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Do you think it's rude if you're not invited to in-law family event sometimes?

chelle21689

By chelle21689,
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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chelle21689

chelle21689

Posted
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I'd like to hear opinions because I know many people who feel it is rude andante who don't.

 

Let me clarify, say you are in a serious relationship, engaged, married or whatever and your partner has family dinners that only "blood" relatives can go to. Only his siblings and mom...no one else.

 

I feel like it is hurtful because you're part of the family but then you realize they don't see you as family if they have dinners once a month of their little family circle and you can't really come. It would hurt worse if your child could go but you can't. Feeling excluded hurts.

 

In my family if we have dinners spouses and bf/gf can go because we want them to feel like family.

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Silly_Girl

Silly_Girl

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I've never heard of 'blood-only' get-togethers. Very odd.

 

If everyone (not in the family) is excluded then is it really so hurtful? It would be different if they included others, bar one, for example.

 

I think it's weird.

 

Have you told them how you feel?

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Els

Els

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Never heard of such a thing. Are you sure it's dinner they're having, not some secret mafia meeting? :laugh:

 

In all seriousness, it wouldn't bother me too much if it was only on occasion, but yes, I'd find it strange.

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MsShelleH

MsShelleH

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i do think there are certainly times when an ocassional "blood family" get together is acceptable...and healthy...

 

yes, a mom having dinner with HER children only..is a nice occasion. or siblings, without their significant others, etc. (hey no different than say a husband and wife having an occasional date/dinner time without their children...but having time together as a whole family...thats important too)

 

i think special occasions, holidays, and regular scheduled dinners, or parties...should be for all family, in laws included...

 

anything else is mean and excluding...and will cause bad feelings between the people--and not loving bonds.

 

i say as long as its the exception more than the general rule...its ok.

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Keenly

Keenly

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I'm seeing a "well my family does this, therefore their family should too" kind of outlook in this thread.

 

 

 

Look, its their family, if they want to get together with just them, let them. Do not go down this road of trying to wedge your way into a situation like this, its just going to end up bad. You may not be trying to do that right now, but its where this is leading. Just let it go, its not really that big of a deal if they have a few events a year for just them.

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DawnR

DawnR

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How often does this happen? I would be very annoyed. I mean once you make that commitment whether it is marriage, or a serious relationship... it is a sign of SUPPORT for the new relationship to be invited to these sorts of events. Of course not all families are the same.

 

It would bother me.

 

If you want to marry me, date me, be engaged to me.... etc.... then I am a part of this family. That is just how I feel.:confused:

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DawnR

DawnR

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Any day I'm not invited to an inlaw family event is a good day.

 

haha... this too. But, its just the act of having NOT been invited in the first place. Whether you wanted to be there or not... not being invited is the same as not being accepted. I am good enough for your son, but not for you. Why not?

 

:p

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SoleMate

SoleMate

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It's quite unusual IME, but not necessarily rude. Also, if you'd rather not go anyway, regardless of whether this is objectively rude, it still meets your need.

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Turtles

Turtles

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Are you invited to other family events? Also are you married, engaged, in a serious relationship, or "whatever" - because that can make a big difference depending on the family.

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ForeverHopeful1

ForeverHopeful1

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I find it odd and I would be a little hurt. It does help that all significant others are excluded but it is still odd.

 

My H and I have been together for almost 10 years and I can't think of one thing I wasn't included in during the time we have been together. He has a small family so Im the only "new family member" attending dinners, parties and events. I would be upset if I were not invited but at the same time, if they did this once a month, and no one (of my status) was invited either, I wouldn't feel so left out. It would obviously be more offensive if I was literally the only one not invited.

 

I think my child would be staying home with me on these nights though. If my child is good enough for these get togethers, so am I. End of story.

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ForeverHopeful1

ForeverHopeful1

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Why are you making this all about you?

 

It's one lousy dinner per month for the immediate family to re-connect without it becoming the social hour with spouses all there and the 800 screaming grandchildren they'd all be dragging along to dinner with them.

 

The screaming grandchildren ARE welcome though.

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chelle21689

chelle21689

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Posted (edited)
How often does this happen? I would be very annoyed. I mean once you make that commitment whether it is marriage, or a serious relationship... it is a sign of SUPPORT for the new relationship to be invited to these sorts of events. Of course not all families are the same.

 

It would bother me.

 

If you want to marry me, date me, be engaged to me.... etc.... then I am a part of this family. That is just how I feel.:confused:

 

That's how I feel. I mean if you've been together a few years, live together, or go through family crisis and help them out then I don't see how marriage automatically makes you better. Example that vs. meeting someone for 3 months and getting married lol they automatically deserve all that?

 

But anyways, they do this 1-2x a month or 1x every 2 months.

 

 

What about family vacations of just the mom and kids and no spouses/partners? Just their nuclear family?

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grassisorisntgreener

grassisorisntgreener

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For me it would depend on the exact situation.

 

If this is something they did long before me, and is common, that would be one thing.

 

If they started these "blood only" dinners after I came around, I'd feel excluded.

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pink_sugar

pink_sugar

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It depends. I took a few hours off of work to attend my husband, then boyfriend's parents vow renewal...but I wasn't included in ANY photos. Now that I thought, was pretty rude.

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DawnR

DawnR

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It depends. I took a few hours off of work to attend my husband, then boyfriend's parents vow renewal...but I wasn't included in ANY photos. Now that I thought, was pretty rude.

 

yes I think it sounds rude too.

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