Dating a sociopath?

[Ok Good]

So... has anyone here ever dated a sociopath or a psychopath? What was your experience like? How did you recover and came to trust people again?

 

I see how much you're hurting from this...so a sociopath is a true predator, as such, a predator is crafty & once they set their sights on prey, unless the prey is somehow stronger, their sunk. Once he had you there was nothing you could do, but thank goodness you're now free of him!!

 

so your question about trusting again is absolutely spot on...(this is my current predicament w/a possible 'future faker')...first, fully heal from the trauma, you'll probably know when that happens when you aren't always instantly questioning someone's motives...(so that might take time).

[edgygirl]

Since personal insults are all you have to add can we close this thread yet?

 

Funny because I feel you are the one insulting my intelligence.

 

No we can't close this thread, although the mere existence of it is clearly bothering you due to your previous diagnose.

 

Do me a favor and stop looking at it.

 

I still have hope some old time skilled posters will say something that is actually helpful, like carhill did.

[ScreamingTrees]

Random question for anyone willing to answer - You HAVE to be born a sociopath, correct? I feel as though I'm much less emotional.. I feel as though I'm not easily emotionally stimulated. And as terrible as it may sound, I literally feel numb to the point where a loved one may pass away and I'd feel nothing.. I don't think I've always been like this, I cried a lot as a child and I'd say I was very emotional and a bit of a drama queen..

 

I guess I can't say I'm necessarily sociopathic, but maybe I'm not really any different than anyone else? I don't treat people like ****, I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone, my emotional state in recent years has mostly sort of flat lined.. I can genuinely laugh and be in a good mood, I do have moods..

 

But I feel very numb towards serious issues like death.. As it is, I'm just sort of used to the idea.. Possibly because of all of the deaths I've had to deal with in the past? MAYBE I'd be singing a different tune if someone quite close close to me actually died, but I'm afraid that I wouldn't, I'm afraid that my nerves and emotional state is just burnt out, that I've come to some sort of sedated state, conditioned by existential thoughts..

 

I don't know if it's due to past trauma, but I don't want to take pills and undergo some sort of specialized therapy if I'm just personally overreacting. I don't know. Sort of ranting here, hoping someone may have a clue.

[edgygirl]

I see how much you're hurting from this...so a sociopath is a true predator, as such, a predator is crafty & once they set their sights on prey, unless the prey is somehow stronger, their sunk. Once he had you there was nothing you could do, but thank goodness you're now free of him!!

 

so your question about trusting again is absolutely spot on...(this is my current predicament w/a possible 'future faker')...first, fully heal from the trauma, you'll probably know when that happens when you aren't always instantly questioning someone's motives...(so that might take time).

 

Thanks Ok Good. I'm not hurt per se, as I never fell in love with him. I'm more scared than hurt, as I didn't know such people existed and looked and acted "normal" initially.

 

That's what I'm mostly afraid of... it might take some time to want to trust again. Funny thing is I never really trusted him (and this was one of the last things he said to me).

 

I am certainly celebrating being free of him I just hate it that it made me lose faith in humanity a bit.

[edgygirl]

You can't receive help unless you are fully open to it. You are only open to what confirms what you already believe like what you tried to do with your psychiatrist by getting her to agree with your diagnosis.

 

You have to understand that I don't feel comfortable going into details of what happened here and I'm sorry for that, as it makes the story less credible, but it's too much for me right now to go ahead and describe here all the things that happened. If I told you, you'd agree with me that he most certainly was one.

[Ok Good]

Thanks Ok Good. I'm not hurt per se, as I never fell in love with him. I'm more scared than hurt, as I didn't know such people existed and looked and acted "normal" initially.

 

That's what I'm mostly afraid of... it might take some time to want to trust again. Funny thing is I never really trusted him (and this was one of the last things he said to me).

 

I am certainly celebrating being free of him I just hate it that it made me lose faith in humanity a bit.

 

Well you were smarter prey than he thought, as he didn't get the very best of you & you were always somewhat wary of him. Great intuition so good for you!!

