jamie23 Posted October 28, 2004 Share Posted October 28, 2004 Hi, Well I would like some peoples opinions on this. I had a friend who I liked and we hung out quite often. I felt that she liked me but was not ready for a relationship because in the past she has mentioned this, but since I liked her and wanted at least to stay friends with her and not try and hide anything I thought I should let he know how I feel. This was probably my first mistake I texted messaged her because she goes to school and I was not sure if she was there or not. I should have called her later or something but I am better at writing my feelings anyway. I told her that I had feelings for her and that if she wanted to pursue a relationship I would would be willing to but if not then I would gladly be just friends and did not get a response (Sent it on Saturday and there was more to the letter then that but thats the jist of it.) So I waited until Monday and did not hear from her. So again taking the easy way out I sent another text message. I told her that I am not sure if you got the message but could you please respond to me if you got the message and let me know how you feel about this? She did not respond. So I started to think she may not have gotten the messages so the next day I was getting pissed off so I called her twice, a couple of hours appart and no answer so I thought forget this and texted messaged her and said I dont know if your getting my messages but I have called you twice and you have not answered. I guess your not the person I thought you were and would have assumed that you would have had the curtesy to respond to a person who has told you that they have feelings for you. I said this will be my last message and I am not going try anymore as I have tried my best to contact you. A minute later she texted me back and said I have gotton all the messages and I needed time to think and she said that she thinks we should go our seperate ways and she wished me all the best in the future. I then texted her and asked if she wanted to talk on the phone for a minute or two and got no reply. I then texted her saying if she needed time I wish she would have let me know that and if she feels that we cannot just be friends and would rather not hang around with eachother then I have to respect that. I told her that I am saddened by this and if she thinks that I could not JUST be friends with her she is wrong but I wished her all the best and if she ever wants to try friendship again I would be more then willing to hear from her. I have not heard from her since. Now I am wondering why someone would react so strongly to this, it bugs me because I did not think we would no be able to hang around with each other and I would not have told her if I thought I could not stay friends with her at least. Does anyone have their opinion as to why she would take this action and if there is anything else I could do to try and keep her as a friend if anything. A friend told me that maybe in a couple weeks or a month give her a friendship card or something? I respect her and dont want to bug her but I want to make sure I have tried my best at keeping the friendship. Maybe you might think its not worth it or maybe I came on to strong?? I have only known her for 6 months so its not a huge deal but I dont have tons of friends because I dont want to hang around with to many people so when I find a person I have things in common with I like to stay friends with them. Anyway any advice would be great. Thanks, Jamie Link to post Share on other sites
dizi Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 "I felt that she liked me but was not ready for a relationship because in the past she has mentioned this, but since I liked her and wanted at least to stay friends with her and not try and hide anything I thought I should let he know how I feel." This is a sad post! I'm sorry things have worked out this way for you. In the past, I've had friendships with guys, and have told them from the beginning as she did, that I wasn't looking to have a "relationship" with anyone, however, they eventually told me their true feelings and unfortunately the friendship had to end. You may have possibly mistaken her friendliness as something "deeper"-I've had that happen too...If she doesn't have the same feelings for you that you do for her, that would make a very awkward situation, and she might not feel comfortable with the idea of hanging around you. She may have been taken aback that you told her that in a text message (perhaps doing it in person might have been the best option), and she might have had a hard time figuring out how to talk to you about it. "I guess your not the person I thought you were and would have assumed that you would have had the curtesy to respond to a person who has told you that they have feelings for you." I do agree, however, that it would have been "who" of her to respond somehow. But, after not hearing from her for 2 days, it is a good indication that she would rather ignore the situation altogether -- not that this is necessarily the proper thing to do, since you two had been good friends for 6 months. She probably really hated the idea of hurting you... " A minute later she texted me back and said I have gotton all the messages and I needed time to think and she said that she thinks we should go our seperate ways and she wished me all the best in the future" "Now I am wondering why someone would react so strongly to this, it bugs me because I did not think we would no be able to hang around with each other and I would not have told her if I thought I could not stay friends with her at least. " Would you be able to hang out with her and NOT have those feelings? Could you REALLY?? It would definitely be awkward. What if a girl that you didn't have "those feelings" for told you that she did and then wanted to still hang out with you? Wouldn't you feel awkward and bad for her? Sometimes "going your separate ways" is the least hurtful thing to do. Try to think of it as this -- she isn't ready for a relationship, it isn't you, and move on. Don't let yourself get bunched up over this. As for contacting her, I would definitely give it a rest. If you really want to, in about a month, but at the risk of being disappointed, you could give her a very simple card just to say hi and that you hope she's doing well. Don't get all mushy with stuff like you miss her and wish you could hang out; you want to at least be "just friends", right? Let her know you care, but leave it at that. You don't want to scare her away. If she responds, she could say that she misses your friendship. But if she doesn't, remember that there are other fish in the sea-heck, you could be over this by next weekend if you meet the right person! Sheesh...I know it's easier said than done, but try to hang in there... I'm sorry if this hasn't been of much help, but I've been on the receiving end of it, so I thought I might try...good luck and take care!