What's left?

[surfergirl]

In today's society most people seem to be totally concentrated on bigger and better eve with regard to relationships. Meaning they want more money, bigger houses, fancier cars, notoriety, the ultimate mate - "the trophy", everything seems to be the "me" syndrome.

 

Whatever happened to the old fashioned "good ole boy"? The one that would treat you like a princess no matter what. The one that didn't care what your "title" is or how much is in your bank account or the size house you live in etc... The ones that want to be with you because you just "click" for some reason and enjoy each other's company. And God forbid that looks never played a factor in the decision in choosing to spend time together.

 

Do these men still exist? I'm just frustrated because I seem to be surrounded by these materialistic individuals, especially where I work. Things and money are great but what ever happened to these down to earth guys?

 

I'm guilty of only wanting to date the "good looking - wealthy" ones. I could very well be missing out on the love of my life, right?

 

Just looking for some other opinions.

[Butchey]

I miss Mayberry.

 

I remember reading somewhere that women look for a man who is strong, handsome and has money and power because they want security. This is related to instincts and survival of the species. On the other hand men look for a beautiful strong woman who can bear many offspring. In todays world this seems obsolete but we still have an instinct that can cloud our judgment. Genes!

 

Recently an article appeared in the paper about a trend in society towards simplicity. Some people are getting rid of material things because they feel it causes more unhappiness and competition, stress, etc. When they are uncluttered with material wants they can see and enjoy more spiritual things.

 

Good Topic!

[meanon]

On the whole, you get out of life what you put into it. If you are constantly on the take you are unlikely to give sufficiently to love well.

 

The factors you mention do play a part in mate selection but most people just want want to love and be loved in return. That doesn't change. I think those that use the things you mention (with the possible exception of looks) to rule out potential partners are either looking for things other than love e.g. upward mobility, social status, or are scared to risk their heart so they seek the perfect mate.

 

Why not give the guys at work a chance? I bet many are looking for love just as you are, underneath that materialistic exterior. If not then look elsewhere. Things and money are all well and good but if there is no love too then they are cold comfort.

[surfergirl]

Good points - both of you. I seem to be falling into the same "me" syndrome as others. But when does quantity stop and quality start? For example: Today I was introduced to an exceptionally handsome man and the first thing he said was "what do you do for a living?" Fair question, most often times this is just an "ice breaker".

 

However, I chose my answer differently to see what kind of reaction I would receive. (I have a career with a "title" and so forth and could have answered differently) Anyway, I said that I was the maid. (there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a maid - I just wanted to see his reaction) His smiling, enthusiastic, I want to get to know you expression quickly changed into almost a look of pity.

 

He quickly ended this "meeting" and walked away. Boy was I shocked. He took into consideration my "title" and, in my opinion, decided I was not the "quantity type" person he was looking to associate with. A real eye opener.

 

So how does one get past the "quantity" of a person (ie. job, financial status, dress) and get to the "quality" of the person? I'm to blame myself for the very same thing.

 

I'm starting to realize that "climbing the ladder" is not all it's cracked up to be - now that I'm close to my top - it's kinda lonely and you're right "cold" up here.

[meanon]

The guy you mentioned sounds very ill mannered. I can understand why that put you off. I have had friends from all walks of life, yes one was a cleaner. A six foot six, rugged house husband who did it to fit in with childcare. On the whole, though, we tend to like people who have lots in common with us and if someone is bright and educated they are less likely to have a very low paid job. This is a generalisation so it's unwise to form too many judgements about people based on their occupation but I wouldn't assume that everyone who does so is mercenary.

 

My friends who are Doctors sometimes struggle with people's conceptions, it gets in the way occasionally so in some social settings they say they work in health care. If it's important to you to be liked for who you are straight off then disguise your title, rather than creating a fictional one.

 

So how does one get past the "quantity" of a person (ie. job, financial status, dress) and get to the "quality" of the person? I'm to blame myself for the very same thing.

 

Firstly I think you need to recognise that sexual attraction is fairly basic and that for many, looks and dress are part of the package.

 

You get past the "quantity" by giving people a chance, by looking for the best in them. You seem to have gone from one extreme to another, from rejecting people because they did not have enough for you to rejecting them because they may be too shallow. Try not rejecting people for a while, try looking for the best in those you find attractive and only reject them if they bore you, alienate you or make you feel bad about yourself. Have lots of friends, life need not be cold. Allow those closer whose company you enjoy most.

