Can people really change?

[bob the brave]

I know we can, but how often do you believe we really do?

 

That is, say a person is a narcisist, egocentric, insecure, self-doubting, a habitual cheater, liar, ambitious or lazy.

 

Do you believe such traits are such with us for life or can we change them? And, if so, how truly successful do you believe most people are at changing permanently?

[Philosoraptor]

People only make changes when it is their own free choice. If someone is not pressured, and wants to change for their own good, it can be successful. Sometimes they need outside assistance (medicine, groups, therapy), but if they want it they will make it happen.

 

And yes, I believe most people who truly want to make a change happen are successful.

[keepontruckin]

OP, you do bring up an interesting topic!

 

My own beliefs are that people do have a hardwired basic personality, in simple terms. This is what you're born with, and you cannot actually change the "core," or basic hardwiring of your brain very easily without the use of drugs, a lobotomy, etc...

 

A high-strung person just cannot "tone it down." A depressed individual just cannot "snap out of it." Someone with Autism just cannot "fix themselves." That's whom they are. We are all whom we are.

 

Now, that's not to say that we cannot improve on the hands we were all dealt with in life. A drug addict can become healthy again. An obese individual can lose weight and become fit and trim. It happens all the time.

 

We are whom we are at our core, and I don't think we can modify our thought patterns that much... However, we can somewhat modify our actions.

 

This subject is debated all the time, and even the smartest people on Earth still cannot decipher the human brain, and its actions. Some people think that being gay is a choice, others believe it is a hardwired trait (I personally believe the latter), but nonetheless, it's an interesting topic!

[hippetyhop]

I believe people can definitely change.

 

For instance, I have a short temper. The littlest things would tick me off and that is how it always was. Then, I was given the advice by a wise soul when I would tell him about what I was upset about with a response of "take a deep breath and realize why you are getting mad". That helped a lot. I'm not saying I took a complete 180, but, stopping and thinking about the situation before I get upset really helps me, and those around me.

[Pompeii]

I changed. I was a fool that was only concerned with chasing women and figuring out the secrets to attraction. Now I am working to achieve mastery and becoming elite. I changed from putting women on a pedestal to how much money I can make in as short a time as possible.

 

Anything is possible.

 

Anyone can change.

[FitChick]

Change is a choice.

[Maleficent]

Sure!

With lots and lots of therapy or at the very least deep introspection...

[John316C]

ppl only change if they have a desire to change. if they realize the rewards are worth it. and you see that by seeing their desire.

[iouaname]

Of course they can. If you have a desire to change, then you can absolutely change. Changing certain things might be easier than changing other things, but all of us are in control of who we are, so with the right amount of effort, we can absolutely change the things that we don't like about ourselves.

[JourneyLady]

I know we can, but how often do you believe we really do?

 

That is, say a person is a narcisist, egocentric, insecure, self-doubting, a habitual cheater, liar, ambitious or lazy.

 

Do you believe such traits are such with us for life or can we change them? And, if so, how truly successful do you believe most people are at changing permanently?

 

As one who has, I'd say it only happens when you receive "the wake-up call". That is to say when you realize your selfish behavior has lost you someone you really and truly loved.

 

The unfortunate side of changing this way is that you are twice as likely to be the "giver" in your next relationship -- leaving you open to being played or used yourself by someone who is not as committed. sigh... The person who changes always shows a MAJOR change in complete attitude over a short period of time - perhaps a couple of years.

 

But when you finally breakup, maybe they eventually realize what they had and that is their wake-up call. And so on passed down the line. Of course some never learn and die lonely. And some who change have loved so deeply that they simply can't take any more heartache and also never take another partner.

 

I have to describe it as almost a flip-flop of the heart. Sometimes I wonder if the "Grinch" story was based on something similar - a selfish person who learns a lesson about love.

[Imported]

As indicated by many movies and the United States Marine Corps, a person must first be broken, smashed, stomped into the ground, lose everything and made to feel like they are nothing. And then rebuilt from the ground up for change to truly happen.

[BradJacobs]

Do you believe such traits are such with us for life or can we change them? And, if so, how truly successful do you believe most people are at changing permanently?

You can't change them, no. They can change themselves.

 

What's the catalyst for change?

 

Is it an internal or external force?

[MrCastle]

I was a shy timid boy afraid to talk to women until I was 18+.

 

And, well, now I'm not.

[happydate]

I know we can, but how often do you believe we really do?

 

That is, say a person is a narcisist, egocentric, insecure, self-doubting, a habitual cheater, liar, ambitious or lazy.

 

Do you believe such traits are such with us for life or can we change them? And, if so, how truly successful do you believe most people are at changing permanently?

 

Sure we change always. And what other company in the world that is doing it well to change how people live -- Apple Inc. Apple makes all the teens carry an iPhone. Apple barely register on my radar screen when I was a teen! Some people can change masses to invest in failing dot.bomb stocks like Enron and loose money and change people to invest in housing that prices never fall and then loose all the money. These people are on Wall Street or whatever street; with most of them left unpunished. Go to NY and ask them how.

[Taramere]

As indicated by many movies and the United States Marine Corps, a person must first be broken, smashed, stomped into the ground, lose everything and made to feel like they are nothing. And then rebuilt from the ground up for change to truly happen.

 

Well, that's to change human beings into fighting machines, isn't it? Most people aren't, by nature, geared towards killing other human beings. Studies of soldiers' performance in times gone by demonstrated that - especially during the World Wars when ordinary men were drafted into battle. The majority of people would aim away from the enemy so as not to kill...hence, the drive to impose harsher training measures that would desensitise soldiers to death and to killing.

 

I don't think such drastic measures are necessary for somebody to start making choices that aren't in line with their natural temperament, but that they believe to be the morally correct choices.

[Ire3]

I think we can, but it takes time and dedication. Some aspects of ourselves are so deeply ingrained and interwoven that it is nearly impossible to change, or it's a lifetime battle. It's amazing how much our childhood sets many of our most important characteristics and motivations in clay. As time goes by, the harder it is to change, it seems to me.

[Meaplus3]

I know we can, but how often do you believe we really do?

 

That is, say a person is a narcisist, egocentric, insecure, self-doubting, a habitual cheater, liar, ambitious or lazy.

 

Do you believe such traits are such with us for life or can we change them? And, if so, how truly successful do you believe most people are at changing permanently?

 

Well this is a good question. My answer is not really. I think for the most part learned behavior and core values from early on remain intact in a person. If one is lucky, they are none of the above. However, some times life experiences bring forth change in people. A chance to look at things from a fresh perspective. All in all though, their core values are still the same. Hope that made sense.