My husband posted naked pictures of me online without my permission

[Carolinablue21]

My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 2. We have a 2 year old son together. I noticed earlier this year that he has a cuckold fetish. For those who are unfamiliar he fantasizes about me having sex with other men while he watches. He's asks me lots of times to have sex with another man and I've always told him no. Our marriage took a turn for the worse so I decided to try it thinking it would make our marriage better. Wrong! I felt disgusting. I felt like a prostitute. And ironically I cheated on him (without him knowing) shortly after that. I confessed and we went to marriage counseling. He begged me not to tell the counselor about his cuckold fetish so we didn't. We only talked about me cheating. I guess he magically got over because a month later he was asking me to do describe my sexual encounter with the other male so he could get his rocks off. I'll get to the point. Today he went to work and left his phone on. He's in the military so he can't have his phone at work for security reasons. I'm not a snooper but my son got his phone and went thru it looking for games. (You'd be surprised how well a toddler can navigate thru a smart phone). When I took it away from him he had the Internet browser open and one of tabs had a picture of me, naked, on some porn website. The caption said something about cheating wife or something. I went to the page and it said the picture had been removed. I have no clue what to say to him. That's the one thing I said I would never do. What if my dad or one of my uncles or something went there and say that? Or one of our friends? Like I said I'm not a snooper so I feel terrible about going thru his phone but I feel super betrayed. What should I do?

[DawnR]

OH WOW. I dont mean to be negative, but I do not think I could forgive for that. Although I tend to be more 'conservative' by nature than some people. I guess it is all in how you look at online porn (no pun intended.)

 

I would confront him for sure... and if he gets upset thinking that you have GONE THROUGH HIS PHONE... tell him... "Well good thing I did... " & "What he has done FAR FAR FAR outweighs your having looked at his phone!"

 

Bottom line... I would be terribly upset.

[GorillaTheater]

He has very little respect for you, and not much for himself for that matter. HUGE breach of trust.

 

Is this marriage worth saving?

[Eggplant]

And ironically I cheated on him (without him knowing) shortly after that.

What he did was awful. What you did was awful. Consider yourselves even.

[Carolinablue21]

I am terribly upset and I do plan to confront him. I know what I did was wrong and I don't deny that but I would take something so private and put it out there for the world to see. I want to save our marriage but between his video game addiction and this crap I'm not sure anymore. I just want our son to have both his parents in one home.

[Eggplant]

You may be able to sue him, actually. Although, he'd pay with your joint money. The trust between you is shattered. Both of you acted on impulse and destroyed the other.

[DawnR]

I am terribly upset and I do plan to confront him. I know what I did was wrong and I don't deny that but I would take something so private and put it out there for the world to see. I want to save our marriage but between his video game addiction and this crap I'm not sure anymore. I just want our son to have both his parents in one home.

 

My parents stayed together for the kids... (my sister and myself) and that was the worst mistake they could have ever made. HUGE EMOTIONAL malfunctions throughout my life. It does not have to be that way.

 

If I found out my hubby had put nude pics of me online... I could never be intimate with him again. OR even shower in front of him. Oh wow. Makes me mad just thinking about it.

[HokeyReligions]

I am terribly upset and I do plan to confront him. I know what I did was wrong and I don't deny that but I would take something so private and put it out there for the world to see. I want to save our marriage but between his video game addiction and this crap I'm not sure anymore. I just want our son to have both his parents in one home.

 

I could not forgive that and I think its far more serious than snooping. In your shoes based only on your posts I would have to step back and think hard on if he is the kind of role model you want for your son. Not his fetish per se, lots of people have fetishes, but how his fetish has hurt you and how he put his desires above his love and respect for you and how he could betray your trust by putting something so personal online without your permission.

 

As someone else asked, is this marriage worth saving?

[Carolinablue21]

You're right. I don't want my son growing up thinking this is what a marriage is supposed to be like. I regret what I did so deeply. But it seems that he enjoys the fact that I cheated. I'm not sure if our marriage is worth saving but I'm not a big fan of divorce either. I know how it made me feel that I couldn't see my dad all the time after my parents divorced and I'd hate for our son to feel that way.

[Carolinablue21]

Thanks for the advice eggplant but I'm not sure that I want to sue him. I'm angry but not that angry lol

[CarrieT]

Carolina, it seems you have two choices:

I don't want my son growing up thinking this is what a marriage is supposed to be like.

