lost in my own thoughts....

[mon]

I've been reading everyone's enteries hoping that someone was going through this as well asking for advise but I could not find a post to match the situation I am currently in...

 

This is the first holiday I have spent without a boyfriend in 4 years. We broke up about 6 months ago. I have tried dating several different guys and thought I was over my ex. I received an e-mail from him today and lost it. I got angry with myself for letting it hurt me so much. I had to pull over on the highway tonight after reading it, I was that upset over it. All he talked about was how well his life has been since we broke up. He got this awesome job working for a wonderful accounting firm, his family and personal life are going so well too. He did not say anything personal but it still hurt so much.

 

I guess I thought that just because I could get through the day without thinking of him or crying, it's been about 2 months since it stopped, I thought I was over him. Now with the reaction I had today, I know i'm not ready for someone else. A friend said that the only way to forget and move on is to move on with someone else, meaning get a new boyfriend. I don't think this is true. How can I move on to a new boyfriend if I still have great feeling for my ex?

[Tony T]

Each person is the architect of his own life. You are the one to decide when you are ready for someone new and it doesn't sound like you're ready. Your friend is wrong. You can't do another relationship justice until you are ready to move in that direction.

 

First, if an Email from your ex gets you so charged up, you should ask him to cease all contact until further notice. There are some people who can, indeed, drown out their loss by smothering their emotions with another person. But you are probably more sensitive and were more into your ex and seeing someone else now will not work for you.

 

The fact is you may never be totally over him, but memories tend to dim with time and sometime soon there will be a bright place for someone new who is right for you. It is extremely difficult for some people to let go of the past. These people have been sensitized to loss because of past experiences, usually those occuring in childhood.

 

The time will come when you are completely ready to explore new people and new relationships and you will know when that time is. But, as I mentioned, you need to cease all contact with your ex until that happens.

 

Somewhere deep down you still hold on to the past...and it is painful for you to realize consciously that it is over. But it can be said with certainty that the day will come when the sight of your ex or the mention of his name will have no meaning at all.

 

I know Christmases can suck when you don't have someone special to be with. But this can also be a positive time by using it to share yourself with those less fortunate...by volunteering at charities that distribute toys, food, etc. during the Holiday season...by doing other work that takes the focus off of your life and gives to the world in some way. Your family and friends can take on newer and more special meaning for you when you don't have a special person in your life. Take advantage of this down time.

 

I think your ex was an a**h*** for sending you the Email, and especially for what he said in it. If I were you, it would have made me all the more happy to be away from him. He sounds very immature, childish and insenstive. I'd like to knock his block off. (And don't trust that he was being honest in that Email. His life may be totally miserable and he may not want you to know that.)

 

I think he is a total jerk. It shouldn't take you too much longer to get him out of your mind. You obviously were in love with what you THOUGHT he was because you seem too nice and sharp to fall for the scumbag he really is.

[Deejette]

I don't think it was very nice of him to let you know how well his life is going now that you are no longer in it. Maybe if you see how insensitive this was of him, it will help you get over him and move on.

 

I don't recommend rebounding into a relationship if you are truly not over him yet, but you have to examine your thoughts and figure out how you can be holding on while he has so obviously demonstrated that he has moved on. Maybe you are holding on to an ideal of what things might have been, instead of the reality of who this guy really is.

Each person is the architect of his own life. You are the one to decide when you are ready for someone new and it doesn't sound like you're ready. Your friend is wrong. You can't do another relationship justice until you are ready to move in that direction.

 

First, if an Email from your ex gets you so charged up, you should ask him to cease all contact until further notice. There are some people who can, indeed, drown out their loss by smothering their emotions with another person. But you are probably more sensitive and were more into your ex and seeing someone else now will not work for you. The fact is you may never be totally over him, but memories tend to dim with time and sometime soon there will be a bright place for someone new who is right for you. It is extremely difficult for some people to let go of the past. These people have been sensitized to loss because of past experiences, usually those occuring in childhood. The time will come when you are completely ready to explore new people and new relationships and you will know when that time is. But, as I mentioned, you need to cease all contact with your ex until that happens. Somewhere deep down you still hold on to the past...and it is painful for you to realize consciously that it is over. But it can be said with certainty that the day will come when the sight of your ex or the mention of his name will have no meaning at all. I know Christmases can suck when you don't have someone special to be with. But this can also be a positive time by using it to share yourself with those less fortunate...by volunteering at charities that distribute toys, food, etc. during the Holiday season...by doing other work that takes the focus off of your life and gives to the world in some way. Your family and friends can take on newer and more special meaning for you when you don't have a special person in your life. Take advantage of this down time. I think your ex was an a**h*** for sending you the Email, and especially for what he said in it. If I were you, it would have made me all the more happy to be away from him. He sounds very immature, childish and insenstive. I'd like to knock his block off. (And don't trust that he was being honest in that Email. His life may be totally miserable and he may not want you to know that.) I think he is a total jerk. It shouldn't take you too much longer to get him out of your mind. You obviously were in love with what you THOUGHT he was because you seem too nice and sharp to fall for the scumbag he really is.