[cateinaus]

Good subject and good replies meanon. With myself I find I am so enthusiastic about my work that I don't pay any attention to the social aspect. My husband was a Doctor and people expected because of this that we would fit into a certain standard I guess you could say. But I'm very grounded and not into the shallow friendships that were to be found "up there" so to speak.

Now I just find myself not wanting to socialise. I'm not sure why exactly. Although, part of me thinks that there is just 'no one' out there. I tell myself I'm old, forget it, blah blah. But it would be nice to find somebody......I think Do you find it difficult to find anyone that can hold interesting/intelligent conversations? That is what I find anyway.

That guy sounds like a loser. How interesting though that you baited him, lol. I don't know that I'm really looking to see what someone has as much as where they are headed.

My social life is LS, I mean its friday night and well, here I am!

[JessicaAlmond]

I love this thread!

 

I agree with all the posters. I just believe that well I look for "security" I'm not going to lie. I also like looking for someone that has the same views on life as I do and the same things in common. I like guys that have a good job, are handsome, and have money.

For security like I said before, but also because it shows they have goals,ambition and that they worked hard to get what they have.Not saying that everyguy out there with a good job worked hard to get it because thats sometimes not the case but still. They keep up with their looks and have a nice body.

I look good, have a great job, and had to work hard to get it and I find my self compatible with others that have the same.

Thats what I would like..but in the end it comes down to finding someone that will love me for me, imperfections and all, and someone to grow old with.

There is always that exception though, like they say you can't choose who you fall in love with.

[meanon]

With myself I find I am so enthusiastic about my work that I don't pay any attention to the social aspect.

That's admirable. I am also enthusiastic about my work but am also very shallow and easily bored. I pay far too much attention to the social aspect, as do my team

 

It sounds to me like you have given up, cateinaus. I can relate to that. Still, no-one's too old for love. You'll never find someone interesting if you don't look

[surfergirl]

Thanks guys for the opinions. I need to clear something up though. It's not that I'm rejecting anyone - it's that I seem to only take second looks at the "corporate world" men. I seem to have adopted their way of thinking and somehow have lost my own?

 

Not to say that their way of thinking is right or wrong, however, when you're surrounded 9-10 hrs a day by the "corporate" type guy - that's all I seem to see as love interests -. Almost as if I have blinders on. I am always friendly to everyone I meet - I'm very outgoing and have lots of friends, BUT I don't think I have ever considered someone with a lesser paying job as a real love interest. I may flirt with guys of lesser paying jobs and carry on but nothing serious.

 

Moving up in the world is well and good but what about the person who loves their job for whatever reason and would never sacrifice it to obtain the "me" syndrom...more,more,more. They love the quality of their life and could care less about the quantity in it. How many have I considered just friends because I couldn't see past the career? Wow!

 

I guess it all boils down to, as some say, judging a book by its cover. The "package" is what catches your eye not the person in it. I'm ashamed to say I am very guilty of this.

 

And is there a flip side to this? Do lower income individuals consider "corporate people" off limits?

[cateinaus]

surfergirl- Yeh maybe they do see you as off limits.....you are up there, what would you want with a guy 'down the ladder' type of thing. It's not an easy one.

 

Meanon- I think you are right, I have given up really and so I just drown myself in my work. Well, I guess that is one reason I drown myself in it, the second being, it is my own business and has taken off faster than expected. I need to work long hours in order to keep up, plus dedicating this much time to it means I will benefit in the long run. In the meantime........what about love, romance, butterflys *sigh.......

 

This is a good thread, makes one think harder about values etc.

[surfergirl]

Cateinaus you are just like me.....a workaholic.....takes my mind off being a single mother. I think I'm looking for the security blanket too - should I ever get a wild hair and want to quit working.

[chicklover]

If you excuse me. I was just passing by...

I looked through this text here. and frankly, I don't see the point.

What you all are saying , I name it "conflict between different aspect of materialism". There is no talk about love. We see here nothing except self-absorbness.

 

hot girls (in your case, hot guys!) , good sex ( it's different!), money, house ( a large one),car, a good conversation with a friend, chatting on Loveshack, finding definition of love somewhere like here, dating with more-paid guys, dating with LESS-paid guys,.....

..

all are different aspect of materialism.

 

So please do me a favour and be honest with yourself.

If you find deep down in yourself your own conflicts between different aspect of materialism, you have at least found the problem. And it helps a lot. First you know you have to sacrifice something to get another thing. A lesson of life

 

But please for god's sake , don't talk about love any more!

