Should the institution of marriage just be thrown on the scrapheap of history?

[Woggle]

Yes I know this sounds hypocritical coming from somebody who is happily married but hear me out. It is clear that the majority of marriages these days are just not working out, Divorce is through the roof and marriage rates are at their lowest points ever. The people who are married seem utterly miserable and it is clear that most people think of it as a prison instead of a positive thing. Why can't society just admit it is a dying institution and let it die?

[janedoe67]

I don't think it is the institution of marriage that is the problem. I think it is the me first, have it your way, Eat Pray Love, self-fulfillment above all else, Wisteria Lane selfishness that has infected us.

 

In my parents' day marriage meant commitment and working together and, yes, the s-word sacrificing for each other for better or for worse. This modern day "what is in it for me" quid-pro-quo style of marriage needs to be modified to be less selfish.

 

That's just my opinion.

[Silly_Girl]

Why can't society just admit it is a dying institution and let it die?

 

I was under the impression that, slowly, that was exactly what was happening. Marriages down, divorce up...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Why can't society just admit it is a dying institution and let it die?

 

 

For the same reason you can't/won't admit that you don't fully understand published divorce-rate statistics.

 

(that's it - simple as that)

[Pyro]

Woggle if you were honestly happily married then this issue wouldn't be such a HUGE deal for you. 95% of your posts pertain to the downside of marriage. How do you expect us to believe that you are honestly happy being married?

 

If marriage is dying and should be scrapped then please lead the way. We will all follow you when you are man enough to rid yourself of your unhappiness.

[Woggle]

Woggle if you were honestly happily married then this issue wouldn't be such a HUGE deal for you. 95% of your posts pertain to the downside of marriage. How do you expect us to believe that you are honestly happy being married?

 

If marriage is dying and should be scrapped then please lead the way. We will all follow you when you are man enough to rid yourself of your unhappiness.

 

So if I divorced my wife you would too? Of course I won't divorce her but is that what you are saying?

[T3h L337 d00d]

He's pointing out you sound hypocritical. You need to change your argument because it makes no sense if you yourself are married.

 

Why not say something like are a lot of people getting married for the wrong reason. That way you have a position you can logically work from of why you are married. You can say I got married for a good reason.

 

Personally I think all the problems with marriage stem from the politics of our day. The State was never supposed to license marriages but they started doing it because of government benefits. We're at a point in technology where people have more than the family bible to publish their marriage in so its sick that the government still licenses marriages but again it's about forcing the tax payers to recognize something. No one should be forced to recognize a marriage under threat of law and adding this racket to gay marriages is a further step in the wrong direction.

 

Marriage and the family ties they create is the backbone of a good society. You can gauge prosperity by how many nuclear families there are. Yet it's become politically incorrect to talk about single parent homes or unwed mothers. Truth is the State overstepped it's bounds in all areas of personal relationship and that is what is destroying something so fundamental.

 

You have to be smart and ruthless as a man if you don't want to get turned into the States bitch in the process of falling in love.

[tbf]

People are waiting until later to marry where marriages of college educated couples are lasting longer, since people have already got their careers and finances in place, had their fun and are honestly ready to settle down. Get with the times.

[Pyro]

So if I divorced my wife you would too? Of course I won't divorce her but is that what you are saying?

 

Oh absolutely Woggle. You can't take jokes so I am only serious with you. You divorce first and I will follow.

 

Thanks for proving that you are unhappy being married

 

 

He's pointing out you sound hypocritical. You need to change your argument because it makes no sense if you yourself are married.

 

Why not say something like are a lot of people getting married for the wrong reason. That way you have a position you can logically work from of why you are married. You can say I got married for a good reason.

 

VERY well said.

[Woggle]

Oh absolutely Woggle. You can't take jokes so I am only serious with you. You divorce first and I will follow.

 

Thanks for proving that you are unhappy being married

 

 

 

 

VERY well said.

 

I don't believe you. You would really throw away your marriage because of me and you doubt my commitment?

[Pyro]

I don't believe you. You would really throw away your marriage because of me and you doubt my commitment?

 

Oh absolutely would I throw away my happiness for an online stranger who is bipolar but refuses to seek treatment. MANY here doubt it or don't believe it exists.

[sweetjasmine]

Divorce is through the roof

 

Why do people constantly repeat these things? Over the past 20 years, the divorce rate has DROPPED in pretty much every state.

[carhill]

Marriage, like societies in general, is continuously evolving and changing. Right now isn't a particularly banner period in the evolution of either. It is what it is. Bucking statistics, most of my friends, whom are older, are on their second marriages and most have passed their silver anniversaries on those. A number have self-described that they would 'be lost' without their spouses/life partners, something I take to mean in the emotional sense, rather than literally, as all are quite successful socially and in business.

 

So, rather than 'thrown on the scrapheap of history', IMO marriage will likely continue to evolve and change as we do, for those of us who choose marriage as a social and legal contract.

[Els]

So... just because the use of PCs has been dropping since smartphones and tablets came out, everyone who owns a PC should be required to smash theirs and switch to tablets just because they're the 'minority'?

 

I don't understand what the issue is. Nobody's holding a gun to your head forcing you to enter into this 'prison' that you describe. If you want to do it, do it. If you don't, don't. What is so hard to get about that?

 

Why ARE you even married, Woggle? There is nothing wrong with choosing not to, you know. Honest question.

