he is really serious, now what?!

[jenni]

all of my life or at least as far back as i can remember, people have made promises that were never kept, said things they never meant, good or bad, and now i met this guy who keeps his promises, does what he says and means what he says.

 

this has taken me the better part of our relationship of three years to realize this about him. we had talked about my having invitro insemination which costs about $10,000 to start out.

 

i had my tubes tied 19 years ago and never took him seriously until now, he really wants a baby. other things are about buying a house and getting married etc.

 

this is soooooo wierd to me! i never took any of what he said seriously and altho i am totally for all these things, i find it really hard to believe that someone out there can keep a promise and do what he says he will.

 

at times tho this has actually made me scared and wanting to run and or start something to end this before it goes too far, but i really don't want to, i'm just scared now.

 

help, any ideas on how to deal with this?

[Catari]

Whatever his reasons are to start a life together with you, first to my mind comes that he loves you. If you do love him and want the same things in the future, do not be afraid. I understand that past unpleasant experiences made you believe that people like him do not exist, but I think that you exactly know that he is for real. Feeling too happy may scare us sometimes but this is a good fear.

all of my life or at least as far back as i can remember, people have made promises that were never kept, said things they never meant, good or bad, and now i met this guy who keeps his promises, does what he says and means what he says. this has taken me the better part of our relationship of three years to realize this about him. we had talked about my having invitro insemination which costs about $10,000 to start out. i had my tubes tied 19 years ago and never took him seriously until now, he really wants a baby. other things are about buying a house and getting married etc. this is soooooo wierd to me! i never took any of what he said seriously and altho i am totally for all these things, i find it really hard to believe that someone out there can keep a promise and do what he says he will. at times tho this has actually made me scared and wanting to run and or start something to end this before it goes too far, but i really don't want to, i'm just scared now. help, any ideas on how to deal with this?

[Tony T]

The reason others did not keep their promises to you throughout your life was because you did not expect them to. Your fear has, up to this point, blocked this from happening to you. Maybe it did in the past becasue it was so hard for you to believe that you just didn't.

 

You attracted people to you who wouldn't keep their promises because they were safe. That truth is born out by the fact that you are now frightened by someone who does indeed make good on his promises.

 

I don't think you should back off and penalize someone who is sincere and does what he says just because this frightens you. It scares you because it is not something you are used to. But you are an adult and consider you are now being rewarded. It will take a lot of changes in YOU to get used to this treatment.

 

In life, we attract the people we expect to attract. Women who say all guys are jerks will surely attract every jerk they come across. If you expect guys not to keep their promises, you can bet you will attract men who don't keep promises. The one you're with now slipped by somehow and you better be grateful.

 

Count your blessings and start feeling worthy of someone who is decent. You aren't getting any younger and life is very short. It'll be nice to live the second part of your life with a decent, straight-shooting guy. I just hope you don't screw it up with your fears.

 

If things get worse, talk this over with him. Tell him you are scared because you aren't used to this nice treatment. Let him know what's going on so he can help get you through it all and save the relationship. He'll probably be very grateful that you recognize this trate in him and that you appreciate it...even though scared at the same time.

[Deejette]

It's a sad fact of human nature to be frightened when things are too good. Like the mothers in India who put a big black spot on their new babies' faces (to make them ugly) as a means of discouraging the evil spirits from wanting and taking their beautiful baby away from them.

 

But we can waste our lives not believing in the good things that happen to us. "##### happens" but lots and lots of good stuff happens too. So enjoy the good stuff and don't pollute it with thoughts about the possibility that this is too good to be true.

all of my life or at least as far back as i can remember, people have made promises that were never kept, said things they never meant, good or bad, and now i met this guy who keeps his promises, does what he says and means what he says. this has taken me the better part of our relationship of three years to realize this about him. we had talked about my having invitro insemination which costs about $10,000 to start out. i had my tubes tied 19 years ago and never took him seriously until now, he really wants a baby. other things are about buying a house and getting married etc. this is soooooo wierd to me! i never took any of what he said seriously and altho i am totally for all these things, i find it really hard to believe that someone out there can keep a promise and do what he says he will. at times tho this has actually made me scared and wanting to run and or start something to end this before it goes too far, but i really don't want to, i'm just scared now. help, any ideas on how to deal with this?