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie23 Posted October 29, 2004 Author Share Posted October 29, 2004 Hi, Thank you for your response. "Would you be able to hang out with her and NOT have those feelings? Could you REALLY?? It would definitely be awkward. What if a girl that you didn't have "those feelings" for told you that she did and then wanted to still hang out with you? Wouldn't you feel awkward and bad for her? Sometimes "going your separate ways" is the least hurtful thing to do. Try to think of it as this -- she isn't ready for a relationship, it isn't you, and move on. Don't let yourself get bunched up over this. " I agree to a point about the just being friends, but I went into this for just friends and I fully expected her to come back and say I would rather just stay friends. I just needed to tell her that I did have feelings for her so that I could get it out of my system and so that I new how she felt. That way I was not wondering if she liked me or not. I would not feel bad for her if we were hanging out I am the one who liked her and yes I am sure it would have been uncomfortable at first but after we hung out a few times with other friends I think it would have been fine. Your right about the move on thing I have but I get people telling me all diffrent things I should do. Unfortunatly I work for a security company and this weekend there is a big deal happening at the gym she works at and I have to go and provide extra security for the building, I am in a small company and there is no one else to take my spot, so I have to go. She happens to work on the weekend and I will probably run into her multiple times through the day (This is how we became friends to begin with) So this is a big problem for me because normally I would not have to work there and she will probably think I am just working so that I can see her or something and this is far from the truth, any suggestions on how to handle this? "I do agree, however, that it would have been "who" of her to respond somehow. But, after not hearing from her for 2 days, it is a good indication that she would rather ignore the situation altogether -- not that this is necessarily the proper thing to do, since you two had been good friends for 6 months. She probably really hated the idea of hurting you... " I guess so, please dont get me wrong I am not mad at her at all. I am just the type of person who is very honest and open about how I feel and I think that if a person likes you in that way they know and it shouldnt take 2 days to let you know. As for the contacting her thing. This weekend is going to be hard because I am going to be in the same building as her and most of the day probably only a hundred feet from where she works. This couldnt have come at a worst time, not because its making me sad but because its going to be very strange that I have to work and she is going to think badly of me. I really dont know how to handle this one exept maybe to explain to her when I run into her what is happening and that I could not avoid working there? I guess I also cannot put my life on hold and shouldnt worry so much about it but I dont want things to get worse then they are. As for the contacting her in a month. I dont think I am going to do that. Like you said there are plenty of people out there. I also said in the text I sent her if things change in the future I would be glad to hear from her. Thanks again for your response if you have time I would like to hear from you on the questions above, Jamie Link to post Share on other sites
dizi Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Oooo that is too bad you have to run into her... Unfortunatly I work for a security company and this weekend there is a big deal happening at the gym she works at and I have to go and provide extra security for the building, I am in a small company and there is no one else to take my spot, so I have to go. She happens to work on the weekend and I will probably run into her multiple times through the day (This is how we became friends to begin with) So this is a big problem for me because normally I would not have to work there and she will probably think I am just working so that I can see her or something and this is far from the truth, any suggestions on how to handle this? If you have to walk past her, smile a sincere smile, say, "hi", and keep on walking. If you met her while working there, who's to say that you aren't contracted to do it again? It's not your fault that you work for a small company and her gym uses it for extra security! If she asks you what you are doing there, tell her that your company was hired to work there-nothing more, nothing less. She doesn't/won't necessarily think badly of you... I guess I also cannot put my life on hold and shouldnt worry so much about it but I dont want things to get worse then they are Right-you can't put your life on hold. The only way things could get worse is if she slaps a restraining order on you or yells at you while you are working. She probably won't do that. But what if she doesn't talk to you at all? Are you ready for that? Good for you in deciding not to contact her in a month. You are right-there are other chickies out there, and you did say that if she wanted to contact you and rekindle your friendship, you were just a call away. I hope I was able to help you somewhat-that is such a tough thing. Makes me think back to Jr. High when my boyfriend broke up with me for someone else and I had to pretend I was okay. It worked, though-I got him back and we were together for 3 years. Dumb girl I was! Anyway, hang in there!!!!!! I'm pullin' for ya! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie23 Posted October 30, 2004 Author Share Posted October 30, 2004 Hi again, Thanks for the reply, "Right-you can't put your life on hold. The only way things could get worse is if she slaps a restraining order on you or yells at you while you are working. She probably won't do that. But what if she doesn't talk to you at all? Are you ready for that?" Well I can take anything that comes my way, I have been through many hard times in my life and if she ever did something like that it would suck but I could handle it. She wouldnt do such a thing anyway at least I dont think so. Well thank you so much for your help! I might post later to let you know how everything went today. Thanks again, Jamie Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie23 Posted October 31, 2004 Author Share Posted October 31, 2004 Hi again, Well I thought I would update you on what happened today just in case you were wondering. Well I went to work and she started a couple of hours after I got there. I decided to do my patrols with another guard at first so that she could see that I was not the only person there. Anyway the first time I did a patrol past her I smiled and waved and she gave me a big smile and said hi in a very nice way. So I thought to myself that was great and I felt better about being at work and felt better about my day. The second patrol about an hour and a half later and I smiled at her and she smiled and nodded back. I thought cool we are on good terms and I was not going to talk to her because I thought well we can be around eachother and be friendly thats good enough for me. So I was standing in the hallway with one of the other guards and she came over and asked me if I was going outside anytime soon as she would like to speak to me. So I said sure and we went outside and she told me that she had a really bad week and had some bad family issues and when it comes to things like this she needs time to think about them. I said ok thats cool but I wish you would have let me know that. Anyway she still wants to hang around, which I think is cool. I am happy with just being friends, she did not say thats all she wants but I am going to assume that. So this makes me very happy, at least I did not loose her as a friend So thanks again for your help! Jamie Link to post Share on other sites
dizi Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Yae! I'm really happy to hear that it didn't turn out like you were afraid it might! Really, it's the best news I've heard all day Glad you will be able to remain friends with her. Just remember-no pressure You take care, sweetie! dizi Link to post Share on other sites
Author jamie23 Posted October 31, 2004 Author Share Posted October 31, 2004 Hi, Glad I made your day! Yup I will put no pressure on her at all Thanks, Jamie Link to post Share on other sites
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