served Decree of Separation papers. She had the papers made just 2 weeks after she left our house. This to me is not enough time to think about our marriage.

 

I think most of what she is doing is out of anger. I am hoping that this is just a mid life crisis or that she is in a fog that I am praying to disappear.

 

I am having good results with GAL and keeping busy at the gym (starting to see results). If I see other females out in public it just makes me miss my wife even more and puts me back into a depression until I can get focused back on me.

 

I just dont know what to do

[Oberfeldwebel]

Tahoe,

 

I'm taking a stab in the dark here, but I get the impression that stbxw is a bit of a princess. Everything was fine as long as you were treating the princess like a princess. Job market gets tough, finances get tough, princess tells mommy that she can't buy the new tiara (or whatever) and mommy says,"get rid of the bum. You are a princess, you deserve to be with someone that will treat you like a princess, you need to be taken care of dear". This accounts for all the reparations that she wanted in the separation agreement. Just like I told you before, to the judge this is not personal, it is just business. The only logical thing to do is divide it all in half for assets and debts.

 

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I don't see a future with this lady. I know that you love her and IF both of you work together the marriage can be saved. However, you can't do it by yourself and mommy has convinced her that she deserves better. You need to take care of the legal issues you have for finances, marriage and get yourself in a better place. This will allow you to start living your life again, instead of waiting on her to decide what happens to you. I know that this is tough right now, but in the long run you will come out of this a much better person. She is forever bound to play the part of the disappointed princess.

[2005tahoe]

Tahoe,

 

I'm taking a stab in the dark here, but I get the impression that stbxw is a bit of a princess. Everything was fine as long as you were treating the princess like a princess. Job market gets tough, finances get tough, princess tells mommy that she can't buy the new tiara (or whatever) and mommy says,"get rid of the bum. You are a princess, you deserve to be with someone that will treat you like a princess, you need to be taken care of dear". This accounts for all the reparations that she wanted in the separation agreement. Just like I told you before, to the judge this is not personal, it is just business. The only logical thing to do is divide it all in half for assets and debts.

 

I don't want to rain on your parade, but I don't see a future with this lady. I know that you love her and IF both of you work together the marriage can be saved. However, you can't do it by yourself and mommy has convinced her that she deserves better. You need to take care of the legal issues you have for finances, marriage and get yourself in a better place. This will allow you to start living your life again, instead of waiting on her to decide what happens to you. I know that this is tough right now, but in the long run you will come out of this a much better person. She is forever bound to play the part of the disappointed princess.

 

You are correct, I gave up new vehicles to put her into a new car.

I had given her anything she wanted throughout or marriage. She does barely make more money than I do, around $300 more a month. She always thought that since she made more that she carried me financially. She never did complain about money that we spent together, only when I wanted to purchase something.

You are right, her mom has made her out to be too good for me and has also rebelled against me. I just feel that she is in for a rude awakening someday that I am not the person that they think I am.

[2005tahoe]

ok, tomorrow I get to turn in bank records for 4 years and my own personal bank records. Her lawyer is asking for social security earnings, retirement accounts and other finacial crap. I dont know why my wife or her lawyer is digging for gold when all they will discover is mud. For some reason my pay stubs, bank records that they already have or any other paperwork that they have is not enough.

 

Why does this have to be about finances? If she wants out, we need to go our separate ways.

 

The lawyers are only after the money, they dont care if we divorce, reconcile or stay separated. She has not called me since she left, the only things that I have gotten from her are a few bills that have been forwarded to her new address at her moms.

 

Why does everything have to be about money?

[littlejaz]

Wish I had an answer about the money thing too. I dealt with a lot financial hardship due to my STBXH, and never complained about it. I meant the vows I took, for richer or for poorer. But now that we are divorcing he thinks he should get all the assets and I should get all the debt. My only hope is that the judge will divide things 50-50.

 

I just refuse to let him win. I am going to rebuild my life and be happy regardless of what he tries to do to me and you need to do the same. You need to give up that she is going to come back. She has past the point of no return. You have to protect yourself both emotionally and financially.

 

We will probably never understand why they put money first.

[2005tahoe]

Wish I had an answer about the money thing too. I dealt with a lot financial hardship due to my STBXH, and never complained about it. I meant the vows I took, for richer or for poorer. But now that we are divorcing he thinks he should get all the assets and I should get all the debt. My only hope is that the judge will divide things 50-50.

 

I just refuse to let him win. I am going to rebuild my life and be happy regardless of what he tries to do to me and you need to do the same. You need to give up that she is going to come back. She has past the point of no return. You have to protect yourself both emotionally and financially.

 

We will probably never understand why they put money first.

 

Thats what my wife is doing to me. All of a sudden money seems to matter to her. Dont mind the vacations we took, the cruises, home furnishings, anniversary dinners and gifts during the year.

 

She is taking the cowards way out by not talking to me and has not since the day she left. The lawyer and her mom have her brainwashed in thinking that she cant communicate with me at all, to ignore me. Just because her moms life is miserable doesnt mean my wife's has to be.

 

Everything that she has requested through my lawyer has been about money, like she will find anything. I didnt get any reason for her leaving and she moved some of her belongings out while I was at work one day, she still has some belongings here.

 

I would love nothing more than to reconcile and work on our marriage instead of her tucking tail and running to her mom when times and finances get tough, all she has done is make it tougher on both of us. I am having a hard time keeping the house and upkeep on it but I can not rent an apartment for any cheaper than my house payment, I dont know what I am going to do yet.

 

I did do something that I am still second guessing, and please dont judge me about this:

My parents vehicles have over 200K miles on them and my father has to go to the doctor about 2 or 3 times a week. I have a Tahoe that is $229 a month in payments. I was driving it to work and back and gas was killing me, almost $400 a month. My parents are taking over payments on the tahoe until the divorce is over and paying insurance.

I work in a dealership and we had some real good lease specials from our sales floor and leased a new vehicle for the better fuel economy. This adds $338 to my monthly expenses but I get a check for the $229 on the tahoe from my parents every month.

 

To make matters worse. I may have to refile my bankruptcy soo b/c the creditors are starting to call and send collection letters again. I dont know what the bankruptcy lawyer will think about that.

 

I am feeling really down and out tonight just praying that this pain ends and that my wife decides to come back home.

 

I have never hurt like this before

[2005tahoe]

well, Friday will be my 35th birthday. Its going to be a rough day because we usually go out to eat and go do something afterwards. I know that I shouldnt expect to hear from her but its going to be hard.

 

This birthday is going to suck