Truetoself Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 A little help from the guys PLEASE! Brief description of the situation. Me and my ex have not been together for about 10 mos now. We were together 3+ years and for much of that time we live together. We didn't have a bad relationship, but there was no real closesure. We pretty much separated. We basically were at a stand still. He stopped communicating and so I stopped trying to communicate. I felt he need to do some growing on his own. This N/C went on for 6mos. until June. In July I ask him to come pick up the things he left at my house since he wasn't there and we weren't together. He procrastinated with coming to get his things and suddenly couldn't find his key either. He wanted to know if I was free that weekend, but I felt like he was trying to schedule things around his time and had a bit of an ego. No apology or anything. so.... Since July, N/C lasted again until this past Sunday when I ran into him at the bowling alley. He stood behind me and said "hello" I didn't act surprise to see him as he reached down to give me a huge. He then stood back and began to look at me with this look that reminded me of when we first started dating. He told me that I looked really good and wanted to know what I had been up to. I had been working out alot lately and had lost some weight so, Yes! I was looking good! I had a couple of conversations with a guy that worked there and it was notices that my ex could not concentrate on his game because he seemed to be noticeably interested in my conversation with the guy from a distance. As I walked by he asked me for a huge in front of his friends. He must have told them who I was because they all were looking at me. I stopped to give him a huge and the he began to talk about what was going on with him. He even invited me to a party his planning to have in April and wanted an answer right then if I would attend. I basically told him that April 05' was a bit far off and that I had to let him know. He proceeded to tell me about the trouble he was having and things that he had been going through. He then told me he broke down and cried in his car after the tire blew out the other night. I guess things had been building up against him and it was getting to him. I gave him some encouraging words, but really didn't have much to say. He told me to call him and I proceeded to tell him nicely that I tried to reach out to him before and then he said he had to just get away-clear his head, I said I know. Then he started looking into my eyes again (like when we first began dating) telling me how good and different I looked. I was really shock to hear him tell me how much he has missed me and that he still loved me. He said these things twice, the most emotion I got from him all year. I didn't express my feelings back towards him I was so stunned. He wanted another big huge and the conversation ended with him telling me he was going to call me. I have yet to hear from him........... Why would he tell me he misses me and still loves me and not call? I have to admit that the attraction and love and feelings for him are all still there. I tried to move on and get over this but nothing has went away. I still am very much in love with this man. It was like we've been on vacation from each other and the feelings and emotions had not change a bit. Can anybody break this down to me in man terms? Will he eventually want to get back together? There has to be alot to discuss, but could this be a new beginning for us? A second change? I don't want to be caught off guard again!!! Talk to me guys!! Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 I get the impression that this guy is emotionally closed off. Alot of men are like that, it is how we are trained to be. He opened himself up very much in an attempt to try to get an idea of your feelings, and he got a blank stare back. Probably crushed him. If you want to try to have a relationship with him again you might have to call and initiate things. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 29, 2004 Share Posted October 29, 2004 Sounds like he regrets the break-up and wants to reconcile/have a second chance but was too scared to just outright ask you that. I think you have two ways to handle this: 1- wait for him to contact you and come outright and ask that 2- you ask him if he wants to get back together Or I guess you can just shrug your shoulders and figure there is no point/hope with this guy. I obviously don't know what you should do but I do think if you truly want to get back together then maybe just ask him even if he should be the one to make the move. You could wait on him to make the move but he may be too scared and you will end up wasting a lot of time and thought on it. All I know is the guy sure sounds like he wants to be back with you and realizes he screwed up before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Truetoself Posted October 30, 2004 Author Share Posted October 30, 2004 Originally posted by Devildog I get the impression that this guy is emotionally closed off. Alot of men are like that, it is how we are trained to be. He opened himself up very much in an attempt to try to get an idea of your feelings, and he got a blank stare back. Probably crushed him. If you want to try to have a relationship with him again you might have to call and initiate things. Thanks for the advice! I hear what you are saying, but he has an ego! When I tried to express my feeling to him along time ago, I felt like he wasn't listening and didn't care and thought that I would just always be there. He crush me!! So now that he is acting like a human with feeling, which is alot different from the way he had been acting towards me, I don't know if he is just testing the waters and will go back to acting the same way or what. I tried so hard to get to the other side of this thing and not be the vulnerable one anymore that I just can't go back to that side . I guess if I new for sure that he wanted to come back then I would feel much better about expressing my feelings! If you think a call to him is the right thing to do then maybe that is what I should do! Please respond back! Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Alot of times an ego is just a front. A shield for protecting the vulnerable emotions. I was the same way. Of course my life has now crushed me and I have no ego or self esteem to speak of. For most people opening up is hard to do, but once they do open up it has a tendency to open the floodgates. If his exposing his vulnerabilities is met with acceptance, he will most likely do it again. But since it was met with a blank stare so to speak, it is hard to say if he will leave himself open again anytime soon. I would suggest calling him, and if he acts cold or indifferent, emotionally closed off again, explain that his opening up caught you off guard. It might help the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Truetoself Posted October 31, 2004 Author Share Posted October 31, 2004 Originally posted by Weird Sounds like he regrets the break-up and wants to reconcile/have a second chance but was too scared to just outright ask you that. I think you have two ways to handle this: 1- wait for him to contact you and come outright and ask that 2- you ask him if he wants to get back together Or I guess you can just shrug your shoulders and figure there is no point/hope with this guy. I obviously don't know what you should do but I do think if you truly want to get back together then maybe just ask him even if he should be the one to make the move. You could wait on him to make the move but he may be too scared and you will end up wasting a lot of time and thought on it. All I know is the guy sure sounds like he wants to be back with you and realizes he screwed up before. Thanks for the help! So how do you figure he wants to reconcile and wants to get back with me? I mean he never actually said the words or has even called me for that matter yet.. What stood out to you that made you come to this conclusion? Could you answer this for me also, why would he stand there and talk to me all that time and tell me how he misses me and still loves me and not even call. I mean in my head, I would think he would try to put fourth the effort to back-up what he said and prove that he really does still love and miss me. What's up with that? Please respond back, Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 The fact that he said he loved you and all that jazz. That is what makes me thinks he wants to be back with you. Why didn't he call then if this is what he wants? Probably because he is scared of being rejected or thinks there really isn't any chance it would happen so he won't put himself inot that situation of being shot down. People are in general wimps/pussies when it comes to dealing with other people because they always fear the worst will happen. I think it is wrong the guy hasn't called but I still think in his heart he wants to reconcile. Something is preventing him from making the effort to do so and I just think it is him being scared it wouldn't work out...could be something else though. Maybe he is a very prideful guy and feels embarrassed he broke down and "let you in" to see that side of him. Guys in general don't like to admit they cry and it is especially worse to them if they cry in front of a woman they like/love. Link to post Share on other sites
Nosmas Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 He then told me he broke down and cried in his car after the tire blew out the other night. Can anybody break this down to me in man terms? Yes, TTS, I believe this will be quite simple: The fellow has matured no more than the average 13 year old male. Perhaps by April '05 he'll have emotionally grown into a 16 year old. You are wise to keep the date open. In the meantime you can certainly find yourself a real man. Good Luck, Nosmas Link to post Share on other sites
Author Truetoself Posted November 2, 2004 Author Share Posted November 2, 2004 I thought about you guys suggestion on calling him and that he might be too scared to call me. So I decided to initiate a phone call to him last night. He was with friends bowling again and nothing real special was said, just what's up with you and what not.. so after about 10mins, I attempted to end the call by stating to him that I didn't want to keep him from his game, he asked would I be going to bed soon and I responded saying "I wasn't sure" and then he said he would try and call me after he was finished with the game. This was late last nite and it's now late Monday nite and I still have yet to hear from him. What's up with this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Truetoself Posted November 2, 2004 Author Share Posted November 2, 2004 Took ur suggestion on calling him and that he might be too scared to call me. So I decided to initiate a phone call to him last night. He was with friends bowling again and nothing real special was said, just what's up with you and what not.. so after about 10mins, I attempted to end the call by stating to him that I didn't want to keep him from his game, he asked would I be going to bed soon and I responded saying "I wasn't sure" and then he said he would try and call me after he was finished with the game. This was late last nite and it's now late Monday nite and I still have yet to hear from him. What's up with this? Originally posted by Weird The fact that he said he loved you and all that jazz. That is what makes me thinks he wants to be back with you. Why didn't he call then if this is what he wants? Probably because he is scared of being rejected or thinks there really isn't any chance it would happen so he won't put himself inot that situation of being shot down. People are in general wimps/pussies when it comes to dealing with other people because they always fear the worst will happen. I think it is wrong the guy hasn't called but I still think in his heart he wants to reconcile. Something is preventing him from making the effort to do so and I just think it is him being scared it wouldn't work out...could be something else though. Maybe he is a very prideful guy and feels embarrassed he broke down and "let you in" to see that side of him. Guys in general don't like to admit they cry and it is especially worse to them if they cry in front of a woman they like/love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Truetoself Posted November 2, 2004 Author Share Posted November 2, 2004 I thought about you guys suggestion on calling him and that he might be too scared to call me. So I decided to initiate a phone call to him last night. He was with friends bowling again and nothing real special was said, just what's up with you and what not.. so after about 10mins, I attempted to end the call by stating to him that I didn't want to keep him from his game, he asked would I be going to bed soon and I responded saying "I wasn't sure" and then he said he would try and call me after he was finished with the game. This was late last nite and it's now late Monday nite and I still have yet to hear from him. What's up with this? Originally posted by Devildog Alot of times an ego is just a front. A shield for protecting the vulnerable emotions. I was the same way. Of course my life has now crushed me and I have no ego or self esteem to speak of. For most people opening up is hard to do, but once they do open up it has a tendency to open the floodgates. If his exposing his vulnerabilities is met with acceptance, he will most likely do it again. But since it was met with a blank stare so to speak, it is hard to say if he will leave himself open again anytime soon. I would suggest calling him, and if he acts cold or indifferent, emotionally closed off again, explain that his opening up caught you off guard. It might help the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 2, 2004 Share Posted November 2, 2004 damn girl, no need to psot the same reply 3 times. I have no idea. The guy sounds like he is stringing you along for some unknown reason. Screw him. Don't call him again and if he calls you make sure you bitch him out for acting a like a disrespectful prick. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Truetoself Posted November 13, 2004 Author Share Posted November 13, 2004 We'll see what happens!! Later Link to post Share on other sites
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