I feel like I am not good enough. What can I do to be my bestself?

[youcanever]

Hey mates,

 

Since I found this website, I've been hanging out at "break up" part of the forum. My ex detached my heart from my chest and chewed it.

 

Now, I'm feeling like I'm getting over her, even though she comes to my mind time to time.

 

I thought that I better get out of break up subcategory and hang out at self-improvement so I wouldn't do the same mistakes in future as I did in past.

 

I am 23 year old. I graduated 4 months ago and been working at an very well known american automotive company as an engineer. I work out 4-5 times a week. I started swimming once a week. Started swing dance classes because I suck at dancing and I better deal with it.

 

But the problem is I feel like I am a little lack of human skills like having fluent conversations with people, or be warm to them or being very social.

 

I know you are going to say that if I want to be social I should go out more. But there should be other challenges that I should face too.

 

I don't know where to start and what else I can improve about myself. I just want to be perfect. I know noone is perfect but at least I want to be close to it.

 

Can you mates give me some challenges and advices to face to? I love challenging myself.

 

Thank you in advance.

 

Cheers !

[HiddenUser]

Hey mates,

 

Since I found this website, I've been hanging out at "break up" part of the forum. My ex detached my heart from my chest and chewed it.

 

Now, I'm feeling like I'm getting over her, even though she comes to my mind time to time.

 

I thought that I better get out of break up subcategory and hang out at self-improvement so I wouldn't do the same mistakes in future as I did in past.

 

I am 23 year old. I graduated 4 months ago and been working at an very well known american automotive company as an engineer. I work out 4-5 times a week. I started swimming once a week. Started swing dance classes because I suck at dancing and I better deal with it.

 

But the problem is I feel like I am a little lack of human skills like having fluent conversations with people, or be warm to them or being very social.

 

I know you are going to say that if I want to be social I should go out more. But there should be other challenges that I should face too.

 

I don't know where to start and what else I can improve about myself. I just want to be perfect. I know noone is perfect but at least I want to be close to it.

 

Can you mates give me some challenges and advices to face to? I love challenging myself.

 

Thank you in advance.

 

Cheers !

 

It sounds to me like you aren't putting that much effort into it and thus you're not getting the experience you want. I have to remind myself all the time that going out doesn't equate to social living. Set small goals for yourself. Strike up conversations with people. It doesn't matter how well it goes, you just need to get the experience.

 

Base your success on several factors instead of focusing on one aspect. You should consider yourself successful just because you're approaching people to talk to them. Get a rough estimate of how long you talk to that person. Is it longer than X amount of minutes? Give yourself some credit! Then, the following week, try approaching twice as many people and keeping the conversation going for twice as long.

 

Being at the gym or dance class paves the way for a ton of opportunities in which you can talk to people. However, people aren't going to gravitate toward you based solely on your beefy build or ability to dance (plus or minus, of course). Think of all the times people have looked at you and thought, "man, if only I could talk to that hunk..." They're in the same boat. Unless they're lucky, nothing is about all that's going to come from dreaming. The only advice anyone can give you is to go out and just strike up conversation. You have to practice to get better. That's the only way.

[czen]

I think you shouldn't beat yourself up too much. You don't need to turn into Mr. Perfect tomorrow. Most people never even try such a journey, so that you're on it is great already. Your journey can take a lifetime, that's still 50+ years. So don't forget to relax and enjoy who you are and far you have come this far. You don't need to constantly challenge yourself.

 

Anyways, to get better socially, you can read books (might sound a bit counter-intuitive, but it helps) about how to analyze social situations and act accordingly.

Also, just hang out with your friends more. Go on a few dates. Pick up some girls when you go out. Approach random strangers on the street. Anything goes. This is the best way to learn, being out there and taking action.

[na49]

You don't wave a magic wand over yourself and get self esteem. Learning that you are a human being and you are valuable has to come from within. Want a challenge? Try talking to one random person every day. Even if it's someone you walk past, just smile at them and say "hello". If you're waiting on line for something, turn around and start a conversation with the person behind you. You're feelings of not being good enough are messing with your social skills. Your problems being social are making you feel "not good enough".

 

The hardest part about being social is putting yourself out there. I'm no expert at this, and I'm working on it too.