Versus:

I know how it made me feel that I couldn't see my dad all the time after my parents divorced and I'd hate for our son to feel that way.

 

The problem is that you are projecting how YOU felt as the child of a divorced couple and assume your son will feel similarly. Why did your parents divorce? Did your Dad disrespect your Mother the way your husband has disrespected you?

 

Please consider the atmosphere and role model that you will be giving your child if you allow your husband to get away with this type of behavior and you continue in a marriage like this for the sake of a child. THAT alone could be more detrimental to your son...

[karnak]

Honestly, I think your marriage has too many issues.

 

Better pull the plug and try to find a decent man, who loves and respects you for real. And who you can love and respect as well.

 

Your relationship is not an healthy marriage. More like a cheap erotic novel, really.

 

Your son should grow up knowing that a person must try and create a sane, healthy relationship and couple dynamics.

[veggirl]

You guys have ONLY been together for 3 years. In that time you have cheated and he has posted your naked pics online.

 

Come on. Does this in any way, shape or form look like a relationship that will make it 50 MORE years? Cut the cord now, you guys are NOT "meant to be" at all. There is working on issues and then there is beating a dead horse....tbh sounds like you guys got married way too soon (after a year of dating) and I'm guessing it has something to do with your child (2 yrs old so....you were preg after THREE months of dating?)

 

you guys moved into life long decisions / situations way too quickly, before you properly assessed one another. Unfortunate, but sadly common these days.

[Carolinablue21]

Yes we were only together 3 months when we started dating. But we've known each since 10th grade. I didn't just jump into bed with a guy I only knew for 3 months. I really want to make this marriage work. We got past the infidelity and we were honestly doing so much better until I discovered these photos. After I cheated he said that it made him realize he only wanted me to be intimate with him. We've been doing counseling (our counselor told us not to focus on the infidelity, but to focus on the problems leading up to the infidelity and that really helped), and we've both been trying our hardest to be better spouses to each other. Then I discovered the photos and it just kinda caught me off guard because we put everything that happened before behind us.

[SoleMate]

I agree strongly with Miss Priss, this type of desire tends to keep escalating. It's not a normal or healthy man who tries to get his wife to commit adultery and then posts nude pix of her online. If he'll do those things, what won't he do?

[T3h L337 d00d]

So, you're a cheater and he get's off on humiliating you and himself by whoring you out hmmm. It's funny that in all the list of people you were worried could see the picture your son wasn't named. You guys have a lot of problems and I have no idea how you can fix them. You stop the cheating, as for him if you're going to go to counseling together you have to talk about everything.

 

You probably need to hire a computer expert to go through all of your husbands devices and totally wipe them clean and get rid of any pictures of you. Than you need to make sure he doesn't get anymore nudes of you. This man is a ticking time bomb. I wouldn't put it past him to stage a screening or email them to people you guys know.

[Turtles]

Yes we were only together 3 months when we started dating. But we've known each since 10th grade. I didn't just jump into bed with a guy I only knew for 3 months. I really want to make this marriage work. We got past the infidelity and we were honestly doing so much better until I discovered these photos. After I cheated he said that it made him realize he only wanted me to be intimate with him. We've been doing counseling (our counselor told us not to focus on the infidelity, but to focus on the problems leading up to the infidelity and that really helped), and we've both been trying our hardest to be better spouses to each other. Then I discovered the photos and it just kinda caught me off guard because we put everything that happened before behind us.

 

Is it a recent picture? Or is it possible the reason he had the picture up in his history is because he went and removed a picture he had posted prior to all the counseling? Not to minimize what he did - it's a horrible lack of respect - but maybe it was a knee jerk reaction after he initially learned of the cheating, he realized it was a mistake and was trying to repair it.

 

It's funny that in all the list of people you were worried could see the picture your son wasn't named.

 

Wow, at 2 year old that would be a long long time for him to be able to visit porn sites, I think it's a safe bet that picture will not be on the front page anymore!

[TaraMaiden]

I wouldn't be at all surprised at what a 2-year-old could do....

 

(my 3-year-old Gson can negotiate his way through anybody's phone and cause havoc by changing passwords, screensavers and taking photos!)

 

....but at that age (of 2) they don't have sufficient comprehension abilities to consider something like that harmful or obscene. Their minds are simply not adequately developed to be able to process images in that way. Besides, at that age, they have no comparison.