[UCFKevin]

Of course these guys exist.

 

I know. I'm one of them.

 

I don't give a damn what a girl does or how much money she has or where she lives or what she drives, as long as she's not a lost cause, has drive and wants to do something with her life instead of just sit around and do nothing, and there's attraction and she has a good personality and intelligence, of course.

 

What a runon sentence!

 

But hey, like you said, you go for the good looking guys with money, so...practice what you preach.

[surfergirl]

Chicklover: the point of the thread was admitting to myself that maybe I was overlooking people - not by intent but because I'm not around many people that are not the "suit" type -so to speak.

 

I just wanted to know if the "good ole boy" still exists. Legit question, I think. We are so driven to out-succeed the next person that most of us are sacrificing the little things that are, in the end, the most important.

 

In the end, I would like to come across someone to fall in love with again and grow old together.....just like the movies where you see the little old man and the little old woman holding hands and buying groceries or just walking down the street. If it doesn't happen for me - that's ok - not everyone gets the fairy tale ending - but it doesn't hurt to ponder on the possibility.

 

 

And Kev - shut up - (jk) - love ya

[chicklover]

I see the point.

 

Admittedly, I am also surrounded by the same kind of poeple. I - as an engineer- also don't see many people except -as you name - " the corporate type" .

That's why all my friends are not my colleagues.

( These damn chips are so attractive that distract us from the rest of the world!)

 

What you said, about overlooking people. It's damn right. Not only to you, but also to me and all people like us who always deal with the same kind of people.

 

But.. Lady , let's face it.

 

You want a handsome man who has -at least- a minimum financial security and loves you very much for who you are.

 

This is the dream of every woman!

 

Which part , are you willing to sacrifice? being handsome, or being rich? Get yourself straight on that.

 

(By the way, these love films that you mentioned were made in 50's or 60's. Nowadays, it is all about sex. In the modern films, when two people love each other, the first thing they do is sex. If you noticed , it was not so in the old movies)

 

I also say - as Kevin said - keep dating handsome men and don't nag! you may find him. But be aware these species are very popular. You may have to compete (or you may be one of those lucky women, I don't know).

 

I think I also have to shut up now ( although I have much to say).

[cateinaus]

Soooo.....I drive a Nissan, have drive and I am doing something with myself, I'm not a loser, can hold intelligent conversations and I have personality, I don't care about the rich or poor thing, good looks or whatever......

 

Bugga! Maybe it's just me......argh!

 

Or could it be the Nissan?!

[Gatsby]

I'm confused. surfergirl, you admittedly are attracted to the rich, handsome, "successful" men. What exactly is your desire for a down to earth guy? Personal redemption?

[surfergirl]

Gatsby....you don't get what I'm saying. I'm surrounded by these "successful" men daily....most of the ones I know are so self absorbed and driven to make a "buck" that they have snotty attitudes which makes them unattractive once you carry on a conversation with them about something other than work. They can't seem to get past the title thing and I seem to have adopted this way of thinking, kind of like a product of my enviroment sort of thing.

 

I'm not on a quest to find my partner in life, if he comes along - great. I was only wandering if the good ole boy was still out there - the one who doesn't care that you have the super job and the fast life. The one that will hold your hand when you're sick and take long walks in the rain or take time out of his busy day to sit and watch the sunset with you and not be in a hurry to make the next power meeting or catch a plane to who knows where.

 

That's all.

[meanon]

Bugga! Maybe it's just me......argh!

 

Or could it be the Nissan?!

It's the Nissan, for sure

 

No, it's this:

I have given up really and so I just drown myself in my work

If you gave up on your business, would you expect it to thrive? What are you waiting for?

[cateinaus]

Meanon- You always have good replies

 

Do you think if I buy a Honda...........no! lol

 

My business wouldn't thrive without the effort I put in. The products are going to UK in a couple of weeks and I hope to take them to an expo in USA next year. I design new products all of the time, (body care) then I order raw material, make them, label and pack each one, deliver them, write newsletters for consumers, write articles for an organistation in USA, do the book work, the flyers, the folders for new people wanting to retail the products, test batches, email suppliers, customers, stockists, hold information sessions........and then somewhere about here, I take a breath! lol. It isn't feasible to hire anyone because of all the added expenses at this time.

I guess I have kinda put my life on hold, knowing that it wont be long and I can relax a bit. I thoroughly love what I do......however, I don't want to go past my expiry date, hehe.