MissBee Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 He's actually begged me to promise to never get involved with a MM again if we don't work out b/c he's seen how bad it's messed me up and hurt me. NOT a problem. NEVER AGAIN! How noble and considerate of him . 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 *snipped post due to length* That is a very candid post. Interesting perspective. In the end do you feel he valued his wife more than he valued you? Or was it himself that he valued the most in the end? To actually answer your ? *snipped post due to length* That is a very candid post. Interesting perspective. In the end do you feel he valued his wife more than he valued you? Or was it himself that he valued the most in the end? He certainly values his wife in some ways but then he wouldn't be cheating on her right? He has to show it or else he'll get kicked out... He's on her health care, she makes more $$, they have kids, and while he was in jail for two years she was there for him. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 How noble and considerate of him . Right? LOL If I could just hear it and take it for it's word, sure it's sweet. HOWEVER, sitting here knowing that he's the reason I'm feeling like that? Not so sweet! LOL (Or as I always tell my friends, although he's/my love for him is why I'm here, I'm allowing it to continue so I'm really the one allowing myself to feel this way/suffer. That's on me b/c I'm not walking away.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Right? LOL If I could just hear it and take it for it's word, sure it's sweet. HOWEVER, sitting here knowing that he's the reason I'm feeling like that? Not so sweet! LOL (Or as I always tell my friends, although he's/my love for him is why I'm here, I'm allowing it to continue so I'm really the one allowing myself to feel this way/suffer. That's on me b/c I'm not walking away.) True. At the end of the day, in spite of what these people do, we also have a say and if we choose to stick around we're complicit in our own hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Okay, so you two were suppose to meet up, but his wife put a monkey wrench in you two meeting up (she was suspicious or had him doing something else) and he couldn't make the date. Or, lets say you hear about or see him doing something wonderful for his wife... How did you react? Are you the emotional stir crazy person or, the understanding but "I don't know how much more I can put up with this" type person? I often wonder if the MM/MW gets drawn more emotional to the OW/OM because of them being more understanding and less dramatic about the situation. In other words, the see more of the reality of things until... the OW/OM wants more from the relationship. In other words, how did you handle being "second" in dealing with a MM/MW. First off, I wasn't second. So I didn't feel like that. If plans were changed it really depended. That happened more due to work than anything else. Sometimes I was the epitome of grace and understanding, other times I got upset. It really depended. I didn't get the nickname "habenero pepper" for no reason. If it is any consolation I have now graduated to 'ghost pepper". Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 It makes me laugh when they get upset with you going out with single men or meeting other people yet they want to retain their nice marriage . He has so much more to offer but he keeps you hanging on a string for it?! Reminds me of a time mine told me: "sometimes I don't believe that any man will love you the way I can" What a load of ****!ng b0llock$! idiot! My mm gets jealous when I mention I should date since he's still dating his wife so to speak. Let's just say he becomes much more attentive and holds on to me even tighter. Totally fine by me cause I don't want to date any other men, I love him and will continue to wait for as long as I can. Link to post Share on other sites
canuckprincess Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Good for you taking the high road, does she know about your affair? Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Good question. Honestly, a bit of jealousy set in. But how could it not. It wasn't anything out of the ordinary. The only pics he posted of him and here was before a race they would run. That was traditional even pre-affair. Going into the A, he said they didn't go out much because she didn't like to. The only times they really went out was to go shopping or for a run (which wasn't often). I do have a feeling that after my ending it, and her having a suspicion, he's going to try rekindle the flame. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenix32 Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I can handle most stuff but seeing pic's of them professing thir love was too much for me to handle. It showed his true double life and Me telling myself, "If his wife only knew his head was just between my legs two weeks ago" I know I'm second and I'm ok with that - right now his wife is in town spending the weekend with him and I know exactly what they are doing. I hope he f***s her brains out and she leaves with a smile on her face. Link to post Share on other sites
AutumnMoon Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 I guess the reason I decided to end everything is because I'm way to emotional. I was so sure I could take it. Link to post Share on other sites
missy268 Posted August 9, 2013 Share Posted August 9, 2013 Not very well, I would feel a huge surge of jealousy rip through me, and it almost always came out in a snide comment or something, he didn't appreciate it but i didn't appreciate being lied to all the time lol They went on holiday - he promised me that when they were back he would move out and end it. He came and saw me the day before he went on holiday and he said he would come back after he had packed and stuff to see me as he was going for 2 weeks, it was such a long time to us at that point in time. I told him if he was seriously going to fly out the next day on holiday he doesn't need to come back.....i remember crying when he left 4 hours after the plane landed when he got back he was at my house....and he told me everything they got upto on holiday - well what he wanted me to know I guess, i'll never know what really went on, and she didn't know he was seeing me either if she had of done then i'm sure she would have had something to say. I am ashamed of the way i acted, everytime he tried to split up with her - she would reel him back in , and instead of keeping my cool i would end it, only to regain contact with him 2/3 weeks later...... it's only because i wanted to be his girlfriend and the main star in his show, but it never happened x Link to post Share on other sites
whycan'tI Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 I see him once or twice a week, when my schedule permits. I don't consider myself second because I don't want to be first. I view our affair as one of the body and not the heart. So his time with his wife is not impacted and my life has no drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted August 10, 2013 Author Share Posted August 10, 2013 I see him once or twice a week' date=' when my schedule permits. I don't consider myself second because I don't want to be first. I view our affair as one of the body and not the heart. So his time with his wife is not impacted and my life has no drama.[/quote'] That's cool, just make sure you still feel that way if the MM decides to pull out cold hardheartedly w/out any explanations one day. I felt just like you did until he did that one day. My feelings were all jumbled up and I was so confused. He reached out a month later telling me how he had "feelings for me" and that he tried to go cold turkey. Then my feelings being intact was never the same. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted August 10, 2013 Share Posted August 10, 2013 As OW I never minded his being unavailable much of the time. In fact, he amount of time we spent on the phone was a bit of a burden to me. So much more time than with a single guy. I liked going on vacations , long weekends away. If that was a problem , he had a problem. I felt that since we don't go out every weekend, and staying local n public was a an issue...the vacations and week ends away worked perfectly. But sometimes after doing that a few times, it would be a problem. No. If you can't get away , if you cannot manage it, then you can't have an affair. That was my thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
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