Jealousy as a good thing?

[twinkie0]

This has been bugging me for a little while now. I was never a jealous guy by any means, and I though of that as a good thing. Considering I knew a lot of people who were forced to break up because of jealousy, I always considered it a big plus for me.

 

But I have recently learned from past couples and friends that sometimes what I though was a quality made me come off as careless, like it's a bad thing not to get jealous.

 

The last girl I dated didn't seem to like me hanging out with one of her best friends, who is quite attractive but I never saw that way. On the other hand, I realized that, probably for the first time in my life, I did start to feel jealous when certain guys approached her, especially if I overheard girls saying the guy in question was attractive. But having this opinion on jealousy, I kept the whole "who the hell is that guy?" stuff to myself.

And she asked if I ever felt jealous about her hanging out with her best guy friend (not really attractive and kind of effeminate) and instead of just saying no my reaction was to laugh and say of course not (In retrospect, I feel like a bit of a douche for that reaction). But hey, was it the truth. I feel like jealousy is considering the other person a threat, hence the fact that the more attractive people tend to cause it.

 

I'd feel like there'd be a double standard if I felt jealous of my couple's friend, considering my best girl friend is quite attractive. As for random people, it seems like not being jealous is not necessarily a good thing. This is pretty confusing to me. Any thoughts?

Edited July 25, 2013 by twinkie0

[jphcbpa]

I think it is natural to be jealous at times. It is a feeling and some feelings come up and we have not control of it. As long as it does not get in the way and become an issue, it can be a good thing. Perhaps it shows you really care about someone? How closely aligned is jealousy and fear of loss?

[CherryT]

I don't think jealousy is a positive trait in a relationship because it generally stems from insecurities. Jealousy to me, is if you got upset at your girlfriend because some guy came up to her and said she was pretty and asked her out but she said no and walks away. She can't control who talks to her or if a stranger approaches her. But she can control how she reacts to the situation.

 

However, I think it's completely acceptable for you to be protective. If some guy came up to your girlfriend and was overstepping his boundaries. They ask her out and she says no, she has a boyfriend. But the guy gets persistent and even tries and hug/kiss/touch her. Yes, you have all the right to be protective. I wouldn't say that's jealousy at all, I would say that's protecting your loved ones. Which to me shows you care.

 

I think it's a great thing when partners trust each other and don't need to be jealous. My SO and I have gone out in groups before and there's been times when guys and girls don't know we're together. Or they just see one of us talking to a friend and they approach us thinking we're single. It doesn't phase me because I know my SO won't be interested. However, if someone finds out that we're with someone and continues to pursue, that's when we both get protective of one another.

[Chi townD]

Jealousy can be a good thing to have and a bad thing. Jealousy shows you actually care for someone and you want to keep what you believe is yours. I would worry about your relationship if you never had an ounce of jealousy. Kinda tells me that you could give a rats ass about your partner in a way.