Wambo Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Recently NC was breached but I'm ok with it. She accidently admitted she always keeping an eye out for me and she was wondering how I was doing. This got me thinking. I'm lucky because I got the liberty to choose who to talk to about my situation and I can ask for advice. I can only tell a handful of people, knowing full well my EA will not be made public. They talked about their experiences and give me adice. The main thing is I got people around me who I can trust with something very personal. The same can't be said about her unless she willing to expose the EA and the flaws in her relationship. So how is she going to cope with my NC/LC when not exposing the EA? She either have to replace me or go to someone who can ease her pain which is me. Anyone got any opinions on this. Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 I wonder the same thing about my xMM. Maybe she's on this board JK! Perhaps she confided in one or two friends, or going through some type of IC. I know my xMM only told one person about me. I would be lost if I didn't talk to anyone about this! Link to post Share on other sites
affairaddict Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Mine is a very private person and says he's told NO ONE as he does not trust easily. How is this possible?? Is it? Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 The married an I am currently seeing has told no one about the affair. I had more to say, but kept deleting and revising. It's more detailed than I want to post here and I can't adjust it to make it look innocuous. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 I never told anybody during the whole 3 years. After dday when I told my H, I went to IC to deal with how I felt as well as MC with my husband. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 I hate to say it, but that's on her. Her problems with being able to off-load - are not your problems. Deal with yourself. She has to cope as best she can, and as she sees fit - but any reliance on you will be a complete no-no..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 Recently NC was breached but I'm ok with it. She accidently admitted she always keeping an eye out for me and she was wondering how I was doing. This got me thinking. I'm lucky because I got the liberty to choose who to talk to about my situation and I can ask for advice. I can only tell a handful of people, knowing full well my EA will not be made public. They talked about their experiences and give me adice. The main thing is I got people around me who I can trust with something very personal. The same can't be said about her unless she willing to expose the EA and the flaws in her relationship. So how is she going to cope with my NC/LC when not exposing the EA? She either have to replace me or go to someone who can ease her pain which is me. Anyone got any opinions on this. Who is she going to go to? Not your problem. She chose her drama. She's staying where she is. What are you doing? I sincerely hope more than worrying about her life. How is yours? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wambo Posted July 27, 2013 Author Share Posted July 27, 2013 Who is she going to go to? Not your problem. She chose her drama. She's staying where she is. What are you doing? I sincerely hope more than worrying about her life. How is yours? Bouncing back with style. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 I'm one of the lucky ones, I tell whoever I want. The only person mm ever told was his wife. That was dday number 1! Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 My MM says he's told two people. A LOT of people know about my "boyfriend", but only 3 know that he's a MM and the gritty details. Those are the ones that I can openly talk to, get advice from and who try to give me a dose of reality about trying to find someone in a situation that I actually deserve and could have a definite future with. Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 I was open. He had to be quiet because he was married. It just sucked. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 27, 2013 Share Posted July 27, 2013 I'm one of the lucky ones, I tell whoever I want. The only person mm ever told was his wife. That was dday number 1! Do you share that he's a MM when you tell or just in the sense of "my boyfriend" kind of thing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wambo Posted July 27, 2013 Author Share Posted July 27, 2013 I hate to say it, but that's on her. Her problems with being able to off-load - are not your problems. Deal with yourself. She has to cope as best she can, and as she sees fit - but any reliance on you will be a complete no-no..... I know that. Which is why I was polite and careful. The whole purpose of this thread was simply to find out if and how MM, MW, LTR deal with the collapse of the affair. Do they talk to certain friends or swallow their pride and hope for the best? However you are correct I was concerned with my former friend's state of mind. So I need to be extra careful if she tries to restart the EA. Link to post Share on other sites
whereamigoing Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 MM didn't talk to anyone for years. They never went to MC. She tried to talk about the A with him and he refused, it was off limits. We were NC at the time he reached out to a buddy and talked about the A. He's typically very private and didn't tell his family until she did. He is one of those that think counseling/therapy is for the weak and he doesn't want to be perceived. He pretends he handled it well but I think differently. Clearly NC was ineffective at healing the marriage as we are in LC and he us divorcing. I think it only natural to be concerned about your former AP. Just because you aren't in contact doesn't mean your history is erased and the feelings disappear. Link to post Share on other sites
sadwithouthim Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 My OM didn't tell many people of the EA. As for me, my cousin, my brother, and my mom knew about it. They knew for a long time that the marriage was bad, so it wasn't a surprise to them that I was having an EA. Now that my home phones are bugged, none of them ask anymore if the EA continues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Wambo Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 MM didn't talk to anyone for years. They never went to MC. She tried to talk about the A with him and he refused, it was off limits. We were NC at the time he reached out to a buddy and talked about the A. He's typically very private and didn't tell his family until she did. He is one of those that think counseling/therapy is for the weak and he doesn't want to be perceived. He pretends he handled it well but I think differently. Clearly NC was ineffective at healing the marriage as we are in LC and he us divorcing. I think it only natural to be concerned about your former AP. Just because you aren't in contact doesn't mean your history is erased and the feelings disappear. Maybe however my opinions of her was very negative. What I went through was unforgivable and had destroyed our friendship. However seeing the state she was in made me very concerned. Her behaviour towards me wasn't normal and it's clear she is suffering from my absence. The conversation only lasted a few minutes but it clear I had a big impact on her life. In a brief few moments I actually saw my friend and not the woman who used me for her EA. Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Neither of us told anyone. I didn't even write about it in my journal, for fear it would be discovered. He has a long-term GF. I think if we'd talked to people about it, they might've shaken us out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I didn't hide it so had family and friends to talk to. He had confided in a couple friends and after dday, family so he had a number of people to talk to as well though he usually speak to a few friends and his mom about really personal things. Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 His xW had isolated him from his family and most friends so until the first split there was little communication, though they had seen how badly she treated him and had tried to raise it with him over the years. During the split he reconnected with some friends and saw more of family but then when he took her back that all froze over again. Then, we met, and he wanted to share his happiness with the world, so reconnected with friends and family and so during the A he was much less isolated than he had previously been. Link to post Share on other sites
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