MrTurk Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 How many people do you know right now....that are in a FWB situation? I'm beginning to think theres wayyyy more people doin FWB than we realize. Or at least than I realize. I've talked to a few women on dating sites(no near me) and I've been surprised once we got talking, how many of them have a FWB on the side. Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I've never met anybody who talked about having FWB. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight_Princess Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 It seems to be the norm. The numbers even higher if you include the people that are unaware they are in a fwb situation. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrTurk Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 It seems to be the norm. The numbers even higher if you include the people that are unaware they are in a fwb situation. How would one not know? I mean after awhile...wouldnt it be kinda obvious? But I guess you are right....many people leave in denial about all sorts of things Link to post Share on other sites
Midnight_Princess Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Some people get in others pants by telling them all the things they wanna hear, knowing they dont mean them. They just want sex. And this other persons left making threads on LS saying "is he using me for sex" lol thats what i meant. Sorry its not completely in line with original topic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Hmm... think about it... how many people, really, are going to ask the other person.... "so, is it ok if we just have sex while I try to date other people?" No, most people are NOT going to do that... They are (internally) going to say to themselves "I'm just 'meh' about this person... let's see what else I can get going with x, y, or z" THAT is how someone ends up in a FWB situation without their knowledge. The other person has decided to put in just enough effort to keep sex going, while they look for someone else. Even in situations where they then justify to themselves that they are 'exclusive' sexually... if they are trying to romance someone else while they are in a sexual relationship, then the unwitting person has been made a FWB without their knowledge. I see it here all the time... guys saying "you could make her a FWB"... How can you MAKE someone a FWB?? By lying to them that you are in a relationship. That is how. Or being vague and dodgy. A favorite of a few posters here. This is reason numero uno why I won't date a man who admits he had a FWB. Possible she knew and was on board. Just as likely it was BS and he was stringing her along while he played the field... like I'm sure the guy I just dumped did to his past GF, I mean, FWB. If a woman claims she had a FWB? Much more likely she's telling the truth, because women don't tend to lie about being more sexually open... they tend to lie about being less sexually open. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrTurk Posted July 29, 2013 Author Share Posted July 29, 2013 I've had a few FWB situations. But I wasn't the initiator. I just went along with it because I enjoyed the company. It was like part time dating in my mind. We would grab a bite to eat, go to a store, but sex always occurred, either before or after. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 I think the saddest thing is when one realizes they were an unknowing FWB...It seems to happen a lot...Its very unfortunate.. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 This is bugging me how people are classifying someone being dishonest with a true FWB situation. There is no "unknowingly FWB". What you described is called using someone. Stop calling it FWB, because that is 100% nothing close to what FWB actually is. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Hmm... think about it... how many people, really, are going to ask the other person.... "so, is it ok if we just have sex while I try to date other people?" No, most people are NOT going to do that... They are (internally) going to say to themselves "I'm just 'meh' about this person... let's see what else I can get going with x, y, or z" THAT is how someone ends up in a FWB situation without their knowledge. The other person has decided to put in just enough effort to keep sex going, while they look for someone else. Even in situations where they then justify to themselves that they are 'exclusive' sexually... if they are trying to romance someone else while they are in a sexual relationship, then the unwitting person has been made a FWB without their knowledge. I see it here all the time... guys saying "you could make her a FWB"... How can you MAKE someone a FWB?? By lying to them that you are in a relationship. That is how. Or being vague and dodgy. A favorite of a few posters here. This is reason numero uno why I won't date a man who admits he had a FWB. Possible she knew and was on board. Just as likely it was BS and he was stringing her along while he played the field... like I'm sure the guy I just dumped did to his past GF, I mean, FWB. If a woman claims she had a FWB? Much more likely she's telling the truth, because women don't tend to lie about being more sexually open... they tend to lie about being less sexually open. You can make a FWB by asking