hurtnomorerika Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Ill be having MM's baby anyday now. Should I call him at work? That's the only way I have to get in touch with him, since he changed his number. Or, should I just say, F-him and file child support and let it go. I want him to at least be involved in the birth, but I guess he's already shown me that he doesnt give a damn and wants no parts of it. What should I do? Should I atleast call him and let him know that baby is coming when I do officially go into labor? I even thought about sending him a private message on twitter, the only thing is his wife might see it. At this point I really dont care about that, the truth has to come out at some point. I dont know what to do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Don't call him, take care of yourself and the baby and file CS papers immediately, let him be.. him changing his number is all you needed to know from him on his feelings. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 The name of the father needs to be in his birth certificate so the state can recognize MM as the father. Does MM know you are expecting? Did he mention he was willing to support the baby? Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Agreed. MM knows where you are. He's entitled to make his own choices. Why not meet w a lawyer now to help handle the child support. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Agreed. MM knows where you are. He's entitled to make his own choices. Why not meet w a lawyer now to help handle the child support. This will be a very expensive EMR for MM. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Don't call him, take care of yourself and the baby and file CS papers immediately, let him be.. him changing his number is all you needed to know from him on his feelings. Thanks, thats what I will do. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Next step is to establish paternity. This process to award CS is not a rapid one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 The name of the father needs to be in his birth certificate so the state can recognize MM as the father. Does MM know you are expecting? Did he mention he was willing to support the baby? He's known since day one, that I was pregnant. I havent seen him since, I told him. We will have to get a paternity test done to prove he is the father of my baby if he's not on the birth certificate. Im 100% sure he is and he knows it too. He's the only man I've been with in the last 2 yrs. He hasnt given me any expectations on what he's willing to do as far as supporting the baby. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 This will be a very expensive EMR for MM. I would love to obtain a lawyer, but It may be very expensive. In my state, its not required that you have a lawyer to file CS. I think having a lawyer only makes the process go quicker, please correct me if Im wrong. I would love to make him responsible now instead of several months OR years down the line. I have all of the necessary info I need on him so the CS people shouldnt have much trouble finding him and getting it done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 I do hope you have a support system that you can rely on (minus the MM). It's unlikely he will be there for you now, so I wouldn't bother. But, do file for CS when the time comes. Good luck, and happy pushing! Thank U. I will just leave him out of this for now, God sits high and watches low. In due time, he will deal with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 He hasnt given me any expectations on what he's willing to do as far as supporting the baby.rting the baby. Sure he has! -0- You'll be having your local prosecutor extract $ on the standard chart. Willing is not any part of it. Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) He's known since day one, that I was pregnant. I havent seen him since, I told him. Yep. Exactly what Art said. There's no reason to contact him. He's knows the baby will be due 9 months from conception. If he wanted to be there, he'd have contacted you by now. Do you have some other friends or family who can be there for you? Since you can't afford a lawyer, have you researched what you need to do in your area to collect CS? There's a lot of info here Home | Office of Child Support Enforcement | Administration for Children and Families including a "Child Support Handbook" which includes info on the process of establishing paternity. (Assuming you're somewhere in the US.) Edited July 29, 2013 by The Way I Am Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 He's known since day one, that I was pregnant. I havent seen him since, I told him. We will have to get a paternity test done to prove he is the father of my baby if he's not on the birth certificate. Im 100% sure he is and he knows it too. He's the only man I've been with in the last 2 yrs. He hasnt given me any expectations on what he's willing to do as far as supporting the baby. Based on this, no don't call him. He's had plenty of time to reach out if he wanted to be involved. I'd also make sure you've got as much if your own support system ready. Do people know what the situation is with the dad? I'd also tell them if you've decided to not inform him when you go into labor--they can help give you extra support and resolve when the time comes & your emotions and stress are peaking. Were you planning to put him on the birth certificate? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 Based on this, no don't call him. He's had plenty of time to reach out if he wanted to be involved. I'd also make sure you've got as much if your own support system ready. Do people know what the situation is with the dad? I'd also tell them if you've decided to not inform him when you go into labor--they can help give you extra support and resolve when the time comes & your emotions and stress are peaking. Were you planning to put him on the birth certificate? I havent told many people the situation, because people are so quick to judge when they dont know the whole story. I wouldnt mind him being on the birth certificate, but I think he has to be present. Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 It depends how many times, over and over again, you want to feel rejected to the very core of your being. And the very core of your child's being. Are you up for that, in your mist vulnerable state? You cannot make him care. Anyone who doesn't care about their own child, no matter what the circumstance, is beyond redemption, in my book. He is cold-hearted and monstrous. Make him pay later. Right now, keep that monster away from you and your baby. Fall in love with your baby. Feed xMM to the dogs, if you can, forget him if you can't. He does not deserve to know that child if he has changed numbers on you to send the message that he doesn't care. I hate him. I hate him for you. Now go love that baby! If I wasnt at work I would scream! I hate him! I hate him! I cant believe I was dealing with somebody so heartless! To neglect their own child regardless of the situation. If he was that damn afraid of losing his marriage he shouldnt have been cheating and lying about his marital status in the first place. You guys are right, he's blocked me and changed his numbers. He's told me in his actions to leave him alone and that's what I will do. I spoke with his mother a month ago and havent heard anything else from her. She told me to contact her when I go into labor, but for what?! I will feed him to the dogs, when the time presents itself. Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I wouldnt mind him being on the birth certificate, but I think he has to be present. That's information you should research ahead of time. If you don't know yet, you haven't done enough research. The best way to get financial support for your child is to be informed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 That is the most horrible thing I've read in weeks. So very sorry for you. Just wow. Resources, resources. I don't know your income status, but possibly you are eligible for legal aid or pro bono work from a professional. Contact WIC, contact social services, ask a minster, talk to a hospital scal worker, chaplain, keep calling until you find out the answers to legal aid, birth certificate and child support. If the people you call don't have the answer, ask if the might know someone who does. Politics aside, someone in a right to life organization might have resources as well. I'm so sorry for you. This man is the lowest of the low and he has taken the cowards way out to give you an answer. I wouldn't involve his mother unless she is planning to be part of the baby's life. I hope you keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Ill be having MM's baby anyday now. Should I call him at work? That's the only way I have to get in touch with him, since he changed his number. Or, should I just say, F-him and file child support and let it go. I want him to at least be involved in the birth, but I guess he's already shown me that he doesnt give a damn and wants no parts of it. What should I do? Should I atleast call him and let him know that baby is coming when I do officially go into labor? I even thought about sending him a private message on twitter, the only thing is his wife might see it. At this point I really dont care about that, the truth has to come out at some point. I dont know what to do. Not sure of your back story, but if he has abandoned you or made it clear he doesn't want a part, if he hasn't stepped up and been keeping abreast of things, I'm not sure calling him while in labor will do anything but upset you. If you want to contact him after your baby is born to discuss child support then yes, but I don't think doing it during labor will make things different and may just be stressful. How come you didn't try to have a plan with him before? Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Most lawyers offer a free 30 minute consultation. I would start there immediately and ask everything you need to know. You should be able to put him on the birth certificate without him there. I always did with my kids whether my exH was present or not, but I'm SURE that depends on the state. I've actually had this very discussion with MM at the very beginning. Although I might allow myself to be second best and get the crumbs, if a baby were to result in what we're doing, there's nwih I would allow him to treat him/her as "second best" and he'd have to decide ASAP if he was in or out. I'm guessing your exMM disappeared b/c he thinks you'll just forget him and not file for support. DON'T do that. YOUR BABY deserves that, it's his/hers rightfully to make a better life. He played, now he needs to pay to support that child. I wish you and that baby the very, very best and hope that you can move forward to a fabulous new life together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Balzac Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 You should be able to put him on the birth certificate without him there. False. You were married thus paternity is presumed. Not so absent a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 You should be able to put him on the birth certificate without him there. False. You were married thus paternity is presumed. Not so absent a marriage. OHHH! I did not know that, but it makes perfect sense now. MM used to say that if I got pregnant at any point before my divorce went through, he'd fight tooth and nail to be sure HIS name was on the BC and not (now) exH. Pregnancy taking place in my state means the H automatically becomes the father on the bc. (Which can be a problem for those separated, I'm sure!) Link to post Share on other sites
