IS THIS NORMAL?

[Annabelle]

Hi,

 

I am currently in a relationship with this guy for 2 years now. I feel that when him and I are intimate he would always call me really rude names. He would refer to me as a "slut" all the time. This would get him very aroused and excited.

 

In the beginning of the relationship he would never call me these names, but all I hear now is this!! This upsets me so much now that I feel we are not making love but I am nothing but a piece of meat to him. He won't stop calling me these names while in bed because I know he gets off on it.

 

I don't know what this all means because I haven't been in a relationship where a guy would call me this. I am quite, conservative and loyal type of girl who does not sleep around so I don't understand why the sudden change in behaviour. When I mention "make love" he would chuckle? What kind of a sick person am I with????? I don't feel like sleeping with him anymore because it feels so degrading having someone call me these names. He even enjoys telling me in detail that he has slept with another girl and has come home to sleep with me!!! He says it's all play and fantasy and that he would never cheat on me. BUt this scares me even more because he has constant thoughts of it.

 

I sometimes get the feeling that he is maybe sleeping with someone else. He even told me that it would be good if I sleep with another guy while he watches?! I really don't feel comfortable with that either. Does this guy even love me or what? SOmetimes I feel this is all we have left. Is this normal part of some peoples relationships?

 

Please tell me what this all would mean. I love him alot but I know sometimes he gets so sexually frustrated with me that the thought of him fooling around with someone else scares me.

 

Please help

 

Annabelle

[Tony T]

Dearest Annabelle:

 

Your guy is a perverted pig of the highest magnitude. Drop him at your earliest convenience. Discussing the details of his morbid perversity would serve no useful purpose here except to further make me ill.

 

He has no respect for your feelings, no consideration for your womanhood, and furthermore he is a rotten, lowlife, trashy scumbag.

 

Happy Holidays.

 

Tony

[Annie]

Read what Tony wrote about this guy - and remember: the adjectives that Tony used to describe him are his GOOD points!!!

Hi, I am currently in a relationship with this guy for 2 years now. I feel that when him and I are intimate he would always call me really rude names. He would refer to me as a "slut" all the time. This would get him very aroused and excited. In the beginning of the relationship he would never call me these names, but all I hear now is this!! This upsets me so much now that I feel we are not making love but I am nothing but a piece of meat to him. He won't stop calling me these names while in bed because I know he gets off on it. I don't know what this all means because I haven't been in a relationship where a guy would call me this. I am quite, conservative and loyal type of girl who does not sleep around so I don't understand why the sudden change in behaviour. When I mention "make love" he would chuckle? What kind of a sick person am I with????? I don't feel like sleeping with him anymore because it feels so degrading having someone call me these names. He even enjoys telling me in detail that he has slept with another girl and has come home to sleep with me!!! He says it's all play and fantasy and that he would never cheat on me. BUt this scares me even more because he has constant thoughts of it. I sometimes get the feeling that he is maybe sleeping with someone else. He even told me that it would be good if I sleep with another guy while he watches?! I really don't feel comfortable with that either. Does this guy even love me or what? SOmetimes I feel this is all we have left. Is this normal part of some peoples relationships?

 

Please tell me what this all would mean. I love him alot but I know sometimes he gets so sexually frustrated with me that the thought of him fooling around with someone else scares me.

 

Please help Annabelle

[Stargazer]

Hi Annabelle,

 

YOU KNOW this is not normal.

 

This guy IS definately screwing around behind your back - big time, you feel it, you know it, listen to yourself. The very fact that he's telling you straight out is his way of trying to relieve himself of guilt, it's reverse psychology. He's saying it to you reasoning it's about his fantasies and play because he knows it'll sound so ridiculous to you that he could be possibly admitting these things that you'll think it CAN'T be true. It's an old liars ploy, very old.

 

I would ordinarily ask have you told him to stop with the language and stories but in this case it's irrelevant and I also assume you have, he just doesn't give a damn.

 

This is what I think is happening. I would go so far as to say that is not just about sleeping with another girl, I think he's gotten into group sex, he's living out his fantasies, he's tapped into something he's getting a lot of pleasure out of, he's consumed by it, he's telling you - listen. He views these people as sluts and whores because that's exactly what they are to him, it's just about the sex. He's simply getting his sexual needs met and he's obsessed by it, everything else has gone out the window. He's beyond anything deeper (as in feelings) at the moment, his dick is controlling his brain (sorry for being so blunt).