[MissBee]

People have coupled up monogamously as well as polygamously, since the beginning of time. Whether you call it marriage or not, for societies to function, people form unions, live together, have children and basically do what people do in marriages, even if they didn't call it that. Humans are social animals, we don't roam alone and mating and forming unions for companionship are normal activities, and many do so monogamously.

 

I'm unsure of what part of M is dying? Which part should be gotten rid of? The legal aspect? People forming unions? Not sure what you mean...

[MissBee]

Marriage, like societies in general, is continuously evolving and changing. Right now isn't a particularly banner period in the evolution of either. It is what it is. Bucking statistics, most of my friends, whom are older, are on their second marriages and most have passed their silver anniversaries on those. A number have self-described that they would 'be lost' without their spouses/life partners, something I take to mean in the emotional sense, rather than literally, as all are quite successful socially and in business.

 

So, rather than 'thrown on the scrapheap of history', IMO marriage will likely continue to evolve and change as we do, for those of us who choose marriage as a social and legal contract.

 

Ditto.

 

Most societal institutions do not disappear, they just evolve with time.

[TaraMaiden]

Why do people constantly repeat these things? Over the past 20 years, the divorce rate has DROPPED in pretty much every state.

 

Oh.

America is now the only country where divorce still occurs....?

 

 

As this is a Multi-national site, it pays to broaden your horizons and consider statistics world-wide.....

 

World-wide, divorce rates are still rising, but that's between married couples.

(Yeah, sounds obvious.....)

 

What I mean by that is that the number of people opting to merely live together without the ceremony (simple or otherwise) is rising.

So sometimes statistics are insular.

How many couples opting to merely live together do so, long-term?

 

I actually find those merely co-habiting are beginning to outnumber those who are legally wed....

3 people I work with have been co-habiting with their partners. One for 15 years, one for 26 and the last for 31.

Still solid, it seems....

[Silly_Girl]

Oh.

America is now the only country where divorce still occurs....?

 

 

As this is a Multi-national site, it pays to broaden your horizons and consider statistics world-wide.....

 

World-wide, divorce rates are still rising, but that's between married couples.

(Yeah, sounds obvious.....)

 

What I mean by that is that the number of people opting to merely live together without the ceremony (simple or otherwise) is rising.

So sometimes statistics are insular.

How many couples opting to merely live together do so, long-term?

 

I actually find those merely co-habiting are beginning to outnumber those who are legally wed....

3 people I work with have been co-habiting with their partners. One for 15 years, one for 26 and the last for 31.

Still solid, it seems....

 

I'm seeing that too. Not the majority but happening more and more, and especially with folk who've divorced previously.

[TaraMaiden]

Common-Law marriage (as it's so often called) is actually a misnomer.

There are relatively few and meagre rights as a common-Law spouse, and having lived with someone for any period of time without any legal commitment is actually fraught with problems because there are no binding, governing rules.

The only legal obligation for either partner would be to children, but as for division of property, goods, chattels, possessions, moral support and rights in general - you'd be batting on a sticky wicket.

 

I believe there should be some kind of a formal, legally binding contract (in precisely the same vein as a Business contract between two business partners) which could be discussed and legalised in front of a solicitor, without the need for a ceremony of any kind.

 

You need the Law to dissolve a Union - why not a Law to create one?

[sillyanswer]

Why can't society just admit it is a dying institution and let it die?

 

Calling it an "institution" is beginning to sound archaic. It's a contract, with various legal termination clauses.

[Woggle]

I am not against marriage but it is clear that it is a dying concept so why not put it out of it's misery? I just think it has become such a joke in our society that it doesn't mean anything anymore.

[TaraMaiden]

Woggle, I repeat what I added here:

 

Woggle, you're just bias-shifting.

 

Instead of constantly debasing, attacking and dissing women and devaluing them generally (with, of course, the exception of your ever-increasingly perfect wife), you've now shifted your focus of pessimism and ridicule to 'joint ventures'.

 

Do us all a favour, either get divorced (self-fulfilling prophecy), or just pack it in, ok?

[letsbeotherpeople]

I am not against marriage but it is clear that it is a dying concept so why not put it out of it's misery? I just think it has become such a joke in our society that it doesn't mean anything anymore.

 

Exactly how is it a dying concept?

 

Marriage has been around for thousands of years, in various forms. Those who seek to define it by the current social norms are missing the point by a spectacular margin.

 

In the UK divorce rates are currently down after a period of rising.

 

Are you basing your opinion on data, or on your own view of the concept, filtered by your own prejudices?

[Turtles]

Yes I know this sounds hypocritical coming from somebody who is happily married but hear me out. It is clear that the majority of marriages these days are just not working out, Divorce is through the roof and marriage rates are at their lowest points ever. The people who are married seem utterly miserable and it is clear that most people think of it as a prison instead of a positive thing. Why can't society just admit it is a dying institution and let it die?

 

You have a biased look because of spending so much time on a relationship forum. Most of my married friends (or in "committed monogamous relationship" - most of my European friends don't actually take the vows anymore but for all intents and purposes they behave as married) are happily so.

 

Plus, marriage is not a prison. If people are "utterly miserable" being married, well getting a divorce is not that hard. Some people are just "utterly miserable" no matter what their situation is.

[sweetjasmine]

Oh.

America is now the only country where divorce still occurs....?

 

Pretty sure Wog's focus is the US. Actually, pretty sure Wog's focus is his small town and his miserable friends and coworkers.

 

Or do you think he's interested in Pakistan's divorce rate when he crows about how horrible "society" has become?