 

When it comes to humanity human behaviour is always on the spectrum, maybe its suppose to all balance out? So if there are angelic people at one end, the other end lies the demonic people (I am always amazed when I hear of people marrying those rich widows, taking all her money, and disappearing leaving her broke, & yet that happens...human predators do exist).

[edgygirl]

Random question for anyone willing to answer - You HAVE to be born a sociopath, correct? I feel as though I'm much less emotional.. I feel as though I'm not easily emotionally stimulated. And as terrible as it may sound, I literally feel numb to the point where a loved one may pass away and I'd feel nothing.. I don't think I've always been like this, I cried a lot as a child and I'd say I was very emotional and a bit of a drama queen..

 

I guess I can't say I'm necessarily sociopathic, but maybe I'm not really any different than anyone else? I don't treat people like ****, I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone, my emotional state in recent years has mostly sort of flat lined.. I can genuinely laugh and be in a good mood, I do have moods..

 

But I feel very numb towards serious issues like death.. As it is, I'm just sort of used to the idea.. Possibly because of all of the deaths I've had to deal with in the past? MAYBE I'd be singing a different tune if someone quite close close to me actually died, but I'm afraid that I wouldn't, I'm afraid that my nerves and emotional state is just burnt out, that I've come to some sort of sedated state, conditioned by existential thoughts..

 

I don't know if it's due to past trauma, but I don't want to take pills and undergo some sort of specialized therapy if I'm just personally overreacting. I don't know. Sort of ranting here, hoping someone may have a clue.

 

Regarding being born one, from what I read no one knows for sure. There are theories that it's only genetic, others say it's a combo of genetics with early family and societal exposure. It's been researched recently that certain parts of the brain are different in sociopaths (they have less mass in areas that are related to feelings and guilt, or something like that, etc)

 

What I learned these past weeks is that the main thing is sociopaths don't feel empathy, even for people close to them. They can feel sad if someone close to them dies but more on the side that they will be losing something by the death (either money, narcissistic supply, status etc). I read they see people as 'robots', as objects to be used for some gain. From what I read they certainly can get into a good mood as well, specially when they get what they want.

 

There's no treatment really. There are no meds for it, and I read the only way they can improve is if they themselves (not through court or mandated by family) feel they want to improve their behavior if it's deteriorating their relationships, etc. Obviously I'm not a specialist though.

[guilted]

im sorry you are getting such mean replies. my therapist said i was likely involved with someone who has NPD with possible sociopathic behaviours. of course they cant be diagnosed from afar howevern after my research he definitely fits all the NPD characteristics. i wouldnt wish him on my worst enemy. he was so intensely love bombing me to the point i felt uneasy. once these types set their sights on you it is hard to resist. good luck in your recovery. ive dated jerks before too but nothing even close to what i experienced.

[edgygirl]

Let's say he was sociopathic/psychopathic. How do you believe your response to him should be different from someone you would recognize as a normal jerk? To me it would seem it should be the same. You cut them out of your life which they already don't want to be apart of and move on.

 

I tell you what - it was scary as in horror movie scary. The things he did, his lack of empathy after he did them, just didn't make any sense. Honestly normal jerks wouldn't do the things he did. It was not typical jerk behavior, I've been with jerks He lied about things he didn't have to lie.

 

I should have realized something was wrong when he told me his ex-W wanted to cut him on their last day together. Get the picture? Now I get the poor ex-W - she must have been scared to death, she wasn't crazy as he said.

[edgygirl]

Well you were smarter prey than he thought, as he didn't get the very best of you & you were always somewhat wary of him. Great intuition so good for you!!

 

When it comes to humanity human behaviour is always on the spectrum, maybe its suppose to all balance out? So if there are angelic people at one end, the other end lies the demonic people (I am always amazed when I hear of people marrying those rich widows, taking all her money, and disappearing leaving her broke, & yet that happens...human predators do exist).

 

Those were my last words to him - I said that I was too smart not to find out one day. I think what bothers me most is that my intuition kept telling me something was wrong but what someone said is true - I chose to believe and go against my intuition. Lesson learned! I hope, lol.

