Why has a married man has been chasing me for almost 2 years?

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Because his W doesn't know, which makes you two share a secret, which provides the basis for an inappropriate relationship. He's getting attention from you one way or another, and he feels empowered by getting attention from a female who "needs" him. You're his ego boost, and its not even a given that all guys who act like that necessarily want to get in your pants. Sure, he would if he could, but it's even better the way it is right now, because he can tell himself and everyone else that he's not done anything wrong, and he gets what he needs the most: attention and reassurance. He's your savior. He's the big man. He's the ****. You admire him. His W probably not so much anymore, because he's an attention whore at home also and it's all about him him him..........and she's tired of it. I'm sure he's whined about her plenty. Mean bitch. Nasty bitch. Nothing's ever good enough for her.

 

He has never spoke about his wife, and I have no idea about his life at home.

[BeholdtheMan]

I guess I don't understand why he would want someone like me' date=' cos I'm such a mess, and why he continues to be like this two years later[/quote']What is so hard to understand. He wants to have sex with you. Some men try to "buy" sex with gifts, loans, assistance etc.

 

...so far you've been semi-receptive to his advances. You haven't shot him down, you've been playing along and accepting his help. If you're in dire straits, I can't really blame you for accepting money to survive...but there's really no mystery here. HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. He's hoping that eventually you'll reward his "helpfulness" by spreading your legs. Sounds ugly...but it's most likely true.

 

It's highly unlikely that you're some special snowflake in his eyes and he's just helping you out of the kindness of his heart, with no ulterior motives.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

What is so hard to understand. He wants to have sex with you. Some men try to "buy" sex with gifts, loans, assistance etc.

 

...so far you've been semi-receptive to his advances. You haven't shot him down, you've been playing along and accepting his help. If you're in dire straits, I can't really blame you for accepting money to survive...but there's really no mystery here. HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. He's hoping that eventually you'll reward his "helpfulness" by spreading your legs. Sounds ugly...but it's most likely true.

 

It's highly unlikely that you're some special snowflake in his eyes and he's just helping you out of the kindness of his heart, with no ulterior motives.

 

Thanks. I accept what you are saying and you could well be correct. I have experience in relationships, but sometimes when it comes to a guy I can become very blind, or ??

 

I have another huge problem as well though. I have very bad depression, and because of this I find it very difficult to try and think straight, and a nightmare trying to make decisions it takes me ages trying to figure things out.

 

If he wants sex, why is he still behaving like this to years later, when he hasn't got anywhere with him, and he keeps going like this, I mean over such a long period of time. I know I am no one special at all, but if it is sex is is after from me, and well in the case of most guys, would they keep going like this with a girl until they eventually get her? I mean even after two years?

 

I know myself, if I liked a guy, and wasn't getting very far with him, I wouldn't keep trying to get in with him for two years, I would have given up!

[BeholdtheMan]

If he wants sex' date=' why is he still behaving like this to years later[/quote']2 years isn't that long of a time...

 

This guy could be

1) desperate

2) persistent

3) desperate and persistent

4) trying to have sex with multiple women, you're just one of his targets, like a side-project he's been working on, hoping one day you'll give in

 

I know I am no one special at all, but if it is sex is is after from me, and well in the case of most guys, would they keep going like this with a girl until they eventually get her? I mean even after two years?

He might be enjoying the emotional intimacy. You might not be his only "other woman". He might be banging/pursuing other women at the same time.

 

I mean, how much effort is he investing into his relationship with you. If it's not a lot to him, then why wouldn't he keep it up? The potential return is sex with you for a few loans and services he can easily spare.

 

Of course, there is a slight possibility that he's just genuinely kind person who wants to help you get back onto your feet. I find it unlikely.

 

If you want to have sex with this guy and escalate the relationship, I doubt he'll turn you down. If that's the case, there's no point trying to find a justification online, just do it if you're really OK with it.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

2 years isn't that long of a time...

 

This guy could be

1) desperate

2) persistent

3) desperate and persistent

4) trying to have sex with multiple women, you're just one of his targets, like a side-project he's been working on, hoping one day you'll give in

 

He might be enjoying the emotional intimacy. You might not be his only "other woman". He might be banging/pursuing other women at the same time.

 

I mean, how much effort is he investing into his relationship with you. If it's not a lot to him, then why wouldn't he keep it up? The potential return is sex with you for a few loans and services he can easily spare.

 

Of course, there is a slight possibility that he's just genuinely kind person who wants to help you get back onto your feet. I find it unlikely.

 

If you want to have sex with this guy and escalate the relationship, I doubt he'll turn you down. If that's the case, there's no point trying to find a justification online, just do it if you're really OK with it.

 

Thank you, I very much value your opinion and advice here. Maybe I got it across in not the best way or didn't describe what I wanted to find out, but this is exactly it. Thank you so much xx

[nescafe1982]

 

I have another huge problem as well though. I have very bad depression, and because of this I find it very difficult to try and think straight, and a nightmare trying to make decisions it takes me ages trying to figure things out.

 

This. This is your problem. And it's linked to your inability to maintain inappropriate boundaries with people in your life.

 

This guy is your lawyer, your banker, and your emotional crutch? That's not only problematic... he could actually be disbarred, fired, divorced for his behavior. You are engaging with someone who is bad news. Stop it.

[runningfar]

He is chasing after you because he is not the type to honor his marital commitments and he has gotten enough information from you to ascertain that you're vulnerable, and it really doesn't take that much effort. It's like a hobby, hoping for a reward. This is not beating you up, but you have to understand what is happen, and NOT talk to him when you don't have to and NOT accept anything from him, and know that he is interested in what he can get. That's not a friend.