This is why I will never understand the female gender.. :-\

[iaudio]

I met this girl last fall. Nice girl. She had a boyfriend at the time.

 

Month or two after we met, she broke up with him. Fast forward to April.

 

I mention going out for a drink or two, she asked if it would be just as friends. I said sure... as I am not really 100% into getting into a relationship right now.

 

Fast forward to May. We have gone out on a few hikes together. Had a good time etc. I tell her mid-May that I have an attraction towards her that is more than 'just friends'. She never gives me a straight answer on her feelings. I took it as dis-interest.

 

A week or two later, through the end of June.. she is texting me at a much higher frequency. Shows up at the gym when I am there (and she knows I am there). She asks (first time she has asked me) if I wanted to go out for a hike. I say sure.. We go out.

 

At the end of the hike, I ask if she wanted to go to my friend's wedding in August. She never says yes.. or no. She said she needs to check with her folks as she is going with them down south for a week or two. She said she would let me know. I texted her the next day, and asked her.. she said she still hasn't spoken with them (I knew something was up by now).

 

Few days later, I told her not to worry about the offer, as I figured she didn't want to go, and I was getting mixed signals from her that I was mis-reading. She told me that she thought the conversation we had back in April about 'Just being friends' was still in place.

 

I haven't talked to her since. Other than the 'apology text' I received a couple days later from her.

 

I actually liked this girl quiet a bit, and we got a long great. Ever have those people who you can talk to and the conversation never dies down? That is one of those people.

 

She asked me yesterday asking me if I ever everyone the silent treatment that I am mad at. I told her that I wasn't mad at her. She said that "She must be the lucky one then."

 

I. Don't. Get. It.

[MrCastle]

There's not much to get. She asked explicitly if you want to be friends and you said sure.

 

She is not romantically attracted to you.

 

The signs of interest she shows here and there are either for an ego boost, or because her primary option (the guy she really wants) is treating her the way she's treating you and she needs an emotional rebound.

[hoping2heal]

What is not to get? She never showed any interest in you more than being a friend. She was your friend, of course she enjoyed talking to you and spending time with you. Why have a friend if you don't feel that way? Is it that you are confused as to why she isn't interested in you as more than a friend or what?

[iaudio]

There's not much to get. She asked explicitly if you want to be friends and you said sure.

 

She is not romantically attracted to you.

 

The signs of interest she shows here and there are either for an ego boost, or because her primary option (the guy she really wants) is treating her the way she's treating you and she needs an emotional rebound.

 

No... she never asked if I wanted to be friends. She wanted wanted to make sure my interest was strictly friendship oriented, and at the time, it was.

 

I wanted to see if the next level was possible in May. Hence me telling her that I have more interest in her than just friends.

 

After that point, is where the interest on her part was raised. Her actions showed interest.

 

Your last point, I cannot argue / disagree with. Maybe it was purely an ego boost on her end. If so, some friend.

[SameAsItEverWas]

Hmmm. Yeah. I can see that being a little bit confusing. You could let the dust settle a bit, let it all blow over, then go for another hike and try to be patient, hoping the time together can help her see what you're seeing for you two.

 

Or, you could send her some flowers and say, "Hey, you're right. Sorry. I like you. Think you're special. Might even care for you. Just felt hurt 'cause I put it out there and you're not into it. If things change, I'm around."

 

Then let her be.

 

I dunno. I used to play a lot of soccer and I never once stepped foot on the pitch with anything else in my head other than playing to win. I know relationships are way different, but you're either into it to win or not. That said - patience, patience, patience.

[iaudio]

WTF!?!?! Send flowers and apologize to a chick who doesn't like you?!?!?!?!?!

 

Do the EXACT opposite of what this person said.

 

The whole pussification of man thing is out of control!

 

I am assuming you mean to continue to ignore her, and move on?

 

And if she contacts me... to blow her off more ?