 

I am much more aware of those spectrums of human behavior after being in contact with him. Suddenly all these people who are con artists make more sense to me. I get the behavior now and unfortunately it doesn't seem so distant as before. People (and me in the past) think that personality disorders are really easy to spot (as in all psychopaths are killers) but that's not true - they are all around us and are not necessarily killers.

[edgygirl]

You missed the whole point of my post.

 

Putting this guy and every other jack off you seem to attract / date on the couch and worrying about / living in the past isn't doing you a damn bit of good.

 

A normal and "healthy" woman would have bailed on your latest jack off from the get go... but not you. Why is that? You stayed and even got knocked up by said jack off.

 

The common denominator is you. It's the only thing you can change and do something about. What actions / steps have you taken to deal with your taste in men / BF picker? Have you changed the environments (OLD, Bar, Clubs, etc.) where you are meeting such a high concentration of jack offs?

 

Why aren't you talking about / coming up with solutions for those things with your therapist?

 

No I didn't miss the point of your post. I've been with one or two jerks in my life, as almost every woman did, and your post super applies to jerks.

 

But... This guy was not a pure jerk. He was something else. I am certainly not living in the past, I don't care about this guy whatsoever, I am pissed that I went against my intuition and analyzed him in a way that I ended up almost believing his good traits could work for me in a long term-relationship and that I didn't cut him off sooner. I am doing a lot of self analysis indeed not to let myself get into such a mess like this one again. Why am I meeting this kind of guy? you got it - OLD! I know I should get out there in real life and I'm planning to.

[Star Gazer]

From what you've described, you got played. Maybe he's commitment phobic, maybe he's a future faker. But to ascribe sociopathy to a very typical pattern of male behavior (acting like they're interested, taking what they can get, and then bailing) is pretty lame, IMO. You gotta own your portion of it.

[edgygirl]

im sorry you are getting such mean replies. my therapist said i was likely involved with someone who has NPD with possible sociopathic behaviours. of course they cant be diagnosed from afar howevern after my research he definitely fits all the NPD characteristics. i wouldnt wish him on my worst enemy. he was so intensely love bombing me to the point i felt uneasy. once these types set their sights on you it is hard to resist. good luck in your recovery. ive dated jerks before too but nothing even close to what i experienced.

 

Thank you!

 

I kind of understand where these people who are being mean here and insinuating I was naive falling for a jerk come from. As I said before and you surely seem to understand - you can only get how it feels if you've been through it. It is NOT typical jerk situation.

 

I am also so very sorry you had to go through that. No one deserves it! It's exactly what you said - I don't wish it on my worst enemy.

[edgygirl]

From what you've described, you got played. Maybe he's commitment phobic, maybe he's a future faker. But to ascribe sociopathy to a very typical pattern of male behavior (acting like they're interested, taking what they can get, and then bailing) is pretty lame, IMO. You gotta own your portion of it.

 

Stargazer, I wish it was simple as that (commitment phobe, jerk, future faking). It was not. But as I said I won't go into details as it's just too much for me right now.

 

My portion was being stupid enough to feel I didn't have much time, have unprotected sex and getting prego before I really got to know him well. If it wasn't for this, I probably wouldn't feel emotionally damaged. As an example, he bugged me for 2 months to get pregnant. Does did sound like typical jerk behavior to you? It was way over that.

[Star Gazer]

Stargazer, I wish it was simple as that (commitment phobe, jerk, future faking). It was not. But as I said I won't go into details as it's just too much for me right now.

 

I think it's pretty silly to start a whole thread diagnosing your ex as a sociopath without explaining why.

[edgygirl]

I think it's pretty silly to start a whole thread diagnosing your ex as a sociopath without explaining why.

 

Well the point of my thread was not to discuss the sociopath. It was to hear from people with experience with dealing with the situation. But for some reason some of you keep going back to the question on whether he had personality disorders or not. It's off topic in my opinion.