a friend to be a FWB... Using a chick who you went on a date with once and call her back every once in a while for a random hook up is more of a FB. Anyone who has sex with someone who is seeing other people is willingly being used. It isn't like men are going around MAKING women sleep with them, give women a little credit, they know what they are doing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 This is bugging me how people are classifying someone being dishonest with a true FWB situation. There is no "unknowingly FWB". What you described is called using someone. Stop calling it FWB, because that is 100% nothing close to what FWB actually is. Swing and a miss.... Its like this, sweety.. Two people meet. One falls in love with the other and thinks the other one has the same feelings..The one in love is carrying on as if the "relationship" is going great,,,There is mutual respect and there is physical attraction..Then one party finds out the other is actively looking for a "real" partner and not just a fck buddy. The one in love finally sees the light and confronts the other person..The other person then(after a period of time), says, "but wait a minute, we were just a FWB"... Well, gee no one told them that...Now, they just became an "unknowing FWB".. Get it now?? Do you have a FWB contract that you get notarized before entering into one of these arrangements..?? TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) I think the saddest thing is when one realizes they were an unknowing FWB...It seems to happen a lot...Its very unfortunate.. TFY Agreed. Lots of people just see if they can treat you like one and get away with it. ... then plead ignorance after the fact. ... or, they just use that term after the fact out of convenience to conceal cheating on a partner. "Hey, we were just FWB when I met so-n-so. We weren't dating." Uh, huh. Let's put the so-called FWB on the phone and see what he/she has to say about it. :mad: Hasn't happened to me, but I'm getting wise to this new terminology before it does. Edited July 29, 2013 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
BradJacobs Posted July 29, 2013 Share Posted July 29, 2013 Y'all must either be jaded or had bad experiences with FWBs. That situation above was a user who got caught and lied to save face. He knew damn well it wasn't a fwb. I've had a lot over the years. They work perfectly provided both parties stick to the rules. It's a sex relationship without breakup drama. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iris219 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I've never met anybody who talked about having FWB. Me neither. Not saying it doesn't happen, but I don't think it's as prevalent as people on LS make it seem. I know people who will break up and occasionally have sex with their exes. I have friends who have gotten drunk and hooked up with each other a few times. I know women who will sleep with men thinking they are in or will be in a relationship while the guy thinks otherwise, but as far as an agreed upon "let's just have sex" situation, these seem to rare amongst the people I know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I think casual sex is definitely more common than I thought. I've been reading stuff about "the hookup culture" and stuff like that recently, and it's shocking. Apparently anyone who went to college in the past 20 years knows about the hookup culture. I went for 5 years and never even heard about it. Of course, I might have just had a sheltered upbringing... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Swing and a miss.... Its like this, sweety.. Two people meet. One falls in love with the other and thinks the other one has the same feelings..The one in love is carrying on as if the "relationship" is going great,,,There is mutual respect and there is physical attraction..Then one party finds out the other is actively looking for a "real" partner and not just a fck buddy. The one in love finally sees the light and confronts the other person..The other person then(after a period of time), says, "but wait a minute, we were just a FWB"... Well, gee no one told them that...Now, they just became an "unknowing FWB".. Get it now?? Do you have a FWB contract that you get notarized before entering into one of these arrangements..?? TFY You have got to be kidding me, you consider THAT to be what FWB is all about? That is not a FWB, that is a guy leading a [stupid more than anything] girl on! You know what the F stands for? FRIENDS. Most friends who have sex and are JUST FRIENDS, don't have feelings for each other. My FWB was a friend, we both just wanted sex, while being friends. You guys are classifying people who have FWB based on that info? No wonder you would never date someone who has had a FWB... It all makes sense now. FYI, a true FWB situation is one where no one is being used, and you can only call it a FWB if both parties are aware as to what the situation is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I'm not going to blame the person being mislead and call them 'stupid'. The person doing the misleading is the a-hole. ... and no... if a guy tells me he had a FWB... there is a better than 50/50 chance he was an a-hole.... and put the FWB on the phone or have me meet her... otherwise, ain't buyin' it. if a woman tells me she had a FWB? I'd