[MrCastle]

No... she never asked if I wanted to be friends. She wanted wanted to make sure my interest was strictly friendship oriented, and at the time, it was.[/Quote]

 

That didn't help your case. You could have said "for now," to see how she would have responded to that answer. Telling her you had no romantic interest in her took you out of the running.

 

I wanted to see if the next level was possible in May. Hence me telling her that I have more interest in her than just friends.[/Quote]

 

Leave that emotional talk for the chicks. You don't come out and tell her "I think I like you more than a friend." -- You start getting physical with her. You start flirting through text and in real life. You change the dynamics with actions, not words. It's more intriguing that way. You plant the seed in her head. "Is he interested in me now?," "what is this?," "should I ask him?," etc etc. Coming out and telling her you're starting to develop feelings, when she has not said or done anything that shows she feels the same, is more often than not going to turn her off/scare her away. By being ambiguous, you also prevent being vulnerable and rejected. When you come out and say "I like you more than a friend," it becomes a 50/50 thing. Either she will tell you the feelings are mutual, or she will shut you down. Why go through that? You flirt, you get more physical -- if she does not react in kind, you pull away.

 

After that point, is where the interest on her part was raised. Her actions showed interest.[/Quote]

 

Depends on what you consider interest. Interest to me is physical escalation or heavy flirtatious talk. Anything else is friendly and can be misconstrued as romantic interest.

 

Your last point, I cannot argue / disagree with. Maybe it was purely an ego boost on her end. If so, some friend.

 

There are very, very, very few cases where single, heterosexual men and women can be real friends. One of three things happen, typically:

 

1.)One side falls for the other and gets shut down

2.) Both sides fall for each other and give dating a chance

3.) One side uses the other side as an ego boost/emotional outlet/someone to talk to when they're bored, etc.

 

The rarest outcome is one in which both are legit friends, set them up on dates with their other friends, have a mutual unattraction to each other, etc.

[Star Gazer]

I was getting mixed signals from her that I was mis-reading.

 

What signals do you think she was giving you that she had changed her mind??

[iaudio]

You keep pussy footing around with this girl and present / offer yourself as her "Gay Best Friend".

 

If you want to date her...

 

Ask her out, show her a good time and for the love of God... Kiss her.

 

Too late for that bro.

 

I am here to learn from my mistakes, for the future.

 

Maybe down the line, things will change with her, as time has passed.

 

Not now though.

[iaudio]

What signals do you think she was giving you that she had changed her mind??

 

Texting me every other day. Asking me out to do activities. Showing up at the gym, knowing I was there.

 

Just a shift in gears. If MrCastle was correct though, it was more that she got an ego boost from someone taking an interest in her, rather than an actual interest in the person.

[Maleficent]

Well, you confirmed you two would be just friends. An invitation to a wedding is usually more on the commitment side so she was probably uncomfortable and thought you were interested in her romantically but never mentioned it to her.

 

I think you two need to sit down and have a chat.

[fortyninethousand322]

I think it's safe to say that unless a woman physically forces herself on you, she's probably not interested, and it's best to act as if that's the case.

[SameAsItEverWas]

WTF!?!?! Send flowers and apologize to a chick who doesn't like you?!?!?!?!?!

 

Do the EXACT opposite of what this person said.

 

The whole pussification of man thing is out of control!

 

Yep, and you can read up on how to act on PUA forums and other places like that.

 

Remember, you are friends. Being direct vs playing games, I don't know, up to you. I'd lay it all out there and then back off completely. The goal is to have a direction to go in, one way or the other, and not waste your time if she's never, ever gonna be into it. Put that time into something else. But find out first. So you know.

 

The kids might call that pussification.

I'd call it cutting to the chase.

[Star Gazer]

Texting me every other day. Asking me out to do activities. Showing up at the gym, knowing I was there.

 

Just a shift in gears. If MrCastle was correct though, it was more that she got an ego boost from someone taking an interest in her, rather than an actual interest in the person.

