I broke it off with a silent NC with MM

[Cocochai]

I was searching on ways to get over a breakup with a MM and came across this forum... I'm actually surprised they have one for people like us in these situations as we're always the "sluts/sidepiece" of the relationship (according to society in general). I always looked down on people who knowingly mess with MM/MW. I now know better that's it's not always about the sex.

 

Anyway here is my story. Some encouragement and advise is needed.

 

I was involved with a MM for over a year and a half. He perused me on FB and it just so happened, I had a crush on him back when we were in school. I saw him on one of my friends FB page and was like "Hey I remember him, he still looked the same, cute". So I befriended him... No harm done right?

 

Well he reached out to me via message and... Although I told him taking me out on a date would be good but.. your page says your married.

 

To make the long story short... I caved in w/ his charms and him being sort of truthful in everything. Whether it would hurt my feelings or not, I wanted to know everything. I SAW everything on his FB page and he saw everything on mines. Well we discovered our personalities had chemistry and we could could talk about almost anything and the SEX was off the hook. for over a year things were going good and and I got too comfortable then... He sent me a message saying "He wanted to focus on his family and kids and that the relationship had to end". I was devastated.. He went cold turkey on me and I cried day and night. It took the focus off of my kid because I knew the way he he did it didn't make scene out of the blue. I deleted him off my FB page because he wasn't responded back to my texts after he sent the message.

 

I was still in pain a month later only for him to reach out and apologies saying he never meant to hurt me and that he truly cared about me but started feeling guilty and was getting "too close emotionally" so to speak. I didn't believe him but since my feelings were still there gave it another try. We became FB friends again.

 

We tried... Only for me to cut it off a month later because I didn't trust him to do the same to me again and I didn't want to get too close. After I tried cutting him off he reached out to me. This was an off/on thing until things got back on track where we started from the beginning and then... His WIFE finds evidence that he's cheating. He told me right away and said she's saying she's leaving but if I still wanted to be with him he wouldn't say "No".

 

To make the long story short... The wife talked some sense into him and he told me he didn't want to lose his family. I was crushed but understood and walked away with my head held high but we were still FB friends. He reached out again but his demeanor changed... It was more like we weren't "Friends" anymore but more like taking the emotions out of the relationship to just SEX. We were sexin' like rabbits because we knew he couldn't come out to see me anymore because his wife was on to him. I was still very much drawn to the sex.

 

In the end... I wanted more then what he could give me (Saw him taking her out and spending time with the kids on his FB page) so I told him how I felt and he understood and told me he wished me nothing but the best and that I was truly a good person The kicker was finding out their anniversary is a week after my bday. I saw pictures on his FB page of them celebrating and at that point... I had ENOUGH! He pretty much checked out after his wife found the evidence and those two getting in good again. Which is a good thing for the family itself.

 

Enough of my feelings getting hurt and enough of the back and forth... I guess what I'm saying is I know I did the right thing. So I blocked him and took him off my FB friends without telling him. He still has access to my number tho.

 

My question is... I know this too shall past but it's hard. If he contacts me via text (I just blocked him on FB today) I won't respond.

 

I guess what I'm asking is, I'm pretty sure he'll understand why I did what I did and I'm just trying to move on. I know I'll have my good/bad days but what hurts the most was how he was so easy for him to "check out" of his emotions like that. Used until things got better between those two again for the time being... So I guess he can Thank me for getting his marriage back on track.

Edited July 26, 2013 by Cocochai
Tried to correct the heading... Broke it OFF

[Cocochai]

Your right and I never said it was okay... I guess in my naive little world people can change but in these cases, a zebra hardly ever changes its stripes. I never liked what we were doing I just got caught up. I already told myself I wouldn't respond back if he decided to text me.

[Cocochai]

Thank you! I really thought we could be friends in between the backs/forth's but at the end of the day... I'm a good person with a good heart who simple got caught up... I clearly liked everything about him a little too much.

 

I'd rather be alone then to not get what I deserve out of a true relationship.

[Cocochai]

Day 1 of a full NC and I've been crying on the inside ever since. I expected it to be this way as time heals all wounds but why are we (knowing what we got ourselves into), always wondering how the XMM will feel once they find out there's no more contact? Knowing good an well we should begin the start of knowing our self worth all over again.

 

I keep myself busy. It's my off day so I treated my kid to a nice breakfast and decided to dive myself into work around the house. I feel better knowing I took the power away and my planning wasn't to play games... But to simply move on.

 

It will get better i suppose but knowing I fell hard for a selfish person, I never asked for anything or created drama and he gets to live life as if he never had a double life. Instead of telling him... I just moved on.

 

Crying helps but I'm not trying to look depressed forever knowing I did the right thing.

 

Any advise?

[Goodbye]

Day 1 of a full NC and I've been crying on the inside ever since. I expected it to be this way as time heals all wounds but why are we (knowing what we got ourselves into), always wondering how the XMM will feel once they find out there's no more contact? Knowing good an well we should begin the start of knowing our self worth all over again.

 

I keep myself busy. It's my off day so I treated my kid to a nice breakfast and decided to dive myself into work around the house. I feel better knowing I took the power away and my planning wasn't to play games... But to simply move on.

 

It will get better i suppose but knowing I fell hard for a selfish person, I never asked for anything or created drama and he gets to live life as if he never had a double life. Instead of telling him... I just moved on.

 

Crying helps but I'm not trying to look depressed forever knowing I did the right thing.

 

Any advise?

 

 

Focus on YOUR life. Even more so, on you son or daughter. After I got over the initial grief shock of NC (and it will get better) I realized how much stuff I'd back burnered while focusing on the exMM. All that time waiting for calls, texts, looking at FB, running off for a "meeting" adds up. Fill all that time back up with stuff that really matters and it will help you heal.

[hippetyhop]

Congrats on ending your A. NC is a pain in the butt, but worth it in the end. I am on Day 12. It gets easier. Trust me. Remember to take care of yourself during this time. No matter the length of any type of R, the end of it can still be harsh.

 

 

Wisernow hit the nail on the head--he'll be back, but will you let him back? Also, I agree with them as their marriage isn't "back on track." He's just acting like an angel so he can get his privileges back. He knows he can be on lock down. My xMM went that route also--starting doing things out of the ordinary for his wife when she was given a heads up. That performance will only last for so long.

[Cocochai]

Wisernow hit the nail on the head--he'll be back, but will you let him back? Also, I agree with them as their marriage isn't "back on track." He's just acting like an angel so he can get his privileges back. He knows he can be on lock down. My xMM went that route also--starting doing things out of the ordinary for his wife when she was given a heads up. That performance will only last for so long.

 

I guess I'm in denial how happy and beautiful they looked as a couple with the kids it's kind of hard for me to believe he'll reach out again. It hasn't been the same for the whole month of July but that's only because I know the kids were away for a whole month.

 

He wished me a happy birthday and I even could tell he turned off his FB chat. I figured he was trying to do right by his wife. I actually told him I couldn't do it anymore in the beginning og Julybecause I deserved to be with some one who would give me the relationship I wanted. We stopped communicated everyday like we use to.

 

I got weak and reached out to him for sex and he said he wanted to but his wife was back in town from dropping te kids off and he knew I wouldn't want to hear that.

 

I felt embarrassed and desperate so I chilled. Losing myself once again. When I saw how happy they looked. I blocked and deleted him to move on and get myself back.

 

 

It's crazy how I lost myself

 

Thanks for all the encouragements. I'm still sticking to my guns

Edited July 26, 2013 by Cocochai