Confessing love and hurt to ex?

[Confused]

ok well I know I've written a lot on this certain topic...about my boyfriend breaking up with me for no reason and then hes a jerk to me and I really dont understand

 

why because I havent done anything...Its been almost a month and it seriously is getting worse and worse everyday bc its a day farther that he won't come back to

 

me...See as much as I dont want to give in to him and as much as I know hes an a**h*** and as much as I hate giving him control over me and everything...I still

 

want him back. if he really loved me at one point he should at least listen to my feelings...id ont think he realized how much he destroyed me and I dont think he

 

realized that he made my christmas the worst thing possible. I just want to tell him my feelings eventhough I dont know if he wants to hear it or not...But I was

 

wondering has any girls out there who have loved a guy so much ever confessed her love to him and he ended up going back with her??? I dunno if it will make

 

matters worse or better...I think it depends on the guy, I just dont know...and I dont know if I really knew my ex...I thought I did, and if it was a month ago I would

 

say that confessing my love for him would defintley work...but now I dunno...I need some advice

[Tony T]

I know you asked for females opinions, but I am a guy.

 

First, I would not treat a lady nasty like he has treated you. But if a girl came back to me after I had dumped on her really bad...and professed her love...and begged to get back together, I would think she was completely nuts. It would really piss me off. I would not find that attractive at all.

 

However, if I were really a bastard, I would take her to bed a few times...and take a lot of advantage of her that way...and then tell her to get lost. I'm NOT that way but I know a lot of guys who are and it sounds like your ex is one of them.

 

Have a little more dignity and respect for yourself. Stay away from the chump. If you can't, print this post out and read it in a month or so after you get hurt really bad once or twice more by this guy.

 

Please, for yourself, have some self respect, self love and honor for your own feelings. Don't run back to this jerk. What you feel for him is not love, I really don't know what it is. It is impossible to love someone who treats you nasty...unless you are crazy.

[Deejette]

Don't declare your love to him. That is what is going on in your own head, and it is not necessarily going on in his. So just telling him how you feel may not reach him the way you want it to. Begging and pleading for a guy to come back may work on his guilt and maybe he will come back, but the breakup was his idea and he may drift away again.

 

Listen to Tony and have some restraint. You will thank him later.

I know you asked for females opinions, but I am a guy. First, I would not treat a lady nasty like he has treated you. But if a girl came back to me after I had dumped on her really bad...and professed her love...and begged to get back together, I would think she was completely nuts. It would really piss me off. I would not find that attractive at all. However, if I were really a bastard, I would take her to bed a few times...and take a lot of advantage of her that way...and then tell her to get lost. I'm NOT that way but I know a lot of guys who are and it sounds like your ex is one of them. Have a little more dignity and respect for yourself. Stay away from the chump. If you can't, print this post out and read it in a month or so after you get hurt really bad once or twice more by this guy. Please, for yourself, have some self respect, self love and honor for your own feelings. Don't run back to this jerk. What you feel for him is not love, I really don't know what it is. It is impossible to love someone who treats you nasty...unless you are crazy.

[Stargazer]

Lisa, Lisa, Lisa - if you were here in front of me I'd slap you, although I know that wouldn't help. You need love and understanding, something you've been missing all your life I expect. I highly suggest that you go get counselling, seriously, you have a lot of deep self-esteem and self-worth issues that need to be professionally dealt with, you need to heal these parts of yourself and get YOU together first before you ever contemplate truly relating to another, trust me, these issues you have will not just disappear. You are setting yourself up for a life of heartache after heartache. The love that you seek will elude you with the beliefs you are moving through life with at the moment.

 

I know you will choose to ignore all of this because it's a hard thing for you to contemplate at the moment, you are in denial, do print and keep this message because in ten years you'll look at it and really understand what I'm talking about. You are young enough to change your beliefs, with hard work and a lot of self examination. You refuse to think any differently about this, no matter what anyone's said, it's very sad for you that you are choosing to go down this hard, exhausting road with this, you do have other choices here, but this is your lesson, you can handle it, we are only given things we can handle. I understand what is motivating you because I've been where you are, I know exactly how you feel, I really do. Trust me when I tell you this is not about him or any other man, these are YOUR issues. One day you will look back at yourself like this and weep for the woman you were.

 

Ask youself these questions and answer honestly, WHY do you want him back?? WHAT exactly do you want back?.

 

Understand this, really, really try to: you will never ever have back that little bit of what you thought you once had because it was NEVER real, it was an illusion - does anything inside you really understand and feel that? You did NOT click so well together, you did NOT have much in common, you did NOT have wild chemistry, he did NOT love you, he was not crazy about you, he did NOT have the same feelings you had for him. These are the facts, maam. All these things could not have been there in the first place for him to say ciao because of a phone call. You have been fooled by a young immature guy who said what he said to get what he wanted - probably sex, he couldn't even tell you to your face that it's over, is that 'love' to you? Seriously, if it is then you have a very wrong idea of what the word love means, love is magical, it does not show up looking as ridiculous as this. Try and accept this for your own sake. If these things were not there in the first place then what do you honestly believe you will be getting back??? That's what your problem is here, you are SO focused on how he made you feel for a short time that you can not let that go, you can not let go of the tiniest possibility that you may feel that again, you want so desperately to feel that bit of 'love' again that you will do, say and accept anything he throws you.