 

That's how I treat people I consider friends. *shrug*

[iaudio]

Well, you confirmed you two would be just friends. An invitation to a wedding is usually more on the commitment side so she was probably uncomfortable and thought you were interested in her romantically but never mentioned it to her.

 

I think you two need to sit down and have a chat.

 

Too late for the chat. Been a few weeks since this happened. Just has been in the back of my mind lately.

 

I think it's safe to say that unless a woman physically forces herself on you, she's probably not interested, and it's best to act as if that's the case.

 

I disagree. Some girls don't want to take that physical step. They rely on the guy to do so.

 

Only the more aggressive girls will do that.

[iaudio]

That's how I treat people I consider friends. *shrug*

 

She never did before.. however. Its the change in behavior that I noticed.

[fortyninethousand322]

I disagree. Some girls don't want to take that physical step. They rely on the guy to do so.

 

Only the more aggressive girls will do that.

 

I'm not saying women will or won't take the first step. I'm saying it's best to assume she isn't interested unless she does.

 

That way, if you do put yourself out there and be assertive, you won't be surprised/sad when the woman in question isn't interested. Because chances are, most women any man is interested in, won't be interested in return.

[letsbeotherpeople]

Your problem is you are too "Nice" and you are too concerned / always wondering / thinking of what is going on in the woman's head and trying to be / react / respond accordingly.

 

You need to get in touch with your inner Neanderthal / Cave Man and become more aggressive, assertive and go for what you want without asking for permission, waiting for a green light or her telling you it's okay.

 

Learn to be a man, get comfortable in skin, stop taking surveys and getting approval from everyone else, don't be afraid to upset / piss off a woman or say no to her, have a purpose, etc.

 

How can you go and do all of that stuff you listed above and NEVER attempted to flirt, kiss her or more?

 

Stop buying into the whole pussification of man thing and go watch some Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Steve McQueen or James Bond movies.

 

Believe it or not, they don't want you to always agree with them, they want you to say no, they want to get pissed off / upset with you, they want you to put them in their place when it's needed, they don't want you to move your boundaries even when they test them, etc.

 

Sure, your gf / wife wants followers, jewlery, hold the door open for them, etc. but they also want you too knock all the stuff off the table, throw her on top of, hold her down / manhandle her, yank her panties to the side, spit on it and screw her like a whore.

 

I do believe your time machine has overshot you by about 50-60 years.

 

This is the 21st century. We left clueless, misogynistic homodickhead man back in the 1950s.

[ltjg45]

Sure, your gf / wife wants followers, jewlery, hold the door open for them, etc. but they also want you too knock all the stuff off the table, throw her on top of, hold her down / manhandle her, yank her panties to the side, spit on it and screw her like a whore.

 

Unless the woman tells me she wants to be screwed in that way, I'm not doing it.

 

That's going too far.

 

I also hope if you were to do that to a woman that didn't want it that she beat you up good for it.

[letsbeotherpeople]

Yeah okay buddy...

 

Care to explain to me why all these women posting in here are dating the "Bad" Boys / Alpha Males and why 95% of the Male Posters on here bitch nonstop about how women only want those guys?

 

LS Men... NEWSFLASH!!!!

 

Women indeed do want to marry their "Gay Best Friend". They don't want hot, passionate, steamy sex with some guy who "blows their hair back". They only have sex with candles, sweet music playing and you looking deep into her eyes telling her you love her and have you cuddle and tell her sweet nothings afterwards.

 

LOL!

 

I haven't met a women who didn't want her hair pulled and ass spanked from time to time. I also have met a woman who wanted me to be some pussy lap dog that she bosses around either.

 

What you call the pussification of men is what the rest of the world call men treating women like a fellow human being and not treating them like a bit of meat you can stick your dick into and order around. And if you're judging the full spectrum of female tastes and desires using this board as a reference, you're missing out on about 99% of the female population of the world. Sure some might like it a bit rough, quite a few in fact, but every single one of them wants to be respected first and foremost. Checking out your posting history tells me that you've not quite worked out that part yet. I'm sure once maturity kicks in that little fact will stick.

