feelinghopeless89 Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 Hi everyone. So I have posted a few times on here recently and all of the advice and opinions have already helped me so much. Although, I still feel like I cannot let go completely (despite him dumping me for his ex girlfriend who is also his mother's child.. and then getting her pregnant AGAIN right after). Wouldn't that be a great reason to let go?! I seem to overanalyze everything and I know a lot of you are going to tell me not to think about it anymore because it's the past. Although, my mind doesn't work like that. Understanding situations gives me peace of mind. I have a few unanswered questions, and although I do realize my ex boyfriend is the only one that could truly answer them, I know that I will not have that conversation with him with their new baby on the way so was hoping you guys had some input.. 1- When his ex came back and told him that she still had feelings for him after 8 years, he told me he was really confused and didn't know what to do. He said he feel in love with me but also has wanted his family back for so many years. Long story short, this was so hard for me! We work together, so I told him that I cannot be his friend while he is "figuring things out." He got really upset over that and would continue to text me for a couple months saying things like "I miss you", "I love you and I don't want you to move on", "this is just as hard for me I just have so many mixed feelings". And then, 2 weeks before he told me his ex was 3 months pregnant (with his baby), he came up to my office at work and was telling me how much he missed me and how lonely he is. He said he always types my name in the phone wanting to talk to me so bad. And then starts questioning if I have slept with anyone since him and when I tell him thats none of his business and he got REALLY upset because he took that as a yes. Sorry I always seem to write too much... but I guess what I really want to know is why he was giving me so much hope, and would constantly contact me even though I asked him not to, when he knew his ex was pregnant? If I would have known she was, that means he was sleeping with her at the same time. Sickening. Any ideas as to why my ex bf felt so strongly about needing to text me constantly and leading me on even though he knew his gf was pregnant almost the entire time? Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 Thanks! I guess I am most confused with why he got so mad at me for not being his friend (like super mad), when he was trying things out with his ex. Til this day he still is spiteful towards me and i honestly have no idea why. its hard enough breaking up and having him move on and get his ex pregnant right away, but now he just acts like he hates me when i have to see him at work i just dont get it and it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
Delilah1623 Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 He likes the validation and he's not happy with her either otherwise he would be committed to her. The hardest part is accepting that you'll never get answers. Even if you were to kidnap him, tie him to a chair and talk to him about for a week it still won't answer your questions or give you closure. Sometimes just are and try can't be explained. You will drive yourself crazy trying. Make peace with yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Newbie37 Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I am in a similar situation, I have so many questions about the break up that only he can answer, im accepting the fact now I think that I will never get the truth off him even if I was to ask as most things that come out of his mouth are a lie so have decided to leave it, I am coping beta even though I am in contact with him I do not reply him as much and I tell myself everyday he is doing it to ease his guilt and maybe have me on a back burner if things don't work out with his new gf, (he can think this all he wants!!!!) like others have said you have some questions answered when he broke up with you, maybe its a typical wants his cake and eat it situation, and he prob has the guilt of leaving his family too, or maybe his life has slipped back to the same routine?? all you can do is focus on you and getting to a better place, clearing your mind of these thoughts as I know it can drive you crazy!!! Stay strong and things will improve. Link to post Share on other sites
unexpectedlyhere Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 I had so many questions in the first few days, mainly relating to why he went the way he went, why he was so contradictory, etc and then reading here and speaking to friends I realised that he was contradictory because he was maybe conflicted at the time, but now he left. He chose to leave. At the end of the day, anything that doesn't pertain to whether or not you two try to be together, is irrelevant. Ask yourself why you want to know those questions, deep down. What difference it will make once you know. He'll still be gone. Maybe you'll have a reason to hate him. If you need a reason to hate him, just assume the worst answer and go from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted July 25, 2013 Author Share Posted July 25, 2013 Thank you everyone!! All of these answers totally make sense. I haven't been able to fully let go and accept the situation yet which is probably why I'm holding on to these questions for "closure". I think it was definitely a have his cake and eat it to situation. I'm sorry you all are going through a similar situation IT'S SO HARD! How do you handle seeing him and his new gf together/pictures? Link to post Share on other sites
Joaquin Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 The awful truth that someone who professed love was in fact a liar, a cheater, a cad and full of **** can be hard. I have learned to accept that life throws people like this yr way. No amount of rationalising will ever resolve this dichotomy. It just is. I think u learn to accept what happens as part of lifes trials, and resolve within yourself as far as possible not to allow such things to happen again. Link to post Share on other sites
Newbie37 Posted July 25, 2013 Share Posted July 25, 2013 The pictures can be bad, in my situation some were posted up of them on his FB page of them attending a wedding together, even though the day after he told me he had gone with a male friend and only to the evening do!!!! this was just a few days after he had told me he was not seeing anyone and we even had a row about it and made me feel awful for not trusting him!!!! I realised then I had to delete him as it was only going to hurt me more, I questioned everything about the relationship and feel it was mostly lies all through I will neva know for sure I guess, he still texts me now and I no the lies continue, I am starting to think less about him and even realise how pathetic he is, but he is her problem now. You just have to take each day at a time and it will become easier, you deserve better and to be with someone who will out you first everytime Link to post Share on other sites
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