The Way I Am Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 You should be able to put him on the birth certificate without him there. False. You were married thus paternity is presumed. Not so absent a marriage. In most or perhaps all states in the US, this is true. But you can't know what the law is with 100% certainty without knowing where the OP lives. OP needs to seek out official information and qualified help instead of just the opinions of non-expert forum posters. OP, again if you live in the US, the link I posted earlier is an official government website that includes a lot of information and links to contact the relevant agencies in each state. You really should read the basic info there, on your state's website, and contact your state agencies and any non profit resources as well. Home | Office of Child Support Enforcement | Administration for Children and Families If you live outside the US, look for similar information related to where you live. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hurtnomorerika Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 In most or perhaps all states in the US, this is true. But you can't know what the law is with 100% certainty without knowing where the OP lives. OP needs to seek out official information and qualified help instead of just the opinions of non-expert forum posters. OP, again if you live in the US, the link I posted earlier is an official government website that includes a lot of information and links to contact the relevant agencies in each state. You really should read the basic info there, on your state's website, and contact your state agencies and any non profit resources as well. Home | Office of Child Support Enforcement | Administration for Children and Families If you live outside the US, look for similar information related to where you live. Maybe I'm missing something, I never asked any questions pertaining to whether or not I will be able to place him on the birth certificate. From my understanding in the state of Louisiana where I live, if we're married he's automatically placed on the birth certificate. Since we're not married and he will not be present during our stay at the hospital, he will not be placed on the birth certificate until we do the paternity testing and determine that he is the father of my baby. I thank you for your response, but I specifically asked the posters on the forum about something that had nothing to do with the birth certificate. Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I know your emotions are going crazy right now. But try to think rationally. If your MM does not want to be involved with your baby, trying to force him is only gonna bring unintended consequences for you andv your baby.You could pursue CS,, but then there's a possibility he andv his wife will fight you for full custody or that they will gain visitation rights and your baby might be mistreated out of spite because she came from an affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I havent told many people the situation, because people are so quick to judge when they dont know the whole story. I wouldnt mind him being on the birth certificate, but I think he has to be present. Totally hear you, but if there's anyone you have told or can tell now, I would go ahead and do it. I feel like you will want the support, especially if you start second guessing yourself about everything while under the stress of labor. I know that people are quick to judge, so really think about who you want to tell...I think you will be surprised at the support you get because I'm sure whoever you confide in is someone you trust for a reason. I ended up confiding in a friend, not realizing her dad was a serial cheater that had cheating on her mom for 15 years, has since married 2 of his OW, keeps cheating. She HATES cheaters, hates what it does to a famnily. Depsite all that, she loves me, and I will forever be grateful at what an amazing, selfless friend she has been to help me through some of my darkest days post A. I'm a fairly new mom too, and when I think about my time in the hospital, I know themost important thing is to keep yourself as calm and relaxed as possible. Throwing MM into the mix is only going to cause you more duress. If you can, I'd really try to get more info about the paternity, birth certicifcate, child support laws. I know it's a lot to undergo, but if you DO want to seek child support from him, it would be important to know if you can file if he's on the birth certificate or not, and therefore, find out if you can put him on the birth cert if he's not present at delivery. Do you NEED the child support? Because if he needs to be on the bc but he HAS to be present to get it done right away, then IDK, maybe you DO need to speak to him about what his plans are and if he needs to be there I'm sorry, being pregnant is such an emotional roller coaster as it is, I can't imagine what you're going through with this added element of a MM.(((hugs))) Link to post Share on other sites
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