Anyone else feel that him wanting kids with you is insulting?

[jphcbpa]

how many cats to you have?

[BradJacobs]

He's either going to give up his dream or leave you before those five years are up.

 

Hate to be the bearer of bad news.

 

Best of luck.

[waterwoman]

Bit late but just wanted to say 'no I don't feel that way'. Its a compliment IMO - that someone values me so much they want me to share parenthood with me. What better way to say 'I value you'?

 

I can sympathise to a certain extent. I never wanted kids. I didn't like them much. Yuck! Messy, noisy, selfish etc etc. I hated that all my friends became bound up in their boring children and unavailable for nights out at the drop of a hat. H had to accept that if he loved me he wouldn't have kids but we have been for so long now I guess when we first got together it wasn't really an issue and he could overlook it. Why didn't I like kids? Because I was insecure and self-centred to put it simply. It annoyed me that children could behave so badly and still be loved. Thankfully I changed. Aged about 29 I began to wonder and consider and I got pregnant the very first month we started 'trying'. I now have 3 children. They are the best people I know and I'd die for them without a second's thought. I have also discovered that I like children in general - they can be funny, uninhibited, openly affectionate, thrilled by life, in a way that most adults aren't most of the time.

 

BTW I also love cats. And dogs. And rats. And bearded dragons. And just about anything else that lives and breathes But kids are best.

 

You may never change your mind but if your relationship ends because of this issue it doesn't mean he didn't value you - wanting children is a fundamental, deep in the gut need.

[HiddenUser]

Whether or not to have kids is a major life decision. As someone else said, mature adults discuss these things to understand and to avoid incompatibilities. Where do you even see this going? You say you're in love and want to spend the rest of your life with him, but don't care about crushing his soul five years down the road? Do you really think this is going to end well for either of you? If you don't budge and he stays with you, what a terrible thing to do to someone you supposedly love. If you budge and stay, what a terrible thing to do to yourself.

 

Neither of you are compatible for each other, move on already.

[Simon Phoenix]

Your thoughts on children aside, how on God's green Earth could you find him wanting you to be the mother of his child insulting? I've never heard that one. It's pretty much the ultimate compliment if you ask me.

[Simon Phoenix]

That would be me. Cats disgust me.

 

I don't hate them, but they really are smelly, dirty creatures that pretend they are clean.

[tbf]

You've both been honest with each other over this blatant long-term incompatibility. So carry on until the relationship breaks on its own accord and break it will if children are necessary to him where childlessness is necessary to you. The only way this relationship can work long-term is if someone bends.

[man_in_the_box]

I don't hate them, but they really are smelly, dirty creatures that pretend they are clean.

 

You realize that also applies to humans right?

[Simon Phoenix]

You realize that also applies to humans right?

 

That was already established, but thanks for pointing that out Mr. Obvious. Next you'll tell me the sun rises in the East.

[MissBee]

Right to clarify, I dislike children, always have... They irritate and disgust me.

 

My partner, who I love with my whole soul, has admitted that he would one day (within the next 5 years) want a family... Really sucks, no point ending a happy relationship until that day comes though, he knows my stance on this issue... Have been honest with him about this from the get-go.

 

I feel like he completes me, I don't need anything else, I have my friends, my cats, my amazing partner... Life really is fantastic atm.

 

I think, that if he felt even half as much about me as I do about him, then he would never want children with me, as I would be all he needs... Like he is to me.

 

To me, wanting to add to what we have, is an insult... As he obviously wants more than what I can give him by myself (fair enough) and doesn't feel like I complete him and make him totally happy...

 

The day that he ever loved someone more than me, like he probably would if he had a child is the day, my world would be ripped apart... As I could never love someone more than I love him and it hurts that he would both want to love someone more than he does me, and that he wouldn't mind potentially coming second to me if I decided to put the kid first...

 

Does anyone else feel like this? :S

 

No.

 

How you talk about love/relationships is a bit scary: he completes me, he is all I need,my world will be ripped apart if he loves his child more than me.

