Do you look like the betrayed spouse?

[skylarblue]

The only similarities in looks between his W and I were height and light eyes. She has short, blonde hair, pale, size L. I have long, brunette hair, tan, size S. She's almost 20yrs older than I. She just seems kinda mom-ish, kinda average and plain whereas I take a lot of consideration in my appearance.

 

I automatically expect to be better looking than the W/gf of a guy I'm attracted to simply because I'm an attractive girl who likes guys 25+yrs older that's not your stereotypical handsome type. So, I don't really expect much of their wives. A W's looks was kinda significant to me though. It makes a difference in my attraction to MM if I think the W is attractive enough or too unattractive.

[bentleychic]

No. She is 16 years older than me, different color hair, different body shape, completely different hair style, no tattoos or piercings. Complete polar opposites. Our face shape is similar, I think, but that's it.

[rae_lana]

This is different for me because I know her very well. We don't look at all alike other than being the same height. I am the more visually appealing of the two of us maybe depending on your version of 'beautiful' .. Much more feminine looking and curvy, I've always outweighed her which used to bother me but not anymore. Im just self concious that way no matter what. she has a great personality and is funny and great to be around. Our personalities are very similar with some big differences all of which could considered good or bad.

 

I can see why he likes both of us. Looks wise we're very different and we both have personalities that he likes a lot.

[cocorico]

No, we do not look alike. She is shorter, heavier, dresses very butch, has different colouring. I look more like his first love (from school).

[LilGirlandOW]

No, we do not look alike. She is shorter, heavier, dresses very butch, has different colouring. I look more like his first love (from school).

 

Wow this is 99% exactly like me! Except I'm Very short and she's much taller, I'm an XS, she a L, I have long blonde hair hers short boys cut, I'm very feminine and shes butchy. I too look like his first love, from back in highschool, thats so odd!

[tryingto]

I saw this in another forum, before I signed up here.

 

Do you look like the betrayed spouse? Do you think you look better than she does?

 

No, I don't look like the spouse.

 

We are both Caucasian, I was blonde when I was younger, but my hair is darker now. She spends a lot of money on treating her hair, it looks nice, it is nicely frosted and highlighted and permed. I'm kind of enjoying watching my hair change from medium brown to medium brown with wayward grays magically appearing.

 

She is ten years or more older than I am. My face looks younger and my teeth are better. She has a really odd shaped face - a prominent chin.

 

She is taller than I am and has a much nicer body than I do. Although I do more physical work than she does and have muscular arms and legs.

 

Personally, I feel it is a toss up on who looks better.

 

Years after the fact I've run into ex boyfriends and/ex married men. If they were jerks, it does give me an internal happy dance if I look better than what they're with now.

 

I think that is human nature, maybe not a pretty side of it.

 

I posted the following on a similar thread that was started in May from another poster. It remains my answer...

 

"There was a period of time towards the end that I compared myself to BS sometimes positively and sometimes negatively... BUT at the end of the day it didn't matter who was prettier, who was thinner, who was sweeter, who was smarter, who was funnier... He CHOSE to marry her, he CHOSE to remain with her, he CHOSE to put her first and ultimately he CHOSE to allow the end of our relationship as he remained with her.

 

Now with some time out of my "affair fog", I have realized so many of his choices had very little to do with me and what I look like or the type of person I am and likely very little to do with her and what she looks like and the type of person she is... His choices during the A and at the end of our A had everything to do with HIM!"

[psm04]

I saw this in another forum, before I signed up here.

 

Do you look like the betrayed spouse? Do you think you look better than she does?

 

.

 

Her: very fair, short reddish hair, light eyes. Not sure about body type, although from the pics I have come across, seems to not be overweight or anything. Probably taller than me. Overall pretty

 

Me: tan, long black hair, dark eyes, short, toned.

 

No, we don't look alike, and that's a good thing. It doesn't matter who looks better anyway. Clearly he loves her for certain things (including looks I'm sure), and he loves me for certain things, including looks. Regardless, he loves her more since he's with her.

[whereamigoing]

We are practically the same age but that's about where our similarities end. I think she is attractive in a completely different way than me. We have very different tastes and style. Body types are different.

[bentleychic]

Curious. Wonder what the attraction was, that he married, had children and made a life with her. Maybe he likes the shorter, heavier, butch women.

 

Maybe she changed after she had kids. Pregnancy and birth can definitely do that to you. I know it did to me. I definitely became someone different than what my exH married (and vice versa, but he didn't go through pregnancy for his! LOL)!

[ChasingCars]

I saw pictures of her after the A ended and was shocked.

 

She looks like my twin right down to the exact same hairstyle.

[Whisper Quiet]

There were many photos of BS on xMMs social media pages. I don't have photos posted on social media pages.

 

Initially there were some similarities. As time went on, BS made changes to hair color, cut, and clothing that echoed mine. Coincidence? Maybe. It also made me wonder if he was suggesting changes to her appearance, or if she had discovered the A and was trying to spark xMMs interest.

 

In retrospect, I don't think she discovered.

[Lady2163]

I guess if you add feminity into the mix, she is definitely more feminine than I am. I'm not bring harsh when I say this, she is able to be more feminine. I do all my own yard work. I'm constantly breaking nails. Even with gloves I would destroy a manicure. I often have work cuts on my arms or body. She doesn't have to do the manual labor that I do around the house.

 

I also have short hair. I can't do anything with it when it gets below my neckline. Thick, perfectly straight hair that won't hold curl. I tried everything. I know long hair is the norm in society now.

[cocorico]

Curious. Wonder what the attraction was, that he married, had children and made a life with her. Maybe he likes the shorter, heavier, butch women.

 

She was a lot prettier back then, before all the drinking aged her so quickly. And a lot slimmer, though never petite. The attraction was, she was older, broken, and wanted to go home with him. He could not resist the compulsion to rescue her from her unhappy M. But, to be fair, he was only a child.

[cocorico]

Oh gosh he doesn't communicate with her does he?

 

Why would he?

[cocorico]

 

Initially there were some similarities. As time went on, BS made changes to hair color, cut, and clothing that echoed mine.

 

After he left her, my H's xW tried the same thing.

[Baby123]

Opposites really, I guess when she was younger before she put on weight then facially we might have had a slight similarity.

 

Throughout my A and the beginning of my out in the open relationship I used to think how much better I was than the BS, I wondered how he could have been with her. How shallow I was, shes beautiful, there is nothing wrong with her, shes put on weight after kids... I wonder what my body my will do after 20 years and children.

 

I no longer want to see it as a competition and just feel sorry for what I've done to her. I hope she starts to feel better and doesn't feel bad about my looks, I wont stay young forever.

 

Looks wise both me and her are more attractive then MM anyway.

[OpenBook]

If my wife has an affair I would hope she picks a guy that is more good looking than me.:laugh:

 

 

If she picks an ugly dude i would be devastated.

 

Stop competing. Comparing yourself to him is degrading.

 

Stop trying to obtain external validation through looks, being better in bed, and lastly comparing yourself to the pseudo-other man. Your validation should come from within.

[cocorico]

Why would he communicate with his first love? Facebook. They do it all the time. Find their first loves. He told you you look like her?

 

No, I've seen photos. Her family still lives in the village he grew up in, as does his, so she would probably be easy to track if he wanted to. I have suggested he do so, in the past, but he feels that the reasons they split up on the first place would be greatly magnified by now and he'd rather remember her as she was than have that overlaid with insurmountable layers of difference. He doesn't have contact with anyone from his youth, aside from his family.