believe her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 I'm not going to blame the person being mislead and call them 'stupid'. The person doing the misleading is the a-hole. ... and no... if a guy tells me he had a FWB... there is a better than 50/50 chance he was an a-hole.... and put the FWB on the phone or have me meet her... otherwise, ain't buyin' it. if a woman tells me she had a FWB? I'd believe her. I am sorry, but any woman who sleeps with a man who is seeing other people isn't the smartest. Not unless she is doing it knowing that they will never truly be together. A man leading a woman on to THINK they are together, again, is not a FWB, but an a-hole leading a woman on. I want to add that any guy who says they had a FWB for a longtime would be a redflag. Mine didn't last longer than a month or so, it is a temporary thing. If I heard a guy say he had one longer, I would do some serious digging as to why. Link to post Share on other sites
miss_jaclynrae Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Why does the length of time that the FWB took place in matter? If I was more awake maybe I could see why this is a big deal? So if for 29 out of 31 days two friends are having marathon sex in thousands of wonderful positions all day and night it is no problem, but two friends having sex once or twice a week over the course of 3 months is a red flag? I am guessing there has to be more to it than this. No, I am referring to years, like RED used as an example. When I say temporary, once a few times over a few months is still temporary. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 There will come a time in the very near future when FWBs will vastly outnumber actual relationships. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 How many people do you know right now....that are in a FWB situation? I'm beginning to think theres wayyyy more people doin FWB than we realize. Or at least than I realize. I've talked to a few women on dating sites(no near me) and I've been surprised once we got talking, how many of them have a FWB on the side. I never think about this really as a case of "more than we realize", like a scary statistic lol. I simply assume people like sex and companionship, thus if they aren't in a relationship and aren't the type to go hook up randomly, that they probably do have a FWB/casual relationship where they get sex or hang out out, going on and this is the norm. So because that is my assumption, I never paused to consider how many people were doing that or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 FWBs are common with women. Most do it. I also blame this for the STD epidemic. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 You have got to be kidding me, you consider THAT to be what FWB is all about? That is not a FWB, that is a guy leading a [stupid more than anything] girl on! You know what the F stands for? FRIENDS. Most friends who have sex and are JUST FRIENDS, don't have feelings for each other. My FWB was a friend, we both just wanted sex, while being friends. You guys are classifying people who have FWB based on that info? No wonder you would never date someone who has had a FWB... It all makes sense now. FYI, a true FWB situation is one where no one is being used, and you can only call it a FWB if both parties are aware as to what the situation is. I do think it is hard for most people to have a genuine friends with benefits scenario, usually it has to be an acquaintance with benefits kind of thing to keep the developing of feelings to a minimum. However, I do agree that true FWB is predicated on being friends....that is, neither of you want to be in a relationship with each other or see each other romantically, but you share an attraction and companionship/friendship and have sex, but you could care less about dating them and who else they do. Anything else is confusion...lmao and using someone. I think most people who think they are in FWB are in some type of bizarre limbo confusion where it's a sexship where someone wants more, isn't getting it, so says they are FWB as a consolation, while perhaps hoping for more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 Worked at Planned Parenthood for 5 years. Men are the spreaders (though most men don't do it intentionally...for many STD's men don't tend to show as many symptoms) Keep blaming crap on women. Men have FWB's just as much as women and if not, more since they don't have to give up the next 18 years of their life if they get pregnant. Men tend to be the ones that view sex as sticking your ding dong in a Vaseline jar Women are more prone to STDs. I mentioned that in another thread. And no, women have more FWBs than men. A small percentage of men are having FWBs with most single women. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted July 30, 2013 Share Posted July 30, 2013 A small percentage of men are having FWBs with most single women. I don't think the idea that most single women have FWB's is all that true I am a single woman without a FWB and do not want one. I can't think of a single woman I know right now who has one. The only woman I know right now who has a FWB actually isn't single, she's engaged but her fiance lets her have a FWB... I don't get it at all =/ Link to post Share on other sites
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