Should the institution of marriage just be thrown on the scrapheap of history?

[Woggle]

Woggle, why are you so against suggestions of professional help?

 

It's all fine to vent on LS, but how has it HELPED you so far? LS helps some people and not others. And there's a limit on what it can do. IMO, you are far, far, far beyond that limit.

 

Because I have tried it before and most of the time they seem more screwed up than I am.

[xxoo]

What are you really afraid of?

 

If your wife leaves at some point, it would suck, but you'd handle it. Same for me. As much as I hope it never happens, I would handle it if my h left. I'd survive, and so would you.

 

So why ruin the present worrying about something that might happen?

[Woggle]

What are you really afraid of?

 

If your wife leaves at some point, it would suck, but you'd handle it. Same for me. As much as I hope it never happens, I would handle it if my h left. I'd survive, and so would you.

 

So why ruin the present worrying about something that might happen?

 

Because for once I actually have a good woman in my life and with the say I see a lot of women acting I am afraid of her turning on me in a second. A few weeks ago I overheard a woman bragging about cheating on her husband and she said that men have no right to complain because they are just getting beat at their own game. She seemed to very much enjoy tearing her ex's heart to shreds and her friend was laughing at it.

 

Hearing that is what sent me into this downward spiral after all that time of being okay. I figure if this is how women feel and how they are why even bother trying not to hate them?

[Els]

Because I have tried it before and most of the time they seem more screwed up than I am.

 

What happened the other % of the time?

[Woggle]

What happened the other % of the time?

 

I had a good one right before Sandy but he lost everything and kind of went into a deep depression. Their house was just destroyed and they are still fighting with the insurance company. They will probably leave NJ.

[sweetjasmine]

So why ruin the present worrying about something that might happen?

 

Because he takes comfort in fear, distrust, and hatred because he's used to being the powerless victim.

 

People have written thousands of posts (literally!) trying to help him, but he won't go to a professional and face his demons.

[Els]

I had a good one right before Sandy but he lost everything and kind of went into a deep depression. Their house was just destroyed and they are still fighting with the insurance company. They will probably leave NJ.

 

Sorry to hear that.

 

You owe it to yourself to keep trying to find another one who suits you, though. And I hate to say this, but IMO in your case it might be better to go straight to a psychologist, if you can, rather than a therapist, given how therapy doesn't seem to have helped you much.

[xxoo]

Because for once I actually have a good woman in my life

 

That's great!

 

. A few weeks ago I overheard a woman bragging about cheating on her husband and she said that men have no right to complain because they are just getting beat at their own game. She seemed to very much enjoy tearing her ex's heart to shreds and her friend was laughing at it.

 

That has zero to do you with you or your wife. Just....nothing.

 

Look, ALL good things in life involve risk. The more you have, the more you have to lose. I could lose my children. I actually do worry about that happening; I think most parents do worry about that sometimes. It would damn near kill me if it happened. But I don't let that fear keep me from enjoying my children, and being a stable mother for them.

 

This issue isn't about the state of modern day marriage. It is about your anxiety, and how you handle it. You will only feel better when you address your issues.

[Woggle]

Be perfectly honest are the sentiments expressed by that woman really how most women feel? Do they really have a you go girl kind of attitude towards women who mistreat and lie to good men?

[xxoo]

Be perfectly honest are the sentiments expressed by that woman really how most women feel? Do they really have a you go girl kind of attitude towards women who mistreat and lie to good men?

 

No, wog. Most married women are decent, compassionate, loving people. The woman you speak of sounds deeply damaged.

 

Likewise, most men don't worry about being left by their wives. You think your fear is "natural" just as the woman you overheard thinks her feelings are "natural"....but you are both deluded.

[Woggle]

I don't think you should be married if you can't have a high opinion of the woman that you married, much less any other woman.

 

My sentiment still stands - unless you can find a way to share this with your spouse at least, it will continue to eat away at you, and poison your marriage.

 

You need to head this off at the pass, before it gets out of control. I wish you luck, but as a woman, I find your threads rather derogatory and will not be commenting on them any more.

 

I don't mind to be insulting or hateful towards you but I am very honest about my fears and lack of trust in women does play into that. Not saying that is a good thing.

[Pyro]

Be perfectly honest are the sentiments expressed by that woman really how most women feel? Do they really have a you go girl kind of attitude towards women who mistreat and lie to good men?

 

Counseling Seaside Heights NJ

[LittleTiger]

No, wog. Most married women are decent, compassionate, loving people. The woman you speak of sounds deeply damaged.

 

Likewise, most men don't worry about being left by their wives. You think your fear is "natural" just as the woman you overheard thinks her feelings are "natural"....but you are both deluded.

 

Maybe the happily married/attached women of LS should start a chat thread about how much we love and appreciate our men, how open and honest we are with them and how we do everything in our power to ensure that their lives are as happy and trauma free as possible.

 

Would that help Woggle? Or is it just the negative stuff you choose to believe?

[Els]

Maybe the happily married/attached women of LS should start a chat thread about how much we love and appreciate our men, how open and honest we are with them and how we do everything in our power to ensure that their lives are as happy and trauma free as possible.

 

Would that help Woggle? Or is it just the negative stuff you choose to believe?

