Should I drop my best friend of 10 years??

[Jaylene]

My "best friend" and I have been friends since grade school; we have been through practically everything together-good and bad. For the past few months, I feel that we are not as close as we were.Things started to mess up when she got too involved in my relationship with my ex. Her "constructive criticism" came across as straight bitchiness to me. She never had a boyfriend and now that she finally has one, all she does is brag about every little thing that he does for her or that they do together. I have a new boyfriend who is fantastic, but I don't feel the need to act the way that she does. I really get irritated by the fact that all she does is show off about her relationship and then undermine my stories of my relationship. It is not that I am jealous of her because I feel that my boyfriend is much better. But I hate the fact that that she is intentionally showing off and trying to be competitive with me. I dont' feel that a true best friend would act in that manner. Also, I really don't feel close to her anymore. I dont' even confide in her the way that I used too. We used to be inseperable. Now we rarely hang out and when we do I feel so uncomfortable and fake. I have tried to brush off her comments that offend me, but I really don't want to any longer. I think that the reason why I have remained het friend for so long is because

 

we have been friedns for so long, and I really dont' have many close friends that live near me besides her. My other close friends live out of town. I know that I have to make new friends, especially now that I am starting law school next fall.

 

I am contemplating just dropping her as a friend and starting of the new year brand new, now that I finally have a wonderful new man in my life, am about to graduate, and want to be surrounded by people that I can realte to more and who will support me in my career goals. I basically feel that she is a negative vibe in my life.

 

I miss the way that we used to be, but I really don't think that ouir relationship will ever be teh same again, I dont' feel that I can confide in her anymore.

 

HELP! What should I do??????

[ashesmum]

Sorry to say, but people change. I had a friend thru school too and she just drifted off. As for your friend, you should tell her when she says things that offend you. If she still does it, then you need to figure out if she's what you need in your life. Her new relationship will only good about bragging for a small time, so if you think you can ignore it long enough, try. I think you really need to have a good conversation with her about your concerns though. Get her perspective on things also. Hope all comes out ok for you.

My "best friend" and I have been friends since grade school; we have been through practically everything together-good and bad. For the past few months, I feel that we are not as close as we were.Things started to mess up when she got too involved in my relationship with my ex. Her "constructive criticism" came across as straight bitchiness to me. She never had a boyfriend and now that she finally has one, all she does is brag about every little thing that he does for her or that they do together. I have a new boyfriend who is fantastic, but I don't feel the need to act the way that she does. I really get irritated by the fact that all she does is show off about her relationship and then undermine my stories of my relationship. It is not that I am jealous of her because I feel that my boyfriend is much better. But I hate the fact that that she is intentionally showing off and trying to be competitive with me. I dont' feel that a true best friend would act in that manner. Also, I really don't feel close to her anymore. I dont' even confide in her the way that I used too. We used to be inseperable. Now we rarely hang out and when we do I feel so uncomfortable and fake. I have tried to brush off her comments that offend me, but I really don't want to any longer. I think that the reason why I have remained het friend for so long is because we have been friedns for so long, and I really dont' have many close friends that live near me besides her. My other close friends live out of town. I know that I have to make new friends, especially now that I am starting law school next fall. I am contemplating just dropping her as a friend and starting of the new year brand new, now that I finally have a wonderful new man in my life, am about to graduate, and want to be surrounded by people that I can realte to more and who will support me in my career goals. I basically feel that she is a negative vibe in my life. I miss the way that we used to be, but I really don't think that ouir relationship will ever be teh same again, I dont' feel that I can confide in her anymore. HELP! What should I do??????

[Tony T]

Before you drop her completely, sit down with her privately and go over everything you have discussed here. Be kind but firm in letting her know exactly all she has done to diminish the friendship. Watch your wording and don't make it an attack session...just tell her your feelings and let her know how you wish all this would have gone. See if she understands and is willing to change. If you ever do cease the friendship, she will clearly know why.

 

Let her know you don't feel good about confiding in her anymore and give her the reasons. Tell her you really miss how the friendship used to be.

 

This friendship may never be as close as it once was but if she has a will to change her attitude and behavior, there may still be some elements of it that are worth carrying forward. If she does agree to change but it doesn't work out anyway, then I would simply terminate the relationship.

 

Friendships and relationships have a shelf life. None, I mean NONE, ever stay the same. It is the nature of human beings to change over time. The friendship that began in grade school and served you well for many years has evolved and changed radically. You will never, ever go back. Both of you have grown and matured in different ways and you simply aren't the same people you used to be. Very often people we meet growing up in school are situational friends that go their way once the school experience has ended and we no longer see them in that environment.

 

Our interests change, our problems change, etc. There are some friends that last a lifetime...and some that end well short of that. There should be no shame in terminating this friendship if it has ceased to be productive and fulfilling. And you have many more reasons to end it if it has become downright annoying and hurtful.

 

But give it one more chance...after a good, heart-to-heart talk. If things get better, you will be all the better for it. If things don't work out, you can tell her it's over without going into the reasons...because she will already clearly know.

 

Good luck in law school. We need more lawyers...and I love those lawyer jokes!!! Happy Holidays!!!