 

It all sounds very clingy and obsessive and like you have unrealistic and overbearing expectations of what love should be and what relationships should do for you.

 

Love isn't limited, the love one has for their children and their SO is different...and well-adjusted people can handle this. In fact I know many people who loved their partner MORE or rather, became closer and more emotionally bonded, after sharing the experience of creating a child together.

 

I do not think your bf should have children with you, seeing as though this is how you feel. You also make it seem like it would be HIS child and not yours too as the mother, so heck no he shouldn't have kids with you and he should realize you guys have different values sooner rather than later.

Edited August 3, 2013 by MissBee

[man_in_the_box]

That was already established, but thanks for pointing that out Mr. Obvious. Next you'll tell me the sun rises in the East.

 

I have no clue why you got your panties all tangled up over that one but whatever.

[rainfall]

Right to clarify, I dislike children, always have... They irritate and disgust me.

 

Does anyone else feel like this? :S

 

I understand how you feel OP. I don't want kids, I don't like them. I too find them extremely irritating.

Thankfully my partner shares my view on children though.

[rainfall]

Your thoughts on children aside, how on God's green Earth could you find him wanting you to be the mother of his child insulting? I've never heard that one. It's pretty much the ultimate compliment if you ask me.

 

I would be insulted if my current partner told me this and was being serious. I would be insulted because he knows how strong my views are about not wanting children and he has said he feels the same way. If he suddenly changed his mind and decided he wanted I would feel that he was telling me what I want out of isn't as important as what he wants.

 

Maybe the OP kind of feels the same way... she might feel he his telling her what she wants isn't important.

[thefooloftheyear]

I understand how you feel OP. I don't want kids, I don't like them. I too find them extremely irritating.

Thankfully my partner shares my view on children though.

 

 

 

Sees avatar and :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

 

TFY

[ascendotum]

Your thoughts on children aside, how on God's green Earth could you find him wanting you to be the mother of his child insulting? I've never heard that one. It's pretty much the ultimate compliment if you ask me.

 

that's what I would have thought and I'm sure the majority of women too. I hope this guy is not hanging around hoping you will change your mind. If he's young I guess it doesn't matter, but if he getting on and having a family is really going to be part of his life ambitions, he should be moving on now, so he can take his time to find the right woman and not be in a position where he shopping for a baby maker with a timeline. He might be ideal for you, but alas you are not for him.

[era]

Sees avatar and :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

 

 

TFY

 

Glad you find that amusing...I'm not keen on kids either:p:p:p

[thefooloftheyear]

Glad you find that amusing...I'm not keen on kids either:p:p:p

 

 

:laugh:

 

Oh well....The world needs miserable, dried up, old maid cat ladies, too.....I suppose...

 

All kidding aside...I can see someone not wanting kids for whatever their reasons. But when you start to hear people say such things as kids are vile and disgusting along with other such adjectives,,,,well....thats when it starts getting a bit bizarre....It just strikes me as inhumane and cold..Who wants to be with someone who has those types of characteristics?

 

TFY

[Simon Phoenix]

I have no clue why you got your panties all tangled up over that one but whatever.

 

No tangling here, just wasn't a very intelligent comment by you.

[pink_sugar]

Really?

 

 

Frankly I am shocked that any man would even talk to any woman with that type of attitude, whether he wanted kids or not..Huge red flag as far as I am concerned...I mean you can say you dont want kids, but how can a child irritate and disgust any human being?

 

Bizarre.

 

TFY

 

I have friends who feel this way. It's not as shocking as it sounds. The solution is simple, don't have kids. OP is just expressing how she feels.

 

 

Some people hate cats, which mind-boggles me... But I just accept that different people like/hate different things. I fail to see the difference.

 

Amen! My cats are like furry children to me. To each their own. And no, not every cat owner is an old maid cat hoarder. I love animals. People having kids just because they want someone to love them unconditionally is selfish. Cats and dogs don't judge you, the provide comfort 24-7 and are much, much less maintenance than kids. You cannot even compare. I don't mind well behaved kids and some are cute, but it's a much, much bigger responsibility than having a pet.

