affairaddict Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I am a week NC and I'm angry. I hate this feeling. I can't stop snooping on social networking. Then it's real it's over. I see he hasn't posted for days and get frustrated or I see a photo he's liked and I'm annoyed. I must like the hurt or I'd stop and just let go. Why can't I let go fully. I'm so tired of this now. He is all I think about 24/7. I went NC before for two months but stalked every day as did he but 2 months later I felt the Same and made no progress in healing. Please help I'm desperate . Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Hey Affair addict, I am so sorry you are struggling w/the ending of this A. I wish there was a magic pill I could give you to be able do simply left co w/a smile and carry on happily. There's not. I checked... I believe there ARE things you Can do to help yourself move forward through the emotions though* - allow yourself a time to stalk or what is you WANT to do regarding exMM. Like an hour each day. Then when the timer dings, that is it for the day and "frisk away" thoughts of him w/a couple tag phrases or something physical. (Everytime I thought about H's A after the timer rang, I did ten push-ups) I got in really good shape* - recite the periodic table or times tables through twelves or learn to say the alphabet backwards(I still can't do that one*). The point here is to begin retraining your brain to think differently and of other things. It really works! Lastly, for heavens sale, PLEASE don't substitute any thoughts and feelings you had/are having about past choices and/or exMM, w/down-talking yourself!! That's not going do help you at all. You are One of a Kind! Designed to love loudly!! So do just that. Love on your family friends, work, chores... Chin up sweet lady, you are doing GREAT!! Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Neither my MM or BS have any social networking, there are days, alot of days that I wish they had.... so I could see for myself if he was actually unhappy with M. I've seen family and vacation photos and such but all through his phone, he doesnt have any of even just them two together, so its hard to gauge. If he or she did have a facebook I would be all over it, I can understand that it would be hard not to. Goodluck OP big XOXOX's to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author affairaddict Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 I looked at her FB and there's a pic of the kids. He'd liked it! I'm not jealous of the kids, they're gorgeous I'm just hurt everything is normal and real and I'm out in the cold feeling this love for him. He doesn't care about me he's liking her photos., as my friend said not all that glitters is gold. Do I expect him to be withdrawn and sad not on FB liking pics, probably , sadly yeah. I Guess I keep moving fwd. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarabi Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Lately(i.e. The past few days or hours) I have thought to myself "how does knowing anything about him/her/their relationship/how they are add value to my life?" Lol it doesn't... So I am reading the newspapers(currently full of royal baby fawning sycophancy...), reading books, going to the pub/meetups...visiting other people more etc. Where I am headed in my life there isn't time for those sorts of people. They are not people I would be socialising with because we are moving in different circles (they are young marrieds with a toddler...I am a young professional-our priorities are different) I know what I am trying to say but gosh I sound like such a snob... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I found out my xmw was constantly looking at my FB page. Even after I blocked her she created another fake page so she could look at my timeline and see my profile pic. It blew me away as here I was told by her to leave her alone and she called me a stalker. I understand it being the person who was dumped and them watching their ex's page but in my case I was like wtf. To the OP you will keep doing it until you see that you are simply torturing yourself. When you have had enough block his and her pages and fight all urges to unblock them. You will find as time goes by out gets easier not to look 1 Link to post Share on other sites
zevahc Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Social networking....FB has been horrible. It, in my mind is something that makes this soooo much harder...that and text. If those two things went away....i truly believe it would be a much simpler NC process..maybe I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author affairaddict Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 We do it to each other he looks every day It's crazy . No wonder after two months NC he came back and I welcomed him even though I'd said enoughs enough, we had never tried to forget about each other it had not died down if anything the fire was burning more. I realise I must just stop to move on but I fear I will look forever! Or the feelings will never go away completely. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I am a week NC and I'm angry. I hate this feeling. I can't stop snooping on social networking. Then it's real it's over. I see he hasn't posted for days and get frustrated or I see a photo he's liked and I'm annoyed. I must like the hurt or I'd stop and just let go. Why can't I let go fully. I'm so tired of this now. He is all I think about 24/7. I went NC before for two months but stalked every day as did he but 2 months later I felt the Same and made no progress in healing. Please help I'm desperate . NC includes no contact via looking at their social media and being a silent watcher, so if you've been in NC for 2 months and media stalking the whole time, you haven't really been in NC...you've been very much engrossed in his life, just silently, which defeats the purpose. As the whole point of NC is to detach emotionally and mentally by avoiding renewed contact. You cannot detach emotionally and mentally if you still stalk his life and know what's happening with him. True NC is also not looking at social media. Block and delete him and when you want to look at his page, designate something else to do like: post here, run on the treadmill, go for a walk etc. and count NC from the time you block and delete. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