[WGirl]

Sometimes you just grow apart from people. I am dealing with the very same thing right now. I have recently had a major lifestyle change. I stopped partying. Since I have stopped partying, I am finding I have nothing in common with the "party people" anymore. One of whom I was friends with for eight years.

 

She still wants to go out and party about five nights

 

a week.(I was never quite that bad) I am finding that

 

we have nothing in common anymore. We have different lifestyles, goals, friends, ideas, values. Gradually, both of us changed over these eight years. She is going one way and I am going another.

 

It is deeper than that. I feel like she is not really there for me. She can be really one-sided sometimes.

 

She does what she has to do to fit in with the "crowd".

 

That kind of bothers me when we are together. Looking cool seems to be important to her than a true friendship. Since I have stopped calling her, she has constantly tried to get in touch with me. It isn't that I hate her. I just don't want her calling me all the time like she was. She still wants us to have a close relationship but I don't because I feel like she is

 

pulling me down. How do you tell someone that? I don't want to hurt her.

 

I know I am doing what is right for me. I needed my space from her. I am finding myself alone a lot because I have cut off a lot of people I used to be friends with. I used to think that even fair-weathered friends were better than no friends so I put up with a lot of crap in between. I am looking for new friends but not trying to hard. I have a hard time trusting people and opening up in the beginning so it makes it hard for me

 

to make friends.

 

Good luck to you and your situation.

My "best friend" and I have been friends since grade school; we have been through practically everything together-good and bad. For the past few months, I feel that we are not as close as we were.Things started to mess up when she got too involved in my relationship with my ex. Her "constructive criticism" came across as straight bitchiness to me. She never had a boyfriend and now that she finally has one, all she does is brag about every little thing that he does for her or that they do together. I have a new boyfriend who is fantastic, but I don't feel the need to act the way that she does. I really get irritated by the fact that all she does is show off about her relationship and then undermine my stories of my relationship. It is not that I am jealous of her because I feel that my boyfriend is much better. But I hate the fact that that she is intentionally showing off and trying to be competitive with me. I dont' feel that a true best friend would act in that manner. Also, I really don't feel close to her anymore. I dont' even confide in her the way that I used too. We used to be inseperable. Now we rarely hang out and when we do I feel so uncomfortable and fake. I have tried to brush off her comments that offend me, but I really don't want to any longer. I think that the reason why I have remained het friend for so long is because we have been friedns for so long, and I really dont' have many close friends that live near me besides her. My other close friends live out of town. I know that I have to make new friends, especially now that I am starting law school next fall. I am contemplating just dropping her as a friend and starting of the new year brand new, now that I finally have a wonderful new man in my life, am about to graduate, and want to be surrounded by people that I can realte to more and who will support me in my career goals. I basically feel that she is a negative vibe in my life. I miss the way that we used to be, but I really don't think that ouir relationship will ever be teh same again, I dont' feel that I can confide in her anymore. HELP! What should I do??????

[Deejette]

Somthing like this happened to me too, with my best friend in college. First she resented the fact that I had a boyfriend and wasn't spending as much time with her. Then, when she got a boyfriend, they both kind of ganged up against me and the friendship just went south. She became very critical of me and brought her new boyfriend into it. It really hurt, but I understand now that not all friendships last forever. Envy and jealousy can destroy friendship.

 

The girl you write about is not supportive of you emotionally and there is no point in hanging out with her any more because of her negativity and constant need to prove how great her new life is to you. This is annoying and annoyance is not a good emotion to feel on an ongoing basis.

 

Friends hang out together because they really want to be with each other, not because it has become a habit over the years.

My "best friend" and I have been friends since grade school; we have been through practically everything together-good and bad. For the past few months, I feel that we are not as close as we were.Things started to mess up when she got too involved in my relationship with my ex. Her "constructive criticism" came across as straight bitchiness to me. She never had a boyfriend and now that she finally has one, all she does is brag about every little thing that he does for her or that they do together. I have a new boyfriend who is fantastic, but I don't feel the need to act the way that she does. I really get irritated by the fact that all she does is show off about her relationship and then undermine my stories of my relationship. It is not that I am jealous of her because I feel that my boyfriend is much better. But I hate the fact that that she is intentionally showing off and trying to be competitive with me. I dont' feel that a true best friend would act in that manner. Also, I really don't feel close to her anymore. I dont' even confide in her the way that I used too. We used to be inseperable. Now we rarely hang out and when we do I feel so uncomfortable and fake. I have tried to brush off her comments that offend me, but I really don't want to any longer. I think that the reason why I have remained het friend for so long is because we have been friedns for so long, and I really dont' have many close friends that live near me besides her. My other close friends live out of town. I know that I have to make new friends, especially now that I am starting law school next fall. I am contemplating just dropping her as a friend and starting of the new year brand new, now that I finally have a wonderful new man in my life, am about to graduate, and want to be surrounded by people that I can realte to more and who will support me in my career goals. I basically feel that she is a negative vibe in my life. I miss the way that we used to be, but I really don't think that ouir relationship will ever be teh same again, I dont' feel that I can confide in her anymore. HELP! What should I do??????