 

Unfortunately, there have been several, including one started by donnamaybe that spanned 10+ pages IIRC.

 

Woggle either ignores them, or when he does pop into those threads for a bit, he says stuff like, "Wow it's good to see some women appreciate their man, but you aren't the norm". I don't think they helped him.

[Els]

Huh, weird, I started looking for the thread to link it here (I think it was titled "I am such a lucky woman!" or something), and it seems to have disappeared into thin air.

[canuckprincess]

I believe marriage licences should be like a drivers licence and you should have to renew it every 5 years. So if in 5,10,15, and so on if one or both partners have changed then you just don't renew your licence. You split up your stuff and you part ways in a friendly manner. Just my silly thought, oh I've been happily divorced for 6 years.

[veggirl]

Check out the OM/OW section, Woggle. It's full of Other Women...meaning it's the HUSBANDS who are cheating with other women. Not everything is the woman's fault. If you wanna go by what you read on an internet forum, THIS one is way more full of Husbands betraying their Wive than vice versa.

[Thegameoflife]

Woggle, you are miserable because you're worried that something might happen to make you miserable. Something is happening that makes you miserable right now, and it's woggle. You're worse to yourself than your wife could be. The reason you do this is because you need control to feel secure. In life we don't control everything, and accepting this will free you from your burden. This is something you can control.

 

As for marriage, it fails a lot these days because there isn't an established plan for marriage. In the past, the church propagated a patriarch based plan that a marriage could be built upon, and the church offered guidance to make this work. Most marriages start out these days with no plan of how the marriage is going to function. Obviously these people hit the ground running, or they become dysfunctional within a few short years, probably never recovering. Second marriages do better because a plan is often forged in the last marriage. Nobody would start a business with no plan, but marriages are running on the wing-it plan.

 

Let's face it, 90% of the population doesn't have the background understanding to design their own marriage. Do to feminism, most people have completely abandoned the patriarical design the church put forth. Basically, about half the population stick to traditional ways, a small amount create their own workable plan, and the rest just plunge into chaos.

 

My wife and I designed our own marriage, and two years in, we're stilling working to improve where needed. We're both pretty happy, and we wouldn't be as happy in a traditional design. However, we're both very educated and well rounded people with above average intelligence. This has allowed us to discuss everything openly, and decide where this ship is heading. We've never needed outside help to work out issues.

 

There's nothing wrong with marriage, but misguided people without plans fail at everything.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I don't mind to be insulting or hateful towards you but I am very honest about my fears and lack of trust in women does play into that. Not saying that is a good thing.

 

Look around LoveShack and delve into the plethora of threads that are either about, or devolve into gladhanding fests of woman - bashing.

 

For reference, I offer this one:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/410639-why-do-i-have-put-woman-her-place-if-she-gets-out-hand#post5073291

 

What woman here is going to judge all men, or her own relationship, based on such ignorant garbage?

 

NOT ONE.

 

The world is full of stupid lowlifes. Doesn't matter if they're men or women.

 

You present yourself like you're a wounded victim who needs support, but these threads are really just thinly veiled rants of hatred against ALL women, including your wife, who you're willing to throw under the bus any old time because of … something you found in your endless Internet searches to find stories of bad women? Some skanks you heard talking in Walmart?

 

You aren't a victim anymore, Woggle. Now you're the destroyer. Of yourself, primarily, but this toxicity is certainly affecting the supposedly great woman who married you.

 

It even affects me and I don't even know you.

 

Hurt people hurt people. True cliche.

[Woggle]

I don't know how it affects you but if it does I am sorry. Also there are women who let stuff affect how they view men even if it has nothing to do with the man they taking their rage out on. I saw my father physically assaulted over something my mother saw on daytime talk tv. One episode would have her raging for weeks at men.

[sweetjasmine]

One episode would have her raging for weeks at men.

 

And one article on the Daily Fail has you raging for weeks at women.

 

Congrats, Wog. Go take a look in the mirror, huh?

[Woggle]

And one article on the Daily Fail has you raging for weeks at women.

 

Congrats, Wog. Go take a look in the mirror, huh?

 

I fully admit in many ways I am just like her and she is just like her father who she despises. It runs in the family. Her father used to pull guns on his wife to keep her in line. At least I have never been violent towards a member of the opposite sex so I did somewhat break the cycle but the bitterness and anger I get from her.

[Pyro]

At least I have never been violent towards a member of the opposite sex so I did somewhat break the cycle but the bitterness and anger I get from her.

 

The amount of verbal abuse that you have spewed towards women is not any better.

[Woggle]

The amount of verbal abuse that you have spewed towards women is not any better.

 

I never make it personal against anybody.

[peaksandvalleys]

Yes I know this sounds hypocritical coming from somebody who is happily married but hear me out. It is clear that the majority of marriages these days are just not working out, Divorce is through the roof and marriage rates are at their lowest points ever. The people who are married seem utterly miserable and it is clear that most people think of it as a prison instead of a positive thing. Why can't society just admit it is a dying institution and let it die?

 

 

I think that for one to admit something is dying, one must think it is dying. I don't even though my marriage isn't all peaches and cream right now. I said for better or worse. I meant it.