Too Jealous?

[Clueless]

My boyfriend really loves to dance and is very serious about it. He takes lessons, buys instructional videos and goes to clubs to practice. Problem is that I have a small daughter and can't take a lot of classes or go out dancing that much. I get jealous that he does these activites without me (because of the bars and dance partners). Should I just not be bothered by this or should I talk to him about it?

 

Thanks

 

(p.s. I thought I posted this eariler but didn't see it come up so if it does twice, ignore. Thanks)

[Tony T]

You had to have known just how serious about dancing your boyfriend was before you started seeing him regularly. It would be extremely selfish of you to even remotely suggest that he give this up for you.

 

If you didn't like the idea to begin with, you should not have entered into a relationship with him. If you care about him at all, you would never ask him to give up something he loves.

 

Now, you can't help your feelings. But frankly I don't understand how a guy going to clubs to practice dancing could make you jealous. Just because he's dancing with other girls doesn't mean he's screwing them. There are many dancers who have boyfriends/girlfriends who also have partners for strictly dance purposes.

 

At times, get a babysitter and go practice with him, or watch him practice with others who are more at his level. By doing this, you will know if more is going on than just practice and it will show you have an interest and are supportive of something he loves. It sounds like he just loves dancing and I'm sure that's all it is...if everything else in your relationship is going well.

 

Now, if he is neglecting you or the relationship in general because of spending an inordinate amount of time at the bars dancing, then you have room to be upset and you should talk to him. But if the time he spends on this activity that he loved long before he met you is reasonable, just forget it.

 

You need to explore the reasons for your jealousy and insecurity. If you don't trust your guy, dump him. If you just feel insecure yourself, do things to build your self esteem.

 

Always let the people you love be free to be themselves and enjoy what makes them happy...and you will be happy too.

[Clueless]

Thank you for the sound advice. I appreciate your insightfulness and it has helped greatly.

You had to have known just how serious about dancing your boyfriend was before you started seeing him regularly. It would be extremely selfish of you to even remotely suggest that he give this up for you. If you didn't like the idea to begin with, you should not have entered into a relationship with him. If you care about him at all, you would never ask him to give up something he loves. Now, you can't help your feelings. But frankly I don't understand how a guy going to clubs to practice dancing could make you jealous. Just because he's dancing with other girls doesn't mean he's screwing them. There are many dancers who have boyfriends/girlfriends who also have partners for strictly dance purposes. At times, get a babysitter and go practice with him, or watch him practice with others who are more at his level. By doing this, you will know if more is going on than just practice and it will show you have an interest and are supportive of something he loves. It sounds like he just loves dancing and I'm sure that's all it is...if everything else in your relationship is going well. Now, if he is neglecting you or the relationship in general because of spending an inordinate amount of time at the bars dancing, then you have room to be upset and you should talk to him. But if the time he spends on this activity that he loved long before he met you is reasonable, just forget it. You need to explore the reasons for your jealousy and insecurity. If you don't trust your guy, dump him. If you just feel insecure yourself, do things to build your self esteem. Always let the people you love be free to be themselves and enjoy what makes them happy...and you will be happy too.