james88 Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Before you judge me or think I'm crazy, let me just tell you I did not intend for this to happen. I am 25 years old and I am falling for this 30 year old guy this married man who I met online, of all things. I was bored and all my friends were still on vacation. I just decided to while away some time in an icq chat room. There were the usual perverts, who i suitably ignored, the usual boring creatures and then there was this guy. who was amazingly like me. who understood all the crap i wrote. and believe me, i have intimacy issues. i have never said i love you to someone and meant it. i am so screwed up in that department. but this guy, he gets me. he gets my quirks, my need to pretend to be someone else, in a way that no one else ever has. So i fell for him. Bad. I know. Who does that? I'm an attractive girl. I know that. I have no trouble getting a man to like me or ask me out. I have had boyfriends, proposals, and flings and even a one-night stand. But never have I met a man like this. I still havent met him in person, though. He's a doctor. He's stuck in this arranged marriage (oh, I forgot to mention I'm indian and so is he and tragically, we do arranged marriages in india). I'm confused and trying so hard not to cross that line and I'm not talking about sex. Cuz if it was just sex, I wouldnt feel any kind of need to continue this. But it's not. And goddamnit I'm not a bad person (or so I thought) and for me, this is like wrong on so many levels. I want to talk to him. He wants to talk to me. But i feel like I'm going to get hurt if I fall in love with him. Becuz I just might. Because he's that person. That guy I've been searching for all my life. How often does this happen? Never to me. And I'm afraid it's never going to happen again. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 You know it's wrong. You KNOW it's wrong. You KNOW it's WRONG. Listen to your head. Arranged marriages be damned. It has no bearing on the matter, because any marriage has its pitfalls ups and downs. I know three people in arranged marriages and I've never seen happier couples. I know many people in self-made marriages who are as miserable as sin. So just because it's an 'arranged marriage' doesn't follow it should be bad. it's bad, because they haven't worked at it. Don't be the catalyst that drives a nail into their coffin.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) Hmmm. Seems kind of odd that the good "doctor" has nothing better to do with his time than trawl chatrooms. Perhaps he's looking for a cure for cancer and had to check in with the ladies in the "Romance" chatroom to get further clinical data. I'm sure he's close to a break-through. I'll assume the OP has NO clue how many times her 'unique' story has been told. Lol!!! I love chick-lit and I studied science so!!! You have come up with a great plot there... I promise that I will acknowledge you as the inspiration for the book(when it becomes a bestseller) and that at least 50% of the rights/royalties from the film will be yours(when it gets snapped up by Hollywood) After all...like most chick lit...I believe my plot line is unique and different and something special... Oh wait...I also thought my relationship with my MM was unique and different and something special...... Still...I could ignore all advice and go through with it anyway and wake up penniless, with shattered dreams and a broken heart when I realise that no one really wants to read the same old story over and over again... Edited July 28, 2013 by Sarabi 1 Link to post Share on other sites
happy stillmore Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 James88, You have to believe us. DON'T DO IT! We are saving you from great heartbreak. Ask him point blank whether he is willing to leave his wife. (Sounds like he won't ever) If not, you are wasting your time. Do not talk to him unless he has moved out and working towards adivorce. He can say he is not happy and will eventually get a divorce but things happen in life. The debt is too much. He can't afford to move out. The kids will get married, must pay for weddings, grandkids will come along, etc. Save yourself heartache. Don't get involved in a hopeless relationship. Once your heart falls in love, it makes the future relationship impossible to get over when it ends. Link to post Share on other sites
wanttobesimple Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 If you haven't even met him, don't do it. Can you truly believe everything he said through an online chat? Maybe he is not a doctor, just using the title to get cute girls. If he is a doctor, then you have to watch out even more, because he's smart and knows how to flirt with girls. just my personal opinion, you have to decide yourself 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Before you judge me or think I'm crazy, let me just tell you I did not intend for this to happen. I am 25 years old and I am falling for this 30 year old guy this married man who I met online, of all things. I was bored and all my friends were still on vacation. I just decided to while away some time in an icq chat room. There were the usual perverts, who i suitably ignored, the usual boring creatures and then there was this guy. who was amazingly like me. who understood all the crap i wrote. and believe me, i have intimacy issues. i have never said i love you to someone and meant it. i am so screwed up in that department. but this guy, he gets me. he gets my quirks, my need to pretend to be someone else, in a way that no one else ever has. So i fell for him. Bad. I know. Who does that? I'm an attractive girl. I know that. I have no trouble getting a man to like me or ask me out. I have had boyfriends, proposals, and flings and even a one-night stand. But never have I met a man like this. I still havent met him in person, though. He's a doctor. He's stuck in this arranged marriage (oh, I forgot to mention I'm indian and so is he and tragically, we do arranged marriages in india). I'm confused and trying so hard not to cross that line and I'm not talking about sex. Cuz if it was just sex, I wouldnt feel any kind of need to continue this. But it's not. And goddamnit I'm not a bad person (or so I thought) and for me, this is like wrong on so many levels. I want to talk to him. He wants to talk to me. But i feel like I'm going to get hurt if I fall in love with him. Becuz I just might. Because he's that person. That guy I've been searching for all my life. How often does this happen? Never to me. And I'm afraid it's never going to happen again. What should I do? Your post is very similar to all the first posts by by newbie OWs. The I did not intend for this to happen is a classic and present in all posts. The long litany of reasons to explain you are not out of options is common. The uniqueness, the "he gets me", "I am not a bad person", etc is always mentioned. IN summary, the initial story is always the same. Sadly, the end is often the same. Please check around to see how these things end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author james88 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) Thanks everyone. Honestly I'm not going to do anything mainly cuz im scared. So you don't have to tell me what I'm doing is wrong cuz i know that. I just needed to vent and have someone hear my situation. I can't talk to anyone about it and I'm just feeling so bottled up. Just wanted to know that I'm not alone. btw lol @ Miss_Priss and Sarabi I liked that. Edited July 29, 2013 by james88 Link to post Share on other sites
LimeBlue Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Your post is very similar to all the first posts by by newbie OWs. The I did not intend for this to happen is a classic and present in all posts. The long litany of reasons to explain you are not out of options is common. The uniqueness, the "he gets me", "I am not a bad person", etc is always mentioned. IN summary, the initial story is always the same. Sadly, the end is often the same. Please check around to see how these things end. What he^^ said... on the dot. Link to post Share on other sites
RAN65 Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) Arranged marriages be damned. It has no bearing on the matter, because any marriage has its pitfalls ups and downs. I know three people in arranged marriages and I've never seen happier couples. I know many people in self-made marriages who are as miserable as sin. So just because it's an 'arranged marriage' doesn't follow it should be bad. it's bad, because they haven't worked at it. Don't be the catalyst that drives a nail into their coffin.... "ARRANGED MARRIAGES BE DAMNED" My marriage is an arranged marriage & it is 25 years old. The Population of India is more than 1.241 Billion out of which 80 to 90% is arranged marriage. You have only seen 3 arranged marriages fail or couples not happy, but even if you take 50% of the arranged marriages to be successful then 310 million are successful which is almost equal the population of USA(311.6 million). Sorry to hijack the Thread. Edited July 29, 2013 by RAN65 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 "ARRANGED MARRIAGES BE DAMNED" My marriage is an arranged marriage & it is 25 years old. The Population of India is more than 1.241 Billion out of which 80 to 90% is arranged marriage. You have only seen 3 arranged marriages fail or couples not happy, but even if you take 50% of the arranged marriages to be successful then 310 million are successful which is almost equal the population of USA(311.6 million). Sorry to hijack the Thread. You misunderstand me. The OP is saying that the possible reason his marriage is unhappy is because he never chose his wife, she was chosen for him, so it's no wonder he doesn't love her. I'm saying that is utter rubbish. That is what I meant by "Arranged marriages be damned". I meant that using that excuse was ridiculous because i know arranged marriages work very well, for those culturally accustomed to them, so for her to use that reason - be damned. Not the marriages. I hope that makes it clearer. Link to post Share on other sites
RAN65 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 You misunderstand me. The OP is saying that the possible reason his marriage is unhappy is because he never chose his wife, she was chosen for him, so it's no wonder he doesn't love her. I'm saying that is utter rubbish. That is what I meant by "Arranged marriages be damned". I meant that using that excuse was ridiculous because i know arranged marriages work very well, for those culturally accustomed to them, so for her to use that reason - be damned. Not the marriages. I hope that makes it clearer. I regret for misunderstanding your post Tara. I thought you were condemning Arranged Marriages. Thanks for clarification. Link to post Share on other sites
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