lostNconfusedx10 Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 I'm sorry for the length but i figure the more info about my problem the easier it is to give advice. I'm not sure what to do. Me (24) and my ex girlfreind (22) went out for almost 2 years. We instantly hit it off and were also best freinds. We never got into an argument bigger than where to go out or what to eat for dinner. In essence, or relationship was near perfect in my book. I met her 6 months after a bad breakup and i knew exactly what i wanted out of a girl and she was perect for me. After about a year and a half she started telling me how she knew i was the one for her and that she was everything she was looking for. she would tell me about her thoughts of us gettting married and having kids. It seemed almost all of a sudden she started to be up and down. She would be all about me one day then not seem that happy with me the next. She mentioned that she was scared that i was going to hurt her. She never had a relationship over 6 months before me and said she has never been that close to anyone but me. She would say things like maybe she should see other people out of fear she may not experience all there is and know how strong our love was. But then she would be just as loving as the first year for a month. This went on and on for a few months and then she needed a break. We still talked at least every 2-3 days for that month but didnt see each other. She changed jobs two times. Then one day she said she wanted to see me and kissed me within 2 minutes of seeing her with the biggest kiss she ever gave me. We continued almost back to normal for another month with her ups and downs and we had probably the best "intimate time" we had ever had but she got real weird about 5 mins after. She ended up breaking up with me a few days later and said she thought of me as a "good freind." I told her that i knew she was thinking with her brain instead of her heart and that she needs to just let go open herself up to get hurt or she wouldn't know what she was missing but she said she couldnt do that right now. She said she still loved me and i made her the person she was today but couldnt say the words "i love you" Three months have passed and we have still talked a few times a week. I asked her to hang out two times and she avoided it each time but we still talked every few days. I finally teased her (not pushed) into going out for a few drinks to which she told me she wants to but had to tell me that she was starting to see someone but would still go out for drinks. I told her i had dated someone a month ago and she started asking alot of questions about it and sounded pretty sad about it She went home sick from work the next day and left me a message on her ride home from work to tell me about it saying "i went home sick. i'm just bored, noting to do, call me back" even though she was still only on her ride home. She didnt goto work the next day either and called me 3 times that day when finally she backed out of going out 1 hour before we were supposed to saying she still felt exhausted and not up to it. I'm really confused as to what she wants if she still calls me all the time but doesnt hang out with me. She wont really get into the new guy either except for saying things like her family doesnt really know him yet and that she hasnt been seeing him that long and that she doesnt get to see him too much because she works alot. Any insight into this would greatly be appreciated. I still feel the same way about her as i always did and figured she just needed time and would come back around. I had just got a new job and was starting to save money for a house and a ring (which we had talked about) What should i do? I figure these are my options: 1. Continue being freindly and acting like i'm getting on with things 2. Tell her how i really feel (which i feel might scare her away) 3. Tell her it hurts too much and i cant talk to her and try and move on. Any other options or insights would be great Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 Yeah she sounds confused. I would think she just got scared seeing you were as good as she hopes a guy can be so for some messed up reason decided to break up and possibly see another guy for who knows what reason...maybe to convince herself that you are the right guy for her. I have no idea what you should do. Maybe try and break contact with her and let her see what life is like when you aren't there to always talk to her. It would be bad if you kept being there for her when she wants to talk and then one day she decide to just drop talking to you like a bad habit. Do you even know if this new guy is real? I wouldn't put it past a person to make up someone they are dating just to try and get the other person to not care about them as much. Oh and i think she is avoiding hanging out with you because if she did she would't be able to control her urges to kiss you and stuff like that. By avoiding seeing you she is keeping herself from being in that position. Chances are she wants to hang out with you. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted October 30, 2004 Share Posted October 30, 2004 She is playing games. This girl is thinking more of either other things or another guy. Girls are good in covering up my dear friend. She is seeing somebody else and you already started the same thing from your side. Just let go of each other . You both need to focus on what you have right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNconfusedx10 Posted October 30, 2004 Author Share Posted October 30, 2004 Thanks weird. i had that idea in my head amongst the many other ideas and its great to hear that someone else thinks the same thing from an outside position. I'm pretty sure the other guy is real because she said she had plans tonight but kept it vague. She has kept everything vague about him, even how she met him. She said "through a freind" but i know all of her freinds. And she swears it isnt someone i know. She also said she has beeing seeing him "not that long" and she's "starting" to see him. And her family "doesnt know him enough" Does "Starting to see someone" usually mean like a couple of dates and she kinda likes him? Thats what i think. But i remember how she was when i first started dating her and she is VERY closed off and insecure about her body. She has the body of Jessica simpson before they made her lose all the weight to look like brittany. Just enough to squeeze but not enough to cause 7 rolls when she sits down. Those insecurities almost drove me away and i figure most people it would drive them away. I think all she needs is one fling to see how much she needs me. I'm just hoping that the one fling doesnt turn out to be a new semi long term boyfreind. Thanks to you to Sami but i know she isnt playing games intentionally. She's a very sweet traditional girl who is in that point in her life where you make the decision to become a full fledged adult instead of a young adult. You want to grow up but you dont want to stop being a kid. It was a dreary process for me and i didnt know what i wanted at the time either. Everyone goes through that stage in their lives and i hope growing up for her doesnt involve gettting rid of me intimatly. Thanks for the input guys.....i really appreciate it Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostNconfusedx10 Posted November 1, 2004 Author Share Posted November 1, 2004 Well when we made plans to go out she said any night but saturday, "i kinda have plans" insinuating that she was going out witht he guy that night. Well someone i work with went to a restaraunt in town and saw her there extremly coincedentally and there was my ex, but she was reportedly having dinner with her best freind. Which seems kinda weird, why would she insinuate plans with the guy but just go out to eat with her freind.......this girl confuses me Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 I told you bfore she is " playing games". What " confuses me" means my friend??????!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 i am in same boat as you there losnconfused!!!! my ex is self conscious and cant even tell anybody about it (but me) so i have no idea how she is able to see a new guy and let herself open up completely....i worshipped her and all that and now i see that i made it way to hard to be herself since she felt she had to live up to the pedistal i put her on... Please cease all contact with her and let her figure it out....you cant make her come back and love you ....and hanging out with her / talking will only let her gradually distance herself from you......dont let her do this... cut yourself off cold turkey and dont contact her and when she calls say that you need time to figure out what kind of person you are and what you want out of life....or do like i did... my ex knows that i am extremely loyal and would never talk to another woman or even look at them and she knows that i pride myself on that since it is the ultimate showing of loyalty and dedication....so i told her i couldnt talk to her because of the respect i had for the new girl i was talking to (even though it was only a week or two into the making and not serious obviously). I even said it wasnt anything yet but i would feel bad if one day this new girl ended up being my wife and i would have to say....well you remember when we first went out and i had a hard time getting over my ex, well we were talking on the phone that whole time... that would make me sick and my ex knows that i am like that so it worked and that is what has helped me to see that i deserve better and have found girls that make my ex look insignificant now....i still love her but that is only because not enough time has passed! Do NC and let the ball reside in her court and let GOD direct you in your next few weeks...put faith in him and he wont let you fall out. Link to post Share on other sites
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