Could you tell if (M)AP had sex with BS?

[LilGirlandOW]

In a long term A, were there ever things that happened, came up or were said that made your alarms sound that they had sex recently?

 

I ask this cause, MM always said well before even EA started they very rarely had sex, once every couple months or so. And maybe this is my over thinking paranoia but there are the odd night, around every couple months or so that we dont talk all night, the next day our conversations will be different than usual, almost like he emotionally connected with her for that time, and things as the next day progress very slowly go back to normal...

 

My MM is always the same, and this whole 10mnths we talk alot through out every day, with the exception of these hiccups every couple months. Odd and I feel awkward to ask.

 

Anybody else sense MM/W was intimate with BS almost instantly like this? MM/W ever tell you he was, like honest about it?

[Lostinlife4now]

So interesting that you bring this up Lil and I remember this conversation vividly....

 

A few years ago when xmm was on vacation with the wife and kids, he had called me one morning and he had this very calm tone in his voice like the one he had with me after we had sex.

 

I CALLED HIM OUT ON IT. I knew him like a book. I asked him..did you have sex with your wife? You have that calm in your voice that you get after you have sex. and of course he lied and said no. BUT I DID NOT BELIEVE HIM. after that conversation, the A went down the drain on my part. Did not TRUST him anymore after all the time he always told me HE WAS NOT INTIMATE with his W.

 

So if your gut is saying something to you...LISTEN TO IT. You are probably right. They do have sex from time to time, how can they not? They need to keep the facade going so they don't get caught!

 

I have such a sour taste in my mouth regarding xmm..and now the sad thing is his wife is sick for the last 2 years....Bet he ain't getting any now!!!

[carhill]

Reflecting back, I presumed, when the 'hating' moderated and positive terms began to dominate, relevant to the betrayed spouse (husbands in my case), that 'sweet talk' and 'sex' had taken place, as this process was the most common way in which women's emotions were molded. Most men know this, especially husbands. Tell her what she wants to hear, have sex with her, and enjoy the afterglow, meaning an altered perception of yourself. As a husband, I failed the 'sweet talk' and 'sex' school, preferring to work the issues directly, and noted the very disparate results of that choice.

 

IMO, other than direct disclosure or chemical analysis, it's impossible to know for sure who has sex with anyone. Disclosure presumes that such would be a negative and hurtful disclosure but they make it anyway, at their own peril, kind of like a WS proactively disclosing their infidelity to their spouse. Hence, my use of the word 'presumed' in my anecdote. Each of us only knows for sure what is in our own minds. Other than that, it's irrefutable evidence and/or trust. Good luck.

[Lady2163]

Oddly enough, he usually tells me. We are not exclusive, he is not leaving his wife for me.

 

It isn't sordid. An example would be, I always ask him how his day is, how the weekend was, what did you do last night, what are you doing today, etc.

 

Sometimes he will say, "it was a good weekend. I did this this and this...and I got lucky.". Or "the day started off well, I got lucky this morning."

 

If I don't hear that for a while, I might ask, "how are things at home?" He will tell me general stuff but sometimes more specific stuff.

 

He's getting older. She doesn't like to touch his genitals with her mouth or hands. When he was 30, he could get aroused just by kissing and fondling her and the idea of impending sex. Now, it is a bit tougher without stimulation. This has to do with age and the fact I am a lot different in the foreplay area.

 

I'm not dogging on her when I say all that. And yes, I'm pretty sure what he says about her in the bedroom is true and even he isn't disparaging.