 

Feel free to keep thinking I'm stupidly naive and fell for a jerk, I'm fine with that but that's not the issue I put for discussion here. It's my right not to want to go into details as I don't feel comfortable with it. I gave you a good example of one of his behaviors (what jerk bugs people to get pregnant non-stop, they just want to use people and have no responsibilities) This guy wanted to manipulate me..

 

Honestly I feel flabbergasted that you, being a woman, don't have empathy for what I just told you.

 

I hope you don't cross paths with a sociopath, maybe you'll feel differently then. But I'm sure you will - I think you're a lawyer and that's a profession plagued with them as is Politics. You can keep thinking it's extremely rare to meet one and that they are only the Ted Bundy types. That's what I thought too... before meeting one intimately. If you haven't dealt with one, you can't really give an opinion on the subject.

[Star Gazer]

Who says I'm not empathetic? I've been dumped before by men who made themselves out to be much better people then they really are. I can relate to that pain.

 

However, you're needlessly painting yourself as a victim of someone else's pathology. You made the choice to have unprotected sex, and now that he's gone you're labeling him as a sociopath. Why? Because he left?

 

Then all the guys who ever dumped me are sociopaths, by your definition.

 

You're going on and on defending this label, without actually backing it up.

[edgygirl]

No... you didn't get it. He didn't dump me. He would be with me until this day if I wanted to. I was the one who decided not to have the baby and ended the story.

 

He bugged me repeatedly to get pregnant. I was in between jobs and he knew the only way I could do it was if he supported me, as being pregnant I wouldn't be able to look for a job. We had this discussion repeatedly and he said several, dozens of times he could provide for a family, he went into details about his financial situation and said it was the ideal moment in his life to do it. But then the excuses started - he didn't fulfill the financial promises he made me.

 

You can say whatever you want, he was not solely a jerk. Jerks are way much easier to deal with.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but you obviously do not understand pathological behavior. I am not painting myself as a victim. I was a victim of a predator. My therapist calls what you're doing "blaming the victim". It's what people do when they tell girls who were raped that it was their fault as they wore the wrong clothes, etc. Please.

 

Who says I'm not empathetic? I've been dumped before by men who made themselves out to be much better people then they really are. I can relate to that pain.

 

However, you're needlessly painting yourself as a victim of someone else's pathology. You made the choice to have unprotected sex, and now that he's gone you're labeling him as a sociopath. Why? Because he left?

 

Then all the guys who ever dumped me are sociopaths, by your definition.

 

You're going on and on defending this label, without actually backing it up.

[Star Gazer]

I'm sorry to say this, but you obviously do not understand pathological behavior. I am not painting myself as a victim. I was a victim of a predator. My therapist calls what you're doing "blaming the victim". It's what people do when they tell girls who were raped that it was their fault as they wore the wrong clothes, etc. Please.

 

Riiiiiight. I'm slut or rape shaming you.

 

I'm going to continue to hold you responsible for your behavior and choices until/unless you explain what he did wrong. I think the rest of the world would do the same.

[edgygirl]

I figured you met this Jack Off on O.L.D. so I'm not surprised.

 

O.L.D. = Rebounders, "Nice" Guys, dorks, weirdos, desperate, losers, perverts, people who can't be alone, people who have zero dating experience, people who have never seen a vagina, socially challenged, attention whores, people who lie about their height, weight, looks, marital or relationship status, etc. Basically it's LOSER CENTRAL.

 

There has ALWAYS been and ALWAYS will be a stigma with O.L.D. regardless of what the LS crowd tries to convince you of.

 

Here is why?

 

Hey Skid Mark, I agree the quality of people on OLD is not that great. I would expect that being in a site specific to my religion people would be at least a little less creepy. Not.

 

But:

 

1. All the weirdos I met were very specific in their messages. They were clearly directed to me (they read my profile and came up with related intelligent conversation).

 

2. Yes but when it's hard meeting people in real life...

 

3. I'm not sure. I met i.e. a tv star through old. Why was he there? Get my point?

 

Still I agree with you the quality is usually low.

