lostandscared Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 To make a long story short. My boyfriend cheated on me 2 years ago and the. broke up with me to be with that woman. Their relationship ended a few months later and we got back together. Within 3 months of getting back together he proposed then a few months later we bought a house. Well after living together about a month he seemed off. I questioned him about a text I saw from another woman. He said they were just friends. A few weeks later this friend turns out he was seeing and sleeping with for weeks. She broke it off and thought she might tell me so he told me. We are still together. He begged me to still marry him, it was a mistake, it will never happen again. I know she wants nothing to do with him but Ill always wonder if he would have ended it. Always wonder if there will be another. Right now he is super attentive and wonderful, the man I fell in love with. But it hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 To make a long story short. My boyfriend cheated on me 2 years ago and the. broke up with me to be with that woman. Their relationship ended a few months later and we got back together. Within 3 months of getting back together he proposed then a few months later we bought a house. Well after living together about a month he seemed off. I questioned him about a text I saw from another woman. He said they were just friends. A few weeks later this friend turns out he was seeing and sleeping with for weeks. She broke it off and thought she might tell me so he told me. We are still together. He begged me to still marry him, it was a mistake, it will never happen again. I know she wants nothing to do with him but Ill always wonder if he would have ended it. Always wonder if there will be another. Right now he is super attentive and wonderful, the man I fell in love with. But it hurts. Full me once shame on you.. full me twice shame on me 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 You'd have to be crazy to consider a third go-round with this guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 If he ever cheats again, you will ahve to face the fact that you gve him full permission to treat you like a doormat. You can do better. A LOT better. Mouch, MUCH better. He will never be faithful to you; not now he knows he can come back all contrite and apologetic, get on your good side by being wonderful and attentive, lull you into a false sense of security - then wander off to stick his dick in another woman's receptive and inviting nether-region.... He can't be faithful. It's not in his make-up. But you can grab what dignity and integrity you have left, and get the hell out of there. And please - don't protest how much he's changed, how much you love him, what he's promised.... It's all crock. As therhythm "Said": "Fool me once, more fool you. Fool me twice, more fool me." Well, Fool me a third time - just call me doormat. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 I know she wants nothing to do with him but Ill always wonder if he would have ended it And I'm sure if she hadn't dropped him, he would've dropped you to be with her. If he was capable of having done it before, cheating again this second time around only proves that once a cheater, always a cheater. I'm sure he's apologizing and being a wonderful man right now, but that doesn't mean he's repentant. He knows he has you as the back up and the cushion for him to fall back on because things didn't work out with the other girls. As soon as he knows you'll accept him no matter what, he'll dump you again for another woman. Link to post Share on other sites
LisaLee Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Cut and run, honey. Cut and run. Link to post Share on other sites
Aveenolover Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I like George W. Bush's version better: "fool me once...shame on...shame..... you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
brakco Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Do not marry this "man". Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I think you should stay with him; third times the charm. But in all seriousness, drop em like a bad habit. He's already done it twice, and he's only being nice because that's his penance for trying to get you to marry hi . He'll cheat again if given the chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 I understand everyone saying to leave him. I do. He still wants to get married. If he truly felt anything for these women he could have left. He says I am the love of his life and he doesnt want to lose me. He never had feelings for her, it was only physical..so he says. If he didnt love me anymore and didnt want a life with me I doubt he would be pressing to get married! Its just confusing that he cheated so soon after we moved in to our new home. We had already lived together for a while previously but this felt like a new beginning of our lives together and how could he do that so soon. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I understand everyone saying to leave him. I do. He still wants to get married. If he truly felt anything for these women he could have left. He didn't leave because he knows he always has you there as a back-up option. He says I am the love of his life and he doesnt want to lose me. That clearly hasn't stopped him phukking other fannies though, has it? And it won't in future, either. He never had feelings for her, it was only physical..so he says. I've no doubt he's being honest. It still doesn't alter the fact that he's a liar and a cheat, and putting you at risk of STDs every time he screws another woman. If he didnt love me anymore and didnt want a life with me I doubt he would be pressing to get married! Married men who cheat when they're single, will cheat once they've tied the knot. A ring on his finger won't stop him. Remember that as you gaze lovingly into his eyes as he promises to be faithful to just you, for as long as you both shall live - and know he will be lying. Its just confusing that he cheated so soon after we moved in to our new home. We had already lived together for a while previously but this felt like a new beginning of our lives together and how could he do that so soon. he did it because you 'gave him permission'. You took him back the first time, he was pretty sure you'd take him back the second time. And so it will go on, the third time, the 4th (you may be pregnant then, with his child) the 5th (you'll be expecting your second) the 6th (he will suddenly be 'working late' an awful lot).... Get it? We do. Can't see why you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I understand everyone saying to leave him. I do. He still wants to get married. If he truly felt anything for these women he could have left. He says I am the love of his life and he doesnt want to lose me. He never had feelings for her, it was only physical..so he says. If he didnt love me anymore and didnt want a life with me I doubt he would be pressing to get married! Its just confusing that he cheated so soon after we moved in to our new home. We had already lived together for a while previously but this felt like a new beginning of our lives together and how could he do that so soon. So it's easier to forgive him if he had cheated after you get married? I don't know what it is you're thinking, but you're certainly blind to his wrongdoings. A man who loves a woman need not go out and seek the physical. I gained a few pounds in my relationship but my boyfriend loves me all the same. He's not out there cheating on me with another woman. You, lady, needs to find your self-esteem if you think this man is worth a long-term marriage with. Next thing you know, you're stuck with a baby and he's out there humping another girl. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 I forgave the first time. We were dating and living together. People think it is because I am young. I was 23 when be cheated. When he came back he was so sorry. His relationship he had he said meant nothing and made him realize what he had with me. How good it was. He proposed and I was so happy. My best friend, love of my life. We were back together less than a year when he has now cheated the 2nd time. I dont understand why someone cheats after proposing then still insists on getting married. If I give another chance you think he will cheat again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 He says I am the love of his life and he doesnt want to lose me. People don't hurt the ones they love over and over. People respect the ones they love. He uses you for stability while doing as he pleases, of course he doesn't want to lose you, you are a user's dream. He's a classic cake eater, and you are one crucial piece he needs. It will continue, especially as long as there are few consequences for him. Please get out. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I forgave the first time. We were dating and living together. People think it is because I am young. I was 23 when be cheated. When he came back he was so sorry. His relationship he had he said meant nothing and made him realize what he had with me. How good it was. He proposed and I was so happy. My best friend, love of my life. We were back together less than a year when he has now cheated the 2nd time. I dont understand why someone cheats after proposing then still insists on getting married. If I give another chance you think he will cheat again? Yes, yes, yes, yes, and a million times yes. You bet he will. Link to post Share on other sites
WordvAction Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Since you're not getting it maybe capital letters will work for you. YES! HE WILL CHEAT ON YOU AGAIN. HE DIDN'T EVEN TELL YOU HE WAS, YOU HAD TO FIND OUT ABOUT IT. IT DIDN'T EVEN TAKE HIM A YEAR TO START STICKING HIS MOUTH INTO OTHER WOMEN! IS THIS THE TYPE OF FATHER YOU WANT TO BE TELLING YOUR KIDS ABOUT? You obviously love him more than he'll ever love you. If you want to endure a lifetime of pain, and trying to think of bull**** reasons to forgive him, go ahead and stay with him Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I forgave the first time. We were dating and living together. People think it is because I am young. I was 23 when be cheated. When he came back he was so sorry. His relationship he had he said meant nothing and made him realize what he had with me. How good it was. He proposed and I was so happy. My best friend, love of my life. We were back together less than a year when he has now cheated the 2nd time. I dont understand why someone cheats after proposing then still insists on getting married. If I give another chance you think he will cheat again? What an odd question to ask? You gave him a chance and he did cheat didn't he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Why do people hurt the ones they love. After more digging, Although he claimed it was physical only this time it seems he was telling her he was in love with her. She is in a relationship also but wants nothing to do with my fiancé anymore. He brought her into our home. She is a lot older than me. Why would be do this. Link to post Share on other sites
therhythm Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Why do people hurt the ones they love. Because they don't love them that much... You should move on, he is bad news. Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I understand everyone saying to leave him. I do. He still wants to get married. If he truly felt anything for these women he could have left. He says I am the love of his life and he doesnt want to lose me. He never had feelings for her, it was only physical..so he says. If he didnt love me anymore and didnt want a life with me I doubt he would be pressing to get married! Its just confusing that he cheated so soon after we moved in to our new home. We had already lived together for a while previously but this felt like a new beginning of our lives together and how could he do that so soon. Hook line and sinker lol. Wrap it up guys. OP your not lostandscared just a lost cause 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Yeah. So is kicking them to the kerb. Which, OP, you should most certainly do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Keke1 and Carsen you are both extremely rude. Thank you to all who responded with empathy. Maybe this is the wrong forum to expect mature advice. I truly was looking for guidance after finding this out. If you have never had this happen to you then you don't understand. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 lostandscared, just put them on 'ignore' and - ignore them. Simple. (If you're not sure how, I can 'talk' you through it, if that's what you'd like to do.) As to your dilemma, it really would be extremely foolish to agree to continue in a relationship with your "BF" (I use the term loosely) because he will never respect you, your dignity or your right to be with someone who cares about you more than he does about whetting his whistle. Many people have suggested you must - absolutely MUST - without any further ado, kick this guy into kingdom come, and ditch the cheater. He's proven himself to be a liar, a manipulator and a deceitful jerk. Please - truly, for your own sake, dump him, unceremoniously, immediately and completely. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostandscared Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Thank you Taramaiden. I appreciate your help. It is more complicated because we are engaged and living together in our house we co-own. And I still cannot believe this is happening. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Break off the engagement. Talk to three or four real-estate guys about putting the house on the market; get several evaluations, and choose one. If he objects, tell him he can buy you out. because you're not staying under the same roof as him, one second longer. I sincerely hope you've stopped having sex with him....... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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