Are we moving fast?

[bobfromFL]

Here’s my story.

 

 

In early February of this year I started dating this beautiful girl at the company I work at. It’s a rather large company and I had seen her around the office before in the past couple of years because she was friends with a few of the girls I have known in the company.

 

 

 

She went through a separation last year in April and last November her divorce was finalized. Her ex-husband wanted out of the marriage and she ended up filing…but I guess things were rather tense and emotional up until the day he moved out of their house last fall. I guess the divorce was pretty devastating for the both of them.

 

 

We became pretty exclusive in late March and things have been pretty wonderful up until this point. I’ve met her family, her extended family, and even attended her brother’s wedding in Maine this past June. I’m Facebook friends with her dad, her mom, her brother, and she’s Facebook friends with most of my family already. We’ve got a vacation planned together in a couple of weeks.

 

 

So basically, we’ve been pretty serious since March, but her divorce has only been final November.

 

Sometimes, I feel we are moving pretty quick.

 

 

She was married for three years to her ex-husband who also used to work for the company that we currently work for. I don’t remember him working here, and he has disappeared. She doesn’t even know what happened to him or even where he lives. He has vanished.

 

 

She has often said that her marriage to him “just wasn’t right”. They were engaged 8 months after meeting each other at the company, and married 7 months later…so they moved quickly.

 

She had no kids from the previous marriage…but she really wants to have kids and calls it “her calling in life”. She’s 31, and I’m 33, so I feel like the pressure is on for us to get married and have kids before she hits 35.

The other night I was having a few drinks with a friend of mine…and he started cautioning me about divorced women. He was rather shocked I was pretty serious with a woman who wasn’t even a year out of her divorce being finalized and that she is already talking about marriage and that I was pretty close with her family already.

 

 

For the first time I sort was introspective of what has been going on…and decided to come here and get some advice.

 

 

 

Are we moving too fast? Thoughts?

[Nyla]

Don't you see that you are following the same path as her marriage?

 

It looks like this woman has a tendency to jump into serious relationships very quickly.

[bobfromFL]

Don't you see that you are following the same path as her marriage?

 

It looks like this woman has a tendency to jump into serious relationships very quickly.

 

Yes. I can see this. But from her point of view, she learned a lot about herself from the divorce and is better person now than she was when she was married. It changed her for the better.

[orionboxing]

I see a ton of red flags here.

 

1. You guys are talking about your future together and she's not even been divorced a year?

 

2. You work together? What happens if you break up after being together for a good amount of time? Can you live with that awkward working environment and all the rumors?

 

3. Why are you Facebook friends with her Dad after only three months? I was never Facebook friends with my in-laws. They didn't need to see my daily conversations with all of my friends.

 

4. You sound like a nice guy, but I think the fact that she wants kids right away has nothing to do with you, but her pursuit of what she wants out of life. I think she is simply using you.

 

5. You might be a rebound. There might be a point next week or 3 months from now where she will realize that maybe the wounds of her divorce are still present...but they've been buried under the craziness of your relationship with her.

 

You need to be honest with yourself here. She may be sexy, smart, caring, but look at the actions here. Sounds like she pulled the same stuff with her ex-husband and look at the result.

Edited July 27, 2013 by orionboxing

[bobfromFL]

Thanks for the advice.

 

I think I'm to be the more patient one...but she sort of felt like her marriage died basically a year and a half into it and has been emotionally separated for a long time...so when she met me...she started feeling she was more than ready to start over. So, I sort of feel like I'm not a rebound for her.

 

I took an afternoon fishing trip with her dad a couple weeks back while we were visiting her folks. I guess we had to time to bond and I just sent him a friend request afterwards on FB.

[Fightsforlove]

I disagree. You aren't moving quick. If you two were getting married that might be different. If you were moving in together that might be different as well.

 

She has a serious relationship with you after dating you for four months? That's normal.

 

I'm not a divorced woman, but if a guy couldn't have a serious relationship with me after four months, I would break-up with him.

[Lauriebell82]

Talking about the future and moving in/engagement/marriage are two seperate things. Its okay to be in love but take it slow with engagement and marriage. Dont be a rebound.

[smoky eyes]

I think it's normal to think about being serious at your ages; on the other hand, she's only 31 and there is still time. A lot can happen in the next couple of years.

 

Also, you use the word "pretty" A LOT. Just FYI.

[Axee]

Find out the reason for their divorce..Dont let her beauty cloud your judgement just saying..

If the reasons for divorce doesnt exist anymore only then proceed ahead...

 

I am sorry but you seem anxious and kind of a people pleaser to me.. You have to remove both these characters and think for yourself..

Sorry if I am wrong..