 

So actually, while I understand everyone's shock at the little one playing with his dad's phone and the images he might see, that's actually not a real psychologically-damaging problem.

 

What the problem is, is that first of all, the H convinced the OP to not discuss his fetish in Counselling. A fetish which actually had a great deal to do with the humiliation of his wife.

That was lying by omission.

 

Secondly, he then admitted to her that the mental imagery of her infidelity was actually quite arousing for him - so insofar as damage to the marriage was concerned, it seems (inadvertently or otherwise) the OP was not actually as culpable of that as it originally seemed.

 

deceit is always wrong, however, permit me to add.....

 

Then, to betray her in such a heinous and invasive way, by abusing her dignity and privacy - I'm sorry, Eggplant, that doesn't make them even.

 

Carolinablue21 I have to say, this would be a deal-breaker for me.

And that's putting it mildly.

Even more than my H having an affair, or downloading gay porn in secret (to use 2 examples) would offend me less....

 

Your relationship is toxic and your H has the controlling hand, it would seem. Or so he thinks.

He succeeded in getting you to be complicit in the secrecy of his fetish during counselling (!), AND he abused your trust, without any notion you'd find out.

 

I think it's time you took control of the situation and called it a day.

As someone else said, this relationship has no hint of "Happy 50th" about it at all.... And your son's imagined distress should be compared to any acute discomfort he may experience in future, when he discovers just how dysfunctional his father's behaviour actually is....

[Radu]

My husband and I have been together for 3 years and married for 2. We have a 2 year old son together. I noticed earlier this year that he has a cuckold fetish. For those who are unfamiliar he fantasizes about me having sex with other men while he watches. He's asks me lots of times to have sex with another man and I've always told him no. Our marriage took a turn for the worse so I decided to try it thinking it would make our marriage better. Wrong! I felt disgusting. I felt like a prostitute. And ironically I cheated on him (without him knowing) shortly after that. I confessed and we went to marriage counseling.

Cuckolding also has an element of humiliation to it, it's beyond just being ok/liking it/being turned on by your wife having sex with another man.

 

 

He begged me not to tell the counselor about his cuckold fetish so we didn't. We only talked about me cheating. I guess he magically got over because a month later he was asking me to do describe my sexual encounter with the other male so he could get his rocks off.

Not telling the counselor about his cuckold fetish altered the perception of the counselor in regards to what lead to this.

You are 100% responsible for your cheating, but both of you are equally responsible for the conditions in your marriage before the cheating.

 

He didn't magically get over it; most likely he had time to think it over and managed to accept it as part of his marriage.

The fact that it turned him on is probably the reason for this.

 

I'll get to the point. Today he went to work and left his phone on. He's in the military so he can't have his phone at work for security reasons. I'm not a snooper but my son got his phone and went thru it looking for games. (You'd be surprised how well a toddler can navigate thru a smart phone). When I took it away from him he had the Internet browser open and one of tabs had a picture of me, naked, on some porn website. The caption said something about cheating wife or something. I went to the page and it said the picture had been removed. I have no clue what to say to him. That's the one thing I said I would never do. What if my dad or one of my uncles or something went there and say that? Or one of our friends? Like I said I'm not a snooper so I feel terrible about going thru his phone but I feel super betrayed. What should I do?

He broke your confidence, shook your trust in him.

It's like you are getting a small dose of 'cheating'.

They both go down to broken trust; what he did was inexcusable.

 

 

Look OP, i'll be blunt overall.

Your marriage is a joke, everyone breaks rules as they see fit, that does not happen in a normal marriage.

His cuckolding fetish might be something that he cannot live without.

Your privacy is something you need and consider crucial.

 

You need to go back to your counselor [or find a new one], and tell him all of this, get it all out in the open.

The reason he might have been against it back then, was the fact that he was scared for his job [it might have horribly affected his career].

If this is the reason, adapt to it; if the reason was that he was embarassed ... tell him it's either that or the marriage is done.

 

Either way, you need to bring all of this in the open and renegociate the marriage, the relationship.

[Mr. Lucky]

We got past the infidelity and we were honestly doing so much better until I discovered these photos.

Was the infidelity with someone other than the one time you "decided to try it" at his request ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[LimeBlue]

No way would I put up with him posting nude photos like that! That along with putting spyware on my computer - instant divorce papers.