 

So tell me what "authentic men" do when they don't have the opportunity to meet the right person in real life?

 

I agree that I feel more comfortable when meeting people in real life. I think I'll follow your advice and give Habitat for Humanity a chance again I admit I have been living in my shell and relying on OLD only which it's probably not a good idea.

 

Thanks for your post.

[edgygirl]

NOW you are focused on the right things. I gave you a TON of very helpful / good suggestions. Spend some time finding events / things you can invest your time in. You will quickly surround yourself with a high concentration of quality Women (who you can become friends with) and Men. Not only that, it makes you more well rounded, gives your life meaning and makes you more "interesting" too.

 

You keep this up, you will have a bunch of new GFs and meet / have dates with some quality guys in no time.

 

You did indeed. Gonna copy your suggestions to remind myself. Thanks again, I like it that you put such a comprehensive list together. I used to be out and about when younger but somehow it got lost over the years.

 

And I think you're right. I am doing a University class for the first time in 10 years and the two most interesting guys are super nice with me as they really get my personality through the classes and discussions. I usually meet more quality men who don't have issues in real life, the problem is I want someone from my religion which makes things harder but I'll follow your advice and look for events related to that as well. I won't give up OLD, but I should at least diversify.

[edgygirl]

it wasn't just this thread. I read several others with women arguing. I'm single and lonely not by choice, but reading all this seriously makes me think twice about even bothering. I desire to be happy in love but being in a relationship with bickering may be worse than being alone. food for thought. what's going to allow you to be happiest? close your eyes and think really hard.

 

Millions of people have happy relationships. LoveShack is a place for people who don't to come complain about it. Don't take it as a reality of what relationships are for most people

[Imajerk17]

How ridiculous is that. So, because I was in a rush to have a baby (not ashamed to say I was, what's the problem with that?) I am to blame for HIS pathological behavior? I used my best judgement, and as you and any other human being, I failed briefly before I catch up and realized what I was dealing with.

 

Again, you are blaming the victim, darling.

So your *best* judgement was allowing yourself to get pregnant with some dude you've only known 2 months?? I don't want to be mean here but WTF??

 

I think you need serious help.

[edgygirl]

So your *best* judgement was allowing yourself to get pregnant with some dude you've only known 2 months?? I don't want to be mean here but WTF??

 

I think you need serious help.

 

No. The error in my best judgement was that I thought he might be right for me and my needs. I know it's hard to understand but he fit most my good on paper requisites. And then he met my friends and everyone loved him. Lesson learned, it was a mistake. But I mean, don't judge until you walk into someone's shoes.

 

People get married in certain religions without even knowing each other. Do you judge them too?

[ScreamingTrees]

Regarding being born one, from what I read no one knows for sure. There are theories that it's only genetic, others say it's a combo of genetics with early family and societal exposure. It's been researched recently that certain parts of the brain are different in sociopaths (they have less mass in areas that are related to feelings and guilt, or something like that, etc)

 

What I learned these past weeks is that the main thing is sociopaths don't feel empathy, even for people close to them. They can feel sad if someone close to them dies but more on the side that they will be losing something by the death (either money, narcissistic supply, status etc). I read they see people as 'robots', as objects to be used for some gain. From what I read they certainly can get into a good mood as well, specially when they get what they want.

 

There's no treatment really. There are no meds for it, and I read the only way they can improve is if they themselves (not through court or mandated by family) feel they want to improve their behavior if it's deteriorating their relationships, etc. Obviously I'm not a specialist though.

 

Hell, my friend was terminally ill and literally had nothing.. The only thing that I'd lost was him, and it drove me to tears. That was several years ago.. The only loss I'd had to deal with since then, really.

 

Thinking about it now, it's funny that I actually thought I could be a sociopath, I don't believe that I fit the description in any way. My problem is more like an emotional numbness along the lines of PTSD that I may not even have, rather than some sort of cold hearted parasitic manipulative way of living.

 

I guess I could just nowadays be a very stoic person.. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who doesn't really cry for much.. I used to cry a lot as a child, maybe I've just become less excitable as time has passed..