 

It's pathetic to see you like this, because you are so young. It's pathetic to see that you honestly believed and still do that this is 'love'. It's pathetic to see that you think telling him how you will feel will get you some scraps of 'love' back, it's pathetic that you think confessing your undying love will get you something with him again, you don't even care what, just anything will do, more of the same please, anything, I'm desperate to be loved. Wanting to do this is just an attempt by you to clutch at anything that will get you contact with him. Believe him by what he's showing you, he no longer cares, he didn't even care enough to call (let alone see you) to call this off. 'Talking' to him will get you nothing you desire. It will only get you more use and abuse. Read Tony's post again, if you don't believe it from a woman who's been there and done that, take heed from a male, understand what this is about, you. It's pathetic to see how you are willing to treat yourself and are willing to be treated. It's pathetic that you WILL KEEP repeating this pattern with men for a very long time to come. Wake up and focus on yourself, you have a very, very long way to go in ever being at the stage internally to be a part of the type of relationship you so dearly crave.

 

No one can give you what you will not give yourself, respect and love. That's a fact.

 

If you choose to ignore everything I've said here then I recommend you go read my post on the 22/12 which will tell you what will happen if you go another round with him. Print it, print all of the posts and read em over and over. If you really want to stop this mayhem inside and around you then stop focusing on him, YOU need help here. Go to the library, bookshop anywhere you can get books about co-dependancy, you need to read something about that, it will help you understand your emotional addiction here. Then go find this book by Loise L Hay "You Can Heal Your Life", it's excellent, simple and to the point.

 

These are to get you started in understanding yourself. You really need counselling though to get to your childhood stuff here, I dare say you've been abused somehow, emotionally, physically - you've been very abandonded by a parent, parents or caretaker.

 

Good Luck to You

 

*Hugs*

[ekira]

Lisa I completely agree with Stargazer. You need to forget this jerk and move on. I understand how hard it is to move on because love is such a powerful emotion, no matter who you are with. I myself got out of a 2 year relationship a few months earlier. I was really depressed and all I could think about was how much I wanted him back. I loved him so much I couldn't imagine why we shouldn't get back together. I even called him over to come talk to me and wrote him a letter to tell him EVERYTHING I was feeling and told him how much I wanted him back. It felt good that he knew exactly how I felt, but then end result was not what I wanted. He had moved on. It was really hard, but the more I thought about it I realized that we broke up for a reason. Getting back together would not make any of our problems go away. They would still be there waiting for us. People don't change and we would have ended up right back where we were. The same will most likely happen with you if you were to get back together.

 

Even though this is very difficult to get over, please understand that through time you will be able to move on and in the end only be a stronger person. It seems like utter hell now, but be patient and you will get through it. I myself saw a counselor just as stargazer advised you to do. It helped so much - I learned a lot about myself, why I am the person I am, how I deal with situations, and how I can handle myself in the future. I also was able to see a different perspective on my relationship by forcing myself to talk about it. Now I am only stronger for it.

 

Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.

[Stargazer]

Thank you, thank you, thank you Erika.

 

This girl has got me worried because she really needs professional help. Thanx for affirming that.

 

Sweetheart (Confused), please, please go help youself, I emplor you. You are far too young to be travelling ahead in life with these beliefs about yourself.

 

You have no where else to go but up from here if you get some counselling and truly understand YOURSELF, use this experience as a starting point to getting yourself together so one day you can have the relationship you seek.

 

*Warm Hugs*

 

I'll be thinking of you also :-)

[quacker]

what if you are the one who broke it off with your boyfriend and now after a year you want him back? but now he is in a different realtionship? would you still declare your love to him and tell him you made a mistake?

Don't declare your love to him. That is what is going on in your own head, and it is not necessarily going on in his. So just telling him how you feel may not reach him the way you want it to. Begging and pleading for a guy to come back may work on his guilt and maybe he will come back, but the breakup was his idea and he may drift away again.

 

Listen to Tony and have some restraint. You will thank him later.

[Stargazer]

Depends where he's at really, I mean as far as his love life goes. Obviously you would have the good sense to not say a word if he's in a relationship, if he's single then maaaaaybe think about. But don't forget to also think about why you broke it off in the first place, remember your reasons, it's highly likely that if you got back together those reasons will still be there, you'd just be repeating stuff again.

 

Ask yourself WHY you want him back, is it because you are lonely and haven't found anyone since? If so then they are the wrong reasons.