So happy together Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I blocked his adult daughter from viewing my fb. I don't think there is need for it anymore but when she first found out about us, she would stalk my page and then call and scream at him (he gave me flowers and gifts for special occasion and she would see them on my page). He and I are friends on FB, but I don't post anything. Once in a while I'll like his pics or he will like mine, but mostly we don't bother one another. Link to post Share on other sites
Author affairaddict Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 Yeah I realise NC means no looking now I foolishly thought not talking was enough. Going to start tomorrow. Make a huge effort. Have to let go properly now, I'm half in half out still. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 I looked at her FB and there's a pic of the kids. He'd liked it! I'm not jealous of the kids, they're gorgeous I'm just hurt everything is normal and real and I'm out in the cold feeling this love for him. He doesn't care about me he's liking her photos., as my friend said not all that glitters is gold. Do I expect him to be withdrawn and sad not on FB liking pics, probably , sadly yeah. I Guess I keep moving fwd. I agree you have to STOP looking at his FB page. I went on there (we were still friends) but got a reality check once I saw bueatiful pictures of them on their anniversary day. It crushed me and I got sick. I was going back and forth on whether to delete him or not. I've deleted him before only for me to ask me a month later if we could be friends again. It was much better when we communicated via text but once his wife put him on her phone plan we had to stop. FB was just a constant reminder of me feeling guilty for messing with a MM. In the end I eventually blocked him and deleted him. this is only day 3 of starting my NC and he doesn't even know it. I don't even know if he paid attention to see if I'm still on his page. Bottom line is, YES it hurts that your not talking anymore/seeing each other. YES I hope he realizes I did in fact delete him and I hope he clearly knows why. It hurts like hell to see that and it's not fair to me or my health. You need to stay off FB or block/delete him from your page. Give yourself some peace. Link to post Share on other sites
brittanyanderson Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 This is one of my biggest problems. I look at his page a lot, but I completely totally stalk the **** out of her page and her friends. Idk why I do it. Its self torture. And when I find pictures of them together that are cute/recent my heart literally drops and I feel like I'm gonna vomit and cry. Still can't figure out why I do this to myself. So I feel you on this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 The question I'd like to know is.... How do the MM/MW expect the AP NOT to feel a certain way seeing pictures or constantly being reminded of what your really doing... living a double life. I understand they have to constantly join in with their BS on FB... But I did that for a whole year and a half but NEVER expressed how I felt about it because, I already knew what I was getting myself into. I couldn't take it anymore... I didn't spaze out, I didn't curse him out. The first time I felt this way I told him I couldn't do it anymore and he said he understood. He texted me a week later saying he can't stand the NC. I took him back because I couldn't do it either... This was right around the time they did their wedding anniversary pics the first time. The second time I just kicked him off. He should know why... Whether he cares will just be a slap in my face. Link to post Share on other sites
Author affairaddict Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 I found strength to say goodbye now I have to do the big part and let go. Eventually it no longer matters if he cares or misses me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author affairaddict Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 No I didn't know. But didn't realise why I hadn't healed last time at all in two months. Now I know. Complete cold turkey tomorrow. Each day will get easier . Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 And Facebook has this newish feature where you can see every pic someone has liked. Oh really? Do tell how! LOL Any way to block it? (I.e someone seeing everything I like?) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author affairaddict Posted July 28, 2013 Author Share Posted July 28, 2013 He's following girls with barely any clothes on twitter that look like me.. He's so weird.. I don't understand what goes on in their tiny brains. Link to post Share on other sites
BruisedBNBroken Posted July 28, 2013 Share Posted July 28, 2013 Ugh social media is the worst thing to ever happen to breakups. It's so so hard not to look. Thankfully my xAP doesn't have Facebook, but he does have LinkedIn. We were connected for work and I recently unfriended him, but he's not very tech savvy so I don't think he's figured it out yet. Although LinkedIn gives the ability to see who has viewed your profile and he's been looking at mine. Didn't need to know that. Anyway, AA be strong! Look as much as you need to today and then tomorrow be done. Block, unfriend, whatever you need to do. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Yeah I realise NC means no looking now I foolishly thought not talking was enough. Going to start tomorrow. Make a huge effort. Have to let go properly now, I'm half in half out still. Yepp half-hearted NC doesn't help. I learned that the hard way. Once I implemented for real NC I was surprised at how effective it was in me moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
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