Breakthrough Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 My hubby gave me a STD. He denies to the end that he hasn't been with anyone, but this STD is ONLY received by sexual intercourse. When I first asked him about it, he vehemently denied he had been with anybody & doesn't know how we got this STD. To this day he denies that he cheated. He told me there is no reason to talk about it anymore it didn't happen, but I KNOW it did b/c of the STD. Should I forgive and forget or divorce him? He has ALWAYS had a wandering eye, looks at internet porno, etc. Why won't he just admit it, apologize, promise not to do it again & let us go on with our lives? I have been told that if he won't own up to it, he feels no remorse for doing this to us and will do it again. Any suggestions on what I should do? Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Get ALL the facts from your doctor/clinic about this STD (it sounds like you may have already?). If what you say is indeed the truth then he has put your health, and even your life, at risk. Has he been to the doctor & been tested & treated? Have you seen the results of his tests? I have been told that if he won't own up to it, he feels no remorse for doing this to us and will do it again. Sady that is very likely true. Any suggestions on what I should do? I have a better question for you: Why are you still there? Link to post Share on other sites
pasister Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 There are some STDs that you can carry for a long time - Herpes, Syphilis, Chlamydia, and Trichomonas. It is really impossible to tell how long a woman has been infected with these disorders (especially herpes). More than likely it was a recent event if it was gonorrhea, chlmydia, trichomonas but that is not for sure. I would definately recommend HIV, Syphilis and Hepatitis testing if you have not done so already. Absolutely no sex until you have both been treated (if you even want that). Link to post Share on other sites
VivianLee Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Bless your heart!! I'm so sorry!! I assume this STD isn't HIV.....but it could have been..... Something needs to be done.....I don't know how you can trust him or work things out unless he's remorseful and willing. He has so much to make up to you for you to even begin to forgive him... Staying with him could endanger your life! Seek counseling for yourself as you decide what to do..... Again, I'm so sorry you are going through this, I can't imagine the agony and hurt....here's a cyber (((((HUG)))))!! Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 What STD is it? Some STD's carry an inoculation period where it may not show up for years later. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Errr....I meant incubation period. Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 it's very important that you realize that you did not necessarily get it from him-and even if you did, it could be something that he contracted a long time ago (and you could have contracted it from him a long time ago) and has just now reared it's ugly head. stds don't always show up for a LONG time. years and years sometimes. so either of you could have gotten this years ago, long before you were even dating... Link to post Share on other sites
Breakthrough Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 The STD my H gave me was Trichomoniasis. We have both been to the doctor and treated. I also went back and got tested for all the other STDs and HIV.....just waiting for results now. Even if our HIV results come out negative, we still have to use condoms for another 6 months until we are tested again. :-( According to two different doctors that I have seen, the incubation period for "trick" is 4 to 20 days. Average 7 days. I had that gut feeling that he was cheating b/c he would act differently while we made love; b/c of his increased viewing of internet pornography; b/c he was suddenly broke all the time; bought expensive cars; made odd comments, etc. He is so defensive and adamantly denies being with anybody else that it makes me wonder if he REALLY did cheat or not. Am I in shock and denial? Why am I still here? I have no choice due to CURRENT finances, I love him even though this has stole my self-esteem, and I do not know for sure if he cheated or is a good liar. Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 I have a question I get tested pretty regularly before and after every partneer and 1 yr if in lt relationship. I've always been clean but if I suddenly tested posittive than I can't assume it my bf. I though if you were tested clean and then suddenly got a std it would be from the partner your with. breakthough I am sorry about your situation I would just do a lot of fact collecting and go to a counslor Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Trich is a totally different story. Sorry to hear, but it doesn't sound promising. Corner him and make him confess. Tell him the doc told you that the only way it's transmitted is through recent sexual intercourse. Tell tell him the chic he slept with better have been worth it because that's just NASTY. Link to post Share on other sites
lydiamarie Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 the CDC's page on trich: http://www.cdc.gov/std/Trichomonas/STDFact-Trichomoniasis.htm sorry breakthrough, it sounds like all signs point to cheating. some people deny deny deny even when they know they have been found out. don't doubt that. and don't doubt yourself. his cheating has nothing to do with your worth *hugs*, lydia Link to post Share on other sites
Breakthrough Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Thanks everybody for your honest responses. It has made me face the truth.....which hurts soooo bad. I have confronted him with the cold, hard evidence and he STILL lies. If he was brave enough to have an affair, he should be brave enough to apologize, but he obviously doesn't feel ANY remorse. No apology, no wife! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 There are other ways to bust him. Have you gone throught his financial records and internet files? You can contact your bank to get detailed copies on any joint accounts you have....don't forget the credit cards. You can register online with your cellular provider to view detail reports on your cell phone bill. Look at his payroll check-stub to find out if he has taken unaccounted leave from work. Do you have friends or family members that might fess up if put to the question? If you can't prove it, then try bluffing it. Consider making an appointment with an attorney to discuss your options. Sometimes they won't come clean until they see that you mean business. Are you sure you want to keep him under the circumstances? Sorry, hun. Link to post Share on other sites
Breakthrough Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Ladyjane14: Thank you for the helpful tips, but after talking with THREE different doctors, this STD can only be caught by sexual contact. That's pretty much all the concrete evidence I need. I just got back my first negative HIV and will retest in six months before being sexually active with anybody. I am a person of integrity and would not wish this on anybody. As much as I love him, he is still a cheat and a liar. How can a relationship work if you don't have trust. I know it will hurt when I leave, but it hurts while I am here so what's the difference. Reality check: My loss is not her gain. If she thinks he is so great, she can have the cheatin' liar!!! I believe the best in everybody until proven "otherwise".......and "otherwise" has been proven. Link to post Share on other sites
XDOR Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Let's see. Did HE ACCUSE YOU? I'm just thinking. If I were your husband, and if I wasn't with anybody else, and suddenly both you and me got an STD, I would accuse YOU. Yes, I would call you bitch, I would divorce you, etc. I would assume you got it from another man. Period. The fact is that he didn't do any of these things. So that, simple, is the proof. He was with another woman. Sorry. (ask your doctor privately) Link to post Share on other sites
anon2 Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 This happened years ago and I had never cheated. The wife comes home from the doctor's mad as a hoprnet, accusing me of giving her chlamydia. I was stunned, and right after being stunned, I was also mad as a hornet. I thought she was accusing me out of some sick a strong offense is a good defense kind of thing. All these yeas alter we still don't know how the infection got into the house. But my wife used it as one of her justifications for later cheating. After all the conniptions have past i figure now that neither of us to that point had cheated and she just was infected for a long time or I was, and the symptoms were muted for years. OR she is one damned good liar (and she is) and my first statement is true. Link to post Share on other sites
Breakthrough Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 XDOR, thank you for straightening me out about the fact that two wrongs don't make a right. I should not be calling him names, PERIOD! I have spoke with not one, but THREE doctors who all told me the same thing about this STD b/c I REALLY wanted to believe him. If you have some other explanation I'm sure all the other couples out there would appreciate it and MAYBE it could save their marriage. Unfortunately for me, that is NOT the only proof I have. I received pictures of him doing explicit sexual acts with other women. I gave him the opportunity to come clean so that we can work through this, but he continues to deny. I have NO choice but to leave. Thanks everybody for your heartfelt input. Link to post Share on other sites
Rinny Posted March 3, 2005 Share Posted March 3, 2005 I have a similar situation, but I really don't believe that my fiance is cheating on me. I recently have been treated for trich, but my fiance is divorced BECAUSE his ex cheated. Having been put through that, he said he'd never cheat. Is it possible to catch it other ways than sex with someone else? Could he have carried it for a long time AFTER his cheating ex? Link to post Share on other sites
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