 

Oh, and just so you know, in British vocabulary the term Skid Mark refers to the brown stain found on underwear when one has neglected to wipe their arse properly.

 

Seems your choice of username was rather apt.

[grkBoy]

I dunno. I think no matter how much perceived "interest" you think she showed, she was only friends. You accepted that and agreed to it from the get-go.

 

If there is one thing I know, the myth of "good friends becoming lovers" is generally a one in a million chance. I know some will chime in how they married their best friend and all, but peel layers and you won't really see someone who was FZed end up as the boyfriend. You'll see the person who clicked so well they dated but also became close friends AS LOVERS.

 

I think when you asked her to the wedding and she got cautious, you should have simply said it was just as friends so you didn't have to face the humiliation of the singles table.

 

I think if you were secretly holding out that it would become "more", then you lied to yourself and now made things messy. If you get FZed, you should write off the girl as a potential...and if she suddenly "comes around", judge on what caused this. For me most of the time it was women who saw me as a "backup plan" or "last resort"...usually after getting knocked up.

[Treasa]

This is why I'm pretty damn blunt. There's never really ambiguity when it comes to knowing how others feel or them knowing how I feel.

 

She didn't really indicate she wanted anything more than friends. That being said, I don't think you owe you an apology, and CERTAINLY not flowers or anything.

 

Also, this isn't a "female" issue. Men can be ambiguous as well, and some women, like me, will tell you exactly where you stand.

[iris219]

Texting me every other day. Asking me out to do activities. Showing up at the gym, knowing I was there.

 

This is stuff friends do. ^

 

I'm not really getting any mixed signals, though I do think she was naive to believe the feelings you admitted you had for her would go away if she just ignored them.

[dasein]

Your problem is you are too "Nice" and you are too concerned / always wondering / thinking of what is going on in the woman's head and trying to be / react / respond accordingly.

 

You need to get in touch with your inner Neanderthal / Cave Man and become more aggressive, assertive and go for what you want without asking for permission, waiting for a green light or her telling you it's okay.

 

Learn to be a man, get comfortable in skin, stop taking surveys and getting approval from everyone else, don't be afraid to upset / piss off a woman or say no to her, have a purpose, etc.

 

How can you go and do all of that stuff you listed above and NEVER attempted to flirt, kiss her or more?

 

Stop buying into the whole pussification of man thing and go watch some Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, Steve McQueen or James Bond movies.

 

Believe it or not, they don't want you to always agree with them, they want you to say no, they want to get pissed off / upset with you, they want you to put them in their place when it's needed, they don't want you to move your boundaries even when they test them, etc.

 

Sure, your gf / wife wants followers, jewlery, hold the door open for them, etc. but they also want you too knock all the stuff off the table, throw her on top of, hold her down / manhandle her, yank her panties to the side, spit on it and screw her like a whore.

 

Agree with the above excellent advice. My results with women improved drastically when I started doing this years ago. If you go hiking with your "dear sweet friend," and don't at least make a move, it's game over. I think this girl did develop some interest in you, and if you do as the above suggests next time, you will have a much greater chance of capitalizing on it. Good luck.

[CptSaveAho]

The guys in this thread like OP, letsbeotherpeople, ltj45 are the reason why your wives, fiances, and girlfriends circle me when you aren't looking

 

Either shape up and get with the program that being a pussy/nice guy/friend to women is not the correct thing to do, or continue to be miserable your entire life hating on women and saying "I will never understand the female gender"

 

There are a zillion books on how to be a man... start reading up

 

Even pua forums get it right, women love it. Most guys that get it understand the term "game" = practice.

 

Its obvious what you are doing isnt working by your posts here... time to try something else

Edited July 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator