TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 We always have...things just happened...No, things DON'T 'just happen'. Things happen because we MAKE them happen. It was extremely foolish and you have now intrinsically changed your life, for ever. But not necessarily his., It would be much easier for him to walk away from this.... .I will give it to him he's always been a truthful person. I've never not trusted him... Oh really? Is that how he managed to see another girl behind your back? He's a liar and a cheater. Get your head round that. Quit defending him. so when we started back talking he told me some things that o will not say but I knew he was telling the truth so I decied to talk to him again and I got pregnant. Talking don't make babies hun. having unprotected sex does, and darling, you are soooo young! What is your family's stance on this? (Don't tell me - they don't know....!) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 She knows what about you? Look at it this way - after this trip he may have two women pregnant. Get a plan for yourself and your baby. That plan should be about a life w him and his current sex partners. I guess your right....I guess I was thinking that him finding out that I was pregnant would make him grow up and realize that he's gonna be a father soon and want a family...we're still young...maybe things will work out the way I want them to...just not right now but I have faith...in my life as well as reconciling my relationship...just wanted a lil piece of hope. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I didn't have to tell him anything bc he knows me I haven't been with anyone else since we got together Sweetheart, you are so naive....It will have to be established in law, whether "he knows you" or not! Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I didn't have to tell him anything bc he knows me I haven't been with anyone else since we got together You're a cutie!! What were trying to inform you about is a common behavior strategy in the situation you now face. Until and unless the biological father signs the birth certificate, AND you file a claim for child support, his monetary donation is voluntary. You come across here as a bit naïveté. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
It-is-what-it-is. Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Lonely girl, Lets break down the facts. You broke up months ago but continued to have sex without being in a relationship. He met and started sleeping with another girl. You found out you are pregnant (very early) and told him He was kind and dried your tears, but made no promises, said he likes the new girlfriend. He took his new girlfriend to Florida, immediately after finding out you are pregnant. I hate to point this out, but you are in fact, just the baby momma. He HAS chosen, if he was interested in you or even confused, he would have broken up with the girlfriend. You cannot wish him into being with you, marrying you or participating in the child's life. You can sue him into child support, but that's is. You can only control you and your actions. Continue with the pregnancy, take care of your health, figure out how you will raise, feed, house and support a child for the next 18 years, alone. Medical expenses, daycare, clothes etc. I am assuming the boyfriend will pay cs. But you can't live on that. So you have about 9 months to get your life in order. Or end the pregnancy, or give the baby up for adoption and have a different set of things to do. What you can't do is make someone love you and want to be with you. No matter how much you want it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 You're a cutie!! What were trying to inform you about is a common behavior strategy in the situation you now face. Until and unless the biological father signs the birth certificate, AND you file a claim for child support, his monetary donation is voluntary. You come across here as a bit naïveté. Quite. Unless you follow a standard legal route, he could give you $5.00 one month, $10.00 the next, skip a month, then give you $25.00 a few weeks later....then disappear for six weeks. And there's not a blind thing you could do about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 No, things DON'T 'just happen'. Things happen because we MAKE them happen. It was extremely foolish and you have now intrinsically changed your life, for ever. But not necessarily his., It would be much easier for him to walk away from this.... Oh really? Is that how he managed to see another girl behind your back? He's a liar and a cheater. Get your head round that. Quit defending him. Talking don't make babies hun. having unprotected sex does, and darling, you are soooo young! What is your family's stance on this? (Don't tell me - they don't know....!) Lets be clear about some things...He NEVER cheated on me or lied to me!!! He told me AFTER we broke up that he was talking to someone else! !! He also told me that she wanted to go to Florida with him and his bro...I felt dumb for allowing this to happen which is why I found this place to vent and to see if I could get someone else's opinion about my situation...not so I could end up feeling worse than I already do...I am 21 ...I am still young I admit but I am also very mature for my age...I need opinions not ones to make me feel bad...thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Sweetheart, you are so naive....It will have to be established in law, whether "he knows you" or not! Not naäive about anything what I'm telling you is that I know this man...he's going to be there for his child just like he is for the one that I had before I even met him...so spare me all the unnecessary legal crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I think LS folks feel the need to support you into facing facts. You can take what you want to. Denial is a strong burden. You have NO control over this man's comings n goings. You're pregnant and at this moment, that's a fact. Do you live at home? Student? Working girl living on your own? LS people are supportive types but you need to reveal a bit more than denial to get their support. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Not naäive about anything what I'm telling you is that I know this man...he's going to be there for his child just like he is for the one that I had before I even met him...so spare me all the unnecessary legal crap. Great reveal. Yeah I concur, you're not naive. You're the word that starts w an M. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Lonely girl, Lets break down the facts. You broke up months ago but continued to have sex without being in a relationship. He met and started sleeping with another girl. You found out you are pregnant (very early) and told him He was kind and dried your tears, but made no promises, said he likes the new girlfriend. He took his new girlfriend to Florida, immediately after finding out you are pregnant. I hate to point this out, but you are in fact, just the baby momma. He HAS chosen, if he was interested in you or even confused, he would have broken up with the girlfriend. You cannot wish him into being with you, marrying you or participating in the child's life. You can sue him into child support, but that's is. You can only control you and your actions. Continue with the pregnancy, take care of your health, figure out how you will raise, feed, house and support a child for the next 18 years, alone. Medical expenses, daycare, clothes etc. I am assuming the boyfriend will pay cs. But you can't live on that. So you have about 9 months to get your life in order. Or end the pregnancy, or give the baby up for adoption and have a different set of things to do. What you can't do is make someone love you and want to be with you. No matter how much you want it. You're right about some things...I should've never had sex with him knowing that he was talking to another girl...this girl and him are not dating but he does like her...we've always been pretty open about things...he told me that he still loves me very much but right now he's still young and wants to be single...and that he's dealing with some issues of his own that he don't wanna drag me into and take out on me...which is why I cut him off...but its like when I leave him alone he won't leave me alone he calls me all the time every single day...that's why I said him being confused is confusing me I wanna let go sometimes but every time I try to he can't seem to let go either we always find our way back to each other Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 I think LS folks feel the need to support you into facing facts. You can take what you want to. Denial is a strong burden. I do appreciate all the feedback and I do apologize if I offended anyonr You have NO control over this man's comings n goings. You're pregnant and at this moment, that's a fact. Do you live at home? Student? Working girl living on your own? LS people are supportive types but you need to reveal a bit more than denial to get their support. I do appreciate the feedback and I do apologize if I offended anyone bc that wasn't my intentions...I just felt like I was being attacked. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 which is why I cut him off... mwahaha. That's a classic. You two are a match of kindred dysfunction. Enjoy your second pregnancy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Great reveal. Yeah I concur, you're not naive. You're the word that starts w an M. I'm sorry?? What? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 which is why I cut him off... mwahaha. That's a classic. You two are a match of kindred dysfunction. Enjoy your second pregnancy. Whatever tf that means..but thanks anyway Link to post Share on other sites
KathyM Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 So this will be your second child, and you will be raising them alone. Rather than stressing about getting him back, which you don't have any power over, focus on taking good care of yourself, the child that you already have, and prepare for your new child. Unfortunately, you've put yourself in a precarious position by continuing to have sex with him after he broke up with you. Now you'll be dealing with this virtually alone. He'll be going on with his life and his relationships, and there is nothing you can do about that. I would suggest you try to stop focusing on him. It won't help you. Start focusing on being a good mother to your kids, a good role model and a stable one. And do file for child support. It's important to have it in writing, rather than just relying on his whims. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 So this will be your second child, and you will be raising them alone. Rather than stressing about getting him back, which you don't have any power over, focus on taking good care of yourself, the child that you already have, and prepare for your new child. Unfortunately, you've put yourself in a precarious position by continuing to have sex with him after he broke up with you. Now you'll be dealing with this virtually alone. He'll be going on with his life and his relationships, and there is nothing you can do about that. I would suggest you try to stop focusing on him. It won't help you. Start focusing on being a good mother to your kids, a good role model and a stable one. And do file for child support. It's important to have it in writing, rather than just relying on his whims. Thank you for your feedback...I really do appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Jeesh. 2 kids at 21. I'm sorry for your predicament , but it's absolutely clear now that you know PRECISELY what you're doing. Does the dad of your first child pay support? And you still haven't confirmed whether your family is supportive... Forget it. It doesn't matter. Good luck with your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) Where is your head? It just happened? Babies don't just happen. At 21, you have/going to have two children with two different men. I hope both are/will be in their lives to support and care for them. You, become a good role model, a mother that is emotionally and mentally (I hope, financially) able and responsible. All this BS you're getting yourself into is because of your bad choices. Stop with the melodramatics about "happy family" and start accepting your reality. If you want a happy family, you don't achieve it by getting pregnant with a man that broke up with you. You achieve that by stabilizing your life and finding a man that wants a life of commitment with you. You made a mistake, accept that it's done and move on. Focus on your child and your pregnancy and make a life for them outside of these men and what you want from them in terms of a relationship. I have a friend that has been married for 5 years and has had a hard time getting pregnant. It's hard to see her suffer the possibility of never having children. People that are able to provide stability to a child. Then there are people that just make babies because it just happened. Makes me wonder. Edited July 28, 2013 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
daftpunk Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Unlike the others in this thread, I will not presume to judge your situation. I find that only particularly flawed human beings take solace in doing so. You seem to realize that you've goofed... Twice. I have no intention to rub it in any further. Unfortunately, there's not much that I can tell you that will make things any better or easier for you. He may come back and be the man that you fell in love with. He might not... It's up to him. We can't make people love us. And even if we could, would you really want to? Love is so special because it's the only gift we can give that can't be bought, coaxed, or stolen. It wouldn't be love if you forced them into it. If he's the man that you seem to think he is, he'll come back. But only he can make that decision. I would say that you should just focus on making things better for yourself right now. Don't worry about contacting him. His presence is a variable that you can't count on just yet. Think of yourself and your kids for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) I find that only particularly flawed human beings take solace in doing so. You seem to realize that you've goofed... Twice. I have no intention to rub it in any further. Spare me the baloney. There is nothing to judge. It is what it is. Once, yes, it may have been a mistake. Hopefully one took a lesson from it. Twice? It's a conscious choice. A bad and stupid one. You're consciously making and bringing a child into this world under bad circumstances. I wouldn't classify that as a goof. A goof? SMH. That's the dumbest justification I've ever heard. Edited July 28, 2013 by Zahara Link to post Share on other sites
daftpunk Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Spare me the baloney. There is nothing to judge. It is what it is. Of course it is. So, tell me, what is it you're hoping to accomplish with all of this vitriol? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Of course it is. So, tell me, what is it you're hoping to accomplish with all of this vitriol? There's nothing vitriolic or judgmental about what's obvious. Working with children, it's hard enough for some of them to thrive under a stable home, let alone a situation like this. Roll your eyeballs all you want. I'm sorry I don't take to your casual observations and your "oh you poor baby you goofed" stance. I'll leave it at that. I'm not going to go at it with you and your mindset. It would be futile. Link to post Share on other sites
daftpunk Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 There's nothing vitriolic or judgmental about what's obvious. Working with children, it's hard enough for some of them to thrive under a stable home, let alone a situation like this. Roll your eyeballs all you want. I'm sorry I don't take to your casual observations and your "oh you poor baby you goofed" stance. I'll leave it at that. I'm not going to go at it with you and your mindset. It would be futile. Oh brother. Very well, allow me to rephrase: What are you hoping to accomplish with your "non-vitriolic and non-judgemental" assertions, then? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Oh brother. Very well, allow me to rephrase: What are you hoping to accomplish with your "non-vitriolic and non-judgemental" assertions, then? Just as I said, futile. Link to post Share on other sites
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