Edited August 4, 2013 by pink_sugar

[thefooloftheyear]

I have friends who feel this way. It's not as shocking as it sounds. The solution is simple, don't have kids. OP is just expressing how she feels.

 

 

 

 

Amen! My cats are like furry children to me. To each their own.

 

Like I said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids..But hating kids? Calling them disgusting? Thats when it starts getting weird and id even say highly dysfunctional..

 

 

I love animals....but there is something VERY wrong when someone starts talking that type of nonsense..It would be an absolute dealbreaker for me, whether I wanted kids or not..100 cats "loving" you at the same time isnt in the same stratosphere as the true love a parent gets with a child and vice versa,,

 

You are correct on one thing...To each his/her own...

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

I have friends who feel this way. It's not as shocking as it sounds. The solution is simple, don't have kids. OP is just expressing how she feels.

 

 

 

 

Amen! My cats are like furry children to me. To each their own. And no, not every cat owner is an old maid cat hoarder. I love animals. People having kids just because they want someone to love them unconditionally is selfish. Cats and dogs don't judge you, the provide comfort 24-7 and are much, much less maintenance than kids. You cannot even compare. I don't mind well behaved kids and some are cute, but it's a much, much bigger responsibility than having a pet.

 

Good effing grief...thats about all I am going to say to this...

 

Dont feed them for a couple of weeks or so and theyll attack you and eat you for lunch..What a sense of love and attachment, eh?..

 

Happy Sunday..

 

TFY

Edited August 4, 2013 by thefooloftheyear

[Got it]

Like I said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids..But hating kids? Calling them disgusting? Thats when it starts getting weird and id even say highly dysfunctional..

 

 

I love animals....but there is something VERY wrong when someone starts talking that type of nonsense..It would be an absolute dealbreaker for me, whether I wanted kids or not..100 cats "loving" you at the same time isnt in the same stratosphere as the true love a parent gets with a child and vice versa,,

 

You are correct on one thing...To each his/her own...

 

TFY

 

Sorry but there is a lot of people who feel this way. I have been very heavily involved/competing in the horse world. Because of what is required to be successful, etc. there are a good number of women who have zero interest in kids. I had many discussions with women who had no issues mucking stalls all day, dealing with their horses, but kids caused them to curl their nose.

 

It is to each one's own but I don't look down on them for their feelings. I am more open to having kids now but have spent most of my life being against it.

 

Nothing like calling pregnancy like a parasite feeding off the host to get people from stop pressuring to have kids.

[thefooloftheyear]

Sorry but there is a lot of people who feel this way. I have been very heavily involved/competing in the horse world. Because of what is required to be successful, etc. there are a good number of women who have zero interest in kids. I had many discussions with women who had no issues mucking stalls all day, dealing with their horses, but kids caused them to curl their nose.

 

It is to each one's own but I don't look down on them for their feelings. I am more open to having kids now but have spent most of my life being against it.

 

Nothing like calling pregnancy like a parasite feeding off the host to get people from stop pressuring to have kids.

 

I hear you...

 

Like I said, I have no issue with those who dont want kids for any reason, but to put animals on a higher level or to hate/despise kids shows some character issues, imo....just seems "inhuman"

 

Part of it stems from my own life experience..I waited til 35 to have my daughter. I never hated kids though, just didnt think it was for me..In my case it was the fact that I was being sellfish with my time. Now that she is here, I cannot believe that I waited and am SO happy that I have this wonderful little part of my DNA that loves and adores me as no other...Nothing in the world compares to that..I was :love: from the first moment I held her in my arms...

 

Do it...I promise you, you will NEVER regret it..You will soon realize that horses, cats, hobbies, work and just about anything else falls far second to the experience of being with your own child..

 

TFY

Edited August 4, 2013 by thefooloftheyear