 

He's also got you, he's a worthless coward for not having the guts to let you go when he started this, he's turned your relationship into something sordid, demeaning and basically a joke, hence the chuckles. He brings home his extracurricular behaviour, tells you in detail about his escapades, treats you like one of them and then has the gall to suggest how he wants YOU to indulge in his fantasies - he's lost the plot entirely here, he DOES NOT give a flying toss what you think OR feel. He's projecting what he's doing and his views onto you, that's all this is about, nothing more. You said it yourself "sometimes I feel this is all we have left".

 

A guy who genuinely loves and respects a girl does NOT call her a 'slut' and other degrading names in the name of his own sexual arousal and excitement. He has NO respect for you, let alone 'love', is this what you think 'love' feels and looks like? I know you don't, so please stop thinking he loves you.

 

He is only getting away with this because you are letting him. What you need to learn from this is that each and every one of us shows others how to treat us - by what we are willing to put up with or not. He's tested the waters with you now and has seen what you will put up with, if you choose to stick around this will only get worse, believe me. It is NOT OK for him to continue with this because "I know he gets off on it", would you let someone savagely beat you over and over because you know they like it, enjoy it, it pleases them, it get them off?? If you wouldn't, then please don't question if this is normal, if it doesn't feel good to YOU and only YOU then it's NOT normal. There is NO difference between this verbal abuse and physical abuse.

 

I'd really like to slap this guy, he's a right a**h***, 'scuse the language. He'll learn, eventually, right now this is new to him, he has to go down this road, once it's out of his system he MAY realise what he's done, in the meantime you do what's best for you - Get out now! This very minute! Do not allow him to treat you like this for one second more, do not allow yourself to be treated like this for one second more.

 

I know this hurts and it will be hard to let go, you need to forget what you once had, it's gone, it's over, he's changed, maybe you didn't really know him at all. Please don't believe one more word out of his disgusting mouth, please stop feeling you love him, you loved him once but now there is nothing more of him to love. Don't even dignify him with your reasons for getting out, he will only try and convince you otherwise, more lies. Don't set yourself up for that. He knows what he's doing.

 

I'm sure everyone who responds to your post will give you the same type of responses, listen very carefully because it's important for you.

 

Good luck sweetheart

 

Warm Hugs to You

[Deejette]

No, this is not normal for a loving relationship. He is not giving you what you want, but you are giving him what he wants by allowing him to call you a slut and degrading you. It is too one-sided and you need to have the courage to face this.

 

You do not want this kind of sex in your life and you want love. You will not find it with him. Leave him and he will find some other poor girl whom he can abuse verbally and treat like an object. You do not have to tolerate it.

Hi, I am currently in a relationship with this guy for 2 years now. I feel that when him and I are intimate he would always call me really rude names. He would refer to me as a "slut" all the time. This would get him very aroused and excited. In the beginning of the relationship he would never call me these names, but all I hear now is this!! This upsets me so much now that I feel we are not making love but I am nothing but a piece of meat to him. He won't stop calling me these names while in bed because I know he gets off on it. I don't know what this all means because I haven't been in a relationship where a guy would call me this. I am quite, conservative and loyal type of girl who does not sleep around so I don't understand why the sudden change in behaviour. When I mention "make love" he would chuckle? What kind of a sick person am I with????? I don't feel like sleeping with him anymore because it feels so degrading having someone call me these names. He even enjoys telling me in detail that he has slept with another girl and has come home to sleep with me!!! He says it's all play and fantasy and that he would never cheat on me. BUt this scares me even more because he has constant thoughts of it. I sometimes get the feeling that he is maybe sleeping with someone else. He even told me that it would be good if I sleep with another guy while he watches?! I really don't feel comfortable with that either. Does this guy even love me or what? SOmetimes I feel this is all we have left. Is this normal part of some peoples relationships?

 

Please tell me what this all would mean. I love him alot but I know sometimes he gets so sexually frustrated with me that the thought of him fooling around with someone else scares me.

 

Please help Annabelle